Does sex REALLY stop after marriage? THIS is how many married women want regular sex.

[Rockdad]

Wife #1 sex stopped 3 days after the ceremony never to return again in 17 yrs.

 

Wife #2 18 yrs married, been together for 20 yrs. Sex is daily on the norm.

 

I think the success has a lot to do with the 17 hard earned years of the man training course my ex was the chief instructor. Dang it about killed me off!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Wife #1 sex stopped 3 days after the ceremony never to return again in 17 yrs.

 

Wife #2 18 yrs married, been together for 20 yrs. Sex is daily on the norm.

 

I think the success has a lot to do with the 17 hard earned years of the man training course my ex was the chief instructor. Dang it about killed me off!

 

You went 17 years in a sexless marriage? What did you learn?

[central]

Yup. #3 being the least likely reason for the sex to wane, in my opinion. With #1 close behind it.

 

If so, then why don't they talk about it so it can be fixed? If the women in this situation don't try to fix a poor lover, then they must not care about sex - or their husband. In fact, why did they marry him, unless they only used sex to get him to marry?

[Els]

If so, then why don't they talk about it so it can be fixed? If the women in this situation don't try to fix a poor lover, then they must not care about sex - or their husband.

 

How do you know they did not try? The study doesn't mention it (it doesn't mention practically everything, in fact).

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

If so, then why don't they talk about it so it can be fixed? If the women in this situation don't try to fix a poor lover, then they must not care about sex - or their husband. In fact, why did they marry him, unless they only used sex to get him to marry?

 

I think you misunderstood my post. I said number 3 was the LEAST likely reason.

[carhill]

Seems like most of the article delved into how quickly men ejaculated with only a passing reference to married women engaging in regular sex.

 

Applying the LS sexless marriage statistics, and accepting the vast majority of posters here are women or post as women, what would LS have to say about this topic?

 

While I do hear the complaints regularly from male friends, I'd still consider the anecdotes and data suspect, as with all things sexual, since we filter through our own perceptions and psychology and form our own truths. In my M, sex was there until the end and we were both older. Even on my most bitter day I couldn't form a complaint about that. YMMV>

[ICEMAN69]

Faking it as she has never really had a real orgasm or not one with a man anyway, faking it to please her man, faking it to boost his ego, faking it as makes her feel good he is satisfied, faking it because she feels pressurised to "enjoy" it, faking it as there is no way she will ever orgasm with what he is offering her, faking it because she just wants it over with... Of course faking it may be somewhat enjoyable, but it tends not to be a source of arousal or great passion and after a while there is I guess not the desire to initiate something that is just a show, and is only indirectly enjoyable for her.

 

Throughout the millennia of the human species, some of what you're suggesting certainly makes sense. In this day and age of information at your fingertips and in the comfort and privacy of your own dwelling, it seems to me that both women and men can find out more information about each others anatomies and what works and what doesn't through sexual stimulation then ever before.

 

There is no excuse today for not having a decent "tool box" of ideas about the ball-field you're playing on (no pun intended) with the vast sexual information available on the internet. If anybody is that stupid today about what gets a woman sizzling, they're either lazy, extremely stupid, or an outright narcissist who's not the least bit concerned about what gets her off.

[ICEMAN69]

Because husbands gain weight, lose hair and stop the foreplay also. It goes both ways.

 

That being said I'm 60 and my husband and I have an active sex life.

 

No doubt, but the article wasn't dealing with a study of men who get married and then retire from an active sex life with their wives at year four. I have no doubt it happens because I've seen enough wives complain on L/S about their low libido hubbies, but I seriously doubt it's as high as 52%.

[central]

I found the following interesting:

 

 

many people and sometimes even both people in a marriage either have or something else is inhibiting them. According to Newsweek magazine, 15-20 percent of couples are in a “sexless” marriage, which equates to having sex less than 10 times per year. Other polls show that about 2 percent of couples have zero sex. Of course, the reasons weren’t always stated—this could be due to a number of factors, of which low libido is just one.

A low sex drive can happen to both genders, though women report it more. According to USA Today, 20 to 30 percent of men have little or no sex drive, and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. Researchers do say that the more sex you have, the more you feel like doing it.

Sex drive is an interesting thing. It seems some people are born with high or low libido, but there are many other factors that can contribute to it. How well your relationship is going can definitely be a factor, but past sexual abuse or other issues with sex over the years can be a factor as well.

https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/how-often-do-married-couples-have-sex/

Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix formatting

[ICEMAN69]

Why would you assume that they are not?

 

Well lets face it, the article didn't give any specifics or details that the study itself may have covered. But for the record, I was actually being sarcastic with Cautious.

[stillafool]

What is clear, is that while married people have slightly more sex per year than singles, cohabiting people appear to get the best of both worlds. Perhaps the lack of complacency (because it's easier for your partner to leave) makes cohabiting couples focus more on having a good sex life.

 

 

Anyway, for men who care about a good sex life further into a relationship, this simply provides another reason to not marry!

 

This is not true. I know a couple right now that have lived together for a number of years and he complains all the time about the lack of sex. She is 29 and he is 33. They have 4 kids. I think sometimes familiarity breeds boredom.

Edited January 10, 2018 by stillafool

[RecentChange]

This is not true. I know a couple right now that have lived together for a number of years and he complains all the time about the lack of sex. She is 29 and he is 33. They have 4 kids.

 

I was going to say maybe lack of kids is the silver bullet

 

I know many couples who complain about their sex life taking a nose dive after having kids.

 

But then I know a guy who is married, without kids and in a sexless marriage.

 

We could offer anecdotes all day.

 

I cohabitated for 14 years, now married 2, and no kids, great sex life.

[central]

This is not true. I know a couple right now that have lived together for a number of years and he complains all the time about the lack of sex. She is 29 and he is 33. They have 4 kids. I think sometimes familiarity breeds boredom.

 

I still think I'm correct, in general. They've got a bunch of (young) kids, which is bound to greatly affect their sex life negatively even if they're not bored. Fatigue and lack of time are probably the problem here. And, having kids makes it a lot more difficult to leave, of course.

[Shanex]

I don't really know if personal anecdotes or snarky replies are backing this article or not.

 

I have never been married, and never been either in a sexless LTR.

 

Great sex and passion does help make people fall in love. They actually often fall in love for that reason. At the risk of being provocative, I will make the assessment that sex is the cement of couples. Along with being comprehensive, witty, funny and smart to your SO.

 

The real question is, can a sexless marriage be fixed? Can the passion be restored? I'm pretty sure I have read stories backing this here. Ultimately while people will often advice to fill a divorce or break up in this situation and unless there are deeper issues in the couple, a marriage that can go on, especially if kids are involed benefits everyone.

[Gr8fuln2020]

The sex was as awesome after marriage with my ex-wife! Your marital status should not have any bearing on your sex life.

[dichotomy]

I don't really know if personal anecdotes or snarky replies are backing this article or not.

 

 

The real question is, can a sexless marriage be fixed? Can the passion be restored? I'm pretty sure I have read stories backing this here. Ultimately while people will often advice to fill a divorce or break up in this situation and unless there are deeper issues in the couple, a marriage that can go on, especially if kids are involed benefits everyone.

 

 

I have been here a while (on Loveshack) and can't recall any stories from a married couple where they fixed the sex - after being very low to no sex for a long time. This is also what I remember from my studies on sex and marriage therapist - success rate was very very low in solving this.

 

There are some stories here - mostly women - who claim their sex life is going strong, or stronger being married. I don't know anyone personally who ever told me the same - but I trust these stories here and nice to hear. Everyone else I have known personally - has NEVER ever said to me the sex was as good or better than before marriage.

 

Once someone got divorced I can recall stories of how great some of their sex life was with BF/FWB/Causal dating. Which I suppose goes back to the question on marriage and sex. After divorce I also heard horrible stories of child support, child visitation, nasty dating world, ex's seeing low lifes, money struggles, kids.

Edited January 10, 2018 by dichotomy

[preraph]

It's not that she doesn't have a libido. It's that the passion dies, you start feeling taken for granted and disrespected and lose your passion for a person. Also, children happen, and they're sex killers for sure.

[stillafool]

I still think I'm correct, in general. They've got a bunch of (young) kids, which is bound to greatly affect their sex life negatively even if they're not bored. Fatigue and lack of time are probably the problem here. And, having kids makes it a lot more difficult to leave, of course.

 

Still the point is they are not having sex just like married couples in their situation. He's been complaining about this for 3 years to the point he is ready to leave.

[GorillaTheater]

Kids aren't much of a barrier to a healthy married sex life if you don't want it to be. I mean, having kids probably rules out banging on the kitchen table in the afternoon. Screaming is probably out as well, but there's plenty of sex (and kids) in Casa Gorilla.

[preraph]

Kids aren't much of a barrier to a healthy married sex life if you don't want it to be. I mean, having kids probably rules out banging on the kitchen table in the afternoon. Screaming is probably out as well, but there's plenty of sex (and kids) in Casa Gorilla.

 

Well, that's true except for exhaustion on the part of the parents or mother. Like some women don't get back to normal for a full year after birth and then the grueling schedule would wear out a person whose energy wasn't really high. But yeah, I get your point. There are people who let it be a limitation past childbirth and babyhood because they won't put a friggin lock on their bedroom door or can't say no to a screamer (and I don't mean spouse).

[Woggle]

We have been married for 11 years and still go at it like rabbits. It's better than ever. I can't speak on other marriages but mine is going great.

[Chilli]

Exactly why l'm in disbelief every time l read round here guys get married for sex.

l mean really , that's the stupidest reason l ever heard.

Stoking the same fireplace 20yrs is one of the hardest parts about being married.

[Els]

Kids aren't much of a barrier to a healthy married sex life if you don't want it to be. I mean, having kids probably rules out banging on the kitchen table in the afternoon. Screaming is probably out as well, but there's plenty of sex (and kids) in Casa Gorilla.

 

I guess it depends on the kind of sex a particular couple likes? I won't lie, a big part of why I'm iffy about having kids is because I think it would be a HUGE killer to our sex life, especially when they're young. We like our bedroom fun to last a long (long!) time and we hate being interrupted, so if we had a toddler in the house, I imagine the only time we'd be able to have the kind of sex we want would be when we have a babysitter around to look after them for a couple of hours or such. Spontaneous sex would be really difficult. Plus, uh, we make a lot of noise, lol... How do you NOT scream???

 

And then there's the whole energy-levels thing since being the primary childcarer is essentially an extra full-time job in itself.

[central]

I guess it depends on the kind of sex a particular couple likes?

 

That, and how "difficult" the child is - some need far more attention than others. But yeah, in many cases - perhaps most - having (young) children is a sex killer and often a libido destroyer.

[RecentChange]

I guess it depends on the kind of sex a particular couple likes? I won't lie, a big part of why I'm iffy about having kids is because I think it would be a HUGE killer to our sex life

 

My list of reasons why I do not have kids is long. And being able to have sex in the living room is on it! And sex in the car, and sex on lazy Sunday mornings in bed. So on and so forth.