Stepmother issues

[Healing1979]

She has taken control pf his emails before but this one is from him. He loves to call me names. Last time it was ‘you’re the biggest c@&t in the world’.

 

I left him. He had alcohol issues. Nothing major but it was too much for me. When our last baby was born I had a really rough labour. The day I came home he went out to ‘wet the babies head’ and was hung over In bed for 2 whole days. We also had 2 other small children to look after. After that I wanted change and I wanted him to apologise. But he never would.

 

Fast forward a year later, I was working 2 jobs, running everything in our household and studying my post grad. He was working with my parents and I had my mum in my ear telling me that he wasn’t doing well, he was lazy.

 

I just left. I guess I’m a runner. We tried to get back together but we never could make it work. I met someone else and he was furious. Then he met someone else but was still furious at me. Still is.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

She has taken control pf his emails before but this one is from him. He loves to call me names. Last time it was ‘you’re the biggest c@&t in the world’.

 

I left him. He had alcohol issues. Nothing major but it was too much for me. When our last baby was born I had a really rough labour. The day I came home he went out to ‘wet the babies head’ and was hung over In bed for 2 whole days. We also had 2 other small children to look after. After that I wanted change and I wanted him to apologise. But he never would.

 

Fast forward a year later, I was working 2 jobs, running everything in our household and studying my post grad. He was working with my parents and I had my mum in my ear telling me that he wasn’t doing well, he was lazy.

 

I just left. I guess I’m a runner. We tried to get back together but we never could make it work. I met someone else and he was furious. Then he met someone else but was still furious at me. Still is.

 

Sounds familiar!

 

You're too hard on yourself (second guessing) and too nice. He's a jerk. You are not. Your kids WILL see this!!! Especially if he's still drinking.

[Healing1979]

Thank you so much. It has been so helpful to have another perspective. I won’t respond. I have been a mess today which is why I don’t usually cause friction. This whole thing has been in retaliation for me speaking up about the fact that she had set herself up as ‘mum’ in the new phone. It’s hard to deal with it on your own. Friends don’t really want to hear about it after 6 years. It’s a burden. It just churns like a panic attack inside until it passes. Thank you again so much for helping it pass quicker xo

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you so much. It has been so helpful to have another perspective. I won’t respond. I have been a mess today which is why I don’t usually cause friction. This whole thing has been in retaliation for me speaking up about the fact that she had set herself up as ‘mum’ in the new phone. It’s hard to deal with it on your own. Friends don’t really want to hear about it after 6 years. It’s a burden. It just churns like a panic attack inside until it passes. Thank you again so much for helping it pass quicker xo

 

For the record, I'd be super pissed about that, too. She needs to know her place. Well, I'm sure she is smart enough to know it....she needs to be kind enough to stay in it. My kids have never called their stepmother by anything other than her first name.

 

Sorry this is happening . You can definitely rise above it.

[sandylee1]

I suggest you block her on email. Don't ever respond to anything from her again.

 

You may be able to get free support from some women's abuse support groups in your area.

 

He's still angry that you left him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I suggest you block her on email. Don't ever respond to anything from her again.

 

You may be able to get free support from some women's abuse support groups in your area.

 

He's still angry that you left him.

 

And the new wife is angry that he's angry about that.

[stillafool]

I agree with Sandy stop responding to anything the wife says. Also is there anyone else who can step in to hand off your boys to them when it is his visitation time so you never have to deal with them again? Stop crying and start getting angry. You have to find your own strength. Save his abusive emails.

[PegNosePete]

This whole thing has been in retaliation for me speaking up about the fact that she had set herself up as ‘mum’ in the new phone.

Yeah I'd be annoyed about that too and my first reaction would have been to change her entry in the phone to her name, and put yourself as mum. But that would be kind of passive-aggressive. Better solution is to put yourself as "real mum" or "bio mum" or something. Speaking up about it, as you've found out, caused more trouble than it's worth because these 2 are clearly not quite right in the head. I would be 100% sure that they wrote that last email together.

 

Save it, and don't reply. Just don't talk about anything from now on, except directly regarding the kids and visitation.

 

Why do you mention not being able to afford a lawyer? What legal remedy would you seek? You have well established visitation and exchanges, right? If that's working, then you don't need to have a friendship or any other -ship. Just stick to your side of the fence, and don't worry about what he does on his side.

[jjgitties]

OP, so here is the deal.

 

From what I am reading, it sounds like you are the more submissive/passive personality and he and his wife are the more assertive personalities. This relationship between the three of you has already been established and that power arrangement has been accepted as the "norm" of what your interactions and how your relationship is setup. Anything you try to do will be put down, ridiculed, ignored, dismissed by them[1]. The way this relationship has been established will continue and they will always feel free to do whatever they want to do, call you whatever they want to, do/cancel with your kids whatever and whenever they want to whatever they want.

 

You can't get out of this relationship you have allowed to establish on your own by sending texts and emails. I also don't think you can get out of it on your own! You will need assistance and help if you really want things to change and you want to take more assertive control of how your children's lives will be led. You will most probably need to get into debt and need to hire a professional lawyer to get this sorted out if you want things to change.

 

You will have to become the bad mean bitch ex-wife. You have to accept that that's how life rolls and I guess he has to accept that it sucks to be him.

 

[1] btw -- do not ever let anyone get away with calling you defamatory names or allow anyone to be sending you or talking down to you or passing judgement on your past. take your kids and burn every single bridge that needs to be burnt to a crisp if you have to.

[sandylee1]

I'm not sure where you are...but there's a UK based website called mumsnet. They have various forums.... one of the many is Relationships.

 

The traffic is quite heavy and there are many step parents...blended families etc.

 

To get more advice post there and you'll get more responses. Many of the women have dealt with crazy stepmums...give it a shot.

[BrokeInside]

I did read your full post but not have times tonight to read all the others one.

 

After reading your post, the step mum seem's to be an crazy evil bitch .

 

I don't know how to say it otherwise because she is crazy. You can't say something like " i wish i made birth" of children who aren't yours or the "kids is unhappy" when they are with you.

 

She seems manipulative and your ex husband is not helping too, he should have setup some boundaries.

 

It's like she tries to erase you from the picture like a psycho.

 

If my ex wife marry again and the step father make thing like that, i don't know what i could do, but it will not end well.

 

You are in trouble, be careful, she is a psycho and you are surely a very passive woman because many people would already fire her crazy ass back and define some real boundary.