Narcissism and Hoovering...vs. Sincerity

[Gr8fuln2020]

Likely she knows this already and is using it to keep the game going you SAY you don't wanna play. Your actions aren't really matching up though it seems.

 

It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my ‘better’ nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I don’t want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I agree. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you miss her?

 

Ugh. What a question. How you torment me...? Today, it’s somewhere between a 1 and 3. Some days, about a 7, but unusual. I’ve been at the 10 once or twice. I’m usually around a 5. Lol, even my answers are convoluted.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my ‘better’ nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I don’t want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.

 

I think you need to do more work around how you define forgiveness.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I think you need to do more work around how you define forgiveness.

 

Absolutely. My therapist and I are doing just that. I’m being resistant to some of the expectations, especially those that involve forgiving myself.

[Mr.Me]

It seems? No, they are not. I have been in therapy and some of the discussions have revolved around forgiveness. I could have kept it simple, but chose to acquiesce to my ‘better’ nature. It has been unrelenting since then. Anger, accusations, sadness, disappointment, but mostly civil and remorseful. I dumped her once before and I don’t want to be the one to leave again. Does that make sense? I have, on a number of occasions, given her an out. I have learned a lot about me, us during this time. I know she is hurting and she takes some comfort in me being in contact. I am NC again. I pray I can keep it up. Just being honest... or a fool.

 

 

I understand where ya out on this deal but sometimes you gotta put you first and foremost. Sometimes that's gonna be perceived as mean spirited. Also keep in mind some people need the bluntness to get the point.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I understand where ya out on this deal but sometimes you gotta put you first and foremost. Sometimes that's gonna be perceived as mean spirited. Also keep in mind some people need the bluntness to get the point.

 

I appreciate that. She is a woman lost right now and I am heavily responsible for that. I won't return her anger with more anger...not at her. It goes against my nature. I tried a few days ago to be blunt and 'in your face', believe me, I am capable, but NOT AT HER EXPENSE.

 

She doesn't need that. I'll need to come up with an honest and healthy plan with my therapist. A full day of NC so far.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I appreciate that. She is a woman lost right now and I am heavily responsible for that. I won't return her anger with more anger...not at her. It goes against my nature. I tried a few days ago to be blunt and 'in your face', believe me, I am capable, but NOT AT HER EXPENSE.

 

She doesn't need that. I'll need to come up with an honest and healthy plan with my therapist. A full day of NC so far.

 

Why are you so protective of her feelings?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Why are you so protective of her feelings?

 

Believe it or not, she is trying to get past the anger. I know her SO well. OMG, I wish I could share what kind of woman she can be when she has her stuff together!

 

I can be candid w/o the acridity.

[preraph]

Yes, refusing to take no for an answer could be considered narcissistic because you don't care if your persistence makes her upset. Anyway, it's a new year, so time to move on to newer people and things and next time not make the same mistakes. We all make mistakes. Got to learn from them though.

[Cookiesandough]

My ex posted passive aggressive narcissist quotes on FB for a long time. Take a look at this board. If everyone who has been called or believed to be a narcissist or BPD or sociopath by their ex actually was one they would probably account for the majority of the population. Your ex is the last person whose counsel you should be taking for your mental health(even if your ex is really a psychiatrist, get a second opinion.)

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yes, refusing to take no for an answer could be considered narcissistic because you don't care if your persistence makes her upset. Anyway, it's a new year, so time to move on to newer people and things and next time not make the same mistakes. We all make mistakes. Got to learn from them though.

 

The communication has been a two-way street. I have agreed to each of her NC suggestions and my own. I do not break the NC. She does each time. We are in NC now....again. Apparently our continued communication doesn't trigger her to believe that I am a narcissist. She has been all over the place and neither of us are ready to cut each other off. Quite mutual. Anyway, we're in NC now.

 

My ex posted passive aggressive narcissist quotes on FB for a long time. Take a look at this board. If everyone who has been called or believed to be a narcissist or BPD or sociopath by their ex actually was one they would probably account for the majority of the population. Your ex is the last person whose counsel you should be taking for your mental health(even if your ex is really a psychiatrist, get a second opinion.)

 

She's a family practitioner. Based on her past and state of mind, I don't take her amateur diagnosis seriously at all. She knows me much better than that to accuse me of such. She is angry and her 'therapist' provided her ammunition to label me something I am not.

 

Again...we're in NC now.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Good people, I know that i’m being a bumb-@ss. At this point, I need to ride this out. Ugh.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Good people, I know that i’m being a bumb-@ss. At this point, I need to ride this out. Ugh.

 

I feel the need to point out that a true narcissist would never admit to being a "bumb-@ss" :lmao:

[Gr8fuln2020]

I feel the need to point out that a true narcissist would never admit to being a "bumb-@ss" :lmao:

 

Thank you. I’ve been making mistakes left and right and undoubtedly flub up again before all this is over. Misspelling ‘Dumb-@ss’ is an example?

[Jimmy3858]

Check out thriveafterabuse.com if you think you are a narc. Great website that just helped me understand since my ex was a narc.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Check out thriveafterabuse.com if you think you are a narc. Great website that just helped me understand since my ex was a narc.

 

Thanks. I certainly have done some of the things a clinical narcissist has done, but certainly not habitually.

 

All so confusing.

 

Doesn’t there have to be a pattern of such behavior? We’re you with your ex long enough and repeat patterns observed to see true narcissistic behavior?

Edited January 2, 2018 by simpleNfit

[Downtown]

All so confusing. Doesn’t there have to be a pattern of such behavior?

Yes. See post #14 above.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Yes. See post #14 above.

 

Yes. Clearer now. What she did was packaged a microcosm of my behaviors and relayed that information to her therapist. My single conversation with her therapist, if I believe my ex, was also used to diagnose me as NPD. Incredible. I have no idea what to believe with her.

 

No matter. NC is on.

[gone_girl]

She has quite a nerve. Something similar happened to me 6 years ago. I had this boyfriend who betrayed me as well. When I found out I reacted very angrily. We got back together for a while but I had many angry outbursts when I felt like he was hiding things. Until I left for good. He kept in contact anyways, stating that I left him with emotional scars and that he was going to a therapist because of me etc... Many years later I found out hat he was with another woman when he was with me and she was pregnant!!!! He now emais me and tells me not to pout. Would you believe the nerve of some people? I filtered his emails going to the bin directly.

 

Sorry for making this about me. But I just want to say, DON'T TAKE HER SERIOUSLY!

[Gr8fuln2020]

She has quite a nerve. Something similar happened to me 6 years ago. I had this boyfriend who betrayed me as well. When I found out I reacted very angrily. We got back together for a while but I had many angry outbursts when I felt like he was hiding things. Until I left for good. He kept in contact anyways, stating that I left him with emotional scars and that he was going to a therapist because of me etc... Many years later I found out hat he was with another woman when he was with me and she was pregnant!!!! He now emais me and tells me not to pout. Would you believe the nerve of some people? I filtered his emails going to the bin directly.

 

Sorry for making this about me. But I just want to say, DON'T TAKE HER SERIOUSLY!

 

Thank you. I think she was greatly influenced by people wanting to protect her from the hurt of the break-up. It is easier for some to demonize to make it easier to move on, I suppose. I seriously doubt that she really, truly believes that I am a narcissist. My friends, family and my therapist with whom I speak weekly dismisses such a notion. I'm not worried about that any more. This whole thing has become much more than I expected. I know that she is hurting and my heart sinks when I think of the pain she is going through.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Thank you. I think she was greatly influenced by people wanting to protect her from the hurt of the break-up. It is easier for some to demonize to make it easier to move on, I suppose. I seriously doubt that she really, truly believes that I am a narcissist. My friends, family and my therapist with whom I speak weekly dismisses such a notion. I'm not worried about that any more. This whole thing has become much more than I expected. I know that she is hurting and my heart sinks when I think of the pain she is going through.

 

Then you're not a narcissist lol.

 

It sucks to know you're the reason someone's heart is broken .

[Gr8fuln2020]

Then you're not a narcissist lol.

 

It sucks to know you're the reason someone's heart is broken .

 

There are times when I get physically sick thinking about it. My most difficult problem isn’t getting over her or going NC, it’s finding some way to fix some of the crap I spread on during the breakup. I didn’t know it at the time and my fury prevented me from seeing it, but I went overboard. I did or didn’t do enough.