Arieswoman Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Sugarandspice2, I am sorry for all the upset you've been having. But better one Christmas ruined than years of your life. Mid twenties and yes he's an alcoholic When you get into a relationship with an alcoholic (or anyone with any addiction) you will find that there will be 3 of you in the relationship, not 2. Moreover, the addiction will take priority over you every time. Be very glad that this guy isn't in your life any more.Please get some counselling to deal with the loss of your child, there are agencies out there that will help you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Love this thread. It reminds me if why I should never be back with my ex. My ex bf and I used to have fights like this. So stupid and so immature. The last one we had ended something like this. It was nasty and I hurt like you did, but I saw the bigger picture and remained strong and never contacted him again. It took many stupid fights like this over one year for me to finally pull the plug and I’m so glad I did now. I’m mostly healed now and 8 months out and now he’s starting to text me occasionally. It’s threads like this and me remembering how we were bad together that keep me strong. Stay strong and push thru. Complete NC is the only way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 And are there any substance abuse issues with him? Wow, how did you know? You called it, that’s amazing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Wow, how did you know? You called it, that’s amazing. His behavior and how he handles conflict is similar to how my exbf acted (he's 47), and he is a very high functioning alcoholic. Both of my parents were alcoholics, so staying in a dysfunctional relationship with him was "comfortable", so to speak, although I suppose I should be relieved that with my background, that was the only addict I've ever dated. Since our break up (he dumped me by changing his profile picture on fb from one of us to one of his dog) I've been in counseling learning everything I can about addictions, addicts, and self esteem, so that I don't do a repeat. At 51, better late than never! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Love this thread. It reminds me if why I should never be back with my ex. My ex bf and I used to have fights like this. So stupid and so immature. The last one we had ended something like this. It was nasty and I hurt like you did, but I saw the bigger picture and remained strong and never contacted him again. It took many stupid fights like this over one year for me to finally pull the plug and I’m so glad I did now. I’m mostly healed now and 8 months out and now he’s starting to text me occasionally. It’s threads like this and me remembering how we were bad together that keep me strong. Stay strong and push thru. Complete NC is the only way. Same here, Pop. I'm 8 mths out and mostly healed, too, and I got a Christmas breadcrumb (which I ignored). Although my ex never blocked me per se, he stonewalled me occasionally when he would "get into a bad mood." *sigh* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flooded Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Just my two cents. I also recently got out of a relationship with an alcoholic (and frankly, all of my serious relationships have been with alcoholics) and the common denominator of these men is emotionally immaturity/unavailability. When you have a dysfunctional coping mechanism to all life throws at you - namely, drinking and getting drunk - you never learn how to handle conflict in a balanced, mature way. Your ex simply didn't, and doesn't, know how to deal. You dodged a bullet, sister. I'm so impressed that you're not using other numbers to get in touch. Stay strong and stay FULLY NC. It won't. E easy at first but it will get easier. Here's to a happy, healthy 2018!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Just my two cents. I also recently got out of a relationship with an alcoholic (and frankly, all of my serious relationships have been with alcoholics) and the common denominator of these men is emotionally immaturity/unavailability. When you have a dysfunctional coping mechanism to all life throws at you - namely, drinking and getting drunk - you never learn how to handle conflict in a balanced, mature way. Your ex simply didn't, and doesn't, know how to deal. You dodged a bullet, sister. I'm so impressed that you're not using other numbers to get in touch. Stay strong and stay FULLY NC. It won't. E easy at first but it will get easier. Here's to a happy, healthy 2018!! Bingo! And even if they do get into AA and start living in sobriety, it takes several years for them to learn healthy coping mechanisms. Until they do, they are "dry drunks". They may not be actively drinking but they're still dealing with their emotions in unhealthy ways. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 So 5 days ago we had an argument because he was being nastyabout the fact that I had family over from out of the country and he wasn’t ableto go out alone with me for that night. I called him out on being nasty andrude and he didn’t like it so he said some things and ended it with “have agood night”. I responded back but realized that he blocked me. I waited it outand thought he would unblock me for Christmas and he didn’t. We both planned tobuy each other something for Christmas. Fast forward today is his birthday and I am still blocked.In the past he used to block me after arguments and I would reach out fromother numbers to contact him and we would make up..but I realized that loweredmy self worth. We’ve been together for 10 months. I am not doing that anymore. Noteven wishing him happy birthday. What really hurts is that I just had amiscarriage a few weeks ago and he’s treating me like this. I am not surprisedat all at his behavior because I realized he’s very selfish..only cares abouthimself. I feel like I should just go no contact without closure and move on.What do you guys think? Find someone that loves you and treats you like they love you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 So sorry about the miscarriage. My wife and I went through one. I know it hurts. Prays are with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Mid twenties and yes he's an alcoholic Better off with out him if this is the case. You deserve so much more then he was ever going to be able to give. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarandspice2 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 This is not healthy. I am sorry for your loss I would actually wonder if he was cheating while he had me blocked for so long. Terrible way to feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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