Married HS Sweetheart, but falling for man 12 years older

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I wanted to provide an update to all of you whom were kind enough to offer advice and words of wisdom this past week to me.

 

My male co-worker whom I've had a crush on finished his last day yesterday. Nothing was ever said between us regarding my feelings or his and we said goodbye by giving each other a friendly hug and then ultimately parting ways.

 

I did a lot of thinking this past week, and although I may have fantasized us being together or me pouring my heart out to him, I know that I am a better person than that. Now that he is on his way back to live across the country I think things can only go up from here as I will not be seeing him every day at work and I can focus my time and energy towards my loving husband.

 

Thanks everyone for being a great support system and pushing for me to stay strong this week. I think it certainly helped me to stick to my morals and values (:

 

Great to hear. Now, doubly commit to not being a side piece when he comes to your town as a flight attendant .

[maxi105]

hello there smile123, i've only read the original post and not followed this though so sincere apologies there, I'm tired so I'm sure i've have missed so much to this thread. but as you've said this man is off for Nevada soon and its just thoughts you are posing - so il just give you a quick couple of thoughts off the back of the one post I read (ie your original post).

 

I think you are attracted to this man because he is different and he has got your attention because he is showing you that there are different ways to shape cookie dough as it were... your'e not a bad person for feeling attracted to this man, I guess its what happens after that determines whether you (or anyone else would be perceived as bad) and again from only bothering to read one small message ; nothing bad has happened and you are just acknowledging your feelings and musing over them. theres nothing too bad about that.

 

I think the post is not really about him or him being 40, its about you questioning yourself and possibly feeling stale in your marriage. its like you and your partner are dining using knives and forks to eat a pizza, but then this good looking quirk comes along and shows you the fun and intimacy (even though nothing happened) of eating a pizza with your hands!!!! what a shock, but what fun...and its left you wanting someone who will naturally tear a pizza with you out of instinct rather than the dull and sophisticated and expected well mannered (but equally odd) knife and fork.

 

10 years before you got together is fine of course, but I wonder if the time has acted like a ten year marriage for you even though it wasn't and you are not so much looking, but are seeing grass that is greener from the window of your safe happy bubble and it has made you curious.

 

maybe you need to get away, either for a holiday (but obviously not to Nevada!!!! haha..).but just to clear your head and get back to normality.

 

I think its one of those things that if it is meant to be it will be, (that can apply to your marriage and to this man/or anyone else you meet in life that might make you feel this way) because being with someone "forever" is a long time, I'm not suggesting you leave your relationship or anything like that, but perhaps you need to think about either investing a bit more into your relationship or at least being honest and asking if the relationship is able to give your more, and if so - if you are prepared to put more in, what your man is going to do to provide his part to pep things up so its not just fun for a while and then you feel stale and flat inside again...because he is part of this stale feeling I suspect may be at the heart of this somewhere.

 

there is still a good life ahead hopefully for you at 26, however there is also a lot of time if you might be getting bored by it all!!

 

I don't think its the end, but I also don't think you should just presume it will all be on the way up for you and your man just because this guy is out of the picture....life is full of things that don't go to plan when we feel sure it will go one way; and has a habit of sending messages that only sound louder the next time we bury them, so they then often appear in a different form.

 

I'm just thinking out loud to you (in a tired way) and I know I really should have read the other posts, but that's just the way its gone for this post.

 

I hope you get some thought resolution if you haven't already.

 

if you love your man and can see yourself with him for ever and ever then great, nothing will phase you and you can still fantasise about this man in safety and happiness that you have true love. you will just need to both put in a bit more to get a bit more out of it, if love is there and will be there in the next 30 years.

 

but if I am honest, I am also wondering if somewhere deep in your psyche you are a bit bored and have hit a bit of a stale phase in your relationship and something in you has surfaced and you don't want it to because your partner is has been another part of that dough cutter world you've been used to and you thought it was enough to be safe in love, education, and home and it sounds as though you've been lucky enough to travel from a to b.with relative ease compared to some in life.

 

(it sounds as though this situation has taken you to the letter d in your life and it has hit you because the letter c was missing,...and whats more you coped!!!! and were excited by someone who thought in a way that made you think a bit more).

 

I actually wonder and think you are begging to like this not so safe comfort zone, and maybe want to explore the more the mixed up pizza tearing experience that you have tasted...and dare I say it, might you be secretly wishing to tear pizza with a different sort of man???? (get back to me in ten years and tell me if you are still with your man, or if you ran off to Nevada only to find out he got his old job back and you couldn't find the airfayre for the return journey haha

 

..ok, so now I AM tired..pizzas and alphabet letters that go missing!!!!! but hey you got the point of it all; and if it brought a rye smile to your lips then il take that.

 

and who knows, maybe tomorrow if my eyes are a bit fresher I might drop by again to read some of the other posts, and think haha...maxi you go it all wrong...but until then, that's my 2 cents worth.

 

see ya. agrhhh....must get back to my midnight oil!!!! take care and good luck.smile124!!!!.... maxi.

Edited December 17, 2017 by maxi105