MM LEFT wife

[newbby]

wow whatafool,

this sounds great, sorry lynnered, i hope you dont think i am hijacking, but i am really interested in this stuff. perhaps you wouldnt mind pm'ing me the name of your practitioner.

lynnered thankyou also. i am not going through anything as bad as you right now but am still suffering a bit.

you sound really strong. keep going, do all and everything you can. sometimes these things just happen to show us that we need healing.

[lynnered]

whatafool,

wow i am into that type of stuff can u PM me as well as finding a practioner?

no newby u are not hijacking:love: ,you have been very helpful

im catholic ,but not practiceing ,my therapist suggested church but im not really into that,

i was going to scholl for massage therapy so i did see energy work&chakras so the ching sounds like it may help me !

moneys not good now but i would def so if asap

today is day 6 since i havent heard from him day by day it sinks in more ,last night i couldnt sleep just thinking about how i let my life get to this point ,

why did i put his happiness above mine?

i kept sticking around even though i was so miserable ,just wanted to be left alone by him,but he said he needed me in his life ,things were going to work out we would be so happy "one day",

time will help me usually after 30 days NC i start to feel better then he calls:mad:

thank u guys again this is going to be hard but your words & advice is helping me through:love:

[Barby]

GRRR!!:mad:Double post! Sorry!

[Barby]

Hi...now let me try this again!

 

 

I think that doing NC is good (if it works for you)....if after this time he attempts to contact you, avoid him at all costs.

 

I'm glad that you've realized how much more important your personal well being and happiness is. You have to put YOU above everyone else (except when you have kids)!!

 

Take care of you, if you don't....who will?!?!

 

 

Even though he is being very inconsiderate and piggish it doesn't seem that your MM is the typical stereo-typed lying MM, but since I don't know him of course I can't say for sure. He showed that he was in fact willing to attempt seperation from the "W" in order to pursue a relationship with you. That's more than most MM (so we've read frequently on this site) are willing to do.

 

However I think breaking away from him and the role of the "OW" is what's best......once he sees you won't settle for scraps anymore he'll either make it official with you or continue with his family life. If in fact he stays (or returns) home to the "W" that will allow you to move on with your's!

 

 

I'm sure the pain is intense and of course the "not knowing" and waiting to at least find something out is torture....though it's impossible to "get over" or forget, at least you know you have the strength to work through this and move on to a less drama filled life.

 

I'm pulling for ya!

[lynnered]

i thank U Barby:love:

no it doesnt look good i havent heard from him since 9/8,

seems like a long long far away time:(

last time i saw him he was still unsure said he loved me didnt miss W,but misses child alot,so Im just assuming he went back & cant face me,

he hasnt signed into IM at all & he was supposed to come back thursday&if he didnt come back def friday and nothing ,

i wouldnt be mad ,i guess im mad & hurt now but i thought & we agreed he would tell me to my face if he went back,

your right at least he made that attempt ,but i still dont 100% sure but im just trying to get me together now i miss him ,but i dont like the way he cant even sign into IM type me a few words or something & your right i have to just work on me & forget this i give up on him ,i mean he could be taking space but i really doubt it ,

im still in a daze but time should help ,

thank U for your kind thoughtful words:love:

[newbby]

lynnered, just want to say, you are being really strong and you sound like such a nice person, i think that once you get through this you can do so much with your life.

[lynnered]

newbby,

i thank U for all the support U have given me ,

i just have to figure out what i want now that its over with him & i see that ,

i love him still , i guess i should say miss but im sure time will help .

i think of him everyday ,i wont go & confront him ill avoid i dont want to see him now not even to say goodbye,

what purpose will that serve ?

ive thought of everything a hundred times ,i havent been crying about him except when i go to therapy,

and once in a brief while i think of me what am i going to do to be happy?

so hopefully real soon ,ill start thinking of me more & him less,

i have my own house which can use some work,but ive been lazy ,ill have to write down some projects to throw myself into ,not ready yet though.

i def want to go back to school again when i feel more focused ,

i know im not ready to date for a long time ,

and working out still dont feel up to it,

i sleep alot right now

it helps to talk about it here ,

thank U newbby

[newbby]

sleep is sometimes the best healing there is

[lynnered]

yes i guess it helps time pass quicker & if im sleeping im not thinking about him:D

[cherrie498]

Lynne I have followed your story, although havent been able to add/offer much advice because as you know (thanks for the advice you have given me!!!)

I am in much of the same situation.

I just want to know that you are doing ok & wondering how everything is today!

 

You really are a strong person, you added so much to me & helped me feel like someone really understood what I was going through. You unselfishly provided aid when you where in need yourself. Re-read through your advice given to me.

 

Thanks so much & Hope everything is getting better for YOU!!!!

[lynnered]

cherrie498,

well still no word from him,itll be 2 weeks tomorrow since ive seen or heard from him,he hasnt logged into IM at all

it still hurts i feel like its unfinished business i typed a email i was going to send him but havent,

at this point im 100% sure he went back but cant tell me ,thats what makes me mad& hurt ,i know its tough for him too he thought hed be finished with W & plus im sure his father is giving him he!!,so i guess im confused how i feel about him i miss him but i feel betrayed,not even so much he went back cause he was honest that was a possibility& i believe his reasons for child ,it hurts more that he couldnt tell me to my face but now i dont want to see him.

Day by Day it sinks in more & more ,

i know im depressed my dr gave me some medicine ,im usually against that stuff but i need to get through this ,

maybe thats why i havent been crying ,i sleep alot ,i think about stuff i would like to do but i have no motivation,i know itll come soon .

all i thought about today was him that its been 2 weeks,

since we started except for 1x he went 2 months hes never went more then 30 days w/o contact ,

im also scared that once i start feeling better (as before )he will get in touch & if he does no way,

maybe thats why he hasnt told me because i told him if he went back i was done for good ,

and i know he loves me ,

but Ill get through this as will U ,i think alot of it is wanting to & just using our heads instead of our hearts cause look where that has gotton me .

i keep thinking of that saying maybe the worst thing that happend to me was the best thing that happend to me ,dont know who wrote it ,

but this is what I wanted it to be over one way or another at least he tried to leave and failed ,because i wont believe im going to leave now because look U did & went back .

and i thank U too cherrie for your understanding& you are strong as well ,

how is it going with your situation?

im just having a bad day today ,

i know itll get better ,for us it has too!

[cherrie498]

Everything will get better, it will just take time. It took years to get us here.

As far as you writing him an e-mail, sure there is unfinished business, there always will be! He has a life that although you were aware of wasn’t a major factor during the time that you developed the relationship. My feeling on my situation is that we (me & MM) where perfect together, there wasn’t a disagreement that broke us apart, it was what he had on the other side. Hard for me to comprehend I guess because he as a person is all I knew. (Not possible) but I wish there was a way that I could see him in that husband/father role, maybe then it would sink in.

Your e-mail I am sure provided a bit of closure for you just writing it, if sending makes you feel better then so be it, send it. Sneaky I know but I found a web site, didtheyreadit.com that you can sign up for free & it notifies you when they receive & read your e-mail.

Assuming that he doesn’t respond you at least KNOW that he did get it & did read it. I am a firm believer in speaking my mind & letting my feeling out so I write them & typically end up sending them. He hasn’t responded to the 1 e-mail I sent this week. Which is ok. I just need to say what I need to get it off my chest & help me cope with it all. As far as him coming back he probably will. His life at home isn’t changing. My MM has left a million times, before me & during our relationship. I don’t know what it is about the fear of leaving. I think the initial stress of it all it just overwhelming & the EASIEST was is to just go back & sit where its comfortable. Regardless of how miserable. When he comes back & 9 times out of 10 just like they return to their W & children they also return to their OW. You decide at that point if you are going to let him back in or not.

It does get easier, I don’t know if/when it ever goes away. I have let mine come in & out for 2 years. I feel just as heart broken every time, Like I am shocked ?!?!?! But the hurt doesn’t seem to last as long each time.....

Wish you the best of luck!!!!

Therapy is prob the best thing you could be doing!!! Before you said you weren’t going out, sleeping more than anything, has that changed? While taking the time to morn & just feel sorry for yourself is good, I think you need to try to interact with people/friends.

Hope the best for you...

HAS TO GET BETTER!!!!! : )

[lynnered]

cherrie,

true i do agree with the only disagreement we had ,i used to tell him i love everything about U except for UR wife ,

i think thats what makes it harder breaking it off ,

and yes the email would be my closure since hes obv ashamed or scared to face me ,

and i did tell him last time i saw him that he needs to do whats best for him ,he said thats what U told me before (before A we were just friends & he wasnt sure to get M i was a idiot & told him that & later told him recently i regretted that i didnt speak my mind),but i also told him i felt he would be taking easy way by going back & he will regrett it im so sure i told him about what is he going to do in 10years when C is 15 years old & hardly home ,he would be 40 by then ,so i was still as always looking out for his best interests.

no i wont let him back in ,i still love him but i dont want to continue like this with him ,i will be better off taking even a year to get myself together then to spend another year waiting i will get over this right now i guess im mourning ,and like U said it took time to get to this place itll take time to get out ,

i dont have alot of friends i did go to a club with a friend had too much too drink:o ,but i had fun.

right now i feel lost & confused i built so much of my life around me & him having a future now i dont know lynne at all,

dont know what i like want to do ,i just feel lost ,its ok for now to heal i dont really have energy but i do know i will stay away from him so maybe its worth it?

and im used to him not being here physically so much i more miss my friendship,shatting on IM ,talking on phone type of stuff & with me distance doesnt make my heart grow fonder where he is the oppisite ,usually after 30 days NC i feel better so i have 2 weeks to go LOL.

it will be better for both of us & soon thank U for helping me & hopefully we can keep helping each other through this .

[cherrie498]

Reading your post sounds so much like my own situation, my MM & I had the same converstaion about 10 years from now what where he wanted to be w/out his kids- before the news of the new baby his youngest would be 15 him hitting 40, we jokingly decided to meet back then. Now the new baby is what sticks out in my mind. I know this time that is what is weighing heavy on his too. This is the 1st time EVER that he hasnt responded back to me in my e-mails, usually its him breaking the NC & contacting me with his newest plan to "escape" NEVER works, but this time I felt like I couldnt just stop & hold it all in. That instead I needed to voice, even if just through e-mail my feellings & nothing from him. Well I screwed up soooo much! Right now all of my stuff is still 3 states away!!! I really have just felt like he screwed me, knowing that I had moved to escape this relationship & he persued it soooooo much moving out, ect & I "following my heart" (sounds better that just being plain stupid) left my job, apartment & ALL of my stuff, INCLUDING the new life I had attempted making for myself to run back to him for him to run home to his W & C!!!!!

You sound so sure that you will not return! VERY PROUD of you for that!!!

Right now I am begining to just be pissed off!

Pissed that I could have felt so strongly about someone &/or something that is so WEAK.

ALL & ALL just sucks

[lynnered]

i did something simular except i live about 6 or 10 miles away from him(closer)ive never drove by but i have the address ive mapquested it,

last year during NC i was so pissed & angry i bought a house(closer to to him then i was about 15 20 mins away before)kept job but changed location farther from home ,i just wanted a new enviroment a fresh start for everything to be differnt well sept 2004 after NC i let him back in gave him 1 year i said im not asking U to leave but i cant stay in this situation after that ,after all the soons,when C starts school,why dont U buy a house,etc.

i feel so bad about U cause of the new child when i met MM 1999 we wasnt married but with her,he said he was unhappy but stayed fear of not finding someone else ,well he was ready to go she gets preg ,we used to talk as friends & how he felt he couldnt leave her ,on & off we talked ,well he comes to me one day saying hes getting M and he dont think he should do it(this was after C was born)W wanted to get M ,well i said do whats best for U,A didnt begin until 2001,but its harder for him with one on the way thats more child support ,1 more child tying him their &it is easier i think but not the right thing to do ,the older i get the more i see how many people stay in situations that are no good,its not our issue it theirs he chooses to stay my MM xMM whatever would get mad at me for saying that ,everything in life is a choice U chose to do nothing its a choice& the descion he made to stay FINE thats his choice but he needs to realize that his choice affects other people thats what pisses me off with my MM we made so many plans he even said he knew he would be happy with me but he chooses to stay & be miserable then he can without me & if U think about it we OW keep the marriage going by meeting MM needs thats why i believe in NC so much let him deal with her,talking down to him,being where he doesnt want to be with no happiness,no real love ,& see how he feels to miss someone so much it hurts .

i love & miss MM but what will keep me NC will be the pain ive suffered so he wouldnt he didnt have to miss C or me cause i stuck around til he was ready ,all the while i hurt i cried ,now let him.

your MM will contact U eventully what are U g0ing to do ?

now im pissed too at him for being so weak ,but now i feel im not going to be the better person as i have in the past ,i as well as U with Ur situation have been strong it is so painful being OW waiting around ,vactions,not being taken out etc,but when it came their turn to be strong what did they do run back to mommy take the easy road ,i certaintly didnt take easy road dealing with him &him not even being man enough to let me know whats going on??

good as i was to him & he knew how important it was to me if he went back to tell me to my face .

so to vent so much

its helpful .

and U are strong ,im not sure but maybe pissed off is good?

ive always gotton hurt & sad ,but pissed off might just get U through this .

and its going to get better soon:love:

[lynnered]

Cherrie,

You are not on PM i thought U might like these

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?

- Mary Manin Morrissey

 

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

[cherrie498]

Hey, not sure why I am not on PM. How do I get set up for that?

 

Yeah I do like that it is so true that you can never move on until you 100% let go.

It hard to let go though. I have had more better days, today is hard though. I decided (well I think I have) to quit my job, the one that transferred me to his hometown. I just dont think I can do it. Chancing or hoping every day to run into him pumping gas, grocery shopping or whatever.

I am scheduled to start there 10/3.....just so happens to also be his b-day : )

More than anything I want to know what he is thinking.

I want to know that as I bury my feelings he is doing the same.

That in 2 months he is not going to pop back up with his un-failable plan, that always fails!!!

This time he has the new baby that plays a big factor. I just hate thinking or knowing that this is as hard on him & that we are all being cheated; me, him, his W & C because of him being weak. In my mind.....HE put it there we (me & MM) share a love & friendship that far above his & W As well as any that I have had in other relationships.

I would really just like to know why he doesnt leave.

Dont you wonder that. Why he doesnt leave. Is every MM reason because of the C??

VERY frustrating.

Still very pissed, all I keep thinking is HOW DARE HE!!! How dare he feed me such lines & make me fall in love with him when he knew he couldnt leave!!!

This past month alone my life has been flipped upside down & he is sitting there in his "norm"

Did you ever send that e-mail? Any response/contact yet??

[newbby]

Lynnered,

Just my opinion. Dont send the email.

The reasons: Let him stew with not knowing how you are or what you are doing or what you are thinking, just like he hasnt let you know anything.

Remember your closure can also be his closure, and whilst of course you dont wish any suffering to him, neither should he have the satisfaction of knowing that you still care.

Sending it whilst you are still weak from this, gives him an opening to contact you. This is NOT what you need at the moment. You need to get over it, COMPLETELY.

 

Cherrie, I am sorry that you are suffering too. You also need to move on from him and get your own life back together. It is hard, but you do not need him in your life.

[lynnered]

newbby,

I havent sent ,i most likely wont

i started writing email 8/29 actully over the way he was treating me i re-edited it so many times reread changed this & that.

the only thing (U guys might not like this)he has the only key to one of the doors to my home,so i dont if i should ask him to mail this or change locks .

since 9/8 the last day i sawheard from him i IMD 9/8,9/9,9/11&9/14 nothing else,wow 17 dayssince i heard from him,1st id ligg in invisable click like i was sending a message ,so if he logged in then out i would see time stamp & date now i check 3or 4 times a day try not but getting less &less.

you are right the best revenge is doing well ,even if im not,why should he know im angry sad mad ,a instructor at school one day was telling us about feelings how we own them & us alone dont ever let anyone mess with them .

therapist did say i needed to learn to assert myself .

your right im sure he hurts ,i hurt too,but maybe if he had been more of a man about all this i am sooo sure i wouldnt be left with all these questions ,i would still mourn of course ,but it wouldnt have been as bad .

cherrie498,

i think U set up PM in profile enable it ,

im the oppisite i hope not to run into him ,dont know why ,guess it doesnt matter 17 days no IM no call email nothing says it all.

he will probly popp up in time ,but U can change Tn ,email & those things ,i am.

i think Ur MM like mine wont leave because of C,comfort ,some people can live in that misery with someone they dont love because they are used to it ,mine also stated fear of change ,

he said he thought it would be easier emotiolly ,but U know what U & me have not done before?

really stand firm NC ,nothing do not respond ,we do not need this everytime they cannot handle life without us ,we give in ,so they do not experience what we do & its always when we start to feel better

so we give in they feel all better here then we are feeling miserable (again),make him happy ,then start all over again.

i refuse, if i see him somewhere i will avoid him ,and ignore him if he attempts to speak to me .

his issues of not leaving cherrie are his ,his problem ,youve given him time ,space& practically moved mountains he as well as mine is a idiot !!

the saying never lay down with someone who has more problems then U ,i should have thought of that,now i will not date for up to a year ,i need to be totally healed & not let myself get caught up in caring for someone above myself ,i am 1 in my life now i went against my morals& beliefs for his benefit so it would be easier for him ,i still love him but i hope he hurts i know thats mean ,i hope it gets worst at home cause it will ,like U i gave love comfort excellent communication friendship awsome lovemaking ,i was the best friend he ever had(known him longer then all his friends) & the only person hes told so much & to treat him so good HIS WORDS,

so i think he is going to hurt & it will hurt even more to be where i am ,sad ,missing him ,wondering whats going on.

ive always responded to him even when mad & spoke to him but U know what its been almost 3weeks 3WEEKS & he cant even type went back sorry ,even more reason not to contact him & if he types ,calls i will come here post & reread my posts until the urge is gone .

for too long i have lived for him ,been miserable for him no more.

still not sure on sending email so not sending til totally sure ,

sorry to vent so much feeling really angry about whole situation today:love:

[cherrie498]

your so right!!! He/they will be back & it is because their lives at home doesnt get better. Thats the reason they ventured out in the 1st place!! Comfort & the fear of change is what holds them. It just makes me mad that he made me fall into such a trap when he knew what he wasnt capable of leaving. Your right in saying that we always fall victim to them, when he was in need I was always there. I listened,talked, waited (3years!!!), I was a friend!!! Now I am here ONCE AGAIN to fend for myself. To pick up peices that I have scattered everytwhere. It just SUCKS to feel like you have given everything to someone for them to just wallk away! The NC great concept, it really is!! Sometime I feel like I am going to explode!!! I do take my time think it through, but sometimes I have to give- this is when I break!!! That is why I was saying if you have to send it, send it.....dont be your own worst enemy. Ya know. Sometimes it just has to come out. Have had NC since he decided to go back home 9/15 (except one e-mail I HAD to send 9/20- he did not respond)

I know you want(ed) answers or for him to just say he was going home, quite the chicken to never tell you but really all he could have said is how much he loves you & its for the C.....dont know about you but I am tired of hearing about the C!!!! Leaving you to only have the hurt & no anger. Anger is the key!!! I get pissed quite often, here & there (today) I feel a little sad, for me & him ...that when the weakness kicks in!!!! Right now you sound very strong (thanks that helps me remember all th BS) Hold on to that anger.Anger is the best way to get through this.

 

As far as your locks, change em'!!!!

[lynnered]

heres some of the email

We started our "relationship"2001 the day we drove up and made love ,known U since 1999 6 years I’ve been in your life and right now your actions show me u don’t want me in your life anymore,

we used to talk about everything now no communication on your part ,

 

U can be dependable for your friends most of who u associate with u haven't known half as long as me &I'm sure they haven't been there for u like I have or put up with all the bull$hit I have from u or have had u treat them like $hit like u have me ,u told me I've treated u better then anyone ever has but look how u treat me !!

u treat no one else in ur life like this !!

thank u for being a part of my life and the lessons I learned

 

.... excuses... more promises... more excuses... more promises.. more excuses... more lies... more time flies by... more promises... more time flies by... more lies...

you look back on this all and realize what you threw away,u choose to push me away,spend no time ,talk to me like I'm nothing ,and just use me 4 your needs ,it could have went different but it went your way as always.one of the saddest things we will never know how it would have been ,i mean u know how i would have been because i gave my all i always catered &spoiled u ,but me ill never know u if would have made me the happiest woman on earth &made it all up to me like u said u would because u chose to fiddle**ck around with my emotions&time&not respect me ,there is no excuse for the way treated me now &in the past,,

I was in your life for a reason to help u ,there is such a thing as right person, wrong time maybe that was case with us ,u were never able/wanted to treat me right ,then when u left her, u didn't even try,didn't even try to be nice to me !!

I've waited for u for years & at your request &u never taken that into consideration .

sorry u didn't want to make us work out .

 

U choose the easy way

 

But it's UR LIFE. It's the life U made before U met ME. It's comfortable to U and it's UR home.stay in a relationship your miserable in.

so U still have that ,U dont have me anymore i wont contact U again&dont ever contact me

 

you put me through hell with all this drama,U said U didnt want to hurt me but U did by not telling me U went back ,U could have been honest i wouldnt have been mad .

now i am mad cause U obv didnt mean anything U said ,i stuck around 4 years of my life cause U said U would leave and treat me like a princess a queen etc,make up for all the waiting feeling like last on Ur list whens this all gonna happen?

its not & U made that choice ,and of course im not waiting around for U anymore.

i accept its not going to work out & i did nothing wrong ,still mad at U but in time hopefully this will all be a distant memory.

[lynnered]

yes about being there in need ,were they there when we needed them ?

not really when it was convient ,hardly ever for me.

he was supposed to help me with $$ on 9/16 "no matter what happens "he said

i listened ,waited made him feel up ,when down when she pissed him off i would listen ,whenever he needed me i was there even earlu in relationship he got mad at me didnt call for 2 months,

he called drunk i answerd i talked to him i accepted him back .

and here we are he once said the way i loved him was like a mother loves a child(then i had to explain uncondital love to him:rolleyes: )he had never been loved like that .

with her he was 19 he met her she was 24 & bought him lots of stuff he was afraid to not find someone else&preg etc happend.

he told me in our 1st year "i was the girlfriend that treated him better then anyone ever did""why are U so good to me" he said i love U 1st & it took time he was drunk on phone i felt my heart stop,

he not the overly mushy type,but towards last year he got that way .

i gave ALL cause i loved him i was in love with him as a friend ,from communicating for 2years.

so i gave not expecting ,BUT (yeah )when i said theres no future ,NC he came back to me soon ,when C starts school ETC

now i feel stupied wish i left sooner ,now like U i am trying to pick up the pieces .

because i was waiting for him so we could start our life i didnt see my future without him .

and for him not to be man enough to tell me ,thats the worst .

last night i didnt sleep 8am i slept up all night thinking about him ,what am i going to do,how could he ,& so on i was so awake , i feel so betrayed still sad but anger mixed in more anger:D .

i am tired hearing about C too, dont mean to sound heartless but, i feel he needs to grow up!he even said "why b miserable just cause of C"

C will be fine as long as U take care of emotially & finacially just because his father was never there doesnt mean he wont be there ,NOPE its just easier with mommy .

im still lazy ,but mad dont want to see him ,when i go to therapy i cry about him ,never cry at home ,just at therapy weird?

i dont express anger to her but i did tell her i have lots ,its just pent up ,she said she knows .

ill probly send email its just weak sounding now& i want to sound stronger .

and for my $$ problems i have 3 bedrooms and just me so i talked to a friend(ive known for 10 years she lives in another state)

her brother who is like a brother to me ,lives at home pays no rent but his job is closer to my home ,by 30 mins,i mentioned to her renting rooms & she dont like idea,

but i did suggest she talk to him for me,if he wants to rent 1 room then i would feel comfortable renting 1 to someone i dont know very well,so then my mortage would be mostly paid 4 ,if i did that ,so 1 of the things im really worried about $$ solved & if he doesnt (i really really hope he does id feel safer to having a male in house that ive known so long ,but not really close too)ill still rent out 2 rooms .

still hurt still angry but U and newby & others here are really helping especially U because i feel our situations are so simular U are strong ,it took us time to get to this point its going to take time to heal & get back to our normal lives ,hey they got theres back ,and we are the strong ones because they will try to start cycle again but it will be us who doesnt answer emails ,IMS& phone calls,and i wouldnt do anything spiteful ,but i hope he hurts & i know he will just takes him longer .

and i will laugh not to him cause i wont contact then ill post it here for U to read

take care of U & keep posting:love:

Whenever evil befalls us,

we ought to ask ourselves,

after the first suffering,

how we can turn it into good.

So shall we take occasion, from one bitter root, to raise perhaps many flowers.

Leigh Hunt (1784 - 1859)

[newbby]

Lynnered, the email is okay, but if you want him to know you arent waiting for him or still hung up on him, then sending it just proves you are.

[lynnered]

Lynnered, the email is okay, but if you want him to know you arent waiting for him or still hung up on him, then sending it just proves you are.

i know i started it almost a month ago i just keep editing it i guess besides here its getting those feelings out,im in the middle with sending it since i am not sure i will do nothing until im sure U make a good point

[lynnered]

this is for U cherrie !!

well i turned off computer this AM couldnt sleep last night was up late posting on LS like crazy:(

well when i logg in it automaticly signs me into messenger (usually i leave on,messenger signed out except when i sign in to check if hes on)

did i not write U when he contacted i would put it out here for U

heres what he wrote:

(9/26/2005 12:35:44 PM): I guess you are tired of me by now! Do you still wanna talk or you not gonna?

9/26/2005 12:36:58 PM): I have been really bad lately and i do want to talk to you soon if you have time for me

9/26/2005 12:40:43 PM): I am going to work now i been working too much maybe you can write back i will stay logged on for you baby! Hope to hear from the now woman who really put me first and treats me good soon

(9/26/2005 12:47:33 PM): I love you lynne

(9/26/2005 12:48:06 PM): Please respond to my messages

(9/26/2005 1:49:44 PM): Well i guess you can t reply back that sucks! Please write back

(3:17:19 PM): Hey baby can we talk soon i am at work i may have to work a double til the morning not sure yet

(3:23:23 PM): Hope we talk soon i love you and miss you so bad

i signed in invisable so he hasnt seen me logg in,

18 days i told U he cannot go a month without me !

so i dont know should i see him get my closure ,he didnt mention if he went back or not ,last message i sent him 9/14 was:

havent heard from U in a week ,i havent done anything wrong or mean so i dont understand y U are avoiding me?Im not mad at u but we do need to talk face 2 face,u said no matter what happend u would help me out$$ on 9/16,if U want to see me U can come over after 2 if U dont want 2 see me ,u can just drop$$ off ,i love U & miss U, think u went back &if u did im not mad just want to see U &say goodbye,but its cruel to leave me hanging like this not knowing whats going on hope 2 hear fromUsoon

so i have to be strong !!!

dont know if i should reply & see him to most likely say goodbye but what do U think of his messages?

HELP