Friend vs Emotional Affair

[road]

Geez..how about putting forth an effort to make a friend out of your husband. You would kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

 

The above is so true. And remember it is easier to FIX a broken marriage

then a marriage broken by an affair.

 

Oh, by the way your OM is playing you like a Stradivarius fiddle.

He worked you to get close. But it did not get him into bed with you.

So he pulls out the old "pull back" trick to get you to miss him

enough that you will have sex with him.

 

In all the years that I have worked I have never seen married people

give opposite sex co-workers gifts. Inappropriate and in bad taste.

Edited February 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[justanotheroneofyou]

Meh. One of my best friends is a male. Big deal. We have zero interest in one another, live far apart, and when we see each other, there's no worries about attraction, what have you.

 

That said, I tell him just about everything, things I'd tell a best girlfriend any day. I have my personal space and my husband does not need to know every little thing about me and how I feel.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Just, is this friendship with this male Best Friend purely platonic or are there undertones of emotional yearning in the friendship? In your own thread you have mentioned walking around on eggshells in the presence of your husband which leads one to believe that your marriage is not in the healthiest of states. If, in this situation, you are communing with a member of the opposite sex and spilling all your secrets as you would to a woman friend, then I only hope you are not disrespecting your marriage and your husband by discussing matters which your husband would be loath to have aired outside the bounds of marital confidentiality. It is so easy to cross boundaries when one is in an emotionally stressed state.

 

This kind of discussion has taken place on this forum before. The consensus has been that opposite sex friends are fine as long as there is complete transparency about the friendship and if the primary relationship is on a strong wicket. If communication between husband and wife is good and open then sure go ahead and have your friends, male or female. If, on the other hand the primary relationship is wonky in the smallest measure, then opposite sex friends are anathema. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes.

[merrmeade]

Post #1

...have become extremely close over the past few months. We talk almost daily and text often.

.... our talks vary between intense laughter and some deep emotional conversations.

...He often tells me he feels he is able to talk to me more openly and freely than anyone else. He admits he may say too much at times, but he just feels so comfortable with me.

... I'm starting to really open up and let this guy friend in.

... our spouses know we are friends, although doubt either know the true extent of how much or what we discuss. Our chats are about anything and EVERYTHING.

...we both often make a point of saying how much our friendship means to each other.

,...What are the warning signs to look out for to ensure we do not cross any boundries? I don't want to lose the first friend I've been able to make in a long time, but I also don't want either of us to experience any heartache by sliding into inappropriate territory under the guise of friendship..

 

Last post:

...my husband and I do not have a strong relationship

... there is no love there on the romantic side. I suppose we love each other as family members, but neither of us have ever felt a romantic spark and I do not ever expect that to change.

...the co-worker ... sent me a nice gift, which I'm not sure I responded properly to.

... I do miss his friendship.

...He will still tell me things like talking to me brightens his day.

...How there are no boundaries in our friendship.

...How he will miss me when I'm on vacation next week.

...How overwhelmed he is with work and family.

... How much he would like me to come visit.

...I miss his friendship tremendously.

 

Ummm, am I right that little has changed since OP's first post in her outlook and attitude? I'm wondering if there was ever really a question? I think she wanted help how to take it to the next level actually. All the rationalizations are in place. No qualms about the marriage. So what's stopping you, db?

 

Maybe this is more what you were hoping to hear:

dovebrandy, why don't you just take that invitation of his to "come visit" and run with it? You might never know love and caring from anyone like this ever again. How can you risk losing it??

 

What have you got to lose? You can come up with something to tell hubby; that won't be hard. As you said, there's no love lost, no marriage,

so

how could you be doing anything wrong?

Does that make it any easier for you? Is that what you were waiting for?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I doubt very much that the OP is going to return. It is so obvious that this so called friendship with this male friend of hers was bordering on an EA if it was not actually an EA. What I do not understand is why the OP has condemned herself to a loveless marriage rather than separating from her husband amicably and finding someone who she can truly love and who will reciprocate her love. What a terrible way to decide to live. I do hope she is able to free herself from this loveless marriage and walk away to find true love for herself before she gets caught in a web of lies and deceit and ends up cheating on her husband. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes.

Edited February 18, 2018 by Just a Guy

[merrmeade]

Hi Folks, I doubt very much that the OP is going to return. It is so obvious that this so called friendship with this male friend of hers was bordering on an EA if it was not actually an EA. What I do not understand is why the OP has condemned herself to a loveless marriage rather than separating from her husband amicably and finding someone who she can truly love and who will reciprocate her love. What a terrible way to decide to live. I do hope she is able to free herself from this loveless marriage and walk away to find true love for herself before she gets caught in a web of lies and deceit and ends up cheating on her husband. Just some thoughts. Warm wishes.

Very nice, JaG. I was hoping somebody would come back and spell it out.