Author ktmiller222 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 one other thing, theres so many girls out there nowadays that don't want anything serious, they're just as bad as guys for messing people around and keeping things casual so to hear a genuine girl who wants something serious with a guy she likes is refreshing. I respect that, its just a shame a lot don't. I think this guy does, thats just my gut feeling. Thanks, I hope he does too. I understand that there are girls out there that just want casual dating and I am not like that (never was and never will be). I know girls that just want to go out for free dinner/drinks...it's pathetic...I just want a real relationship...nothing else matters to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I've made the mistake of bringing up being exclusive and its weak behaviour. I let the girl do it now It's not weak at all. It's knowing what you want and leading. Link to post Share on other sites
python23 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thanks, I hope he does too. I understand that there are girls out there that just want casual dating and I am not like that (never was and never will be). I know girls that just want to go out for free dinner/drinks...it's pathetic...I just want a real relationship...nothing else matters to me. thats great, but just remember you'll never fully know unless you sleep with him, thats the risk you take. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I personally wouldn't wait around for 6 dates without sex if I wasn't into her enough. if I really liked her then the sex to me wouldnt be an issue just yet, but the longer you leave it the more chance he will get frustrated.. Perhaps I missed a bit but I did not get that sex hasn’t happened because the OP is holding the guy off. Not every man is hyper sexual with all women. OP - if you’re sincerely in a place where you’d prefer to cut your losses now and move on if he’s not ready to commit, go ahead and initiate this talk. There’s nothing wrong with it and many people waste much time hanging in a casual relationship that they hope will develop into more. OTOH, there needs to be an organic component. For some reason I have a sense that it might be premature to have THE TALK quite yet. Not sure why. It’s quite a balancing act and you need to do what will be best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktmiller222 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Share Posted January 7, 2018 I've been on 6 dates with a guy and he has not made any compliments to me. I'm not saying, I NEED them to feel good about myself but it makes me feel like he is not attractive to me. I'm starting to feel a little sad. Each time we are together, we kiss more and he touches me more but he never says anything nice about me. I don't want to compare him to guys in the past, but every guy that has shown interest me has always says nice things to me. I've said nice things to him---sometimes he is hard on himself but he never directs nice things towards me. He is already planning to see me again...so is he really interested in me or does he just want attention from a female? Link to post Share on other sites
emzara Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 but it makes me feel like he is not attractive to me Do you mean attractive or attracted? As in because he doesn't compliment you, you don't like him as much? Or because he doesn't compliment you, you're not sure if he likes you? He is already planning to see me again...so is he really interested in me or does he just want attention from a female? I believe that actions speak louder than words. Not everyone is expressive in that way. Not everyone pays compliments. Personally, I would prefer a man who is genuinely interested and wants to see me often than a man who is trying to smooth talk me with superficial compliments. That being said, maybe you're wondering what he likes about you? You could just ask him. "I like spending time with you because ____. Why do you like spending time with me?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I've been on 6 dates with a guy and he has not made any compliments to me. I'm not saying, I NEED them to feel good about myself but it makes me feel like he is not attractive to me. I'm starting to feel a little sad. Each time we are together, we kiss more and he touches me more but he never says anything nice about me. I don't want to compare him to guys in the past, but every guy that has shown interest me has always says nice things to me. I've said nice things to him---sometimes he is hard on himself but he never directs nice things towards me. He is already planning to see me again...so is he really interested in me or does he just want attention from a female? Just my perspective.... If a woman is beautiful in her own unique way, I will give her a lot of compliments. She probably has't heard it all before and it will mean something to her. However, I tend to withhold compliments from a woman who is very beautiful by societies standards. This woman probably gets it all the time and has come to expect it. Plus, I feel like showering her with compliments puts her on a pedestal. See how you're thinking about him? Hoping that he really likes you? Wondering if he finds you attractive? If he was laying it on thick, you would feel like you have him in the bag. Instead, you're on the edge of your seat. Sometimes a guy is better off keeping the compliments to himself at first. I'm not saying this is what he is doing, but it could be. The bottom line is, you're 6 dates deep and he is being physical with you. He likes you and finds you attractive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 My guy loves me dearly but I can count on one hand the number of compliments he has given me. Do I wish he would show his love and appreciation more often, yes. But, his actions show me that he loves me and he tells me that he loves me... So, I try to appreciate what he does and forget about the things that he does not do... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I think it's weird you care so much about a man saying a compliment to you. I mean, he's interested in you and all over you, so why do you need words? In real life, as opposed to television, all that ooey-gooey stuff just doesn't usually happen unless a guy is playing you. I am uncomfortable with guys who are complimentary early on and by routine. I think they are either needy or want something in return. What I am comfortable with is someone just saying simply "You look nice" or "I like the way you think," but I would absolutely hate a guy saying specific body parts. It's too shallow. But each to his own. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 You need compliments to feel good about yourself? That's not good. But I think I'd be a little turned off by a guy who I saw 6 dates who couldn't think of any compliment to pay me in that time because I like them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I totally get where you are coming from...it's not about an ego boost, it's how we like to feel desired. A gentleman compliments his date ("You look lovely tonight"). it's called manners/ being polite. You are not dating a gentleman you are dating a dud. 6 dates in and you are sad....like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. He isn't fulfilling your expectations...dump the chump. Don'y be one of those who waits for things to get better.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I actually understand. My husband doesn't give compliments either. If I fish for one or beg, which I do, he'll say something like you look nice, fine or good. The 4 letter words are maddening. As a joke I once gave him a thesaurus with those words highlighted & hoped he'd say something else. It didn't work. I had gotten all dolled up for a date with him once. I knew I looked good -- little black dress, hair done, even sexy stockings. He said nothing. Not one word. While we were out we ran into some mutual friends. Every single guy had a compliment for me. I nearly burst into tears & had to excuse myself to the ladies' room so nobody would see me cry. I was heartbroken that the only man whose opinion mattered was mute. I know my husband loves me. He shows me that in many other ways but I have resolved myself to the idea that I will never be showered with compliments; sometimes, like the above I can't handle it but for all the other good things, I realize I have a good marriage. Your guy may just not be a verbal guy. If you need the verbalization, you will end up disappointed. If he plays games by withholding compliments a la some PUA BS where guys are told not to compliment beautiful women to keep them on their toes, dump him for being an manipulative game player. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Yeah...I guess it is like that 'love languages' stuff. Some people show affection with compliments and some people don't speak that language and don't see it necessary. I am incompatible with such a person and I think you are incompatible with this guy you are seeing. Same with people who don't like that much physical affection and people who need a lot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I actually understand. My husband doesn't give compliments either. If I fish for one or beg, which I do, he'll say something like you look nice, fine or good. The 4 letter words are maddening. As a joke I once gave him a thesaurus with those words highlighted & hoped he'd say something else. It didn't work. I had gotten all dolled up for a date with him once. I knew I looked good -- little black dress, hair done, even sexy stockings. He said nothing. Not one word. While we were out we ran into some mutual friends. Every single guy had a compliment for me. I nearly burst into tears & had to excuse myself to the ladies' room so nobody would see me cry. I was heartbroken that the only man whose opinion mattered was mute. I know my husband loves me. He shows me that in many other ways but I have resolved myself to the idea that I will never be showered with compliments; sometimes, like the above I can't handle it but for all the other good things, I realize I have a good marriage. Your guy may just not be a verbal guy. If you need the verbalization, you will end up disappointed. If he plays games by withholding compliments a la some PUA BS where guys are told not to compliment beautiful women to keep them on their toes, dump him for being an manipulative game player. Guys are just stupid sometimes.....they think after so many years together you should know they think you look good lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Guys are just stupid sometimes.....they think after so many years together you should know they think you look good lol So true. My guy tease me that it's just "implied..." that he loves me or that he thinks I look good. He says that he will tell me when/if anything changes. Men! You've just got to love them sometimes... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 Yeah , it could be as cookie and others are saying seems he does keep wanting to see you. Bit hard to say for sure. Personally though yeah , l hate it if she doesn't say nice things and give me feedback, leaves me cold. And l like saying them myself too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 I actually understand. My husband doesn't give compliments either. If I fish for one or beg, which I do, he'll say something like you look nice, fine or good. The 4 letter words are maddening. As a joke I once gave him a thesaurus with those words highlighted & hoped he'd say something else. It didn't work. I had gotten all dolled up for a date with him once. I knew I looked good -- little black dress, hair done, even sexy stockings. He said nothing. Not one word. While we were out we ran into some mutual friends. Every single guy had a compliment for me. I nearly burst into tears & had to excuse myself to the ladies' room so nobody would see me cry. I was heartbroken that the only man whose opinion mattered was mute. I know my husband loves me. He shows me that in many other ways but I have resolved myself to the idea that I will never be showered with compliments; sometimes, like the above I can't handle it but for all the other good things, I realize I have a good marriage. Your guy may just not be a verbal guy. If you need the verbalization, you will end up disappointed. If he plays games by withholding compliments a la some PUA BS where guys are told not to compliment beautiful women to keep them on their toes, dump him for being an manipulative game player. DOnnivain, I would just assume he was so overwhelmed with your beauty that evening that he was speechless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 7, 2018 Share Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) I've been on 6 dates with a guy and he has not made any compliments to me. I'm not saying, I NEED them to feel good about myself but it makes me feel like he is not attractive to me. I'm starting to feel a little sad. Each time we are together, we kiss more and he touches me more but he never says anything nice about me. I don't want to compare him to guys in the past, but every guy that has shown interest me has always says nice things to me. I've said nice things to him---sometimes he is hard on himself but he never directs nice things towards me. He is already planning to see me again...so is he really interested in me or does he just want attention from a female? You're complaining about not getting any compliments and then you ask if he's just looking for attention? Am I the only one to see the irony in this? Edited January 7, 2018 by Iseult words Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 DOnnivain, I would just assume he was so overwhelmed with your beauty that evening that he was speechless. You are a dear for coming up with this. Thanks for making me laugh. ktmiller222 -- see sometimes you have to get validation from your friends, not your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Nope, first thing crossed my mind. But in the way op describes , it's more just feed back and feel good we all need from our partner and really , we should get it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ktmiller222 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 I'm not 100% happy with how things are going with a guy I'm dating. I don't see him often and I don't hear from him every day. He does text and will text me back. He is out of town this week for work and I have not heard from him even though he told me he was going to text me. I did see him before he left for his work trip and I wish I would have talked to him about where the relationship was going but I kind of chickened out because I was having a good time. I really, really like him. Although there are times I question whether I think he likes me, when we get together, he does act like he does. I'm used to guys always contacting me when they like me, maybe I was just spoiled in the past. I don't want to make excuses for him but I'm sort of getting annoyed with how things are going. I know I should just flat out ask him if he is still interested in me but do should I even bother? Should I just fall off the face of the planet if he randomly texts me? I'm old school where I think the guy should pursue a girl and make things officially but things are going extremely slow and I hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 If you have to ask yourself this, then most likely the answer is yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 If you are not happy & your needs are not being met, then there is no reason to stay. Do take the high road & actually break it off with him in person rather than ghosting. Asking him if he's invested will just put him on the defensive. He'll make promises that he won't keep & you will be back here next month. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I’m actually a bit confused. You are considering ghosting a guy you really like if he contacts you because you feel he isn’t chasing enough? Texting frequency is a common topic here, and people simply have different preferences. To much texting and you might seem needy - to little and you might seem uninterested. Anyway, based on the information provided, I don’t think you have anything to lose by initiating the “define the relationship”-talk? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Do you reach out to him text/call or do you sit back and always wait for him to initiate contact? Link to post Share on other sites
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