Text ex gf happy birthday?

[stockyoldfrump]

Exactly. Just don't even bother. Atleast the silence is genuine.

 

Very much echo the sentiments about the polite, dispassionate, one sentence reply. Those are the absolute worst, most cutting things on earth. They're also the reason I avoid reaching out. If I thought I could get away with texting "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" and get silence in return, I'd probably do it annually. Just so that they know I don't hate them and haven't forgotten entirely.

 

But I actively fear a "thanks a lot. Hope you're well" message. It's like the saying: the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. The silence is at least indicative of some emotion. A reply like that is on par with how you'd greet a receptionist or a mailman you've never met. Brutal to be acknowledged and at the same time reduced to absolute unimportance.

 

Never again.

[Alo2008]

I’ve settled on not texting her. Thank you all. All your perspectives have helped. Coincidentally, she texted my best friend yesterday to ask about me. For what reason, I don’t know. I am not going to entertain the idea of questioning why she asked because it’s pointless, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t care, and it makes me so mad that I care. To top things off I had a dream about her last night. Just makes me even more angry that I have these emotions. In my eyes, you can’t truly care for someone if you let them go yet still persist in knowing of them. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just really mad haha.

[BC1980]

I’ve settled on not texting her. Thank you all. All your perspectives have helped. Coincidentally, she texted my best friend yesterday to ask about me. For what reason, I don’t know. I am not going to entertain the idea of questioning why she asked because it’s pointless, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t care, and it makes me so mad that I care. To top things off I had a dream about her last night. Just makes me even more angry that I have these emotions. In my eyes, you can’t truly care for someone if you let them go yet still persist in knowing of them. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just really mad haha.

 

A lot of people get curious about exes. We've all done stuff like Google and ex, look up an ex on social media, or ask about in ex through mutual acquaintances. It doesn't really mean anything other than the person satisfying curiosity. If she wanted to be with you, she would. Remember that.

[Alo2008]

I did it guys. I didn’t text her anything for her birthday today or anything for Christmas. As of now I have mixed emotions about it. Sad that I’ve reached this point, especially because there were so many times I wanted to reach out just to give wishes for her birthday and holiday, but happy that I was able to do it. Another thing to build on. I know that the value of me saying noting was greater than the value of saying something at this point. Merry Christmas/ happy holidays everyone.

[Beachead]

I did it guys. I didn’t text her anything for her birthday today or anything for Christmas. As of now I have mixed emotions about it. Sad that I’ve reached this point, especially because there were so many times I wanted to reach out just to give wishes for her birthday and holiday, but happy that I was able to do it. Another thing to build on. I know that the value of me saying noting was greater than the value of saying something at this point. Merry Christmas/ happy holidays everyone.

 

Awesome OP.

 

You may start to feel doubt about your decision to do so as the weeks go on but don't let your mind play tricks. This was absolutely the best move and the right thing to do. Remember that the silence speaks far more clearly and effectively at this point than you could.

 

Stay strong

[HiCrunchy]

Have to echo the people who say this is not advisable.

 

Beachead was very astute in her/his assessment of this dynamic. When we're heartbroken or longing, even our best intentions are actually very selfish. We think we're doing something purely out of decency or consideration but, even if we hope to act out of those motives alone, there is always another part of us that is hoping that somehow things will go back to normal if you can just say or do the right thing. This is unavoidable, regardless of how noble you are logically.

 

If it's any comfort, tell yourself that - quite simply - you don't know what the future holds. This is true in the purest sense. She might reach out one day in the future or you might bump into her unexpectedly or you might end up at a party together and find that you're able to talk. One day you might be friends. Hell, there's the crazy off chance that one day you might fall back in love. Crazier things have happened.

 

But nothing good is going to happen now.

 

Anything that does happen between the two of you will need to happen between two completely different people. Whether it's a friendship or a pleasant acquaintanceship, it will be rooted in newfound appreciation for the people you will be after a significant period apart. The people you are now are not compatible with each other. Even if you could be, there's too much pain and bad blood to make it realistic. You have to accept that and let it go.

 

If you need, tell yourself that it's temporary. That you will reach out again one day in the distant future. Maybe in three years. Maybe in five. Odds are, by that point, you'll have no desire to. Tell yourself you're keeping your distance for her. After all, when you're someone's "friend" despite wanting more, it's not only painful for you but it will inevitably be difficult, inconvenient and annoying for them. By bowing out entirely, you're sparing her that burden. Whatever you tell yourself, it needs to be so powerful and so completely believed that it transcends the lure of reaching out. Because that option leads only to pain, embarrassment and setback that is far more intense than what you've endured so far.

 

One day she may be in your life in some way. Maybe not. But you need to act as though the person you were with is dead and distance yourself from her that entirely. For you and for her.

 

This is the best post I have ever seen on the matter.

Words to live by

[Bantosm]

Do not text her for her birthday. It is better if you don't. Trust me.

Listen to this. Don't make the same mistake I did.