MM LEFT wife

[lynnered]

i have that little hope but tomorrow ,

if he dont know what hes doing ,

i most likely will tell him get in touch when he does ,

but from his"this is harder then i thought it would be "

staying in a unhappy marriage to have his child around everyday ,sounds like itll be easier then leaving& being happy & having your child around just a little less,

its his life if thats the way it must be ,im just sorry i wasted so much of my life with him!

i do really love him & i know hes sincere but he dont get he can have it all you just have to go through some tough times,

i think hes grasping wants to keep me wants child all the time cant have both ,

i told him during one conversion maybe i was in your life for a reason,maybe the times up&he got pissed !

so i dont know barby!!!!

i miss him not the him now ,& i do love him but im glad its almost over even though most likely im going to hurt for a long time:(

[Barby]

Hello again Lynnered! I'm sorry that things just aren't working out for you.

 

I also am sorry that just like everyone's always said about the "MM/OW" situations where the "OW" continues to make requests/demands/ultimatums on her "MM" to leave his "W" and family by a certain date or else she will terminate her relationship with him and no longer "wait around for the "right" time to come when it will finally be "possible" for him to move out and be with the "OW" openly and no longer having to hide it from their (usually just his) friends and family;......

 

when he does finally make his "choice" and goes for moving out to "be with" the "OW" nine times out of ten they go back home to their wives and families. Sadly time and time again this proves to be the absolute truth!

 

Once again...of course (sorry to have to say it) but it clearly looks like it is about to happen yet again!!!!!!!!

 

 

Okay now just my two cents (that don't count for much but I'll toss em' your way just for fun) Reading the partial parts of your conversation that you posted for us to read.....this is what I think and the impression I personally get from it..............................

 

 

Look if we talk later thats good if not i will be there tomorrow now stop asking if i can come over today i am not able to

 

He feels pressured in a sense by you...like maybe he really doesn't want to see you but doesn't wish to hurt you by telling you out right. It seems that he is "gently" giving you hints hoping you'll take them by putting you off whenever you request to see him.

 

 

YOU SAID...... if u wanna be with W & child or for whatever reason,and thats fine if thats where u wanna be but can at least be honest &let me know whats going on

 

Okay so even though you want and might I add deserve a response, a clear answer from him, in his own words about what he wants/thinks/plans on doing with the relationship between the two of you.....honestly he doesn't seem to be receptive to the idea of answering you straight forwardly.

 

HIS RESPONSE TO YOU..... MM:Later ok and i not sure of going back or not its hard

 

This honestly sounds like him being honest for real. He has kept away from you, not been intimate w/ you...honestly seems to be avoiding any kind of real contact with you other than by internet. His intentions seem to be coming across extremely clear to be honest with you.

 

It seems that he had chosen to leave his home for a bit to clear his head and though I seriously feel bad about saying this......it doesn't appear that he left to pursue a relationship w/ you right now. Of course I may be very wrong since I know neither one of you personally.

 

 

What YOU got out of this conversation...........

 

i think hes grasping wants to keep me wants child all the time cant have both ,

i told him during one conversion maybe i was in your life for a reason,maybe the times up&he got pissed

 

I think (please don't take this wrong) that it is much easier for you to believe and want to believe him...(it keeps hope alive in your heart for the chance of you two "eventually" being together). If it was merely his child he could and would see her on a daily basis, make time from his day/evening for her each and every single day. He is a grown man, he knows his choices/options and from the way he's acting/talking to you............it clearly comes across (at least to me, an outside party) that he has all intentions of going home and making up with his wife and continuing w/ his family life.

 

 

Will he continue to stay w/ you?!?!....................

 

 

If you allow him to come back to you (physically/emotionally) w/ him still living at home w/ his family then oh yeah, I strongly believe when things are smoothed over at home and the waters are calm again....he'll resume the "OW/MM" thing w/ you again.

 

 

Now you're the only one who can truly control what happens between the two of you.......well on your end anyway. He can't "come back" w/out you "allowing" him to do so......I hope you can always remember that you do indeed deserve to get back the equal amount of love, affection, and respect that you give!

[lynnered]

"He feels pressured in a sense by you...like maybe he really doesn't want to see you but doesn't wish to hurt you by telling you out right. It seems that he is "gently" giving you hints hoping you'll take them by putting you off whenever you request to see him. "

but he iniated us getting together !so he can talk ,then he had problems with child so i was trying to get him to come over before he goes to work,i do beleive he was feeling presured but because he had her & didnt expect to because she was acting up & wouldnt go to daycare

 

"It seems that he had chosen to leave his home for a bit to clear his head and though I seriously feel bad about saying this......it doesn't appear that he left to pursue a relationship w/ you right now. Of course I may be very wrong since I know neither one of you personally.'

he said his intention was to leave stay at his moms then move in with me and he didnt think it would be "so hard"(i love that one;) )

 

i disagree a little:p

but with him i really do feel its the child BUT yes but i feel he may go back ,like i asked him have you talked to W about if she would give you joint custody?no hasnt talked to her about it

he is so confused but i do believe he will go back for wrong reasons,the child mostly but ,hes not handling this very well& like you said about him doing what he needs to see her he can ,and he says he dont know what to do cause if he goes back child is happy he is sad with W ,missing me (his words)

if he stays gone im happyhes sadmissing child, childs sad (his words)

he says he cant handle this emotially next time he says this crap im going to say,lynnes been"sad"for 4years;MM been happy,childs been happy;)

if he goes back im done ,i will be so pissed

ive given him enough time ,he has said he hasnt been happy didnt mean to meet fall in love with me etc,

this is it im not going to be like some (please dont take offence)& post deadline after deadline ,no if its after sept (tomorrow he moves in )fine as long as hes still at moms ,

but as soon as he goes back there im done ,enough is enough

i even told him on phone (he called from moms)that he said he would contact me when he was out of his situation,i asked why did u contact me & put me in limbo "i didnt know it would be this hard"

tomorrow if hes not sure he can call me when he is other then that i dont know

i just hope it ends soon

so many thought in my head and hes draging out this face to face

thank u barby for all the thoughts it really helps to see from someones elses eyes:love:

 

but he goes back barby i cut him off ,& he knows it i mean if he left & went back

no ive been overly patient ok but no if he doesnt stay gone i will

[lynnered]

well dont know whats going on maybe i do just cant believe it or dont want to admit it ,

he was supposed to come by tues,then wed ,then thurs,then fri well...

talked to him on IM thurs (which is his day off)

this is what i got thursday

MM: I do need sleep i am not a robot so we can see each other tomorrow if you act right

MM: I not playing games i was asleep ok i have to do a few things today now since i slept all day and we can see each other tomorrow ok

MM:Yes i did just relax we can deal with this tomorrow baby ok

so thurs& friday he was logged into IM no more messages from him,i typed him 2 messages friday asking if he was still coming over ,then sat around 6:30 PM he logs out & hasnt logged back in so i dont know,i did type him friday night if he needs space just let me know when he decides ,but to just not respond at all?

when he was supposed to come over friday?

i just dont get it ,i feel numb ,he works nights his days off are thurs & friday ,& thurs night he typed he would call & didnt .

im thinking he went back & doesnt has guts to tell me to my face,but he maybe taking time to himself ,this is so confusing

im 95% sure he went back &if he did i thats his choice taking the easy way staying where he is miserable & thats fine if he did its his life ,

but ive known this man 6years been in A for over 4 years ,

it just hurts me & pisses me off if he did go back that he needs to tell me,

im just so down the not knowing suxs

[LucreziaBorgia]

He sounds like a TOW dipper. I'll PM you a link about what I mean.

[lynnered]

hadent heard from him since thursday & tonight he loggs into IM ,

MM: Do you still wanna talk face to face? I am sorry i did not respond i was mad at you

MM:Just let me know ok!

MM:Ignoring me now? Write me back Baby!

Lynnered:u still at ur moms?

Lynnered:I was mad i over it now stuck in traffic

MM:Yeah

MM:Why

Lynnered:just asking U still wanna talk face to face

MM:Yes you?

Lynnered:yes

MM:We talk soon running late

Lynnered:ok have a great night

MM:You be up later?

MM:yes ill be up MM

MM:Five minutes away and still need to change

Lynnered:lol i hope u make it on time

so i guess we can try to have this talk 1 more time

i thought he went back ,so i dont know thats kind of mean 5 days?

he could have been mature & at least typed me that he was mad & ill talk to u in a couple of days so hopefully he dont continue to play games so i dont know i hope this ends soon,

i dont want to end it ,

at least hes still gone thats a good thing right?

and u know what he got mad about ?

i was asking him how come he didnt come over & i saw him on IM but he was invisable to me i saw his profile had him online & theres no computer at his moms so he was prob at W house playing on computer so i dont know if this is worth all this drama

[lynnered]

just another update,

finally had that talk today,

he is still at his moms,

he doesnt want to go back to W,

he really misses enviroment of seeing child in AM&whenever he wants,

he thought emotially this would be easier,he would just go to his moms& then move in with me,

child is having tantrums lately & i did ask him if theyve talked to child about whats going on & he said no so i advised him maybe he should ,

where we stand now he may go back he says he doesnt miss W,same thing about he would be happy to have his child around all the time ,wouldnt be happy with W,& would be sad w/o me,

i told him it can work it just takes time ,but again its his choice,

i even told him it sounds like he wants me to make it & im not,

i am just going to give him space& hesaid that i have been "the best"through all this& he hates the way he is treating me its just his head is messed up over child,and i have not been a source of stress,

so i dont know how to help him through this as far as the child ,W lives 10 minutes away from me so its not a issue of distance ,

hes been gone almost a month so thats a good thing?

anybody have any ideas how to help him realize hes not abadoning child?

his father D his mother & he hardly saw him & we discussed ,i feel hes thinking child feels like he felt but i keep telling him he doesnt have to be like his dad,

besides being here for him when he needs me i dont know what else to do i havent been presuring him or asking anything of him & i did let him know i wont be upset if he goes back he said its a 50/50 chance of him going back ,

and he hasnt really talked to W about anything except Child.

so any advise would be helpful !

[LucreziaBorgia]

Here is what I heard that spoke louder than anything else...

 

he may go back

 

No matter what he says - that one action will speak louder than any line or excuse he could possibly say.

 

Be careful!

[lynnered]

i thank u LB for replying!

i know it hurts that he may go back ,

and i told him about the towdipper /mommy article ,he laughed cause his dad says same thing,

i truly feel its not a issue of W,

and him taking the easy way of just staying there he said he went over W house one day ,and in his head he was thinking what am i doing here,

he says he knows he will be happy with me ,he just needs to learn to deal with not seeing child as much ,

if he does go back LB i am totally done no friendship ,change Tn ,and double up on therapy:p

its just the waiting part of me wished if he was going back he would know today & have told me its just hard that i put it all this time wh him & i do love him ,if he goes back then he made his choice ,

even though this isnt a normal relationship i know i did my best to make it workout ,

so if he goes back ,ill not have regrets ,

i being careful ,im sad & i miss the old him ,

all i can do is wait more waiting LOL

but i kind of think of this like supporting a friend through a hard time ,

just wish if was over 1 way or another ,

but at the same time i dont want to let him go

[lynnered]

well things dont look good for me ,

since my last post on thursday i have heard nothing from him:(

nothing at all he has not even signed onto IM once,

when he left thurs he said he may be back in the evening if not def on friday,

friday i went to therapy she said to look at his actions,&she would hate to see the way he would treat someone he didnt care about if this is the way he treats me ,

i just feel so numb i cant believe it!

maybe hes just thinking things through still?

but its been 3weeks since he contacted me to tell me he left &hed been out a week or week &a half ,

deep down i think hes going back or went back & dont have balls to tell me,

but i guess i need to hear this from him thats what hurts so much not knowing truly whats going on,

it only takes a few minutes to log into IM & type hi im ok or whatever i just dont get this ,

i told him it was his choice & i wouldnt be mad ,

so i dont understand now why he hardly contacts me ,

i miss him ,

and i just wish he would tell me whats going on so i know if i need to move on ,

thanks 4 listening guys:love:

[newbby]

((hugs)) to you lynne,

i dont know if i have anything useful to say.

he would not contact you if he had moved back because he knows that he has kept you hanging on for four years AND THEN made you think that all the wait was worthwhile, AND THEN let you down. it doesnt matter how reasonable YOU are, he knows that what he did was not very nice for you. whether he meant to hurt you or not and i'm sure he didnt.

you do not need the answers from him, even if he is not moved back and is still confused he should let you know what is going on, his actions ARE showing that he is not considering your feelings, AGAIN.

lynnered, you are waiting for him to tell you to move on. you know that you can move on, with enough hard work, and tears. dont give him that, move on anyway.

if it happens that he comes along when you have moved on, and he has really made a decision AND already left AND divorced, then you can think about whether you actually want a relationship with him and you can start on a more equal footing.

just move on, anyway, get strong

[lynnered]

well the thing with him not contacting me im not sure because he did that last week friday-tues cause he was mad at me,

i was nothing but nice when he came by,

talked about nothing but his feelings ,told him i didnt want him to go back but its his choice &if he does he totally loses me,

and i have told him if he goes back he needs to tell me face to face,

and when he was here he did say he felt bad about the way he was treating me ,

and it was 50/50 chance of him going back ,

and U are so right about him not considering my feelings ,because im not asking for alot just let me know whats going on,

i guess im just in shock i feel he probly went back or is going back ,i can see his actions ,i just keep thinking this cannot be happening like this !!

im in therapy & im going to keep going ,

i just feel i need to hear it from him ,

when he was here he was like if U never want to talk to me again i would understand ,

i think he wants me to make the choice & i told him im not,because him making that choice to go back will keep me away for good,

if that makes any sense?

i guess i just need closeure

therapist told me to look at his actions & when he was here i told him U hardly come see me ,talk to me or anything ?

i just dont get it,

he said its harder then he thought it would be cause of child ,& i understand if he goes back just tell me

thank U newby

this is so hard for me i know he probly went back itll just take time ,im scared ,dont know so used to him in my life

[Barby]

Sorry to hear that you still haven't heard from him:confused:....however when you spoke of your lastconversation:confused:...a couple of things...........

 

well the thing with him not contacting me im not sure because he did that last week friday-tues cause he was mad at me,

 

Do you really believe that was the reason?!?! I do NOT know the situation, but in all honesty and I'm saying this with the ut-most respect and compassion..........it seems that you're choosing to NOT see the situation....to not see what's so painfully obvious and honestly clear to see! (Okay well from your posts anyway it appears it would be very clear to see)!!

 

He didn't contact you because he appears to NOT want to be with you, if he really honestly did....I think (IMHO) he, mad or not, would have given you a teensy bit of respect and contacted you..even just to say "hi"!!!

 

i was nothing but nice when he came by,

talked about nothing but his feelings ,told him i didnt want him to go back but its his choice &if he does he totally loses me,

and i have told him if he goes back he needs to tell me face to face,

and when he was here he did say he felt bad about the way he was treating me, and it was 50/50 chance of him going back ,

 

I feel so bad for you....I don't mean to say that you're pathetic in anyway, please don't take this the wrong way....but he DID tell you! Not in "exact" words but sometimes (and this situation seems to be one of these "sometimes") you have to read between the lines!!!!! He was pretty clear about his doubt and his intentions... but then you said....

 

i guess im just in shock i feel he probly went back or is going back,i just keep thinking this cannot be happening like this !!

 

You feel that he probably went back? I don't know for "sure" of course but since he hasn't contacted you after these statements...this is the conclusion that you (as well as maybe anyone else in this situation would probably come to and accept so that you can move on and begin to really HEAL!

 

and U are so right about him not considering my feelings ,because im not asking for alot just let me know whats going on,

 

No you are NOT asking for a lot, just common courtesy and common human decency and respect for you. :mad:

 

Sadly he has NOT even given you so much as an "adios" or an instant message telling you he's back with the "W" or anything. It seriously sounds like he's trying to cut off all contact with you, IMHO it seems like he's trying to avoid you or any contact with you what-so-ever!

 

 

 

i just feel i need to hear it from him ,

when he was here he was like if U never want to talk to me again i would understand ,i think he wants me to make the choice & i told him im not,because him making that choice to go back will keep me away for good,

if that makes any sense?

 

Again he's being VERY clear but not spelling it out for you in "exact" words...

I have a feeling I'm coming across harsh or un-sensitive..if I am I apologize. I haven't been in this exact situation but it saddens me to see someone put themselves through this. It comes across as if your relationship has now become one sided...(including only you) and I'm sure you know that you deserve so much better. Don't you realize that you're worth it?

 

 

therapist told me to look at his actions

 

Relating this to what you stated above...in fact that you do see his actions....I guess I don't understand the following..........

 

when he was here i told him U hardly come see me ,talk to me or anything i just dont get it,

 

You realize that he barely talks to you online or otherwise, and doesn't come and see you.......those are his "actions" (or lack of)....you SEE that...so what don't you "get"?!?!? :confused:

 

 

he said its harder then he thought it would be cause of child ,& i understand if he goes back just tell me this is so hard for me i know he probly went back itll just take time ,im scared ,dont know so used to him in my life

 

He has apparently told you over and over and over and over again that it is hard...he will "probably" go back..there is a 50/50 chance...then you don't hear from him. Sweety you seriously need to accept that it is over (or it should be), he has "SHOWN" you with actions that moving in with you or even VISITING you often, nor talking to you (which takes almost NO effort) is not a priority for him.

 

I really understand that you need closure...most feel that way when something is left "unfinished" but seriously if you listen to advice/therapist, and just plain obvious signs...you'd not so much need to "hear" it. You're seeing it!!

 

 

I know we can tell you until we are blue in the face and until you're ready, it won't really matter but I'll still try.... We're here for you and I seriously hope things get a LOT better for you soon!

[lynnered]

well from not hearing from him ,i know this sounds stupied,but i said i would give him space so im not sure if hes takeing time to himself or what he is doing,

andlast week i thought he went back when i didnt hear from him for a couple of days ,then he was still at his moms ,

i think hes avoiding me because he doesnt have the guts to tell me he went back ,

i guess with the 50/50 chance of going back yeah that should say it all but he said hes not sure (when he was here)he still didnt know ,

im just shocked & i guess he would have trouble facing me after he made all these promises etc then hes going back ,

i just thought if he did go back he would tell me ,be honest ,i think he did but it hurts not truly knowing

i guess i have to start getting over him ?

i know i deserve better just wanted him thought this would work out it went down nothing like i or he thought he would but i thought he would at least be man enough to tell me to my face if he did go back ,

thats what hurts the most ,

he said i was his best friend & nobody has ever treated him better

and he couldnt type me a line leave me a message take an hour or 2 out of his life to tell me whats going on ?

i just feel so down ,i just cant believe this !!

thank u barby u are helping:love:

[Barby]

be honest

 

Okay now this, no matter how much we come to love someone.....should be questioned when in fact he lies day after day after day to his "W" I'm sure she expected the same thing, well more actually, especially after he professed his love to her and vowed to love her, be honest with her, ect, ect till death and all that.

 

I completely understand why in fact you seek/expected this from him. We all want to see the good in people and believe/take them at their word. But in these types of relationships especially one has to be extra cautious........complete honesty is something that you've probably never gotten, nor will probably never get from him, nor will his "W"......... no matter how much one may deserve it....it doesn't seem likely based on his actions (stated in your posts).

 

 

he said i was his best friend & nobody has ever treated him better

 

Again I'm sorry to say this, but can you not imagine him saying the same sorts of things to his "W" and claiming how much he loves/misses/needs her, in order to get back into her good graces. Now I'm not saying that he didn't mean the wonderful things he said to you, at the time he said them...and maybe even now. But in all likelyhood he's whispering the same or similar sweet nothings in her ear right now.

 

i just feel so down ,i just cant believe this !!

 

I'm really sorry for your pain. Obviously hurt and devastation comes along with any relationship loss or any loss of a loved one. I can imagine in a "MM/OW" relationship it is even harder, how can one go to their family home and say "oh honey I miss you, let's talk and try and work it out"

 

You've mentioned the "waiting game" and IMHO this coupled with everything else makes the intensity of the loss even greater. As much as it hurts right now, it is probably the best thing for you....what if his confusion lasts for a long time? Can you handle this for another 3 wks? More? Why should you?

 

i guess i have to start getting over him ?

 

You don't "HAVE" to do anything...but would it be wise and healthier for your overall well being?

 

Yes, but then again you already know that. As we know...things get easier with time but the pain for today is intense....I guess the best thing to do is try to not dwell on it. I wish I could reccomend a magic cure...but obviously there is no such thing! Good luck and keep posting!

[lynnered]

its like his life will just continue & me its like starting over,

learning a new way?

as far as the honesty thing i know he doesnt tell her everything like me & i know its no great romance his dad told him shes like a mommy figure & hes never seen them touch or act like that ,

but i guess that doesnt matter now its his life if he chooses to be with someone who doesnt treat him right& that he doesnt even like as a person fine he had his chance its his loss not mine,

way too much of a chance ,

youre right barby i am so tired of waiting for him ,

at the same time that sadness over things that will never be ,we made plans for a trip in november,xmas,etc

i do miss him the talks ,we never really went anywhere together but we were going to

and it just hurts so much at this moment it would just help me so much to hear it from him so i dont have that sick little hope maybe things arent as i see them ,

hes let me down so much ,so many times & ive been stupied & stood by him thinking itll work out because we love each other & i can understand if he cant bear to leave child FINE,

but at least respect me enough to tell me instead of not being able to handle things & running home to mommy where hes miserable but comfortable ,

he said

I want to be and and want you to be happy also but either way i choose i gonna be unhappy

If i stay gone i always gonna miss her and be sad but i ll be happy from you but not be with child don t know

If i go back i ll be happy with child but sad to be with W

I don t wanna hurt you or me or child but someone or someone s are gonna not be happy not everyone will be happy and i don t know

I leave i ll miss her i stay i ll miss you but if i stay i gonna be so unhappy with being with W

so i understand his confusion but i guess he chose to take the easy way , i was supportive beyond patient so i dont know ,but i do know if he went back were done for good ,

i do miss him but im used to him not being here physically its just talking & typing him i really miss:(

i just want to see him face to face & hear it from him

[newbby]

So let him go back and walk away as dignified as you can be. Be satisfied in the knowledge that you were patient, loving and honest to him and that he couldnt live up to those ideals with you, nor his wife. Let him go back and think, he knows he cant contact you, he has lost face. Let him lose you.

In the meantime, you get yourself strong, just think, you are now free. You can do whatever you like and do everything you can. Therapy is great, keep that up and every other healing thing you can think of. Excercise and get fit as you can and treat yourself and do things you have always wanted to do. Make a list. Get yourself on a new mission, one that does not depend on anyone else. Throw yourself into it.

Think of it like, now I can do all these things I would not have been able to do if I was stuck in a relationship with him. Self hypnosis, visualisation, anything to train yourself to think differently about this.

(hugs)

[lynnered]

thank u newby:love:

you are so right about him knowing he cant contact me ,he has lost face,

i do feel as if the situation with him held me back waiting to start living everything i did was all about him,

now i dont know where to start ,

i was going to school & i had to much stress with him& work so my grades started to fall i just couldnt focus ,

school was supposed to help get over him before ,

i dropped my classes in july

the gym which i used to love havent been since january ,

i guess i can start that again ,

right now i have no motivation!!

i dont know where to start ,

ive just been shutup in the house in a daze these last couple of days ,

waiting watching the IM ,thinking this cannot be happening at least a message ,

i guess i have to think of last thursday as my closure?

he said he loved me ,didnt think it would be so hard,wanted life with me ETC

so i guess i have to look at it as its finally over at least i can start working on moving on ,

im just scared in unfamilur territory ,

dont feel like dating for a long time ,need to work on me just dont know where to start ,

thank u newby u words really helped:love:

[newbby]

start at the beginning. set yourself a small goal each day, and some larger ones that will take more time. just think how the stress from him has held you back. go back to school, ask them if you can pick up where you left off. tell them that you went through a period of stress and you want to resume your studies.

life is exciting now. you can do anything you want. everything you do from now on is for you and you will feel so good about each and every thing that you accomplish.

you dont have to date, but you can if you want to. that feels good in itself. you sound like you know what youre about and what you need.

get back to the gym, excercise is gooood.

take good care of you. xxxx

[lynnered]

i thank u again newby

i guess u have 2 crawl before u walk,

school ill have to wait a few months for,

and i have a few bedrooms in my house so i may rent out a room,

just for extra money,

therapist doesnt think i should date awhile

she said it took me 27years to get to this point im at &its going to take some time to fix me,

she thinks theres some reason that i dont think im deserving of a good partner,

i miss him & i miss the life we planned but im sure in time that will fade ,

and posting here venting and getting great advise from people like u newby,barby ,LB& all the rest is helping me more then u know:love:

[newbby]

there are always reasons, i think.

just keep working on you and keep posting.

you will come along quicker than you think now that you are no longer in limbo land.

maybe this was the best thing to happen although it may not seem like it now.

at least when there is an end there is no room for hope. at least when we have nc they cannot manipulate. you are free lynnered, and it is good.

[lynnered]

do u think i should confront him?

i mean i can go to his gym he goes practically everyday?

but that would be stalkerish

i know W address i have never driven by the house i have thought of that these past couple of days to see if his truck is there,

part of me wants closure still part of me never wants to see him again,

i havent felt like me in a long time ,

i feel kind of relieved still scared though,

i guess its like any relationship when its over so much goes through ur head i know i need to move on its going to be hard a long process ups & downs

thank u again newby

[newbby]

i dont know if you should confront him or not.

in many ways i think you will feel best not to, as it gives you more dignity not to. i also think that you have all the closure that you need, because he has not been decent enough to talk to you at all or let you know what is going on.

i also know that it is hard to not confront him, when you feel like this.

i thnkin the long run though, you will feel better to show him that you are strong enough and self respecting enough to not confront him. also if you begin to try and find that he is not going to his normal gym etc, then you will get more angry and more frustrated. so i guess my answer is no, dont confront him, but if you do, then that is understandable.

xxxx

[lynnered]

no i wont confront him i think ur right as far as the dignity,this whole situation just makes me feel castaway or forgotton ,

mad that he couldnt leave &mad he couldnt be honest with me about everything,

itll be ok i guess some time just needs to pass,

all that will get me is what i already know ,so that would just make me look nuts to do something like that,

all this time i wasted & all this time to put myself back together

take care of u newby

[whatafool]

Dear Lynn - you have to stop this and get out.

 

I have been there too and understand your pain. This guy is an emotional shop lifter - he wants something for nothing - he is selfish and childish and you don't need him in your life.

 

I tried everything to 'turn the tide' of the rollercoaster and the most bizarre thing helped me. I don't want to offend you if you have any strong religious beliefs and this would go against them. But I visited an I Ching practioner - and was absolutely bowled over by the advice she gave me. She knew nothing of the reason for my visit, but the first thing she said was 'who is it that you want to leave home'!!! Scarey.

 

But in the hour consultation she gave me a very clear insight into my situation and what I should do about it - and this was the turning point for me. She did not necessarily tell me what I wanted to hear, but the more I think about what she did tell me (I was given a tape recording of the visit) the more I could see the sense. I have been feeling so much better since and see the situation clearly for the first time. It was just very sound counselling with someone that seemed to have a sixth sense about the whole situation - nothing spooky or scarey.

 

Whatever your religious or spiritual beliefs try and get some guidance or support from there - I think these situations are so bad that we just need to call on a higher power for help.

 

Please take care and don't obsess over him - try anything to move on.