Author Nadine123 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hi @beachhead, thank you for taking the time to get back. I have tried to include as much details as possible. We both met in country. I was there for my annual visit and he was there for holiday. We hit it off instantly and I have never felt an attraction to someone like this before. I do admit we ended up hooking the first night, which was wrong from my side but alcohol does wonders. Not blaming it on that and I take full responsibility for my actions. He asked me if he can sleepover which he did and we ended up hanging out together for three weeks. His friend was a bit racist towards me and never chilled with us (I'm arab) but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and didn't take it personally. He was very sweet. I remember he used to do this thing where he used to kiss my arms and hold my hands where we were sitting. He was supposed to leave after three weeks but he decided to extend his stay for a month and a half. When he left, he didn't contact me at all even though we agreed that I would come visit him the coming month. He would only like and comment on my posts on social media. I didn't contact him too because I didn't want to nag. This is when things start going horrible. I was walking down the street 2 weeks later and I saw him sitting with a group of friends. He looked at me for like 4 secs and turned his face. I lied to myself and said that there is no way it is him. I saw him the next day as well but I again lied to myself. There is no reason why he would act like that or why anyone would act like that. I later find out it was him by the way and he was in the city and didnt contact me. He continues to like and comment on my things on social media, even though he just ignored me twice, and I figure out that it's done. Fast forward two weeks, he facebooks msgs me and humiliates me. He proceeds to say racist things about my country, calls me names, was high like hell (not judging people who smoke weed), and was just obnoxious to me. I ask him not to call me names and he ends up being online for two hours completely ignoring me so I block him. I was very hurt by how he acted towards me and how I didnt defend myself. I guess I was just too excited he finally msged me. Im PATHETIC I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hi OP, Is this the same man from your previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/636946-one-night-stand 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 yes, but i left many details out on that thread. your advice wouldbe appreciated too. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Ok, I was just a little confused because you termed it a "one night stand" there. How much time in total did you date/hang out with this person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 i lept with him the first night and this is why i called him that. Just read my posts three replies above. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Ah, I get it now. At first I was confused why you were so attached to a one-night stand. I am sorry that you are hurting. The travel idea sounds wonderful. May I ask if you are working or in school? Personally, I find that my rumination and anxiety decrease when I am busier and place my focus elsewhere (forcibly; I know this is not an easy task). Are there any people or causes in your life that could use some extra attention? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 i think its the humiliation he treated me with afterwards is what broke me. i work online, i do graphic design so also being home all the time doesnt help. I hope the travelling helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Yes, I can understand that. He treated you horribly. But keep in mind, that is a bad reflection on *him*, not you. You did not deserve his hostility and name-calling, and he no longer deserves your respect or attention, imo. I feel for you having to work at home. While there are many pluses to that arrangement, in a time of emotional duress, it can exacerbate things to be house bound. Do you live alone? Is there a way you can work remotely from a cafe, etc? I would try to leave the house once a day, no matter what, even if it is just for a short walk or a trip to the store. It helps to see that the world is still moving, bustling, full of people who are not your lousy ex. Good distraction and sensory input to take you out of your own painful thought cycles. Sending good thoughts! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hi @beachhead, thank you for taking the time to get back. I have tried to include as much details as possible. We both met in country. I was there for my annual visit and he was there for holiday. We hit it off instantly and I have never felt an attraction to someone like this before. I do admit we ended up hooking the first night, which was wrong from my side but alcohol does wonders. Not blaming it on that and I take full responsibility for my actions. He asked me if he can sleepover which he did and we ended up hanging out together for three weeks. His friend was a bit racist towards me and never chilled with us (I'm arab) but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and didn't take it personally. He was very sweet. I remember he used to do this thing where he used to kiss my arms and hold my hands where we were sitting. He was supposed to leave after three weeks but he decided to extend his stay for a month and a half. When he left, he didn't contact me at all even though we agreed that I would come visit him the coming month. He would only like and comment on my posts on social media. I didn't contact him too because I didn't want to nag. This is when things start going horrible. I was walking down the street 2 weeks later and I saw him sitting with a group of friends. He looked at me for like 4 secs and turned his face. I lied to myself and said that there is no way it is him. I saw him the next day as well but I again lied to myself. There is no reason why he would act like that or why anyone would act like that. I later find out it was him by the way and he was in the city and didnt contact me. He continues to like and comment on my things on social media, even though he just ignored me twice, and I figure out that it's done. Fast forward two weeks, he facebooks msgs me and humiliates me. He proceeds to say racist things about my country, calls me names, was high like hell (not judging people who smoke weed), and was just obnoxious to me. I ask him not to call me names and he ends up being online for two hours completely ignoring me so I block him. I was very hurt by how he acted towards me and how I didnt defend myself. I guess I was just too excited he finally msged me. Im PATHETIC I know. Quick question. You said you were both visiting the country so I am assuming you both live elsewhere? Where does he live and where do you live normally? Would it have been long distance? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 He lives in Israel and I live in Dubai but we both mer in egypt. I don't know, but the plan was to visit him after a month. I work online so it is easy for me to work from anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) Hi @beachhead, thank you for taking the time to get back. I have tried to include as much details as possible. We both met in country. I was there for my annual visit and he was there for holiday. We hit it off instantly and I have never felt an attraction to someone like this before. I do admit we ended up hooking the first night, which was wrong from my side but alcohol does wonders. Not blaming it on that and I take full responsibility for my actions. He asked me if he can sleepover which he did and we ended up hanging out together for three weeks. His friend was a bit racist towards me and never chilled with us (I'm arab) but I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and didn't take it personally. He was very sweet. I remember he used to do this thing where he used to kiss my arms and hold my hands where we were sitting. He was supposed to leave after three weeks but he decided to extend his stay for a month and a half. When he left, he didn't contact me at all even though we agreed that I would come visit him the coming month. He would only like and comment on my posts on social media. I didn't contact him too because I didn't want to nag. This is when things start going horrible. I was walking down the street 2 weeks later and I saw him sitting with a group of friends. He looked at me for like 4 secs and turned his face. I lied to myself and said that there is no way it is him. I saw him the next day as well but I again lied to myself. There is no reason why he would act like that or why anyone would act like that. I later find out it was him by the way and he was in the city and didnt contact me. He continues to like and comment on my things on social media, even though he just ignored me twice, and I figure out that it's done. Fast forward two weeks, he facebooks msgs me and humiliates me. He proceeds to say racist things about my country, calls me names, was high like hell (not judging people who smoke weed), and was just obnoxious to me. I ask him not to call me names and he ends up being online for two hours completely ignoring me so I block him. I was very hurt by how he acted towards me and how I didnt defend myself. I guess I was just too excited he finally msged me. Im PATHETIC I know. I am truly sorry for what this man put you through. I think what happened here was he went on a vacation, he felt free and good and in that moment of good feelings, met a beautiful girl (you) and made the most of his vacation by allowing himself to have a fling. I don't think he was ever serious about having something long-term with you and if it meant anything more to him, none of this would have happened. It doesn't matter how sweet and nice he was before all that..it was all ruined by the way he acted afterwards. I am still unclear as to why the switch in his behavior on you but it doesn't matter anyway because could you see yourself happy with someone who berated and disrespected you liek this? If this is what he did only a few months in..imagine a long-term relationship with him. Could you imagine bringing him to meet your family and friends knowing how he is? Furthermore, imagine trying to get along with his friends. These are important requirements in a relationship and he doesn't qualify for any of them. This relationship wouldn't have worked out. He is not a good person and you are truly better off without him If you absolutely need to, maybe say your peace to him but immediately block and delete him off of everything and never speak to him again. Right now your spirit is crushed and you are heartbroken. You need to rebuild your strength and confidence and remind yourself that you a quality person. I often journal out my thoughts in a notebook or come on Loveshack when I need to and this stops me from reaching out to my ex. I also encourage you to do things that you love where you can meet people more like you. For example (Painting, Learning a new instrument, Gym classes etc.). And also spend time alone when you need to. Cry it out. Be angry. Let yourself feel it because that is how you will heal. Treat yourself to things too. Buy yourself something nice for example. The more you line your life up with what you desire in your heart, the more at peace and content you will be. This will translate positively into your relationships with family, friends and partners. Don't do any of this for anyone else but you. I promise you that broken heart will heal and down the road, this self-investment and the strength that you will gain from getting through this will attract healthier people for you. Stay Strong OP. Edited January 19, 2018 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 I am truly sorry for what this man put you through. I think what happened here was he went on a vacation, he felt free and good and in that moment of good feelings, met a beautiful girl (you) and made the most of his vacation by allowing himself to have a fling. I don't think he was ever serious about having something long-term with you and if it meant anything more to him, none of this would have happened. It doesn't matter how sweet and nice he was before all that..it was all ruined by the way he acted afterwards. I am still unclear as to why the switch in his behavior on you but it doesn't matter anyway because could you see yourself happy with someone who berated and disrespected you liek this? If this is what he did only a few months in..imagine a long-term relationship with him. Could you imagine bringing him to meet your family and friends knowing how he is? Furthermore, imagine trying to get along with his friends. These are important requirements in a relationship and he doesn't qualify for any of them. This relationship wouldn't have worked out. He is not a good person and you are truly better off without him If you absolutely need to, maybe say your peace to him but immediately block and delete him off of everything and never speak to him again. Right now your spirit is crushed and you are heartbroken. You need to rebuild your strength and confidence and remind yourself that you a quality person. I often journal out my thoughts in a notebook or come on Loveshack when I need to and this stops me from reaching out to my ex. I also encourage you to do things that you love where you can meet people more like you. For example (Painting, Learning a new instrument, Gym classes etc.). And also spend time alone when you need to. Cry it out. Be angry. Let yourself feel it because that is how you will heal. Treat yourself to things too. Buy yourself something nice for example. The more you line your life up with what you desire in your heart, the more at peace and content you will be. This will translate positively into your relationships with family, friends and partners. Don't do any of this for anyone else but you. I promise you that broken heart will heal and down the road, this self-investment and the strength that you will gain from getting through this will attract healthier people for you. Stay Strong OP. Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this. I guess you are right. There is no point writing to him as I already blocked him everywhere and it has been two months already, so reaching out to him now would make me look crazy. He probably even forgot I existed and to be honest if he cared, he wouldnt do all of this. My parents raised me to not care about what someone's race/religion/background is which is probably why I didn't look so much into this, but you are right. He had no intentions of getting with me because of what his friends and family will say. He probably even ignored me that day when he was with them because he didnt really care that much about them. I hope I will be okay one day. I have never been hurt like this in my life but I will spend the next few days planning m trip so hopefully I will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 (edited) Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this. I guess you are right. There is no point writing to him as I already blocked him everywhere and it has been two months already, so reaching out to him now would make me look crazy. He probably even forgot I existed and to be honest if he cared, he wouldnt do all of this. My parents raised me to not care about what someone's race/religion/background is which is probably why I didn't look so much into this, but you are right. He had no intentions of getting with me because of what his friends and family will say. He probably even ignored me that day when he was with them because he didnt really care that much about them. I hope I will be okay one day. I have never been hurt like this in my life but I will spend the next few days planning m trip so hopefully I will get better. Well what I meant by friends and family was more for you to look at it from your perspective. As in would your friends and family get along with a guy who would treat you like this? You could be totally okay with it but if there was friction between him and your family/friends, I woul imagine it would cause some stress in your life because you would want your loved ones to like the one that you love. I trust your family and perhaps friends are important to you so how they feel about the people you bring into your life carries some weight. He hasn't forgotten you. I know that for sure. But he also doesn't care for you in the way you hope. I know that hurts to hear but if this is how life made it be, then it is better for you that you and him didn't continue because his heart wasn't truly in it anyway. Be with someone who's truly in it with you. Someone who will cry for you and fight for you everyday. Yes OP, you will most definitely be okay although it doesn't feel like it right now. Do consider that you lived a life before he came into the picture where I trust you smiled and laughed and found joy in life irrespective of him. So, I trust you will continue to find joy and laughter when you feel better. All that's needed is time and for you to take care of yourself. Stay strong. Ps. I believe you can always send me a personal message on here. I keep my inbox open for anyone who wants to talk about things when it gets hard. Edited January 19, 2018 by Beachead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 The reason I am writing this is because I'm done with being miserable. I've been doing nothing but cry for the past 4 months but this has to stop. I am starting to plan a 6 months trip to South America and just enjoy every day as if it is the last. To make the story VERY short. I met an amazing guy in summer and we ended up spending it together. We slept together and he treated me like a princess. Maybe the reason I fell in love so quick was because noone has treated me like that before. He ends up leaving, doesnt text me at all and only likes my things on social media. I see him in town with his friends, he ignores me and turns the other way around. I lie to myself and say it is no way that's him. He contacts me a week later, calls me names and makes rude comments about my country. I end up blocking him everywhere and since then,I have been a complete mess. How can someone be so cruel? why would anyone use another person like that? I understand just wanting to spend time, but acting and then humiliating me like that? For the past four months, Ive been thinking about him and crying every day, but today I am DONE! I'll start meditating again, going out with friends, reading, etc. I believe I will get better one day. I just miss him...and I dont understand why I would miss or still love someone who humiliated me like that. Thank you for reading and any words of encouragement would mean alot to me. Good For you!!!! This is awesome! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 thank you so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 I messaged the hostel owner happy birthday today and he told me that my ex came back and stayed for 10 days in the same city but at a different hostel. When he asked him why he told him because I was stalking him and he was worried that ''I would be holding a knife at the border'' when he entered the country. He also told him that every time we had sex, he would empty the condoms out because the last thing he wanted is an arab girl trying to get pregnant from him. I don't understand this bullying. It's been three months already but to go back and speak very poorly about me like this to a complete stranger. The funny thing is that I blocked him everywhere and didnt even chase him. I dont know what to do anymore. Im starting to find it difficult to get out of bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 He is awful. Remember, this reflects on him, not you! I am sorry you heard that and are struggling. Is there anyone you can reach out to today in your area? And have you considered the possibility of counseling (not sure how common this is where you are; I am from U.S., where it is widely available)? Sending good thoughts! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Share Posted January 20, 2018 Counselling is really expensive here (equivalent to $150) per session. I have decided to tell my mother everything but leave out the sex part because thats not allowed. I cant deal with this on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 That is about the going rate for counseling. It has helped me immensely. The money is worth it. Go without other things if you have to, your mental health is very important. A therapist has tools and can help you in ways that no one else can. People on LS, friends, and family, although we want to help you we don't have the credentials a therapist does. Do what you have to do to get yourself the best help possible. Sending you love and prayers sweetheart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I messaged the hostel owner happy birthday today and he told me that my ex came back and stayed for 10 days in the same city but at a different hostel. When he asked him why he told him because I was stalking him and he was worried that ''I would be holding a knife at the border'' when he entered the country. He also told him that every time we had sex, he would empty the condoms out because the last thing he wanted is an arab girl trying to get pregnant from him. I don't understand this bullying. It's been three months already but to go back and speak very poorly about me like this to a complete stranger. The funny thing is that I blocked him everywhere and didnt even chase him. I dont know what to do anymore. Im starting to find it difficult to get out of bed. He's ridiculous and a liar and you can see he's got issues so you shouldn't take anything he says seriously. Don't internalize this or allow yourself to believe everybody is like this. This is simply one terrible experience. Just weather out the remaining storm clouds and it will be over. Things will get better and there will be healthier men you will attract. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Dont feel bad. Last year, I was seeing this guy. It was a distraction and meant nothing to me, this guys was a douche in so many ways. I was alone and wanted to have sex so I was also using him. Through the entire relationship, I was indifferent and he kept saying to me "don't fall for it". The guy was a Spanish man, he thought he was better looking then he actually was, he cleaned shoppers drug marts at night and lived in a bay where he ran a very unsuccessful mechanic shop. I believe his rent is lower renting a bay then an apartment. There is a point to this story. He used to take the condoms before he left so I wouldn't get pregnant by him and expect him to support me and my child. The funny part is that he ghosted me. I didn't care any and he owed me money for a shift I worked for him. I wasn't emotionally invested but the fact he thought I thought so much of him made me laugh. Edited January 21, 2018 by igotoverit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nadine123 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Share Posted January 21, 2018 Dont feel bad. Last year, I was seeing this guy. It was a distraction and meant nothing to me, this guys was a douche in so many ways. I was alone and wanted to have sex so I was also using him. Through the entire relationship, I was indifferent and he kept saying to me "don't fall for it". The guy was a Spanish man, he thought he was better looking then he actually was, he cleaned shoppers drug marts at night and lived in a bay where he ran a very unsuccessful mechanic shop. I believe his rent is lower renting a bay then an apartment. There is a point to this story. He used to take the condoms before he left so I wouldn't get pregnant by him and expect him to support me and my child. The funny part is that he ghosted me. I didn't care any and he owed me money for a shift I worked for him. I wasn't emotionally invested but the fact he thought I thought so much of him made me laugh. hahaha you just made my day. I think its just the bullying of him and his friends is what got to me the most. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 hahaha you just made my day. I think its just the bullying of him and his friends is what got to me the most. I was also bullied and in time you'll realize it reflects them, and not you. Give yourself some time then come back and read your story. What kind of people do this? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 hahaha you just made my day. I think its just the bullying of him and his friends is what got to me the most. It definitely reflects on their character. Shows ignorance, insecurity, narrow mindedness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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