Narcissist breakup

[divegrl]

Yup. You’re not alone. Many of us have gone thru it. It is crazy making!

 

Plz try not to self blame. You have been thru horrible abuse and it will take time to heal. But you can heal. I know it seems impossible; but it will get better.

 

Hugs my friend.

[DevastatedJDC]

He couldn’t even give me the respect to tell me he doesn’t want to talk to me. Just ghosted completely. I did so much for that man. I have started therapy and I hope that helps

 

That is exactly what drives me crazy about the narcissist and ghosting - I'd feel way better if he would just respond with an "F-OFF" or anything..... but to have such little regard for our entire relationship as to just ghost - that is the ultimate betrayal and disrespect.... I just can't comprehend that behavior, especially from someone I thought loved me for a long time.... Here's a link to a blog I found very insightful:

 

https://esteemology.com/narcissists-and-betrayal/

[Mrin]

I know it sucks to be going through this and I feel for you.

 

But... What in the heck were you thinking? Like I saw this coming by your second paragraph. You really need to find a way to get this man out of your life and to get yourself straight. This is just toxic.

[magnesium]

That is exactly what drives me crazy about the narcissist and ghosting - I'd feel way better if he would just respond with an "F-OFF" or anything..... but to have such little regard for our entire relationship as to just ghost - that is the ultimate betrayal and disrespect.... I just can't comprehend that behavior, especially from someone I thought loved me for a long time.... Here's a link to a blog I found very insightful:

 

https://esteemology.com/narcissists-and-betrayal/

 

That's a great article. Spot on.

[AT575]

I don’t know what I was thinking but I can say that I have completely lost myself in this whole thing. I will read the articles and watch the video. I really appreciate everyone’s words. I haven’t talked to my friends about it much as they all hate him and are tired of me talking about it with them

[Mr.Me]

I wasn't that big of a fan of that article above. I think it had some good points but for me it's not exactly spot on, but instead, pretty close.

 

I for one can't imagine what I would'nt give for my Ex to go all NC on me. That would be the best life gift I could ever receive.

 

From my experiences and knowledge of the subject, Classic Narcissism Personality Disorder is generally considered a Self Esteem issue. They actually feel terrible on the inside. So terrible NPD's must lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, deflect, project, WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO avoid those feelings and continue a steady supply of adoration by virtue of superiority.

 

Anything short of "OMG YOU'RE SO AMAZING!" to feed the never ending need to feel better about themselves.

Kinda of like a druggie, they are always looking for that supply of adoration. Bouncing between people and situations in which to keep the supply coming.

 

When you break the NC, they see you as someone that used to have what they wanted but either you ran out, or someone else had a bigger supply they were more interested in at the time.

 

With my Ex, I can almost set a clock by it. She takes a hit to her self esteem with ajob loss, or a break up, or even just a bad day she will come back to me acting all nice and sweet and loving. I don't fall for it anymore. I won't help her fill the need so she becomes vindictive. When she having good days, she ignores me altogether. I like those days best.

[AT575]

Well I hope I can get to the point where I want him

To ignore me. When I made contact last night I said what I needed to say and even asked if he doesn’t want to talk to me or isn’t ready to talk if he could tell me hat as opposed to ghosting me. No response. Nothing. Someone that would act this way doesn’t care about me and certainly doesn’t respect me. Five years and that’s how he wants to treat me. I just need to go back to no contact and take it one day if not one hour at a time.

[stillafool]

Has this guy been clinically diagnosed a Narcissist? If not, he is just another Player who is into extremely young women and always will be. OP, take your focus off of him and put it on you. Ask yourself why you feel you don't deserve better than you accept from a man. If it takes therapy to give you the answer and solution then seek it out. You can no longer blame this man for his treatment of you as you knew from his past that this could happen.

[CantTakeMySmile]

Well I hope I can get to the point where I want him

To ignore me. When I made contact last night I said what I needed to say and even asked if he doesn’t want to talk to me or isn’t ready to talk if he could tell me hat as opposed to ghosting me. No response. Nothing. Someone that would act this way doesn’t care about me and certainly doesn’t respect me. Five years and that’s how he wants to treat me. I just need to go back to no contact and take it one day if not one hour at a time.

 

 

 

What did you say in message?

[AT575]

I said that we haven’t talked in a while and would like to have a mature conversation . I said that ghosting is mean, hurtful and confusing and after 5 years, especially the last yer and a half we should have a conversation and asked him to call me when he’s ready to talk.

[Nadine123]

The more you chase, the more they back away. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have messaged or called you.

 

If he's a narcissist as you claim, all you're doing is feeding his ego and he's most likely to ignore you even more.

 

keep us updated

[AT575]

Ya I won’t be contacting him from here on out.

[AT575]

I’m more angry today than sad. I gave that man everything I had. For him to treat me like that after everything is not okay. I don’t deserve that. No one does.

[Zahara]

I’m more angry today than sad. I gave that man everything I had. For him to treat me like that after everything is not okay. I don’t deserve that. No one does.

 

He treated you badly from the get go. He didn't suddenly turn into a douchebag. At some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions in that you put yourself in this position. It's not his fault anymore. He showed you who he was more than once, but you made bad choices. The sooner you turn it inward, the sooner you move on. I'm not sure why you think someone that treated you poorly time and time again would care enough to have a mature conversation with you. Best to come terms with the reality of who he is and work on accountability and acceptance.

[elaine567]

Not sure if I see narcissism here, but you are the fall back girl,

He dated you and quickly dumped you for a better model. he then cheats on her with you.

You tell him to come back when he is free, he comes back but you are involved with some other guy so you have an affair. He tells you not to leave your bf as he knows you are not really gf material for him.

He then cheats on you by seeing some other girl.

Now he is gone.

YOU are not enough for him, he may paint a pretty picture to keep you on board and for you to be at his beck and call as his OW, but I guess you just aren't what he really wants.

Sorry!

It been 5 years, do not waste a moment longer.

[AT575]

I am aware of that. He and I have talked about that. He denies but why would he admit it. His family have reached out to me. Apologized for his behaviour and don’t understand what happened or what’s going on with him. His sister in law and brother have both told they think he’s a narcissist and that he’s treated me terribly. I am starting to take responsibility but it’s easier said than done

[Zahara]

I am aware of that. He and I have talked about that. He denies but why would he admit it. His family have reached out to me. Apologized for his behaviour and don’t understand what happened or what’s going on with him. His sister in law and brother have both told they think he’s a narcissist and that he’s treated me terribly. I am starting to take responsibility but it’s easier said than done

 

For starters, stop contacting him. Block him from any point of access to you. Then stop looking to him to validate your feelings. He's devalued you time and time again. You need to start accepting him for who he is and embracing the reality that he will never be the man you hope and would hope for him to be. Time to focus on why you accepted poor treatment and you own dysfunctional behavior rather than figure out his mental state.

[AT575]

I have blocked him on all social media and phone. I know I can do this but it’s so hard.

[Been]

Do you not see the irony in that you cheated/played a man who loved and adored you to be with someone who basically did the samething to you not once but multiple times?

[AT575]

Obviously I do

[Been]

Wasn't trying to be mean towards you but its hard to have sympathy towards you when your guilty of doing the exact something to someone else.

I think maybe you might like all the drama and up and down of a toxic relationship and maybe your not used to a normal relationship?

Because sometimes we get so used to something that it becomes normal when it shouldn't.

[magnesium]

Obviously I do

 

You should look into a phenomena called Complex PTSD, but now instead of it being a disorder, it is (slowly) being recognised as brain injury, which results from a chronic traumatic experience.

 

It sounds like you are taking accountability towards your actions regarding cheating on a good man, so that wouldn't make you a narcissist, as a narcissist will cheat on people because of ENTITLEMENT.

 

There is a book called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker. It will help you understand why you ended up in an abusive relationship, and it will explain why you do what you did.

[AT575]

I’ve kept no contact since the last time I texted him

With no response on his end. It’s been a month since I’ve heard from him. I’m having good days sans days like today where I’m sad and miss him. I’ve done so much reading and am trying my hardest to keep busy. Some days are very hard and today is one of them.

[AT575]

Am I being crazy to still be missing this person who treated me so terribly? It’s been a little over a month since I’ve heard from him and two weeks since I messaged him asking if we could talk. I am trying so hard to move on and have kept NC and no social media looking but I still want this person to call me.