Author flooded Posted December 17, 2017 Author Share Posted December 17, 2017 I really need to go NC. Once he texted me all my will went out the window and I initiated texts, calls, got jealous, accused him of ****, and almost just broke down on the phone as we rehashed the breakup. I am trying to tell myself I can be low contact, I'm cool with the break up etc but it's a lie. A lie! I love him so much and I miss him so much it hurts. I'm upset it didn't work out. How do you get the strength to do it? I just suggested it on the phone and he said that's not what he wants to do. He wants to be friends (whatever the hell that is). Just ugh. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 I really need to go NC. Once he texted me all my will went out the window and I initiated texts, calls, got jealous, accused him of ****, and almost just broke down on the phone as we rehashed the breakup. I am trying to tell myself I can be low contact, I'm cool with the break up etc but it's a lie. A lie! I love him so much and I miss him so much it hurts. I'm upset it didn't work out. How do you get the strength to do it? I just suggested it on the phone and he said that's not what he wants to do. He wants to be friends (whatever the hell that is). Just ugh. Help! Its near impossible to do whatever 'low contact' is supposed to be when you're in your shoes. You miss him, you are hurting. Theres nothing that'll make it better at this point, but there is a lot that can make it worse. I.E. breaking down to him, texting, accusing.. etc My X said the same thing.. 'i don't want to stop talking to you' yet he didn't want me back either, bc he was with his rebound chick then. He wanted to keep me on the line!! You've got to see it for what it is, and quit contacting him. If you don't want to block his number, I understand, but let the messages roll in...and don't feed into it. Keep up the NC. If you're not strong enough to not text him back, block his number! Then you won't know if/when he reaches out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 OP here. Just wanted to update. I wasn't ready to accept the truth. I wanted to believe that my ex was too busy working on himself, or needed to focus on work, or was heartbroken too, but that he cared about me and would be back. I would go NC until I couldn't (which doesn't really count, does it?) and then, once I broke the seal, so to speak,had NO self-control - would text and call nonstop. In my opinion, God doesn't make mistakes. Last week I found out I was pregnant - I've since had a very early miscarriage - but by telling him the news I got all of the information I needed to know. When I told him, on Thursday, he said - among many other things - that we are not meant to be together and that this is not what he wants for his life. He told me I'd better completely forget about ever getting back together, even if we have a kid together. Then, he didn't call or text AT ALL until this morning, when he wished me a Merry Christmas. Really dude? He's now totally verbalized his true feelings. It DOESN'T MATTER how strongly he pursued me in the beginning - those days are over. He's tossing me breadcrumbs and I am completely, totally over it. This is how a grown man responds to pregnancy news? No. Just no. So I am committing to NC 100%. Clearly he was only staying involved for the attention/easy sex/ego/options, and I am not interested in being someone's backup. **** that guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 26, 2017 Share Posted December 26, 2017 Very sorry to hear that. What a pathetic excuse for a man. ((HUGS)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 Very sorry to hear that. What a pathetic excuse for a man. ((HUGS)) Thank you so much. I am at peace and feel strong. It's going to be okay. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 26, 2017 Author Share Posted December 26, 2017 I wish I could just not care, but I care. Looking back I know I gave way too much of myself, way too soon. What I'm realizing is that it ALL comes from a deep lack of self-love, self-esteem, self-respect, self-reliance. I have spent over half of my life channeling so much energy into romantic relationships, longings, ideations, fantasies, etc etc etc. Instead of focusing my energy on myself, my growth, healing, and evolution. I've decided that 2018 must be the year in which I go deep within myself and figure out how to live life happily on my own two feet. It just took a hot and heavy fling to show me that unless I change, the nature of my relationships will never change. I am the common denominator of this dysfunction. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 Happens to the best of us, girl. May 2018 be ever in your favor! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 I just have to post here rather than contacting him. I just can't understand how what he is doing is okay to him. When we spoke I told him I'm pregnant. And his ONLY communication with me is a lame ass Merry Christmas text? After he said all this mean stuff to me??? I am just livid. So selfish, so self-serving. Unbelievable. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 Please accept my condolences about the death of your child. Use his response as your motivation to stay away. He was horrid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept that it is over. He even told me - we are not meant to be together. Those are his words. He made me feel less than because I have kids. He has totally mishandled the news about the pregnancy. What is so wrong with me that I still want him back?? I was feeling so at peace, but I think it's because I got the Merry Christmas text from him. It was like a charge I got from reading that. Now I haven't heard from him in a few days, it's like my tank is empty. He is like a drug to me. Interaction, conversation, communication - it feeds my addiction. The longer I go without it, the more keen the withdrawal. This is sickness. My life is in upheaval in all other areas, but all I'm focused on is him - a ghost, a specter. Obsession. I really need good vibes today. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Healing is not linear You have more losses then the end of a dysfunctional relationship. Hang in there. Sending good vibes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 Healing is not linear You have more losses then the end of a dysfunctional relationship. Hang in there. Sending good vibes Thank you so much. On a positive note I have today finally made it a week of NC, the longest amount of time since the break up. I will get busy today to keep myself occupied. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 (edited) He’s an alcoholic. You keep down playing that. I hope you find peace and stability in the future. Edited December 28, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 I think my mind needs reframing. I realize my angst isn't about my ex, per se, it's about my fear of what being independent may be - because I have never done it. For over half of my life I have been caught up - chasing, being chased, sleeping with, wanting to sleep with, loving, hating, resenting, getting into, getting out of relationships. So. Much. Energy. Scattered to the wind. Despite the red flags - with this one and the ones in the past - I cling, I am validated only by my attachment. What would it look like to face life alone? What would my life look like if I made it whole, on my own? I miss him, I hate him, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared. But with everything now broken, I have a chance to rebuild. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I think my mind needs reframing. I realize my angst isn't about my ex, per se, it's about my fear of what being independent may be - because I have never done it. For over half of my life I have been caught up - chasing, being chased, sleeping with, wanting to sleep with, loving, hating, resenting, getting into, getting out of relationships. So. Much. Energy. Scattered to the wind. Despite the red flags - with this one and the ones in the past - I cling, I am validated only by my attachment. What would it look like to face life alone? What would my life look like if I made it whole, on my own? I miss him, I hate him, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm scared. But with everything now broken, I have a chance to rebuild. A friend of mine is 53 yo...fifty-three (!) and still doing this exact same thing. Over and over. Don't be like her, break the cycle now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 A friend of mine is 53 yo...fifty-three (!) and still doing this exact same thing. Over and over. Don't be like her, break the cycle now. Yeah, that's exactly why I know I need to step back from all relationships for a while. I just need to let go of the drama. I also have two little kids and want to show them what self-sufficiency and independence really look like. I don't want to be one of those women that always needs a man. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 I have to say, I'm pretty proud of myself. However, there's one thing I can't seem to bring myself to do, which is block him. Yesterday I did delete and block his number. But after a few hours I unblocked him, and then asked our mutual friend for his number back. Two steps forward, one step back I guess. I'm confident I don't want to be with him now, which is progress, but part of me wants to see his attempts to contact me. Which is pretty lame, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdoublenn Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 The fact that you have stayed NC (although reaching out to a friend for his #) is a plus though! Keep it up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 You can see the progression of NC in this thread. That said, I just had a miscarriage and reached out to tell ex this am. He called me back, which I screened and ignored. I know NC is ultimately the way to go, but do I owe him a conversation about the miscarriage? Please advise! Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 ^^I reached out via text. He called me back. Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted December 30, 2017 Share Posted December 30, 2017 Was the kid his? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 30, 2017 Author Share Posted December 30, 2017 Was the kid his? Yes. What's your advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 I decided to call him back - mistake. We only spoke briefly about the miscarriage (all I feel is relief) and he proceeded to tell me about his trip: the family he's seeing, the places he's been, that his sister and his cousin are pregnant (which he said learning about was very much colored by our news - but of course he never shared these feelings about it with me). He told me about his sobriety. Etc etc. After about ten minutes I said "I know you're with your family, so I don't want to keep you." He said "okay. I'll be in touch soon. I'll be back in town next week." Like why TF are you telling me this dude? I just said "Okay, happy new year." I thought I was doing the right thing by calling him back, bc I thought he wanted to touch base about the miscarriage, but instead he was just using me for the closeness/support I'd given him as a girlfriend. Now I have to start NC over! Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Ex and I have spoken once over the past two weeks. The distance and time have been enormously helpful. I've been able to see more clearly his deficiencies of character, and all the lies and justifications I told myself because I was so caught up. Now I see that he did not, does not, value me at all - I was just a stand in, utterly replaceable, as the flame. In his eyes, women cannot be trusted. I'm a woman. Where does that leave me? I've turned a corner. I don't anticipate his call or text now, because I really don't care. I'm not going to be some puppet on a string for him. I have goals and a life to make - I have more to concern me than the whims of some f***boy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Ex and I have spoken once over the past two weeks. The distance and time have been enormously helpful. I've been able to see more clearly his deficiencies of character, and all the lies and justifications I told myself because I was so caught up. Now I see that he did not, does not, value me at all - I was just a stand in, utterly replaceable, as the flame. In his eyes, women cannot be trusted. I'm a woman. Where does that leave me? I've turned a corner. I don't anticipate his call or text now, because I really don't care. I'm not going to be some puppet on a string for him. I have goals and a life to make - I have more to concern me than the whims of some f***boy. Flooded now it’s best to put the final nail in the coffin - block and remove him from social media. Congratulations btw - be strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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