Author AmandaK Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thanks for all the replies. I must say that after reading these latest replies that I don't think I was drugged anymore. I didn't experience any of the symptoms asked about and if I was drugged I didn't experience any nausea despite the alcohol. That's both good and bad, it's nice to know I wasn't drugged, but I'm ashamed that what happened was all my bad choices. I have nothing to blame but myself now. I think I need to clarify our relationship with this other couple too to help peoples understanding. We are close, very close, we would flirt which each other, with an understanding that it would never go further. Onlookers have commented a few times that they thought we acted inappropriately with each other, but we were always comfortable with it. My best friend and I also dated in our late teens for a few years but there has been nothing at all between us since. I'm not saying all this as an excuse for anyone, but more as an understanding exercise as to why no-one stopped me when I was hugging my best friend and sitting on her lap and propositioning them for sex, in a weird sort of way, it was normal. It would have seemed like a drunk woman making stupid comments with no intention of any of it being even remotely true. The question still remains however, as to why when I kissed her she didn't say no and why when I told her we should show the boys a good time tonight that she said yes. My husband also need to explain to me why he would have sex with someone else and why he would allow me to. I mean sure we've discussed this as pillow talk but he should have known me well enough to know that it was never going any further than that. After 15 years together I would have hoped he knew the difference between a fantasy and something I wanted to actually act upon. I have reached out to them to get us all together this weekend so we can discuss this openly and frankly, without judgement, so it can be sorted. My husband is right behind me on this and I see no issue with my best friend and her hubby coming. So one way or another I should have some answers soon. To be honest though, just feeling as though I was not drugged is a huge weight lifted. I believe the rest can be worked through and then I just suffer the lifetime of eternal embarrassment for being the instigator of this. Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 If you are basing your newfound sense of relief solely upon your symptoms (or lack thereof), it's misplaced. Not everyone reacts the same way to mind and mood-altering drugs. For all you know it wasn't even a prescription-strength anything. It could have been some shady aphrodisiac from a sex shop containing God knows what. In my personal experience with a common date rape drug, I passed out almost instantly and had no symptoms beyond being very, very disoriented for a few hours the next morning. You already have indisputable evidence that something very wrong happened here: namely, how everyone reacted to your behavior. Let's assume for a second that you really were just drunk and acting out. Shouldn't your friends and husband reassured you they understood it was too much booze, promised bygones would be bygones and they could all pretend it never happened? That's what I would want, whether it was kissing someone or starting a fight. But not only did everyone involved laugh off your behavior, they outright encouraged it and said it would be fine if it happened again (?!?!). Try to imagine that response had you done literally anything else. It's nonsensical. You were the instigator, yet you were the only one who is uncomfortable. You are the only person who is adamantly against this and would never have dreamed of such a thing, yet somehow you started it. And everyone else thinks it's fine, so much so that they welcome you doing it again. We can't know for sure what happened to you, but I am highly skeptical a few drinks just magically motivated you into a swinging situation you never asked for. Don't doubt yourself. Don't question your instincts. And for God's sake, communicate all this to a close friend or relative. You need someone in your corner. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I don't understand why they are all to blame and you aren't when you were all drunk. And especially the fact that no one thought this seemed out of character for you, and the fact you've flirted with the idea before, makes it seem like it's been on your mind before this. I can't tell from your post how far this went, was this just kissing, or was there actual swinging sex involved after? But regardless you shouldn't drink that much if you can't control yourself and you shouldn't flirt with the idea of swinging with them if it bothers you this much. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 What Gun said plus what part is out of character for you...the girl on girl or the sex with the other partner? It doesn't sound as if the others were that taken aback by this.... Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I don't understand why they are all to blame and you aren't when you were all drunk. And especially the fact that no one thought this seemed out of character for you, and the fact you've flirted with the idea before, makes it seem like it's been on your mind before this. I can't tell from your post how far this went, was this just kissing, or was there actual swinging sex involved after? But regardless you shouldn't drink that much if you can't control yourself and you shouldn't flirt with the idea of swinging with them if it bothers you this much. I don't think she's blaming them and not herself at all. The big issue now is why none of them feel regretful like she does. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I don't think she's blaming them and not herself at all. The big issue now is why none of them feel regretful like she does. Why should they feel regretful? It sounds like the 4 of them have been flirting about this for years. 3 of them were obviously more serious than the 4th (yet the 4th was the one who actually instigated it). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Why should they feel regretful? It sounds like the 4 of them have been flirting about this for years. 3 of them were obviously more serious than the 4th (yet the 4th was the one who actually instigated it). Well, I'm making the assumption that she was not the only drunk one, yet the other three are fine with their drunken choices. Flirting is one thing.....having an orgy is another. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I think I need to clarify our relationship with this other couple too to help peoples understanding. We are close, very close, we would flirt which each other, with an understanding that it would never go further. Onlookers have commented a few times that they thought we acted inappropriately with each other, but we were always comfortable with it. My best friend and I also dated in our late teens for a few years but there has been nothing at all between us since. I'm not saying all this as an excuse for anyone, but more as an understanding exercise as to why no-one stopped me when I was hugging my best friend and sitting on her lap and propositioning them for sex, in a weird sort of way, it was normal. It would have seemed like a drunk woman making stupid comments with no intention of any of it being even remotely true. The question still remains however, as to why when I kissed her she didn't say no and why when I told her we should show the boys a good time tonight that she said yes. My husband also need to explain to me why he would have sex with someone else and why he would allow me to. If you've pushed boundaries before where onlookers thought it was inappropriate and you dated your BFF before, then why would any of them stop you from "showing the boys a good time"? How were they suppose to know you were just teasing them? You can't really expect us to know what goes on inside their heads anymore than you can and you don't seem to be able to even figure your own self out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmandaK Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 I think we'll get through this ok. We had a long talk about this over the weekend. It seems there was a lot of bravado going on with people suppressing their feelings trying to act all cool. Once we all opened up it seems there is a lot of regret all round. The biggest issue is with my husband who, despite his efforts to look at it as a positive, has been let down by me. Also best friend is angry with me, once she opened up she was very upset that I had been with her husband. Although we didn't go into detail I think her and her husband are a bit shaky at the moment and I think it's because he's the one that is the most ok with this and open to doing it again. I definitely don't feel like I was drugged anymore, well at least not by any of them anyway. I think it will take a fair bit of time but everyone wants to put this behind us. I think a lot of the things that were said, about enjoying it, about doing it again, really overcomplicated an already messed up situation, and for the most part they weren't even true. I will have to live with this shame, it's my burden to bare. I just hope my bestie and her hubby can sort things out otherwise I'll have to live with the knowledge that I played a big part in ending their marriage. I'll guarantee you one thing, this will never be repeated, many lessons have been learned. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 I think we'll get through this ok. We had a long talk about this over the weekend. It seems there was a lot of bravado going on with people suppressing their feelings trying to act all cool. Once we all opened up it seems there is a lot of regret all round. The biggest issue is with my husband who, despite his efforts to look at it as a positive, has been let down by me. Also best friend is angry with me, once she opened up she was very upset that I had been with her husband. Although we didn't go into detail I think her and her husband are a bit shaky at the moment and I think it's because he's the one that is the most ok with this and open to doing it again. I definitely don't feel like I was drugged anymore, well at least not by any of them anyway. I think it will take a fair bit of time but everyone wants to put this behind us. I think a lot of the things that were said, about enjoying it, about doing it again, really overcomplicated an already messed up situation, and for the most part they weren't even true. I will have to live with this shame, it's my burden to bare. I just hope my bestie and her hubby can sort things out otherwise I'll have to live with the knowledge that I played a big part in ending their marriage. I'll guarantee you one thing, this will never be repeated, many lessons have been learned. I think you're right, and I applaud you for taking ownership. I hope you all can overcome this <3. Thanks for the update. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts