A good first date, but a potential red flag?

[some_username1]

So why are you getting all heavy here?

She is playing the field and so are you.

She has made it perfectly plain she is not looking for a bf, so she put her cards on the table.

 

Fine for the OP to be seeing other women ("keep her on rotation the bull pen") and keep it hidden that he is doing so, but somehow it is NOT right and a bad character trait for a woman to be honest and admit to seeing other men...

 

Isn't it assumed that is the case though? Otherwise why such a big fuss made on here over exclusivity talks?

Until clarified you assume the other person is dating/screwing others- there is no need to bring it up otherwise and certainly no need to go into a big old exposition on how you are sleeping with half the neighbourhood. That is both tacky and lacking in class.

[Sm12345]

All she replied was “Sorry about that. Sometimes I say things without thinking.”

[Sm12345]

I find what she said classless, but this note to her wasn’t the right move.

 

First, you tell her you want to be vulnerable- that’s a feminine trait and most women want strong men.

 

Moreover, she is being honest with you about who she is and you are telling her not to. Why? You are trying to make her into something she is not. She’s a perfect FB/FWB to keep you in check while you find a girl who is worth keeping.

 

This is why I let women just talk. You find out so much about them that could otherwise have been missed if you are enamored with their looks.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got limits as well but this girl is showing you she has no class and giving you clues on how to bed her. All the while she is telling you she is not gf material.

 

Curious if she responds.

To me, there’s a huge difference between saying “Just so we’re clear, I’m seeing other people” and mentioning specifics about intimacy.

[olivetree]

To me, there’s a huge difference between saying “Just so we’re clear, I’m seeing other people” and mentioning specifics about intimacy.

 

In your text to her, it's not clear that you were unhappy about hearing the specifics.

It reads more like you shouldn't tell each other that you're seeing other people at all.

[Sm12345]

In your text to her, it's not clear that you were unhappy about hearing the specifics.

It reads more like you shouldn't tell each other that you're seeing other people at all.

You think I should’ve been more specific?

[d0nnivain]

Ugh. What she said was clueless. Yes. She may have been looking for validation or she may have been trying to make you jealous.

 

 

I completely understand your feelings on the subject & the language you used in the text was fine, except you sent it by TEXT. Ugh. I would be wholly on your side if you SAID those things to her but you can't or at least it's unwise to discuss such emotionally loaded topics via text. Using that method of communication actually drives people apart. To meaningfully advance a relationship you need face to face interactions.

 

 

Since she has apologized, set up another date. See how she behaves. Talk to her. Stop trying to discuss emotional subjects without all the non-verbal cues that are needed

[Sm12345]

Ugh. What she said was clueless. Yes. She may have been looking for validation or she may have been trying to make you jealous.

 

 

I completely understand your feelings on the subject & the language you used in the text was fine, except you sent it by TEXT. Ugh. I would be wholly on your side if you SAID those things to her but you can't or at least it's unwise to discuss such emotionally loaded topics via text. Using that method of communication actually drives people apart. To meaningfully advance a relationship you need face to face interactions.

 

 

Since she has apologized, set up another date. See how she behaves. Talk to her. Stop trying to discuss emotional subjects without all the non-verbal cues that are needed

Well, this afternoon I left it alone. But tonight she messaged saying she felt scolded and that she would probably do it again (say something immature or clueless).

 

I didn’t see much value in dating her and even less so now, so I told her it was probably for the best and wished her well.

 

I do agree that it should’ve been said in person, but it was totally unexpected and I wasn’t in the mode to respond. I also had a feeling it might be a week or so before the next time I saw her.

Edited December 12, 2017 by Sm12345

[d0nnivain]

At least you have a definitive response.

 

If you had spoken those words / thoughts to her, your voice, your inflection, how you held your head, the look in your eyes all would have softened the "scolding" aspect of your concerns & this may have been saved.

 

Regardless you now both know you weren't right for each other.