Would you cancel this based on the info I found?

[Minnie09]

If you can verify it with his wife - then I'd say go ahead.

 

If not, then he's not trying to divorce.

 

What do you mean by that? She hasn’t even met him yet, and you seriously recommend that she talk to his “wife”? That’s a little paranoid, don’t you think? She already stalked everybody on FB......that should be enough.

 

I would hear him out, if you still find him cute, interesting, and successful and whatever.....

[Ruby Slippers]

There's no way in hell I'd meet up with a guy who wouldn't tell me when he got divorced. He sounds separated. In other words, still married.

 

Do you really want to get involved with another separated guy? I've never understood how anybody agrees to get involved with someone who's still legally bound to someone else. It's always been a hard NO for me. Complete and utter waste of time - also waving a big flag of desperation to the guy. And we all know where that leads.

[newheart]

I see two things at play here.

 

First - I don't know if the FB thing is an automatic no. I have been divorced 12 years. With three children, I decided that it was easier to keep my married name because it was easier as their mom. This past spring, we posed for photos all together at the twin's middle school graduation - and it even made it to FB. We actually have a really good co-parenting relationship.

 

Now, it is his COMMENT that actually bothers me more ... obviously, there is more to the story and it must be relatively recent, if they are legally divorced. If I were really interested, I might still hear him out? Not sure on this one. People are weird ... I have a boss who has been "single" for 7 years and is not legally divorced because of other reasons (something related to finance and health insurance I think?) but she and her husband live totally separate lives, date, etc.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I was bored so I met him for a drink. As soon as I saw him, I knew I wasn't attracted. He had this "dad look" that so many men in their 40s get after marriage/children. I considered just making a run for it (I saw him before he saw me) but then I knew it wasn't a decent thing to do. I think that guys that were never married look younger, are more stylish and are generally in better physical shape.

 

When we started talking, he was pretty intelligent, well traveled and knowledgeable. Conversation wasn't as much of a chore as it was with other guys. I didn't even care to question him about his marital status because I knew I wasn't going to see him again. But then he brought it up...

 

He is going through a divorce but never said when they actually separated. He gave me a whole story about them having separate room for 7 years and actually slept in separate rooms during their honeymoon. How his (ex) was only interested in getting married and having children and she was just looking for a "warm body" to marry. How he wanted out as soon as they married (but then proceeded to have 2 children anyway ). Blah balh blah...he then went into the looong speech about how she really had a tough childhood and that's why she is so cold.. I mean don't these men realize that talking about details of their wife's childhood is the most boring topic they can possibly pick?

 

Anyhow, I wrapped it up in under 2 hours, made my excuses and had to endure him walking me home. Luckily he only shook hands and didn't press further. As soon as I got home, he texted that he had a great time and wants to see me again over the weekend.

 

I didn't reply...

[PegNosePete]

You were bored so you led him on and wasted his time and money and built up his hopes only to ghost him?

 

Classy.

 

At least let him know that you don't want to get involved with a married man.

[grays]

Ugh. I'm feeling a little sad for him. I hope he couldn't feel that you were rolling your eyes inside. Maybe just a text to say that you don't feel good about his marital status so he doesn't have to worry and speculate about what the problem might be?

[lovephule]

He is going through a divorce but never said when they actually separated. He gave me a whole story about them having separate room for 7 years

So textbook. I don't feel bad for him at all. If he cared abut having his time wasted he'd have volunteered the truth (which I doubt this to be) up front.

[No_Go]

Like a typical married creep He didn’t want to tell you about the divorce because there isn’t one. He’s just a little bored with wifey (who I’ll bet money is still banging regularly regardless of his words).

 

I had very similar experience recently, and after doing very extensive search (like hours of searches) I called BS on him. He almost tricked me into an affair, brrrr.

 

 

I was bored so I met him for a drink. As soon as I saw him, I knew I wasn't attracted. He had this "dad look" that so many men in their 40s get after marriage/children. I considered just making a run for it (I saw him before he saw me) but then I knew it wasn't a decent thing to do. I think that guys that were never married look younger, are more stylish and are generally in better physical shape.

 

When we started talking, he was pretty intelligent, well traveled and knowledgeable. Conversation wasn't as much of a chore as it was with other guys. I didn't even care to question him about his marital status because I knew I wasn't going to see him again. But then he brought it up...

 

He is going through a divorce but never said when they actually separated. He gave me a whole story about them having separate room for 7 years and actually slept in separate rooms during their honeymoon. How his (ex) was only interested in getting married and having children and she was just looking for a "warm body" to marry. How he wanted out as soon as they married (but then proceeded to have 2 children anyway ). Blah balh blah...he then went into the looong speech about how she really had a tough childhood and that's why she is so cold.. I mean don't these men realize that talking about details of their wife's childhood is the most boring topic they can possibly pick?

 

Anyhow, I wrapped it up in under 2 hours, made my excuses and had to endure him walking me home. Luckily he only shook hands and didn't press further. As soon as I got home, he texted that he had a great time and wants to see me again over the weekend.

 

I didn't reply...

[No_Go]

Ugh. I'm feeling a little sad for him. I hope he couldn't feel that you were rolling your eyes inside. Maybe just a text to say that you don't feel good about his marital status so he doesn't have to worry and speculate about what the problem might be?

 

Well I’m sure he’s pretty aware the problem is that he’s very married.... I’m sure he’s trying his luck on 10s of other suitors simultaneously so he’ll be okay.

[kassy]

Just tell him there was no chemistry for you and good luck with dating. Why ghost? It's rude at the best of times, but this guys probably got a lot of anxiety about being dating again why be a bitch when it's just as easy to be kind?

[No_Go]

Just tell him there was no chemistry for you and good luck with dating. Why ghost? It's rude at the best of times, but this guys probably got a lot of anxiety about being dating again why be a bitch when it's just as easy to be kind?

 

I’m all against ghosting/fading but here the guy is a predating married creep... So I’m not sure he deserves acknowledgement...

[Arieswoman]

I think I posted sometime ago about a similar situation I had with OLD where the guy was evasive and said his marriage was over and he was "separated".

 

It turned out that his wife was in a nursing home suffering from an incurable degenerative neurological condition. he wanted someone to go on holiday with.

 

I asked why he didn't divorce her/get an anullment as he had no marriage and he said he didn't want to cause her any upset as she was so ill.

 

This was all BS. The reason he didn't do this was because he would have to sell the big house he lived in and pay her off. The money she got would be swallowed up by nursing home fees. As it was the care was free on the NHS as she had no assets of her own.

 

He said that she had "more or less" given him permission to see other woman, so I suggested we go see her and ask her. He backpedalled so fast you could practically see the dust rise.

 

I told him it was a situation I didn't want any part of and left.

 

So "separated" usually = "problems"

[No_Go]

 

He said that she had "more or less" given him permission to see other woman, so I suggested we go see her and ask her. He backpedalled so fast you could practically see the dust rise.

 

 

"more or less" given him permission :lmao: - he took a mental permission (i.e. haven't asked her but since she was too ill to check on him...

 

The guy I was recently talking to came up with similar excuse. I would never know because she lives out of state so seems like he assumed they are 'more or less separated' I'm not sure she knows about it

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I'd cancel and block. If a man isn't completely single we have nothing to discuss.

As for having exactly what you want in your profile, married men, in particular, are great at ignoring what you want and pushing for what they want.

 

That is so true!

[BarbedFenceRider]

1. If the guy starts the convo with talking about his wife....Thats a no-go. I mean, if your gonna hide the relationship thing, why create this whole thing up? lol

 

2. If the guy has a wife in hospice care and he feels compelled to go and date? Eww. I have no idea where to start. If my wife was in long term care, I couldn't imagine starting dating right away. WTH? Even if the marriage was not in a good place to begin with, I still would be in some type of mourning...Sheesh.

[kendahke]

But look at the bright side. At least he didn't straight out lie. He just refused to give an answer.

 

That's called "lying by omission". It's still lying because he's led her to believe one thing in his profile and in his reality, something completely different may be going on.

[olivetree]

I was bored so I met him for a drink. As soon as I saw him, I knew I wasn't attracted. He had this "dad look" that so many men in their 40s get after marriage/children. I considered just making a run for it (I saw him before he saw me) but then I knew it wasn't a decent thing to do. I think that guys that were never married look younger, are more stylish and are generally in better physical shape.

 

When we started talking, he was pretty intelligent, well traveled and knowledgeable. Conversation wasn't as much of a chore as it was with other guys. I didn't even care to question him about his marital status because I knew I wasn't going to see him again. But then he brought it up...

 

He is going through a divorce but never said when they actually separated. He gave me a whole story about them having separate room for 7 years and actually slept in separate rooms during their honeymoon. How his (ex) was only interested in getting married and having children and she was just looking for a "warm body" to marry. How he wanted out as soon as they married (but then proceeded to have 2 children anyway ). Blah balh blah...he then went into the looong speech about how she really had a tough childhood and that's why she is so cold.. I mean don't these men realize that talking about details of their wife's childhood is the most boring topic they can possibly pick?

 

Anyhow, I wrapped it up in under 2 hours, made my excuses and had to endure him walking me home. Luckily he only shook hands and didn't press further. As soon as I got home, he texted that he had a great time and wants to see me again over the weekend.

 

I didn't reply...

 

Personally, I think you should respond and let him down gently.

It's the right thing to do.

[S2B]

Like a typical married creep He didn’t want to tell you about the divorce because there isn’t one. He’s just a little bored with wifey (who I’ll bet money is still banging regularly regardless of his words).

 

I had very similar experience recently, and after doing very extensive search (like hours of searches) I called BS on him. He almost tricked me into an affair, brrrr.

 

I've had the same thing on so many ocassions!

 

That's why I say check the public records to see when it was filed and IF the divorce is final!

 

 

MM lie all the time! Especially ones that travel!

[fredflint]

I started chatting to a guy before I disabled the OLD app (before Christmas). He is in early 40s, cute, educated, seems classy and owns a software dev company. He told me that he has been married for 9 years but when I asked him how long ago was that, he said "I would rather talk about it over a drink". So we set a date.

 

He has an unusual name so I snooped on FB and found him easily. He has no pictures of his wife or ex wife but I easily figured out who she is based on some comments. Her profile contains a lot of family pictures, last one dated October 2017 and she still has his last name on FB. So he is either married and cheating or they split up recently. What's wrong with these people? I am very clear that I don't want hook ups in my profile and conversation.

 

I am not sure if I should just cancel & block. This was supposed to be my last OLD date for a very long time.

 

Your first mistake it to assume guys read profiles. I suspect many do not. The reason is that the dynamic is very different. It is inefficient for men to read profiles, generally.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I also believe you should respond to him in a kind way.

 

I wasn't for going to meet him simply because he couldn't tell you straight up he was divorced over the phone. But, now that you have done it, seems to me you should follow through with responding to his outreach to you.

Edited January 13, 2018 by LivingWaterPlease

[No_Go]

I've had the same thing on so many ocassions!

 

That's why I say check the public records to see when it was filed and IF the divorce is final!

 

 

MM lie all the time! Especially ones that travel!

 

That’s terrible! How can one ‘forget’ he has wife??

 

How do you check public records online btw? I can’t find anything digital for my city?

[greymatter]

I don't think you owe him any explanation, and I'm confused why you allowed him to walk you home and let him see where you live.

[S2B]

That’s terrible! How can one ‘forget’ he has wife??

 

How do you check public records online btw? I can’t find anything digital for my city?

 

I never said any man "forgot" he had a wife. I stated that married men lie all the time to go on dates as a single man.

 

Public records = check your local or county superior court. Do a search. If you were a good listener or observant enough you should be capable of hearing enough personal info on a guy to know how to search his info.

 

If needed pay a fee for a background check. It's totally worth it! This one really good looking guy I met and went out with - I did a background check on him - he had almost 50 files with the courts - drug problems, burglary, car stealing and physical abuse.

 

You see, they can be extremely attractive and still be criminals.