preraph Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Thank you for your post. Yes, I think he did think I was making too much of it and didn't really see what he was doing. I saw my therapist who mentioned the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse. It's the 4 predictors of divorce and she said we had "contempt" ever present in our relationship. After reading about it, it makes so much sense. Doesn't make it easier, but I'm putting the pieces together of what happened. At least I am realizing that my feeling are valid. Again, thank you for your comments on my thread. It's still hard to let go despite knowing all of this now. Yes, it's not fun to go through something like this. But don't let him make YOU feel like the culprit. He's clearly the guilty party. Like that jerk I worked with, if you got disgusted with him, would say, Wow, you're awfully touchy, or something like that, ridicule ME and others for not liking his horrible insults. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Closure? No one can give you closure. That comes from within -- through acceptance and realization that this man isn't the partner you desire and that you deserve to be treated better. It comes from you embracing your standards and values and knowing that this isn't right for you. Closure does come from within but that doesn't mean you can't shake things up a little to expedite the realisation process. It's basic human phscology. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inmyownworld Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Closure does come from within but that doesn't mean you can't shake things up a little to expedite the realisation process. It's basic human phscology. I am still working on this. I don't think he's going to help me, because he doesn't want to break up. We are still in contact and I am having a tough time ignoring him, I guess because I feel bad being the dumper. I know this is keeping me in limbo. I am getting closer to realizing I probably have to cut contact at some point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author inmyownworld Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 The ex and I decided to take time apart (still technically broken up), somewhere around 3 to 6 months. He and I will get therapy separately during the time and then go one one date when the time is over to see how we are. I don't know if this will solve anything, but I figure I have nothing to lose by doing it. It's just one date and we will not get back together unless things improve. I feel good about this plan for now. I don't know if my heart will change after some months. It's still day by day for me. Any thoughts about this plan? Good or bad idea? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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