olivetree Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I love it when women make the first move. Thank you feminism, thank you. I don’t see anything wrong with your focus on looks. You’re honest about what you want. Looks is what makes men and women similar when finding a mate. Tall, dark, and handsome is your holy trinity after all. If he knows you’re in a relationship or some relationship, and if I were to put myself in his position? I would probably know through the grapevine one way or another because people at work love to talk, then I would put my guard up and ask myself if I’m getting played or is this a potential heartache that I’d rather not get involve in. Her focus on looks in a casual sex partner is fine. It's her focus on her own looks and not being able to fathom that he wouldn't be into her that is misguided. But I think we've moved past that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red_54 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 Update: Clarity followed by confusion. I got a message from this man about a week ago to congratulate me on my new endeavors with the company outside of his account and to ask if I was available for celebratory drinks. I accepted and we flirted shamelessly all night. Then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him again and I asked for clarification, asking if he was networking or asking me out on a date to which he responded that he hadn't made a move before because he is a professional but he has always been attracted to me. All was well until he started to explain how he wants to find a woman to spend time with and started talking about all that he looks for in a relationship. It kind of threw me off because I fully expected this to only be a physical connection we would have and he was coming from more of an emotional place and he came on a little strong. I was thoroughly shocked and pretty much mumbled nervously for the rest of the night. He attempted to kiss me a couple times throughout the night and I told him that we should take it slow. I don't know if that was the right thing to say but I just didn't want to lead him on since I was still taken aback from the confession. I'm not sure how to feel. I still find this man really attractive and he knows that and has made it clear that he will continue to pursue this and even mentioned having dinner in a few weeks but I'm not sure what I should do at this point. Oh yah, I should also mention that my SO and I have decided to take a break...that was a few weeks ago (before this happened) due to other unrelated relationship issues we have been having. That makes this all the more confusing. What.To.Do! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Have you/SO gone over the boundaries of O-R land? It seems you're doing a lot of flirting and emotional stimulation with this acquaintance. SO keeping up on that? How's he doing with his pursuits of women? Have you looked into some swinging or swap parties as a feet-wetter? Might be a good starting point. I found the postings of this member, now gone for awhile, to have good insight on swinging and open-style relationships. Since you've been an avid reader here, if you haven't read their advice and experiences, I suggest it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red_54 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Share Posted January 26, 2018 Have you/SO gone over the boundaries of O-R land? It seems you're doing a lot of flirting and emotional stimulation with this acquaintance. SO keeping up on that? How's he doing with his pursuits of women? Have you looked into some swinging or swap parties as a feet-wetter? Might be a good starting point. I found the postings of this member, now gone for awhile, to have good insight on swinging and open-style relationships. Since you've been an avid reader here, if you haven't read their advice and experiences, I suggest it. Good luck! Thank you, Carhill, I appreciate the suggestion, have looked into the users posts and really wish I had seen them before SO and I discussed the OR arrangement. Prior to this "break" we had discussed boundaries and expectations about our relationship but now I don't know how to deal with this situation because it's not purely physical and also SO and I are sort of separated at the moment. I do not ask about his pursuits and he does not ask about mine so theres that. I also can't help but feel like this is bordering cheating since there is that emotional element on this mans end. I don't necessarily have feelings for him other than sexual attraction however, the other night he made himself vulnerable to me and shared a story about his family and a somewhat tragic event that made me look at him in a different light and later I thought to myself, ok this man is obviously physically attractive and the only reason I thought it ok to pursue him is because he has (I thought) other traits that I could never find myself attracted to so I felt it was a safe starting point. A way to ensure I would not find myself feeling anything while still having the freedom and fun. Now I feel like I should run the other way because what if he actually proves to be a good man on top of extremely physically attractive? I wouldn't stand a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Thank you, Carhill, I appreciate the suggestion, have looked into the users posts and really wish I had seen them before SO and I discussed the OR arrangement. Prior to this "break" we had discussed boundaries and expectations about our relationship but now I don't know how to deal with this situation because it's not purely physical and also SO and I are sort of separated at the moment. I do not ask about his pursuits and he does not ask about mine so theres that. I also can't help but feel like this is bordering cheating since there is that emotional element on this mans end. I don't necessarily have feelings for him other than sexual attraction however, the other night he made himself vulnerable to me and shared a story about his family and a somewhat tragic event that made me look at him in a different light and later I thought to myself, ok this man is obviously physically attractive and the only reason I thought it ok to pursue him is because he has (I thought) other traits that I could never find myself attracted to so I felt it was a safe starting point. A way to ensure I would not find myself feeling anything while still having the freedom and fun. Now I feel like I should run the other way because what if he actually proves to be a good man on top of extremely physically attractive? I wouldn't stand a chance. I think first and foremost you need to figure our your primary relationship and what's happening with that. Why are you on a break? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red_54 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Share Posted January 26, 2018 I think first and foremost you need to figure our your primary relationship and what's happening with that. Why are you on a break? We have always had an issue with being two type A personalities and coming from completely different parts of the world we have a hard time communicating our needs. We try. I have suggested therapy and he does not believe in it or that we need it. We walk on eggshells around each other a lot. When things are good they are great but recently things have been rough and I told him that I needed space. This was before the night out with this other guy so it definitely didn't play into it at all. We have also had a lot of stress from being around family for the holidays and it lingered over to the new year. I am considering meeting up with SO to ask for a break UP. But I also don't want to throw in the towel so soon and throw away all the years we had together. I am thoroughly confused at this point Link to post Share on other sites
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