Back burner girl

[Fair]

A lot of marriages/relationships have happened from OLD, so clearly it does work.

 

It may not work for you, but to say it doesn't work for anybody is false.

 

I wonder what the statistics are. What is "a lot"? I've never met anyone married or dating someone they met online.

[Fair]

It's clear I'm looking at this with an old school approach to dating which just doesn't jive with today's craziness...

[newyorker11356]

I wonder what the statistics are. What is "a lot"? I've never met anyone married or dating someone they met online.

 

https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/only-1-in-3-us-marriage-proposals-are-a-surprise-engagement-ring-spend-rises-according-to-the-knot-2017-jewelry--engagement-study-300552669.html

 

And I know acquaintances (mostly online) that met their spouse or bf/gf through online dating.

 

One friend I know had met his long-term girlfriend online as well.

[MaleIntuition]

I wonder what the statistics are. What is "a lot"? I've never met anyone married or dating someone they met online.

 

0% among those who never pick up the phone or call back.

[Fair]

0% among those who never pick up the phone or call back.

 

 

Well like I said, things have changed in the dating world. I'm too young to be sounding like an old fuddy duddy , but oh... the good old days...

 

These days if you have old fashioned values then eek. Look out.

[kendahke]

I wonder what the statistics are. What is "a lot"? I've never met anyone married or dating someone they met online.

 

A co-worker of mine met and married a man she met on match. They've been married now for over 8 years.

 

My sister met her husband on match, also, 16 years ago.

 

It does work for some people.

 

A google search will tell you what the overall stats are on this.

[kendahke]

These days if you have old fashioned values then eek. Look out.

 

You might fare better trying a church with a lively younger group of attendees.

 

There was someone on the boards earlier this week who was talking about a man who was really old fashioned to the point where he refused to have sex before marriage or to sleep--just sleep--in the same bed with her.

 

By and large, yeah, that old fashioned thing, for some men, is something that isn't on their preference list. Some men are looking for that, but they are in the minority and probably get scooped up fast once they're on the market.

[stillafool]

 

Well like I said, things have changed in the dating world. I'm too young to be sounding like an old fuddy duddy , but oh... the good old days...

 

These days if you have old fashioned values then eek. Look out.

 

Old fashion values would have you out going to parties, weddings, churches, parks, beaches, cook outs, etc., to meet men. That's how it was done in the old days. Do you have a lot of friends?

[Dis]

Hi Fair

 

I've always liked your posts. You sound like a smart woman.

 

Now, does OLD work? For some, yes. I met my bf on OLD but before him I was on OLD for two years and was about to pull my hair out in frustration and despair

 

Will it work for you? If you have a negative attitude about it, probably not.

 

Dont get me wrong, I think OLD can be awful most of the time but theres no point in using it if you dont have some faith and hope that you CAN meet someone of value and someone who will value you

 

Like kendake said, adjust your expectations....dont have any, really. And try to be more positive about it. Theres guys on OLD who want what you want and who share the same values as you. Its just takes a lottttttt of weeding.

 

I do suggest however, that you stop OLD until you get in a more positive mind frame because usually OLD gets worse before it gets better. You're going to need hope to get through to the other side

[mortensorchid]

OLD to me is a double edged sword, and part of what gets you hooked on it.

 

It's a numbers game. If you are going out with multiple people, you are increasing your chances of finding someone. OLD is one way to instantly have said multiple people in the fold when you did not before. The problem is that once you have said multiples, they may not be for you AT ALL and you're wasting your time, going out to get free dinners / coffee / drinks, and then you get pretty depressed after a while. How did we do this BEFORE the internet? I think we forgot, or we're pretending we don't remember.

 

Because things are marketed as they are as being right at your fingertips we keep coming back to it thinking that this time it will be different or better or we've changed this about ourselves so it will be good now, etc. And it ... Isn't, but we keep trying because we don't know what else to do.

[basil67]

 

Well like I said, things have changed in the dating world. I'm too young to be sounding like an old fuddy duddy , but oh... the good old days...

 

These days if you have old fashioned values then eek. Look out.

 

Old fashioned values would hold one back when I was dating in the 80's too.

[newyorker11356]

OLD was not my thing either. I seem to be ok dating in the real world but OLD is the most shallow, useless crap ever, IMO. In the end, I gave up trying to "date" online and just used it to hook up with a couple women. Not much else good can come of it.

 

The people that talk about meeting their husband or wife online to me seem like bigfoot stories. No one has actually met anyone themselves but they know someone who did. I know a lot of people that tried OLD and I don't know anyone that found anything meaningful there.

 

Ah, no. Plenty of people have met their spouses via online. The people you know didn't, but that doesn't mean others haven't.

 

Also, you don't "date" online. You use it to meet people and go out on an actual date, or more if it gets to that point.

[Fair]

Old fashion values would have you out going to parties, weddings, churches, parks, beaches, cook outs, etc., to meet men. That's how it was done in the old days. Do you have a lot of friends?

 

The place I live in.. though it's great in so many respects... is what you might call "back in the sticks." That puts a crimp in having many opportunities to socialize.

[edgygirl]

I've been on and off OLD for almost a decade. Lately it's been getting worse as people ghost on you more often, and it's mostly disgusting overall. BUT. The secret I think is to let go as easy as you can when someone is "not that into you". It won't work. Usually when it works, it's right from the first contact on. It flows well. All other cases are just not worth your thought.

 

I used to get pissed if I liked someone and things started to cool off, and would get kinda attached to people I thought were good matches. That's a waste of time. I now treat people as a "maybe" up until THEY demonstrate serious interest and no BS. And I next those who don't seem that into me just the fastest possible.

 

I've met people I've had relationships with during this time but was about to give up lately as it's been frustrating - until I met someone last month who seems quite cool so far. We have to kiss tons of frogs but sometimes you meet that one guy that makes all the BS worth it.

Edited December 14, 2017 by edgygirl

[Fair]

I've been on and off OLD for almost a decade. Lately it's been getting worse as people ghost on you more often, and it's mostly disgusting overall. BUT. The secret I think is to let go as easy as you can when someone is "not that into you". It won't work. Usually when it works, it's right from the first contact on. It flows well. All other cases are just not worth your thought.

 

I used to get pissed if I liked someone and things started to cool off, and would get kinda attached to people I thought were good matches. That's a waste of time. I now treat people as a "maybe" up until THEY demonstrate serious interest and no BS. And I next those who don't seem that into me just the fastest possible.

 

I've met people I've had relationships with during this time but was about to give up lately as it's been frustrating - until I met someone last month who seems quite cool so far. We have to kiss tons of frogs but sometimes you meet that one guy that makes all the BS worth it.

 

Thanks for this post edgygirl. It gives me validation of a sort, and makes me feel better about how I treated my latest online fiasco, when it seemed like he was cooling off way too fast already. There's nothing like OLD to mess with your head and make you keep second guessing your instincts!

[Shining One]

I now treat people as a "maybe" up until THEY demonstrate serious interest and no BS. And I next those who don't seem that into me just the fastest possible.

This seems rather contradictory. You hold off on being into someone too quickly (which I consider good advice). However, you reject someone for not being into you too quickly. You're basically rejecting people for doing the exact same thing you're doing.

[Fair]

This seems rather contradictory. You hold off on being into someone too quickly (which I consider good advice). However, you reject someone for not being into you too quickly. You're basically rejecting people for doing the exact same thing you're doing.

 

It would have to be a reciprocal spark of the same level of interest with a matching degree of swiftness or she moves on.... That's how I took it to mean, and it's good advice.

Edited December 14, 2017 by Fair

[Mr.Me]

OLD is akin to dating in a busy bar room. Sometimes the conversations last three words, and sometimes they last all night. Usually it's somewhere in the middle. OLD provides a convenience factor. Jump in or jump out as you have time or see fit. Whatever floats your fancy. It's so easy in fact, jumping in a jumping out is what happens. The key is to get it off that platform and into rel life quickly. I usually ask for a phone number to text within the first ten replies. Usually within 5.

 

I've had several dates OLD.

One was super nice but nothing I was looking for.

One was more concerned with her fish tacos than me.

One was super smart but looked nothing like the profile.

One date went on to three year relationship but ended.

One I've made a texting buddy with. She awesome but after 3 years of daily conversations I doubt we will ever meet even though we live across town.

One date turned in to a ONS. Mutually agreed.

One was scary as hell and I hope she stops stalking me someday.

Most end up ghosting after a day or two and few end up in sexting a couple times or just flirty fun.

Another was going great until she mentioned she lets her cats lick her feet. On that one I got up and left right in the middle of the conversation. ugh!

 

OLD is just a thing. Putting too much energy into it just makes you tired in the long run but if you keep an open mind, don't take it seriously, you get to meet a lot of people. Again, It's just a platform to meet people looking. Ya gotta move into the real world very quickly.

[Shining One]

It would have to be a reciprocal spark of the same level of interest with a matching degree of swiftness or she moves on.... That's how I took it to mean, and it's good advice.

This makes more sense. I agree, it is a good way to approach it. I thought she required serious interest while she kept him in the "maybe" category. My mistake.

[heavenonearth]

Still working at OLD and not getting anywhere. Is anyone succeeding at it?? I'm beginning to wonder.

 

How do you deal with never being someone's first choice on a dating site?

 

Met another guy who messaged me. I liked him and thought there was chemistry there... suddenly he's become quiet, tossing out four word messages every now and then like bread crumbs that essentially say nothing... "hey, how was your day?" or something equally inane. If I answer back while he's still online he'll say "great. Going to bed. Goodnight". And that's it.

 

Apparently these dopes don't realize you can see whether or not they've actually logged off... instead I see he's been staying online for half the night talking to someone else while meanwhile he's saying he's going to bed apparently just to get rid of me.

 

Still, he's been trying to call every two or three days because we got as far as exchanging phone numbers initially. But I won't answer the phone. Why take it any further when you already feel relegated to the back burner? Not very flattering.

 

Now, I realize it's going to be rare to be anyone's "priority" on OLD. But how much are you willing to turn a blind eye to, and is it wise to do so? Should I answer his calls? Or based on the fact he's always online chatting with someone else (seemingly) more than he ever does with me, be a deal breaker?

 

I swear online dating makes my head spin... what to do, what not to do... Do I have too much pride to be online dating? I think so at times.

 

 

The solution is simple: as soon as you exchanged 2-3 messages with someone and you feel there is something, any sort of connection: meet up.

 

Saves you a lot of the hassle.