Author lonelygirl00 Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 You do realise that if he can be lured away, then he's not 'quality' don't you? I'm also wondering about your morals and ethics at this point. we must have different morals/ethics then if he would leave me afterwards for another woman then he wasn't for me in the first place . I would move on . But a guy can break off with a woman even if they met when he wasn't taken . Its common and happening every day . I can give a lot of examples from Hollywood ( since I cant from real life even though I know some ) where a man has left his previous gf to be with another woman and they are still together . So its not a rule of thumb it depends on a lot of reasons and circumstances . Anyway I will retreat now seems like a lot of you want to play devil's advocate or love gurus here . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 we must have different morals/ethics then if he would leave me afterwards for another woman then he wasn't for me in the first place . I would move on . But a guy can break off with a woman even if they met when he wasn't taken . Its common and happening every day . I can give a lot of examples from Hollywood ( since I cant from real life even though I know some ) where a man has left his previous gf to be with another woman and they are still together . So its not a rule of thumb it depends on a lot of reasons and circumstances . Anyway I will retreat now seems like a lot of you want to play devil's advocate or love gurus here . Sweetie, we're not playing devil's advocate. We're telling you that your plans are not OK in any shape or form. And Hollywood is hardly an example of where you will find great behaviour to emulate. Let me spell it out to you: Making a move on another woman's man is shameful behaviour. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 men are allowed to have female friends ...you are talking like he is her possession , her toy ...they are not even married ....he is not an object , but a man of free will , if he really wants to cheat on her ,and if he wont do it with me , he will do it with other women at given opportunity like I said , if he really loves her , he wont cheat or break up no matter what I try ...I think as long as everything is platonically , and we are not kissing , touching , or having sex , its not cheating ...basically all I'm trying is to get him know me better and then to know that I like him with subtle hints ( not direct flirting ) ..and then he can make the decision if he thinks in his heart that I'm better than his girlfriend and break up with her before anything happens ...and if despite my efforts everything will continue to stay platonical then I will be ready to move on ..I would like to mention that I even tried online dating to try to get him out of my head ...there were plenty of men who gave me attention but nobody could compare to him (In both online and real world ) , there wasn't anyone who could get my attention and I ended up disabling my dating account ......for me this guy is like a diamond in a sea of mud , you guys have no idea how hard is nowdays to find a guy of this quality Well, that is an extremely defensive and not a very insightful response... it doesn't show any empathy for his girlfriend's feelings and that is concerning. No, men are not allowed to have female friends... there is no place in his life for a female friend who want to attempt to break up his relationship with his girlfriend. Basil is absolutely correct. Making a move in another woman's man is shameful. Selfish. Immature. Entitled. And beneath you. Find someone else to date... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Again, What is your previous relationship experience? Have you ever had a long term boyfriend? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Unicorn123 Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 OP, I personally don’t think that one can be in love with someone without knowing him or her enough. From your description it seems you guys are not that close yet. What do you guys usually talk about? Have you interacted much with him alone and what do you guys know about each other? The descriptions you had for him seem a bit superficial. I suggest you try to know him better first. Once you do you may or may not still like him that way. If he is taken now, why don’t just be a friend and see how things go? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Was it love at first sight for you? I understand that aspect because it happened to me. I'm not in contact with him or anything like that (met him 11 years ago and it turns out he goes for abusive women who **** all over him, who he has admitted he isn't attracted to/in love with, etc. but that's his lesson to learn), but sometimes I think connections extend beyond this lifetime. So, that being said, I wrote him a letter so I could move on. He had more involvement in my life for a few years than it sounds like this person does in yours. In it, I confessed to how I felt as a side note but also told him that I wasn't expecting a response and wasn't going to be contacting him again. I just needed to clear the air for my own healing (there were other complex dynamics in the situation involving other friendships and events that were super hurtful for me and that was the main focus of my letter). It really helped me to get this stuff off of my chest because it had been eating me alive for years at the time I decided to write the letter. But--the difference was--I wrote it completely for myself and without the motivation to "steal" him from his woman or the patterns in his life. I didn't even want a response, to be honest. It helped me mentally afterward to know that I had laid all my cards on the table and could move forward. Now, it sounds like you have had quite limited interactions with this guy, that he isn't really a part of your social life or anything like that. I recommend you keep it this way until he's not in a relationship, if that day comes to pass. You jeopardize things at work becoming really awkward and a lot of heartbreak all around if you go after a taken guy. If you really feel you must tell him, I would suggest doing it after one of you doesn't work in the same environment anymore with no expectation of a positive response. What are you going to do if he tells your girlfriend about your confession and now you need to see both of them regularly? Very awkward. You have to accept the possibility that he may just see you as an shy girl at work who he has exchanged a few words with. If he is serious about his girlfriend at all, your advances will be unwelcome. If you ever read author John Gray's work--he's a family therapist with decades of experience--you'll see he mentions that when you experience an instant and strong attraction for someone the moment you meet them that often times those relationships have the potential to be the most volatile and the most triggering. He warns his readers about this, as he believes this occurs because subconsciously your issues mirror theirs, and so these relationships tend to either devolve into an absolute mess if the maturity and willingness to grow together isn't equal in both people--to completely blow up in your face--or to be heavenly, basically. So he considers the intense nature of the feelings upon meeting to be somewhat of a red flag. This was definitely true of my situation. Keep this in mind if you decide to proceed with any confessions. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 If it was just to scratch an itch - it would have been immoral but somewhat human. But to expect him to leave the *woman he's committed to * is EXTREMELY evil act that only a high grade sociopath can aspire for. We have seen here stories like this though, so I'm sure you'd get 'good' advice. Imagine snatching this man and having the entirety of your life the burden of knowing you ruined his GF's life. What a 'happy' life to live What should I do so that he will leave his gf ? I definitely don't want to be his side piece (as that would really make me feel like shet , and as will all affairs , the sparkle is lost at one point and I don't want that ) or make him cheat on his gf with me either as that would not be fair to her . But how to make him leave his gf for me ? If that's possible? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 You can't make anyone do anything, much less leave their partner. If he wanted to leave his girlfriend for you, he would; he hasn't, so he doesn't. Trying to break up a relationship is cruel. Back off and look for an available man. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 hello all , I would appreciate some advice here ...I have a mad crush on a guy at the moment , so big that I feel if I don't make a move , I'm gonna regret for the rest of my life What should I do so that he will leave his gf ? I definitely don't want to be his side piece (as that would really make me feel like shet , and as will all affairs , the sparkle is lost at one point and I don't want that ) or make him cheat on his gf with me either as that would not be fair to her . But how to make him leave his gf for me ? If that's possible? Go for it, lonelygirl00. Tell him he makes your heart pitter patter, butterflies and that you are in love. How to make him leave his gf? If you have to ask.... Seriously, other posters have addressed that the effort is a low move. Some people get their SO by snagging a taken person. It happens. Though the fallout and judgement will stay with you and him. It will remain your relationship resume, like it or not. That you have no concern for his SO will revisit you at some time. Lucks. Link to post Share on other sites
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