Author Whatsapp Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 You were right to follow your first mind and dump him. Of course he is allowed to seek other women after being dumped so why question why he's on a dating site? Let him be someone else's problem. He went on the dating site 2 days before I texted him Goodbye, so according to him was we still together? That's the kicker, maybe I was already dumped! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted January 15, 2018 Author Share Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) Oh my gosh..I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. The term is Love Bombed. Google it. This guy "Love Bombed" you. They generally swoop in and take advantage of someone who is in a weakened state. For example, after a break-up These guys have a very acute 6th sense..they know how to choose a victim. Have you taken some time to think about why his manipulations were successful? As hard as this might be, try to turn your thoughts inward and focus on self-care. It's actually an opportunity to grow. And whatever you do...do not contact him. If you see him in public...ignore him. It will only feed his non-existent ego. I have been single for years as I have to time for games, I thought it was the safe option going for the not so good looking bloke, serves me right I suppose. My friends can't believe I fell for someone like him. Edited January 15, 2018 by Whatsapp Spelling mistakes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soshy Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Soshy you are 100% correct on this. He couldn't believe how cool I am and that he's never met any woman like me, he always went on about how bad HIS childhood was and my reply that hit a nerve was that I came back with "Well at least YOU were loved" Don't get me wrong, I went for nothing and had a lovely home but I was bought up with grandparents and mum all living together as mum was 16 when she had me and went off the rails, so I was a kinda burden. I think I was forgotten about when I was 11 as I could fend for myself and I also went off the rails Oh goodness...thanks for sharing this. I am so sorry to hear about this. Not giving you pity...I detest pity:)...just giving you understanding:) I also had a neglectful mother. I was left with a combination of grief, fear of abandonment and self-love issues. So when we go through a breakup...and if we aren't healed...it opens these deep wounds. So it isn't just about the guy...it's about our past. I will tell you that one of the first red flags that you'll see is adoration (for you) without longevity of relationship. So he will swoop in, say the right things, do the rights things...but really he barely knows you. Healthy relationships do not take this timeline. Granted there are always exceptions but most healthy relationships develop slowly. So as you are dealing with this breakup, think about how a loving mother would help her daughter through this. Would she blame her? No Would she say that you should have seen this coming? NO She would hug you, comfort you and tell you that he is a jerk. That you don't deserve this. And that it will all be OK. Give yourself this same compassion. Tell yourself these things vs beating yourself up. If you did not get this as a child...you must learn to give it to yourself. I certainly hope that I've not overstepped bounds and wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 I have been single for years as I have to time for games, I thought it was the safe option going for the not so good looking bloke, serves me right I suppose. My friends can't believe I fell for someone like him. Yeah that what you get. I've always found the most good looking guys to be the most faithful. They don't have to prove anything to themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Hi Maggie, While I do agree that we are all a mirror of our relationships...given the little that we know...saying that she is the "problem" might be a bit harsh. Hi soshy, you misunderstood. The OP is not the problem in the relationship. I believe he is. But he is nothing. She should not allow him to make her suffer so. That is the problem. I think the act of dwelling on him is a problem which she is creating for herself. I know getting over a break up is easier said than done. To illustrate, I knew a girl who was a high achiever, top of her class at the number one university, beautiful too. She couldn't survive being dumped, had a mental breakdown, and had to drop out of medical school. This is an extreme example. But you look at this girl's fall, the guy (generic dumper) was only an initial trigger. The girl took herself down the path of destruction on her own long after the guy made his exit. That's what I mean, that in this spiral, there is a point when she is the problem, because he's long gone. But she has the power to stop this. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 So as you are dealing with this breakup, think about how a loving mother would help her daughter through this. Would she blame her? No Would she say that you should have seen this coming? NO She would hug you, comfort you and tell you that he is a jerk. That you don't deserve this. And that it will all be OK. I'd prefer to think about how my father will go after him with a shotgun and my brothers go beat the s--- out of him. Haha, ok shotgun too extreme, not inciting violence here. But yeah, having family support definitely helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted January 16, 2018 Author Share Posted January 16, 2018 (edited) Sorry, couldn't reply last night as the site was down. Suddenly last night it all fell into place and I feel so much better, I think it's my pride that's been hurt, but I also remember sharing a Christmas kiss with an old School friend back in December and not feeling an ounce of guilt, so yes in that instance I did follow my gut instinct for once. It meant nothing to me but because he had pushed me away I thought it was me, this proved it wasn't, and I'm now bloody glad I did it. Edited January 16, 2018 by Whatsapp 1 Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Sorry, couldn't reply last night as the site was down. Suddenly last night it all fell into place and I feel so much better, I think it's my pride that's been hurt, but I also remember sharing a Christmas kiss with an old School friend back in December and not feeling an ounce of guilt, so yes in that instance I did follow my gut instinct for once. It meant nothing to me but because he had pushed me away I thought it was me, this proved it wasn't, and I'm now bloody glad I did it. Good point. In my case it may have been my pride hurt too. Even though I know he is a toxic person, he still pi$$es me off. We were together over 8 years and he was dating 3 weeks after our break-up. What sucks is he came crawling back after his little dating episode. He is full of it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) This morning I wake up to find that he's been checking out my Whatsapp status. What exactly should I take this as? I've not heard a thing from him since we broke up in Dec? Edited February 23, 2018 by Whatsapp Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 It means absolutely nothing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 This morning I wake up to find that he's been checking out my Whatsapp status. What exactly should I take this as? I've not heard a thing from him since we broke up in Dec? Hey OP, Well generally speaking, it means nothing. Like many exes after a breakup, yours has passing thoughts about you but isn't emotionally motivated enough to contact you. Unless he reaches out (And even then, tread carefully), I would not look into this any further. Goodluck 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 I feel a bit on Red alert for some reason right now. In a way, I was glad he has actually thought of me for once, but I'm wanting closure so was hoping this could be the way if he was to contact me? I would never ever go back but I'm still hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I feel a bit on Red alert for some reason right now. In a way, I was glad he has actually thought of me for once, but I'm wanting closure so was hoping this could be the way if he was to contact me? I would never ever go back but I'm still hurting. I read your past thread. Why isn't he blocked from your Whatsapp? Closure doesn't come from him. Closure comes from you wanting nothing to do with a man like him. Contact from him isn't going to make you feel better. If he couldn't make you feel whole when you both were together, he certainly isn't going to be able to do it now when you're broken up. Manage your pain on your own. Don't look to him to heal it for you. He should be blocked. Move on from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 I didn't block him so I could see if he called me I can trust myself not to contact him, so didn't see this as an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Downanddown Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 It means nothing. People Get curious. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I didn't block him so I could see if he called me I can trust myself not to contact him, so didn't see this as an issue. Why do you need to see that? Do you answer phone numbers often that you don't recognize? Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) Why do you need to see that? Do you answer phone numbers often that you don't recognize? I'd like to venture a guess that if he calls, she gets to ignore him and can reclaim that power she felt she lost when this disrespectful man vanished out of her life and made her feel like garbage. To her, it would affirm that she atleast meant something to him and meant something in general. It's not an ideal coping strategy but a coping strategy nonethless and normal. We heal slow and in our own way. Edited February 23, 2018 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I didn't block him so I could see if he called me I can trust myself not to contact him, so didn't see this as an issue. Well, you have now found out that by just browsing your profile, you're on red alert. I have to wonder what would happen if he called? This is why you block. You never want to be triggered and be in a situation that derails your healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Whatsapp Posted February 23, 2018 Author Share Posted February 23, 2018 Red alert anticipating a call, which I'm not going to answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 (edited) Red alert anticipating a call, which I'm not going to answer. Therefore you should not risk putting yourself in a situation that may derail your healing or even be in a situation that is keeping you on your toes -- especially when you are dealing with someone like him. And knowing that something as simple as browsing your profile, let alone a phone call, strikes an emotional reaction, it would be in your best interest to block. You can choose to put this all behind you and face your pain and heal or stay cautious and anxious as to when he's going to come around. You are still seeking closure from him and I am not sure how an unanswered call does that for you other than to alleviate your ego in that he cares/values you, the fact that a man like him that can easily enter and exit your life that way and has no issue treating you horribly should make you see that he isn't the kind that genuinely cares for your feelings or values you. Even if he does contact you, it will likely be to see if you're still there as an option for him. Edited February 23, 2018 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I actually differ. Blocking him you will never know. Not blocking, you get to see the truth and the truth will help you move on. If you truly do not want to hear from him, block the number. If you're still curious and maybe testing your own willpower, do not block. I think you need to stick with your resolve of not taking the call though. You will know when the right time to let go is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatnot Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 Red alert anticipating a call, which I'm not going to answer. this happens. I find hard and fast rules....iffy. You'll move .... when ready. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 (edited) I'm just confused as I feel he dumped me not the other way around. I just can't seem to settle. I could kick myself for what I've let him done. Were there any other red flags previous to this? It's common to feel like a 'fool' after you've been involved with one of these commitment phobes. These days it seems that social media enables these types more and more. For me personally, whenever i meet somebody new, i will be finding out whether they are a serial-dating site user. Some of them can't seem to break the addiction and you know that they don't try too hard, because they can 'always run back online'. Quite sad really, unless they are (in the positive) prepared to move on from somebody who isn't suitable, but even then it seems that some have perpetual 'grass is greener' syndrome. Edited February 24, 2018 by Soak Link to post Share on other sites
Soak Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 With the whatsapp stuff, they (narcissists) always come skalking around. Do not respond if he contacts you. Block him if he does (i know i said not to above, but i didn't realise you were dealing with a narc). Link to post Share on other sites
mmathers Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 im not sure if or how you came to the conclusion he is a narcissist. but he certainly seems like an immature loser who did not treat you right check out this guy, it might help you, he has a great channel on narcissism Link to post Share on other sites
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