Damn date sites, what do you do with this ?

[Andy_K]

The thing with online dating, is that you don't just have to message the right person, you have to message the right person at the right time when they're in the right mood.

 

Maybe she's deep in conversation with, or just had a date or two with someone else, in which case you'll get ignored.

 

Maybe she's not really in the mood for getting to know someone new right now, but still has her profile up.

 

Maybe she's really busy with other things in her life... and then never gets back to you because by the time she's free, there are a couple dozen other messages waiting.

 

Maybe she suddenly felt fatigued with the whole online dating thing and lost interest in it.

 

There are a hundred other reasons. You'll have conversations fizzle out with far more 'perfect matches' than you'll ever meet. That's just the nature of it.

[Chilli]

Yeah right . Weird how she goes to the trouble of liking me then disappears but yeah , could be 100 things.

Was just messin round myself and enjoying talking to some new women , met two now but haven't bothered with the rest

Until l saw her . :D:D

 

I've got a feeling we might get there in the end though , just a feeling, and hearing things like pops, very encouraging pop btw and some of the others so thanks for those, never know.

Me stick around , see if l can pin the little rascal down sooner or later .

 

When l think about it one girl liked me 3 times a few wks back, l was quite flattered , another one twice , same.

l'll frickin like her again if l have to haha.

[dumbass2]

Likes are easy. I didn't mind getting a like from a woman, but I wasn't big on going around and just liking women. If I was interested I sent a message that would be engaging based on her profile. Attractive women can get overwhelmed with emails (more so with likes) so a guy needs to put forth a good effort or he gets lost amongst all the other messages. I've had women Like me and then I've messaged them if I was interested, usually only about 10% of the time and then heard nothing back. My previous girlfriend that happened with. I waited a few days after not hearing back and messaged her again and we ended up talking that night and were together about a year. 2 messages tops without hearing anything back then I'm done. It does happen after a first non response, just give yourself the 2 message max.

[Chilli]

Yeah right well there ya go then that's encouraging thanks for tips.

 

See on mine, if you wanna like someone a second time or them you, when you log in again this like pop up comes ya see, so that's why some might like a few times encase you missed the first one.

So lf l've been lost , a second like will pop up on her when she comes back.

Works better if your both on at the same time.

 

But alas , she's disappeared , hasn't been on for 5 days.

Anyway thanks for that l'll try one more email then if l don' hear back.

Hoping to catch her when she comes back on. .

 

Keep ya posted.

Edited December 14, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Well l'll be damned , l just logged in and she left me an email , ahhhhhhh.

Had a feeling she be might be back sooner or later...

 

Me vedy pleased :cool:

Would you believe l haven't read it yet , l'm exited haha, just saw the last few lines, it's a longy , love it when they leave a decent message.

 

Ok , l'm goin in. Wish me luck.

[sdraw108]

A piece of advice for next time. Send a second follow up message when you don't get a response to the first. Not a needy one that hints at "why didn't you respond?", but more like an afterthought that is somehow related to the first message, sent a few hours or a day later. So e.g. if you mentioned some common interest in the first message, you could follow up with something you saw while you were out that day that related to it.

 

Why?

 

Statistics show that this improves your odds of a response. I read this in some stats that were published in a news article by a dating site. Sadly I can't find the link anymore.

 

With response rates so dire (while searching for the link I saw some more dating site stats that show only 4% of messages sent by men get a response on average), anything you can do to improve your chances is helpful.

[Chilli]

She's very cool, as in cool , not the other cool , pretty hold backish with this stuff l sorta suspected.

Said she'd love nothing more than to fall in love for ever but she really hates date site stuff and gots nervous and took off when l liked her , was sorta thinking that might be it .

She's only met 2 guys on there , thought that too , but she didn't like them.

 

Writes the best email, so much depth, she's got soul , just what l love ha, she's got everything l love.

l know l know meet her first , workin on it she's 3hours away damn, and l'm busier right now than the whole year so it'll take some wangling but hopefully we'll get there,

 

We're calling tomorrow night , can't wait to hear her voice, her person .

 

She's got 2 kids , not crazy about that, one maybe, but hey can't win em all. Been divorced 3yrs. Doesn't date like me , but she's just been hoping to meet someone spesh.

 

Gotta admit l'm a bit worried though about two things, l know , sounds stupid at this stage but what can l say.

 

l'm really worried her being a leo. l know how dumb that sounds but yaknow that one l went out with way back before l was married , l dunno we just didn't gell , still remember it.Felt funny about leo's ever since.

 

The other thing is l'm worried she'll self sabotage before we even get the chance , get the feeling she's been doing some of that over the years.

l'm goin to look up leo's best matches haha, never know might get lucky.

Edited December 15, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Well , wish l didn't do that , no wonder l'm weird about leos.

 

Bloody terrible match ,apparently ! Hmm.

[SevenCity]

She's very cool, as in cool , not the other cool , pretty hold backish with this stuff l sorta suspected.

Said she'd love nothing more than to fall in love for ever but she really hates date site stuff and gots nervous and took off when l liked her , was sorta thinking that might be it .

She's only met 2 guys on there , thought that too , but she didn't like them.

 

Writes the best email, so much depth, she's got soul , just what l love ha, she's got everything l love.

l know l know meet her first , workin on it she's 3hours away damn, and l'm busier right now than the whole year so it'll take some wangling but hopefully we'll get there,

 

We're calling tomorrow night , can't wait to hear her voice, her person .

 

She's got 2 kids , not crazy about that, one maybe, but hey can't win em all. Been divorced 3yrs. Doesn't date like me , but she's just been hoping to meet someone spesh.

 

Gotta admit l'm a bit worried though about two things, l know , sounds stupid at this stage but what can l say.

 

l'm really worried her being a leo. l know how dumb that sounds but yaknow that one l went out with way back before l was married , l dunno we just didn't gell , still remember it.Felt funny about leo's ever since.

 

The other thing is l'm worried she'll self sabotage before we even get the chance , get the feeling she's been doing some of that over the years.

l'm goin to look up leo's best matches haha, never know might get lucky.

 

Dude you are putting the cart before the horse. You haven’t even met this chick and you’re already bringing up compatibility concerns. Based on one incident with another one years ago.

 

I’ve gone as far as having a great phone call, great date, great sex, only to find something out about them that made it clear why they were still single and incompatible with me.

 

Take it slow. One step at a time. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[MaleIntuition]

Woa, relax!

 

Yes, worrying about her being a certain zodiac sign sounds super dumb indeed. One date at a time!

[Chilli]

Ahhh ,yessaa ,l know. Anyone would think l turned 16 over night.

How many times l've read similar stuff around from other people and thought holy hell settle.

 

Mine though, ahh, just mind chatter, thinkin out loud, it very rare l come across someone pushing the buttons but tbh ,strangely l'm actually not really expecting it to go even anywhere.

 

Yeah it's bizarre isn't it SC , how something can have all those things , yet fizzle like a flat balloon..

Edited December 15, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

We talked more last night.

 

But here's the kicker, while we were talking l get this new like pop up. took a look later and low and behold , she's damn nice too and only 20 mins away.

The crazy world of date sites eh.

Haven't talked to her.

[Chilli]

We've talked on the phone a fair bit but tbh , not feelin the vibe. Damn.

She's totally different in person there's no click or life with us, l need that but just not feelin it.

Think l'll drop it.

 

Ah well.

[mortensorchid]

I have given up on dating websites and apps, it's just a bunch of nonsense. People just treat it like a video game / pen pal program. You will exchange phone numbers with maybe 20% of the total you contact, you will meet maybe 10% of them, and if you meet someone face to face you will hear from them again maybe 2% of the time. It's a lot of disappointments, I think the apps are even more disappointing than the websites now.

[Chilli]

Yeah l could see it like that.

l dunno , still love her emails and her page , her ideas and thoughts and her pics,

But at the end if the day if you just don't click in person, well !

So weird how it can happen like that .

l'd still go see her and try if there was something but talking in person well , don't think it can change and she's 3hours away so.

 

Double damn.

[Chilli]

Well ,we're still talking, don't think it's a dead duck yet.

 

l dunno , on one hand l have this fairly subdued person on the phone, not use too that but also lillte pieces sneaking out. l can respect that l think she's very cautious , can't quite tell.

But on the other , still love her page and looks and things she talks about which all seemed different to the person on the phone but, bit by bit they are coming out.

 

Been so busy with work and the christmas , goin down to see her next wk, 3hrs away so times a bit hard until then.

[SevenCity]

Well ,we're still talking, don't think it's a dead duck yet.

 

l dunno , on one hand l have this fairly subdued person on the phone, not use too that but also lillte pieces sneaking out. l can respect that l think she's very cautious , can't quite tell.

But on the other , still love her page and looks Andy things she talks about which all seemed different to the person on the phone but, bit by bit they are coming out.

 

Been so busy with work and the christmas , goin down to see her next wk, 3hrs away so times a bit hard until then.

 

That’s a damn long trip if you’re not smitten. Rethink dude. I did a long drive (5 hrs) and regretted it - along with the speeding ticket I got.

 

The funny thing was I had met her in person and she was heavier than her pics. I couldn’t quite make it out for some reason and on the way down to see her she was sending me pics of her in a thinner state so I was still confused. I figured maybe I was wrong. I wasn’t.

 

I overlooked the red flags (her busted up nail polish was a hallmark for her slovenly unkempt condo which looked like she just moved in yet hadn’t cleaned in 10 years).

 

A more uncomfortable adventure I cannot recall. Especially because I was spending the night.

 

Needless to say we didn’t speak since.

 

If you’re set on seeing her, what about meeting 1/2 way? I can do 1.5 hrs standing on my head.

[mortensorchid]

You sound like a new user to OLD. I have encountered people who have said the same things in the profile verbage and "getting to know you" emails before exchanging phone numbers. "We sound like twins", "We're meant to be", etc. Surely you know by now these are lines, don't you? There is such a thing now as reading them as well as saying them to others.

[Chilli]

ah yessa, fairly new to it. One stint just a few mths after my divorce, just looking, that was enough though, then gf lor a long time.

But nah she doesn't say anything like that, it's about her, views, thoughts, that's what gets me , looks, there's a lotta of things about her .

 

The only thing set me back was that she seemed a fairly quiet person phoning which l don't usually hit it off with but she's been coming out more and more so who knows.

Sometimes people need to be in person. l wanna meet her.

No expectations, learnt that last time, in fact expect the worst but ah well, if there's nothing there's nothing.

 

 

.

Edited December 21, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

That’s a damn long trip if you’re not smitten. Rethink dude. I did a long drive (5 hrs) and regretted it - along with the speeding ticket I got.

 

The funny thing was I had met her in person and she was heavier than her pics. I couldn’t quite make it out for some reason and on the way down to see her she was sending me pics of her in a thinner state so I was still confused. I figured maybe I was wrong. I wasn’t.

 

I overlooked the red flags (her busted up nail polish was a hallmark for her slovenly unkempt condo which looked like she just moved in yet hadn’t cleaned in 10 years).

 

A more uncomfortable adventure I cannot recall. Especially because I was spending the night.

 

Needless to say we didn’t speak since.

 

If you’re set on seeing her, what about meeting 1/2 way? I can do 1.5 hrs standing on my head.

 

Ahh mate if l'm that uncomfortable l won't be sticking round.

Funny , the only other time l was on a date site met this cutie that time too that was 3hours away.

l stayed 3 days , one for each hours haha, wouldn't of missed it for the world.

There's no flags about her at all , only that she seems fairly quiet.

Edited December 21, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Well,non so far anyways

[Chilli]

Although , she does seem pretty hold backish.

l think it's just her way but might not be, she might be fulla shyt.

 

She told me she just wants to take it very very slow and she's only ever given one other guy her number so far and they emailed for 3 wks first.

He turned out a dud.

 

We emailed for 3 or 4 days first.

But she emailed really slowly and later she's the same with phoning,

[Chilli]

Well,we're still here .

There is really something about this women, l'm really starting to see and love her ways. They're so sorta subtle and dignified yet steadily building.

 

Not what l'm use to as gf and even ex w were both very full on personalities but even so both were also very slow and careful to start , just differently to her .

The more l get use to her though and the more that comes out, man , l can't wait to be in person.

 

Hope it's not a fizzer.