How can this even be possible, I need some serious answers

[andrewimecs]

You need absolute no contact, not space. By the tone of your postings, you sound emotionally fragile and completely void of boundaries. Any type of contact is going to send you slowly down a rabbit hole.

 

And stop placing her on a pedestal.

 

There's going to come a time when you look back on this and realize that she wasn't that great. But that only comes when you believe you have better standards and values.

 

Ya no contact is a good idea, how long would I need to do no contact for? Should I make that decision? Also I am not sure if you know anything about snap chat but if she sends me a snap should I look at it even if it is on her story or should I really do nothing at all.

[Zahara]

Ya no contact is a good idea, how long would I need to do no contact for? Should I make that decision? Also I am not sure if you know anything about snap chat but if she sends me a snap should I look at it even if it is on her story or should I really do nothing at all.

 

Indefinitely. You go no contact until you find indifference. Until you've moved on from her.

 

No contact is a tool to help you heal. If you want to heal and move on, then you implement a block on every access you have to her/she to you. If you want to sit on the sidelines and be manipulated and dragged through hurt, then stay accessible.

 

You're not getting it. She is not interested in you. You are an emotional and mental crutch to her. At the end of the day, she is choosing her ex. You can project your feelings on her and the value of what you believe you have in her and your relationship with her, unfortunately she does not feel the same way.

[andrewimecs]

Indefinitely. You go no contact until you find indifference. Until you've moved on from her.

 

No contact is a tool to help you heal. If you want to heal and move on, then you implement a block on every access you have to her/she to you. If you want to sit on the sidelines and be manipulated and dragged through hurt, then stay accessible.

 

You're not getting it. She is not interested in you. You are an emotional and mental crutch to her. At the end of the day, she is choosing her ex. You can project your feelings on her and the value of what you believe you have in her and your relationship with her, unfortunately she does not feel the same way.

 

I totally understand that and I know no contact will help myself heal from wanting that relationship with her. But I also want to do no contact to help realize that a relationship with her is not good. I want it as a tool to strengthen and heal of course but one thing i will say is that there is no possible way for myself to not be friends with her because of what I been through with her before the relationship. This is the only difference. No one will understand what we were before this relationship. We were everything to each other best of friends not a person in site could separate us and I still want that. I still want her friendship and if I can have that and go back to normal I would be extremely happy. She wants it to go back to normal and so do I.

[Zahara]

I totally understand that and I know no contact will help myself heal from wanting that relationship with her. But I also want to do no contact to help realize that a relationship with her is not good. I want it as a tool to strengthen and heal of course but one thing i will say is that there is no possible way for myself to not be friends with her because of what I been through with her before the relationship. This is the only difference. No one will understand what we were before this relationship. We were everything to each other best of friends not a person in site could separate us and I still want that. I still want her friendship and if I can have that and go back to normal I would be extremely happy. She wants it to go back to normal and so do I.

 

You were friends with her mid May to November. That's a 6 month friendship. Don't magnify what you had with her at the expense of your self-worth. I believe that you are likely idealizing what you had with her because that justifies your need to hold on. No "friendship" is worth losing yourself.

 

The moment you chose to cross the lines of friendship, the dynamic changed. You can't go back. You can't have what you had. She could because she has little emotional investment in you. Her heart is with her ex.

 

You accept that reverting to what you were is impossible because there are emotions involved. If you want a friendship back, you have to go absolute no contact and stay there till you find your indifference. And I bet when you get there, she's not going to be as shiny as you make her out to be.

[Zahara]

I suggest you go back and read all your other threads. At some point you need to find acceptance and move on. Most importantly, you need to work on your self-esteem.

[andrewimecs]

I suggest you go back and read all your other threads. At some point you need to find acceptance and move on. Most importantly, you need to work on your self-esteem.

 

how do I find this acceptance?

[Zahara]

how do I find this acceptance?

 

You start by blocking her and going strict NC. You can't get there if you keep seeking and holding on to what hurts you.

[Bromeo]

She's is one of those dramatic gal that likes to go out with losers and arse and then complain about how her life is bad.. how she never meets anyone nice and then sit there soaking up all the sympathy and 'you are so pretty and fantastic and any guy will be lucky to have.

 

This concisely summarizes my 100+ post thread, and ops situation.

 

Usually the above happens on social media, where the aforementioned victim can absorb fake attention from fake, thirsty men.

 

Op, I’ve been in your spot, where I acted needy, desperate, and clingy. Good news is at 39, it only took once for me. Never, ever again.

 

You do not NEED her in your life, as a friend, gf or orherwise. This is the result of breakup, emotions, and chemicals, which unfortunately you must master before they master you.

 

Read my thread, I acted like a complete tool from the hot/cold games I was getting. A year of stone cold nc later and I’m still not totally healed up. Don’t be me.

 

Start by cutting this woman out of your life. Any woman who “isn’t sure”, “confused”, or “needs time” is simply stalling and game playing. Would you prefer her to drop the emotional guillotine dropped on you? Take it from me, it sucks rather badly.

 

Self esteem comes from within. Start by picking some activities you enjoy, become proficient in them, return to school, improve at work, etc.

 

Most of all, learn to be happy with yourself, and by yourself.

 

And good grief, don’t cuddle with her. Cuddling is a privilege reserved for the girlfriend/wife. She basically took your attention and support knowing she offerred nothing in return.

Edited January 3, 2018 by Bromeo

[dumbass2]

Once the romance enters into it, there's no going right back to friends. You still have those feelings for her. You need to move on from her and find a girl that can be your best friend and lover. I don't think you and this girl can just be friends any time soon. You are putting way too much into this friendship you say you have with her. Not denying how you feel but you really need time away from her so you can look at this from a more logical view. You'll really need to take a hard look at yourself and how you've acted with this one. What you are doing and what you are allowing doesn't make for a solid long term relationship.

[IReallyLovePuppies]

how do I find this acceptance?

 

Do you mind if I ask how your relationship with your Mom is?

 

As for staying friends, as a lot of posters have written.. Terrible idea cause you are still mentally weak. Will take one cuddle and one phone call of sweet nothing for her to easily see with your head..

 

Pretend the situation you are in is happening to a good friend of yours, what will you advise him/her to do?

[Marc878]

It was amazing!!!!!!

 

Not for her.

 

Just a rebound but you just don't want to believe it.

[clam]

You’re in love with her (or darn near it) but she has friend zoned you because there is no sexual chemistry. When she says you’re “too affectionate” what she really means is she’s pretty much recoiling at your touch. Sorry, harsh but true. I guarantee she doesn’t think Bad-boy Boyfriend is “too affectionate.”

 

There is NOTHING you can do to create chemistry. It’s either there or it’s not. Don’t be a beta male orbiter in her drama-world.

 

Just move on...

[nightingale77]

Gosh, you sounded really torn. It does seems to me that that girl is not ready to commit in any ways.True that you guys enjoy each other’s company but I’m not sure how it benefit your state of mind when she is with you. It seems to me your emotions is also like roller coaster each time you are with her or after you left her. Maybe good to think about some time out between you two so that you can clear your mind. Sometimes when you see her too often, it might cloud your rationale and perspective. Hope this helps! Be well and take care. God bless!

[d0nnivain]

Gee I guess my crystal ball was working: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/647190-i-don-t-understand-anymore-what-love-friendship

 

You have been friendzoned & you were warned it was gonna happen. You keep saying you are OK with just being her friend but it doesn't sound like it.

 

Put some space in here -- at least until after Valentines' Day. The gradually hang with her again if you are really sure you can be in per presence & not want more. Stop the cuddling. Protect yourself.