BarbedFenceRider Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Do not start "paying" for her outings...You need to man up a little here. She is trying to take control away from you. I believe the term is cake eating... You pay the bills and hold the home fort down. She goes out on the C-Carousel. I don't know if she snapped after the birth, or she was closeted personality disorder type. It doesn't matter. You need validation from 1 person only....YOU. Get the financials separated and get her out of the house. Let her parents or siblings deal with her. A married woman does not have guy friend numbers..Period. As for her not feeling "safe"...SHE is not safe. For you or your kid! WS behavior dangerous and demeaning to the family structure that she obviously doesn't want to be in. She needs to be divorced. This one doesn't look good at all..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 tomas111, You need to put a stop to this nonsense now. I said ok but i need a commitment that you wont see other guys. she said no shes not going to give me a commitment. This ^^^ couldn't be any clearer if it was written in letters 10 feet high. As long as there are no consequences to her actions she'll keep milking this for all she can get. You seem like a nice guy, but probably too nice for your own good. Throw her off the gravy train that you've set up for her, file for divorce and get custody of your child. I'm sorry it isn't working out for you x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 The only one keeping you in this delima is you. And only you can get you out of it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Take her ATM and credit cards away. If she wants to play like a single woman let her get a job like one and support herself. This woman doesn't love you and never will because she sees you as a weak man because you let her screw other men. You are turning yourself into a cuckold. Don't be afraid to lose her as it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. She also sounds like a piss poor mother. I feel sorry for your little girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 If you see no further signs of betrayal, assume she's trying to work it out with you. tomas111, here's a very simple starting place to determine her sincerity - her phone and the phone records. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing and there's no reason a married couple shouldn't have access to each other's phones and social media. My wife and I have been "working" on our relationship for 30 years and trust and openness are a bis part of it. Hand her your unlocked phone, ask her for hers. The reaction will tell you all you need to know. If you want to do some further pain shopping, pull the records as has been suggested... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 OP doesn't need to pain shop. The mental images should do just fine. Oh, and also the "sword fighting". If you catch my drift. YUCK! Great example for the kiddos. WW tacitly said she doesn't want to stop putting other men's penis' in her, so...You have that to take to the bank. I just don't see where she WANTS to work on things. You want something that is not there. And what is there is gross. And the thought that a partner of a relationship would let someone else "pay" for it to happen is making my head spin. Like exorcist style.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 We met in highschool, we were friends for a few years but lost touch and went separate ways for a while. We reconnected years later at a mutual friends get together. We dated for about a year, got engaged for about 6 months and we had our wedding. (sorry i made a typo, 4 years married) she got pregnant right after and we had our daughter who is now 3. We are now 26 years old. Everything was amazing prior to her giving birth. After birth she became erratic. short tempered. always claiming i was not helping her even though I was doing my best. I was not the type to go out with friends. I wanted to be a family man so after each 8 hour day I would come home to them to spend time with them and take my daughter out to give my wife a break. After years of her telling me i did nothing for them we started to have a lot of friction. especially my side I hated hearing i did nothing so i started doing nothing. She was the homemaker type but she liked to spend some time with her girlfriends once in a while. they would go for coffee, get their nails done or to a bar for girls night out. In the last year that changed. she started going out all the time. she would come home at 4 or 5am sometimes. Girls nights out, coming home 5 am, indicates an affair. Willingly wanted to separated indicates she has a full blown affair going on prior to the separation. She moved out so she could and has had her OM over there countless times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ICEMAN69 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 tomas111, here's a very simple starting place to determine her sincerity - her phone and the phone records. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing and there's no reason a married couple shouldn't have access to each other's phones and social media. My wife and I have been "working" on our relationship for 30 years and trust and openness are a bis part of it. Hand her your unlocked phone, ask her for hers. The reaction will tell you all you need to know. If you want to do some further pain shopping, pull the records as has been suggested... Mr. Lucky Good advice, but keep in mind that she can keep a second phone on the side he may not know about. It's easy to hide a phone that you only pull out when the person you're keeping it from isn't around. But I completely agree that she should be able to show him any communication device she's using and he should be able to freely examine it any time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Dude... It’s your phone. Just go get the sim swapped over to a new one and put it in your phone. You will know in a few hours what’s up. Tbh, that seems a waste though. Kick this woman to the curb. The idea that you can have a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to have one is insane. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 We met in highschool, we were friends for a few years but lost touch and went separate ways for a while. We reconnected years later at a mutual friends get together. We dated for about a year, got engaged for about 6 months and we had our wedding. (sorry i made a typo, 4 years married) she got pregnant right after and we had our daughter who is now 3. We are now 26 years old. Everything was amazing prior to her giving birth. After birth she became erratic. short tempered. always claiming i was not helping her even though I was doing my best. I was not the type to go out with friends. I wanted to be a family man so after each 8 hour day I would come home to them to spend time with them and take my daughter out to give my wife a break. After years of her telling me i did nothing for them we started to have a lot of friction. especially my side I hated hearing i did nothing so i started doing nothing. She was the homemaker type but she liked to spend some time with her girlfriends once in a while. they would go for coffee, get their nails done or to a bar for girls night out. In the last year that changed. she started going out all the time. she would come home at 4 or 5am sometimes. So she has been cheating on you for the past year. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 thats what scares me now. if we have an argument is she gonna go **** someone now? i dont know if i can trust her. Read No More Mr Nice Guy. If she is pregnant, get a court ordered dna test when the baby is born. Don’t let her put you down as the father until it is proven yours. See a lawyer and start divorces proceedings. Tel her to get a job now. You have only been married for four years, if you wait to long alimony could be for life. Do you really want to support her while she f’s every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Get her it sign a postnuptial agreement stating no alimony it she cheats and 50/50 custody of your kid. If she refuses file for divorce because she knows herself that she is going to cheat still. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Read No More Mr Nice Guy. If she is pregnant, get a court ordered dna test when the baby is born. Don’t let her put you down as the father until it is proven yours. See a lawyer and start divorces proceedings. Tel her to get a job now. You have only been married for four years, if you wait to long alimony could be for life. Do you really want to support her while she f’s every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Get her it sign a postnuptial agreement stating no alimony it she cheats and 50/50 custody of your kid. If she refuses file for divorce because she knows herself that she is going to cheat still. Actually DNA tests are now safe for the pregnant mom and baby for they are able to use the mother's blood due to some of the babies blood cells cross over to the mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted January 15, 2018 Share Posted January 15, 2018 Tomas, she doesn't value you because you do not value yourself. She is making a fool out of you because you let her. Go see a lawyer and file for divorce and sole custody of your kid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 So basically you were willing to finance her cheating on you? No. She married you. Marriage=commitment. She doesn't get to decide whether to give you commitment or not if she still wants to stay married. File for divorce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 toma111 toma111 Every man was a boy once. Every 'alpha' male was a 'beta' male once. You are still a 'beta' male, you have blind spots, there r things u r not perceiving and realising about your relationship and woman that we ( and most men who commented here do ) : to us it was obvious, loud and very clear. If u r accepting and allowing to the process, u r going through a conversion, beta -> alpha, your idealistic perception of relationship with a woman is crumbling down, ' u r unplugging from the matrix' in a way. Women genuinely respect, love and r loyal to alphas. You yourself became an alpha for a moment and didn't even realise it (at least your behaviour was alpha ): When u started seeing another woman and told her ( your wife ) that you wouldn't wait for her while she f**ks other guys. What happened when u did that ? Didn't she genuinely respect u as a man. Unfortunately your alpha act was just that, an act, not grounded and rooted in yo character as a man. Her genuine attraction and respect began to fade after she moved in and u began your usual beta behaviour From the story one would think your wife is such a b***ch, but not really : sooner or later, every woman will test the alphaness in her man / **** tests. This is usually unconscious to a woman, the more u fail the worse the tests become : she tested your loving dominance to stop her tantrums and arguments, but u couldn’t. Her cheating is another level of testing u. Whether u stay with her or not, she or another woman will still cheat on u if u remain a ‘beta’ : the typical guy who gets married and divorced 3 times, cheated on 3 times, until he realises that he doesn’t need to change a woman but himself from a beta to an alpha There is no easy way out, unplugging is a painful process e.g feeling suicidal, denial, anger. But when u r done, u will be a superior version of yourself. A worm to a butterfly. You won’t regret it, but first let her go, do what u fear the most, remember u don’t build an alpha on top of a beta, u kill the beta first and gradually build an alpha. Start here : https://therationalmale.com/category/unplugging/ Link to post Share on other sites
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