Does it ever work out?

[J1234]

What's so great about this dude that he deserves to be in your fantasy 1%? Other than the fact that you are banging him on the side, what else is there that's that amazing about him? The real test is to see what happens when he finds out what you are thinking and how he will react to the possibility of you bringing your kids into the picture with you.

I know this sounds narcissistic, and frankly we both are to some degree (me and ap), but we are both solid 10's, outside of being unfaithful. He is quite successful (not golddigging as I'm fine that way but a driven man is hot to me), great looking, and all the other qualities I find attractive in a partner. I used to model professionally, and still could, so there are no imbalance there. I'm sure there are a number of qualities that may make us incompatible in the future, I'm not naive in that way. My brother, who knows about us though does say I'm the type to get anyone and am settling, to divorce and find someone who isn't a cheater. That's something I am weighing heavily, but it's hard as I am not in any moral place to say that.

 

He knows my feelings, and they are mutual, from what he says. they are starting divorce talk already, or he could be lying for all I know.

[J1234]

He was on his phone playing games the entire procedure while I cried. Yes, I told him and no, nothing changed.

[Dreamwalker17]

I can't comprehend how two stellar 10's would ever end up on a hook up site, sorry.

10's are people who they make solid and weighted decisions which are reflected in the overall quality of their life. Not because they are models or make incredible living - that's not being 10, that's being lucky.

 

Sleeping with some stranger and contemplating "if it will work out" after merely three months of secret relationship based of deception and betrayal is not it. He may be sleeping with other 10 women, for being rich and handsome, and if he really is in sexless marriage, obviously, for his wife he is not 10, but negative 27. So you really need to get realistic here.

 

Good luck with your decisions and best wishes for 2018.

[S2B]

He was on his phone playing games the entire procedure while I cried. Yes, I told him and no, nothing changed.

 

And is your H willing to go to counseling with you? If he's not he may become willing when he finds out you want to leave him.

[DKT3]

I can't comprehend how two stellar 10's would ever end up on a hook up site, sorry.

10's are people who they make solid and weighted decisions which are reflected in the overall quality of their life. Not because they are models or make incredible living - that's not being 10, that's being lucky.

 

Sleeping with some stranger and contemplating "if it will work out" after merely three months of secret relationship based of deception and betrayal is not it. He may be sleeping with other 10 women, for being rich and handsome, and if he really is in sexless marriage, obviously, for his wife he is not 10, but negative 27. So you really need to get realistic here.

 

Good luck with your decisions and best wishes for 2018.

 

Pretty typical talk, many "unfaithful" see themselves as superior to their spouses and think finding a superior partner will answer all the unhappiness. The truth is, unhappiness comes from within and you can change partners 100 times and happiness will still be hard to come by.

 

No matter what anyone says, bottom line is healthy emotionally balanced people don't have affairs no matter how bad the marriage is or their spouses are. Healthy finds a way to fix it or get out, not complain pass blame and look for quick easy solutions.

Edited January 1, 2018 by DKT3

[Darren Steez]

 

I also wanted to clear up the level of care my kids require. It's not 24/7 in a wheelchair type of care (which one shouldn't assume they are cognitively impaired to nonfunctionality either- be careful with those assumptions). They are teens and I fully hope they will live independently, at least at some level as adults. .

 

I didn't read anyone make assumptions. Only made assessments on the evidence provided by you.

 

I'd assume as the kids were growing up you and your husband both looked after them, in sickness and in health (although it seems you're making out he does little, which I'm sure is some sort of justification on your part for the affair).

 

None the less you meet a man on an affair site and you want to live happily ever after. If both of you truly had the courage of your convictions surely you wouldn't be sneaking around under the cover of deception. You assume that his wife really isn't' giving him sex, also that a man who uses sex websites practices safe sex.

 

Mainly you're leveraging that two inauthentic people once the dust has settled and the wreckage from the affair has been cleared, both parties divorced and moving forward can live happily ever after. Can it happen? Sure.

 

But what steps are you taking to make sure you're treating this with the seriousness it deserves. After all you want to run off with the first person you had sex with, again even if your husband did little he still contributed to the family.

 

Be authentic. Not just to yourself, but to the man who's life you're about to wreck in search of your happiness.

[jjgitties]

but we are both solid 10's

 

LOL!!! Comedy gold girl!!

[Dreamwalker17]

Can't speak for a girl but a man in mid 50s, putting up with sexless marriage and looking to get laid on a hook up site is like 3.5 the most.

[J1234]

I didn't come here to be bashed. If I thought I would just be attacked, I would have never posted in the first place. I was hoping to learn something new but it's clear to me there are a lot of bitter people here. I'm out.✌?

[Bittersweetie]

I met my AP on a affair web site. I thought we were soul mates. I was wrong and moving forward with the A was one of the most devastating things I've ever done.

 

You sound unhappy. I used to think if I changed one thing that then i would become happy. It took until after a d-day and after my choices causing devastation to my H and myself to realize that the only person who is responsible for my happiness is me. I worked on myself and I am now so much more happy than I ever was in the A or before. I am very blessed.

 

I think PP have had some valid points. Look past the "bitterness" and listen to what is being said. My A is the worst choice I ever made. Now you can't go back and change that decision. But you can choose what kind of person you will be moving forward in 2018. Do you want to be someone who cheats and lies? Or do you want to live honestly and authentically? It is your choice. Good luck and happy new year.

[DKT3]

I didn't come here to be bashed. If I thought I would just be attacked, I would have never posted in the first place. I was hoping to learn something new but it's clear to me there are a lot of bitter people here. I'm out.✌?

 

When people come here in the midst of an affair they truly believe and feel justified in the decision, they believe that everyone will see things as they do. But the truth is, the thought process is flawed and many here, having been there on one or multiple sides of the affair triangle. The saying "trying to con a con man" comes to mind.

 

Hearing things that you don't want to hear doesn't make it harsh or a case of bashing. As is the case of many WW that come here, in time you will come to realize this.

 

Instead of running away, stick around and read some of their journeys and they recorded them here.

[georgia girl]

JL,

 

I am not going to bash you. You are human and it sounds like both unhappy and lonely, so you took action. In hindsight, I think you will one day discover that the action you took wasn’t actually the best - particularly for you. I think you got caught up in the excitement and drama of the affair. It’s risque, sexy, and thrilling. But you were a desperately lonely woman. I am not sure if even you could determine whether or not it was the sexy thrill or the cure for loneliness that lured you.

 

The hard part is now you are here... on another cheating website asking strangers who are de facto experts (because in one way or another they have lived it) if it will work out. Obviously, if you had to ask, the chances were very slim. My personal opinion is that there is genuinely no real chance and I am not pulling my punches here deliberately. Sometimes, you do need to be cruel to be kind and I don’t want to see you waste any more of your time or your heart on a bad situation.

 

Think logically for a few minutes. You met on a cheating website. As others have posted, MM tend to seek MW on those sites for different reasons than you sought out him. He was likely looking for someone who had as much to lose as he did so he could count on your discretion. Plus, men are motivated differently. You were

Looking for love; I suspect he was looking for sex (whether or not he admits it). And now, just a few months in, you are ready to let go of your old life and grasp this potentially new one with both hands. You have to see that your dissatisfaction with your marriage is likely different than his and you are ready for things he isn’t.

 

But can your life work out better for you? Yes, I believe that can. It starts with cutting ties with MM and also getting into counseling. Then, decide if you want to separate. From there, the world - and all of the potential love in it - open back up to you.

 

Good luck.

[CloudyHead]

I had an affair with a MM. I really thought we would be that 1% (I mean, our relationship is different than everyone else that had an affair or posted on LS). MM told me that he wanted to leave his W.

 

My marriage ended. I felt that if I was having an affair, then why was I married? Eight months after my marriage ended, MM left his wife.

 

I realized that the affair created a "bubble" for us. I never really knew him because of the affair. At the time the affair started, I was in my early 40's. MM was 15 years older than me. We were both self employed and the major breadwinners in our respective marriages.

 

We were in a relationship for about 5 years (after he left his wife). I was in the 1%! But, as I stated, I did not know him well. I thought he was perfect. Initially, he treated me very well. Eventually, he cheated on me (several times). He went into counseling and I met with his counselor. Nothing worked. He kept lying and cheating.

 

He eventually left me for another woman (who was married and closer to his age).

 

It has been over two years since that relationship ended. Hindsight is 20/20 and, in looking back, I wish I had never met him. I really lost my sense of self and my self-esteem took a huge beating. Having that relationship in my life caused me more harm than good.

 

In my opinion, you need to focus on yourself to found out why you are seeking fulfillment from MM. You do know that, at the end of the day, MM cannot make you happy - only you can do that for yourself.

[misspalmy]

Not in my case. but ex MM and his wife did. she was the OW to his 1st wife. which i think is funny how she calls me names when she did the same, only think is shes still got the cheater