Zippy2000 Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 YES! A man can be interested without signs of attraction. What you are referring to is LACK OF A SPARK! It happened to me. I got dumped because I didnt make enough moves romantically. I was shy, and I hadnt been in relationship for 5 years so getting back into dating was odd. You need to either start flirting or dropping hints for him to ESCALATE his moves. I didnt recieve many cues from the woman I fancied so it went stale. I know about this as I catfished her and told my alter ego I was "flat". The man you described sounded like me: "There is no flirting at all, the eyes are intense, but dull/dead looking, yet the focus is strictly on me at all times. I won't go on, but just absoulutly no sign of lust/love" Thats because I didnt get cues or any type of flirting back from her. You need to make a move to start a game change.
Author aspentree1 Posted December 26, 2017 Author Posted December 26, 2017 Elaine567- That's exactly what I thought too When I re-read it, it seems final in a way. Like have a Happy New Year/have a nice life type of thing and like you said no intention of calling/texting on New Years. To the rest: The consensus seems to be for me to take the lead or at the very least throw out some signals. I will think about it, but like I wrote in one of my postings I didn't want to do any chasing this time around. My instinct is telling me to just sit back and let whatever happen..happen. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Not saying I'm going to be lazy about it, but I really wanted to be courted/wooed this time around. I guess I will wait awhile to see if he contacts me within a reasonable time frame in the New Year and if not, maybe I will send out a feeler.
mortensorchid Posted December 26, 2017 Posted December 26, 2017 a) he's not interested or b) he's interested and too shy to call I agree with both of these points. And you think to yourself if B is true then you should take the bull by the horns and do so. Don't. He may be shy with this, but chances are he's not shy in other aspects of his life. He is dedicated to his job, dedicated to other things, and other people, he's not dedicated to you because you are not a priority. He may say that you are if pushed, but actions speak louder than words. Plus you work with him. Not a good idea to get involved with people you work with. Move on.
surferchic Posted December 27, 2017 Posted December 27, 2017 He could just be 1-socially awkward Or 2- in a long distance /fading relationship . Some people/men put HEAVY feelers out to try and technically make the other person/female make the first move.
Author aspentree1 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 Another update: Got another text message tonight. It's New Years eve and kind of funny because he had already texted on Christmas and wished a Happy New Year then. LOL I had a feeling I would get a message anyway. and like clockwork I did. The only thing is, he keeps it very formal sounding. Wishing both me and my family the best in the New Year. Like one sentence and that's it. I took a few extra minutes in replying trying to think up something I could say to show interest in addition to the Happy New Years stuff. I won't write what I wrote just in case it reveals too much on here, but it was light and a compliment towards him. He wrote back and said he agreed to what I wrote and added a lot of smiley emojis. I dunno what to think at this point. During the week I spent a little too much time analizing everything from past to present and had to stop myself and try to put this out of my mind. I came to the conclusion at one point that maybe he's just being friendly and I was over reading into all this. I have to admit though it keeps creeping into my mind that why would an aquaintance bother to send greetings. Also why doesn't he write more then what he does, or why doesn't he phone? And then now what? There's no more holiday's coming up for him to send messages LOL I suppose if he is unsure/chicken to say more he will have to either have to up his game or give up. I'm not sure what to do? I've tried a little to show interest but probably not obvious enough. I really don't want to chase like I wrote before. I really want him to make the moves at least initially. If I do write something what do I write keeping in mind he may not be interested in that way. When should I send a message? A week from now?
Author aspentree1 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 Anothe thing is I've said a couple of compliments in my texts towards him, but he doesn't say anything towards me. Not that I'm expecting it, but I thought it would open things up a bit.
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Whether he is interested or not is a moot point, fact is you have a guy who you cannot even have a decent two way conversation with. It is all stilted and dead end. There is no "chat", no banter, no questions asked to keep the conversation going, it is as they say "like pulling teeth". 1
Author aspentree1 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 You're right Elaine567. It's getting annoying and not something I'm use to. Even if he had no interest but was being friendly, at least say something else like 'how have you been doing' etc. It's been 1 mth already since I last saw him in person and nothing has moved forward. I gave it a chance (if there was any interest) but now I will move on. 1
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Ok...my read is that he is interested. I think women underestimate how tied up in knots guys can get when around someone they like. I currently know a guy at work who is middle aged, in great shape for his age, perfectly confident in other areas of his life, who is crushing on a sweet woman who is as scary as Mother Theresa but he won’t approach her. I keep asking him, when are you going to ask her out? The poor guy is petrified. It’s a phenomena. The MORE a guy likes a woman the more terrifying it can be. A guy could have fought at Battle of the Bulge but still hesitate to ask out a woman. Question...have you given any signs that you are interested? Sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way. How about this...Come up with an excuse to stop by his work, be a little flirty, and ask him, “Do you still have my number?” If that doesn’t do it, then I’d move on. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 A guy could have fought at Battle of the Bulge but still hesitate to ask out a woman. . hahahahahaha 1
LilySun Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 I know many people who talk more in person than with texting. They tend to keep texting short and simple. It's not only a man thing but mostly it's men I know that do this. Or if he's not a big talker anyway, that will reflect on how he texts as well. So try not to analyze things like that. Perhaps he is trying to set the stage for more conversation. In a day or 2 just say hello, how are you today? And maybe that would get the ball rolling a little more.
Author aspentree1 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 bachdude- Yeah this man is upper middle aged too and very very confident in person with me, and others. He also is very chatty LOL Always has something to say and that's why it left me confused as to why his holiday texts were so formal/no extra conversation. I thought for sure he would be the type to phone not text because he is so chatty. Sometimes I feel like he may be thinking stuff like- 'it's not in the workplace anymore am I bothering her, will she think it's weird that I'm contacting her now that she's gone, am I too old for her' The big thing for me is that if I had an aquaintance at a workplace, and I no longer work there, I wouldn't be sending out holiday greetings Unless I had interest. I know lots of aquaintances that I chit chat with, but I don't think of them outside the workplace.
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Ok...my read is that he is interested. I think women underestimate how tied up in knots guys can get when around someone they like. I currently know a guy at work who is middle aged, in great shape for his age, perfectly confident in other areas of his life, who is crushing on a sweet woman who is as scary as Mother Theresa but he won’t approach her. I keep asking him, when are you going to ask her out? The poor guy is petrified. It’s a phenomena. The MORE a guy likes a woman the more terrifying it can be. A guy could have fought at Battle of the Bulge but still hesitate to ask out a woman. Question...have you given any signs that you are interested? Sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way. How about this...Come up with an excuse to stop by his work, be a little flirty, and ask him, “Do you still have my number?” If that doesn’t do it, then I’d move on. You obviously haven't read the rest of this saga. He has her number only he hasn't exactly done a lot with it. I have had better chats with a complete stranger than poor aspentree has had with this guy over the holidays... 1
Author aspentree1 Posted January 1, 2018 Author Posted January 1, 2018 Bachdude: I forgot to answer your question whether I've shown signs of interest. In person I've only been warm and receptive to his conversations. Lots of smiles but not in a flirty way. I tried once to look into his eyes in that special way LOL I didnt get anywhere with that. In my two responses to his holiday texts I gave him compliments, but again not in a flirty way..just in a nice way. I also mentioned for him to keep in touch So I can see that if he is interested he probably doesn't pick up that I am.
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 bachdude- Yeah this man is upper middle aged too and very very confident in person with me, and others. He also is very chatty LOL Always has something to say and that's why it left me confused as to why his holiday texts were so formal/no extra conversation. I thought for sure he would be the type to phone not text because he is so chatty. Sometimes I feel like he may be thinking stuff like- 'it's not in the workplace anymore am I bothering her, will she think it's weird that I'm contacting her now that she's gone, am I too old for her' The big thing for me is that if I had an aquaintance at a workplace, and I no longer work there, I wouldn't be sending out holiday greetings Unless I had interest. I know lots of aquaintances that I chit chat with, but I don't think of them outside the workplace. Ok, well, keep in mind too, it is the holidays. So perhaps he’ll call after the dust settles. I still like my idea of popping by again and asking if he still has your number. Throw in a smile while you say it and send telepathic vibes of “ask me out, ask me out”. You can’t drop a clearer hint, even for a guy. Haha
bachdude Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Bachdude: I forgot to answer your question whether I've shown signs of interest. In person I've only been warm and receptive to his conversations. Lots of smiles but not in a flirty way. I tried once to look into his eyes in that special way LOL I didnt get anywhere with that. In my two responses to his holiday texts I gave him compliments, but again not in a flirty way..just in a nice way. I also mentioned for him to keep in touch So I can see that if he is interested he probably doesn't pick up that I am. The green light is very helpful. A guy can be chatty but crossing that bridge of “I’d like to take you out to dinner” is another territory altogether. He may just think you are only interested in being friends. Female beauty and charms can be like Kryptonite, it can render the male species a heep of gibberish when asking a woman out on a date. When asking a woman out, there is an unknown of how I will come across. Worst case senario is I sound like an incoherent idiot and she turns me down on top of it...a double whammy! So I suggest giving a green light. Btw, don’t worry about his texts.
JuneL Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 You could have asked what he did/ate over the holidays and turned it into a conversation. Maybe you'd figure out your common interests in the kinds of food you eat or the types of activities you do, and plan a date out of it Another update: Got another text message tonight. It's New Years eve and kind of funny because he had already texted on Christmas and wished a Happy New Year then. LOL I had a feeling I would get a message anyway. and like clockwork I did. The only thing is, he keeps it very formal sounding. Wishing both me and my family the best in the New Year. Like one sentence and that's it. I took a few extra minutes in replying trying to think up something I could say to show interest in addition to the Happy New Years stuff. I won't write what I wrote just in case it reveals too much on here, but it was light and a compliment towards him. He wrote back and said he agreed to what I wrote and added a lot of smiley emojis. I dunno what to think at this point. During the week I spent a little too much time analizing everything from past to present and had to stop myself and try to put this out of my mind. I came to the conclusion at one point that maybe he's just being friendly and I was over reading into all this. I have to admit though it keeps creeping into my mind that why would an aquaintance bother to send greetings. Also why doesn't he write more then what he does, or why doesn't he phone? And then now what? There's no more holiday's coming up for him to send messages LOL I suppose if he is unsure/chicken to say more he will have to either have to up his game or give up. I'm not sure what to do? I've tried a little to show interest but probably not obvious enough. I really don't want to chase like I wrote before. I really want him to make the moves at least initially. If I do write something what do I write keeping in mind he may not be interested in that way. When should I send a message? A week from now?
JuneL Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Forgot to answer your original question: Yes, I think he's interested, at least as a friend (more than at the professional level). I think the positive signs he has shown are better than someone who keeps flirting and never asks you out.
elaine567 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 Forgot to answer your original question: Yes, I think he's interested, at least as a friend (more than at the professional level). I think the positive signs he has shown are better than someone who keeps flirting and never asks you out. He has never flirted or asked her out and his communication is frankly minimal, so not quite sure why that is better, better than what? He had no reaction to her saying she was leaving the job but then he said he wanted her number in case any work came up... He may indeed just be doing the polite "keep in touch" thing, in case he needs to call her out of the blue.. I get he may be a shy dude, but he is a grown man not a 16 yo. I also get that some do not like to text but texts are just words. If he can text Merry Christmas, he can surely text How are you? How was your Christmas? Was Santa good to you? I love/hate the snow/wind/rain/fog. My mother is coming over for New Year. My kids are coming here on the 2nd we are having roast beef. How are you spending NY? etc. etc. In fact any old rubbish he can think of to keep the conversation going, but no... I think there is a limit to excuses, and we have to remember that this is the guy who is dead behind the eyes too. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 dead eyes is so awful but I can't help but laugh 1
kaitlynlily6 Posted January 1, 2018 Posted January 1, 2018 He seems interested but maybe trying to test the waters. Either you ask him outright which might scare him or continue to stay friends and not assume he likes you. Until then, you're left guessing.
Author aspentree1 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Posted January 2, 2018 JuneL: You know I actually did think of that after re-reading the texts over and over. I thought to myself maybe I should have asked some questions about his Christmas or if he has to work over the holidays etc. What holds me back though is trying to do things differently this time around..meaning not doing the chasing. In my original post I think I mentioned I've come to realize yrs later that I'm always the one chasing. I'm not saying I'm just going to sit back and do nothing, but I figure he's the one who approched me so he should follow through with at least letting me know his interest/or intentions. Now I'm starting to re-think this.. that maybe I should at least try a couple of suggestions from you and others who have replied before giving up. If again he's kind of formal or not much of response then I will have to throw my hands up LOL
Author aspentree1 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 So I decided tonight to make an attempt at contact since I haven't yet. Also because I need to close this thing so it's out of my head. I wrote hi etc and that I hope he enjoyed his weekend. I asked what his schedule is because I'm in the area once in awhile and would drop by for a visit/say hello type thing. Then I closed the text by mentioning the weather and to keep warm. It took about 15mins for a response but at least he did lol. He wrote hi (my name) good to hear from you, hope you're doing well. Then it went right into the schedule with days/hrs, then how are things? Hope you are well. Then another text came in saying someday we can get together and have a coffee. I wrote back and told him how I was doing and asked how he was doing. Then I said yes to the coffee and would really enjoy that. I never heard back from him after my reply ugh! I also noticed (which really isn't important) but usually his grammer is good, this time it was all lumped together with no periods or capital letters etc. I realize he could have been busy, or out somewhere or half sleeping who knows. I just thought he would have replied about how he was doing. Again pulling teeth lol Well I tried at least, but it's too much work now.
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