I feel intellectually inferior to my relatively new boyfriend

[SolG]

I think there are some men for whom a true intellectual disparity would be a deal-breaker, but your BF doesn't seem to be one of them.

 

I don't actually assume there's an intellectual disparity here at all. It could just be an educational/academic disparity. Lots of people have the intellectual capacity--and OP sounds like she has it--but have never been put in the context to develop it.

 

I can relate! My fiance is smarter than me. I'm no slouch, but she has a master's degree in English and has read literally thousands of books. It has caused friction a couple of times (how can you not know that?) but we enjoy intellectual and stimulating conversations. If you are curious and ask about words you don't understand, I think he will think that's great!

 

I have two masters. I read and write constantly both for work and pleasure. And this is my experience as well. A partner who may be less versed, but is quick and curious and challenging is an absolute pleasure! And frankly more engaging than a text quoting intellectual snob.

 

I swear I'd be slowly dying from inside if I need to act dumb and bubbly for some dude. I'd end up resenting him so it won't work for me

 

I'm with you! No how, no way, not ever have I or will I ever dumb myself down. How demeaning to pander to others insecurities in this way. I can't even imagine contemplating it.

 

But back to you OP. Don't be intimidated. I'm really, really, really book smart. But I'm continually facinated and captivated about the way so many people are smarter in domains that I suck at!

 

And you seem quizzical, with a good brain, and you seem to be catching up fast.

 

You're not inferior in any way. You're just different because you're you! You're not less than anybody. And if he's worth his salt he'll appreciate that.

[elaine567]

This is not just a case of "He is better at crosswords" or "He always figures out the who-done-it before everyone else", this is a serious stuff. There is a huge gulf here, so much so that the OP has even trouble deciphering his vocabulary...

How can they really have a decent conversation from his point of view?

 

I am all for dating people that you can learn from but this is ridiculous, even his friends say he is NEVER wrong so how can she have a decent two way relationship with that?

 

I realise some love "traditional" relationships but the OP is already questioning things.

She is being swayed by how much her parents love him.

However, she is the one who is going to have to put up with this guy always being better, knowing better and never being wrong...She is already feeling inferior and that I guess will just grate long term.

Some are born to be "less than" their mate and others will never be comfortable with that situation.

 

The OP is young and hot and I guess that is the real basis for his attraction, but beauty fades pretty quickly...

I would worry for the OP being up against a highly intelligent guy who has lost interest and is not very happy...

 

OP

How old is he and how old are you?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I swear I'd be slowly dying from inside if I need to act dumb and bubbly for some dude. I'd end up resenting him so it won't work for me

 

I think as for looks, partners should be intellectually similar for it to work out. When I was dating intellectually inferior guys, I just couldn't respect them enough and they'll bore me to death. Intellectually superior guys... are just .... very hard to find

 

I am curious. What do YOU mean by intellectually superior?

 

I was married to a very intelligent physician and there is absolutely no way I could compete when it came to medicine, but let's talk about programming, current events, well, everything outside of medicine, I was on par or beyond her. So, what do you mean by 'intellectually superior?'

[introverted1]

I am curious. What do YOU mean by intellectually superior?

 

I was married to a very intelligent physician and there is absolutely no way I could compete when it came to medicine, but let's talk about programming, current events, well, everything outside of medicine, I was on par or beyond her. So, what do you mean by 'intellectually superior?'

 

Can't speak for NoGo but there is a big difference between knowledge (which is what you are describing) and intellect, which is not only the ability to quickly synthesize knowledge, but the desire to pursue knowledge in many fields, usually resulting in extremely deep knowledge in at least one field (often more).

[Gr8fuln2020]

Can't speak for NoGo but there is a big difference between knowledge (which is what you are describing) and intellect, which is not only the ability to quickly synthesize knowledge, but the desire to pursue knowledge in many fields, usually resulting in extremely deep knowledge in at least one field (often more).

 

My description, in fact, involves the synthesis and pursuit of knowledge. One cannot intelligently converse on such subjects w/o doing so. So, someone who is intellectually superior is someone who PURSUES knowledge within many fields? Outside of medicine, I would say my ex was pretty conventional (which was one of her amazing traits) in terms of her pursuit of knowledge, but no one would dare claim that she was not intellectual.

 

I really believe everyone has their own definition or expectation of intellectually superior means.

[Popsicle]

Hello everyone.

 

As the title of the thread states, I feel intellectually inferior to my boyfriend. I think it's all in my head but it's starting to irritate me.

 

My boyfriend is never condescending towards me or anything but I fear that he's going to leave me for someone who is more intelligent than me. My boyfriend is one of those people that you can tell is highly intelligent after talking to them. I think his intelligence is a good sign because he's learnt me a lot and I've picked up many words that I'd never even heard of before knowing him and a lot of knowledge but in general conversations I just wish I could have more of an input because it doesn't matter what the topic is, he will always know something about it and often I don't have a clue what he is on about.

 

He also uses many words in everyday conversation and I don't have a clue what they mean. I often ask him what a certain word means and he will tell me. He's literally like a walking encyclopedia, he owns his own home and he has a bedroom full of all the books he has read and also a few bookcases in his sitting room which I find really impressive and looks great.

 

He's always reading several books at once and reads all sorts of things like philosophy, history, science and so on. I looked at some of the authors he has read and I'd never even heard of them before. I feel a little bit intimidated though because I've never been out with someone who has such a high intellect like my boyfriend.

 

Apart from this little niggle of mine, he is a true gentleman and does everything for me. He always makes sure my family are all okay and even takes my mother shopping when my father is at work. My parents approve of him. He goes out with my father on the weekend to the local social club and pubs to watch the football and have a few beers.

 

He asked me the other day if I wanted to move into his home and I said "yes", I am going to be moving my stuff into his on Monday. He doesn't live too far away, less than a mile away. My father has also hinted that he is going to propose to me, he mentioned it when I was out with my mother shopping a few weeks ago.

 

He owns his own home, he has a brilliant job and is on a very good wage and is well respected. We never argue and I love his company.

 

I feel like I'm just making something out of nothing.

 

Can anyone relate to me?

 

Thanks.

I think this is super cute.

[snowboy91]

Hello everyone.

 

As the title of the thread states, I feel intellectually inferior to my boyfriend. I think it's all in my head but it's starting to irritate me.

 

My boyfriend is never condescending towards me or anything but I fear that he's going to leave me for someone who is more intelligent than me. My boyfriend is one of those people that you can tell is highly intelligent after talking to them. I think his intelligence is a good sign because he's learnt me a lot and I've picked up many words that I'd never even heard of before knowing him and a lot of knowledge but in general conversations I just wish I could have more of an input because it doesn't matter what the topic is, he will always know something about it and often I don't have a clue what he is on about.

 

He also uses many words in everyday conversation and I don't have a clue what they mean. I often ask him what a certain word means and he will tell me. He's literally like a walking encyclopedia, he owns his own home and he has a bedroom full of all the books he has read and also a few bookcases in his sitting room which I find really impressive and looks great.

 

He's always reading several books at once and reads all sorts of things like philosophy, history, science and so on. I looked at some of the authors he has read and I'd never even heard of them before. I feel a little bit intimidated though because I've never been out with someone who has such a high intellect like my boyfriend.

 

Apart from this little niggle of mine, he is a true gentleman and does everything for me. He always makes sure my family are all okay and even takes my mother shopping when my father is at work. My parents approve of him. He goes out with my father on the weekend to the local social club and pubs to watch the football and have a few beers.

 

He asked me the other day if I wanted to move into his home and I said "yes", I am going to be moving my stuff into his on Monday. He doesn't live too far away, less than a mile away. My father has also hinted that he is going to propose to me, he mentioned it when I was out with my mother shopping a few weeks ago.

 

He owns his own home, he has a brilliant job and is on a very good wage and is well respected. We never argue and I love his company.

 

I feel like I'm just making something out of nothing.

 

Can anyone relate to me?

 

Thanks.

 

I'm a big believer that there are different kinds of "intelligent". Just because someone isn't "book smart" in the sense they are well read and have high-level discussions doesn't mean they aren't smart in some other way. For example, one of my friends dropped out of high school but knows so much about electrics and pulling cars apart that I envy his more practical knowledge. Everyone is good at something, and he can see that in you even if you don't see it in yourself!

[rushed]

I don't feel like he ever talks down to me or anything but he always uses the correct grammar and never talks slang and has told me that he doesn't like it when people use incorrect grammar and slang. A few times he has corrected me on my grammar.

 

I was going to say that I could completely relate to you and as long as he treats you well that's all that is important until I got to this part. This would bother me to no end.

 

My boyfriend's intelligence completely surpasses mine. Like yours, he's very well read and highly educated. He comes from generations of highly educated people. I grew up in a working class family and dropped out of community college. I ask him for layman's terms a lot when he talks to me about topics like space or computers. (But I do beat him every time we play Words with Friends. Hehe.)

 

However, neither my boyfriend nor his family has ever made me feel less than. They've treated me with love and respect. He's never corrected my grammar. I can speak proper english when I want, but in conversation with my peers it's just more natural for me to speak how I normally do with my friends and family. To be corrected every time I use the work "ain't" would just get on my nerves.

[Sarah H]

How "relatively new" is your boyfriend?

 

It sounds like you have been together years - he is asking you to move in, he goes out with your father, takes your mother shopping (wtf???) ....

 

Does it bother you when he corrects people's grammar?

I know a guy who does this, and it does rub a lot of people up the wrong way.

 

We've been going out for just shy of eight months. Although it may sound quite quick to some people, I feel very different with him compared to my exes. I would never have moved in at this stage of the relationship with either of my exes but I feel different with my boyfriend and I am very optimistic about the future.

 

My father is a massive football fan of the same team my boyfriend also supports so pretty much from the start of our relationship they have always went out to the match and then to the pubs and social clubs after the game. On a Sunday my father often goes to the local and regularly asks my boyfriend to join him whilst my mother and I make the Sunday dinner and then once it's done they come back home and we all have dinner together.

 

My mother is not very well so she can't go to the shops on her own and my father works odd hours sometimes so my boyfriend even after work he still offers.

 

I wouldn't say it bothers me but it can sometimes kill a conversation rather quickly and probably makes the person he is correcting feel a bit awkward. I'd never had anyone correct my grammar before he did.

 

This is not just a case of "He is better at crosswords" or "He always figures out the who-done-it before everyone else", this is a serious stuff. There is a huge gulf here, so much so that the OP has even trouble deciphering his vocabulary...

How can they really have a decent conversation from his point of view?

 

He speaks very formally and in a way that a lot of people will find perhaps rather pretentious and snooty. Some of his word choices make what he is saying rather stilted. I can recall loads of times when he could have easily used a more shorter and easily understood word but instead he decided to use a rather long and sophisticated word. His choice of words can be quite funny sometimes, there have been plenty of times I can remember us being in a supermarket and after he's finished speaking I've seen people looking over at us and were probably thinking to themselves "what the hell did he just say?".

 

I am all for dating people that you can learn from but this is ridiculous, even his friends say he is NEVER wrong so how can she have a decent two way relationship with that?

 

He's not one of those people that will never admit that he or she is in the wrong about something. It's just that he is rarely ever wrong about anything.

 

I realise some love "traditional" relationships but the OP is already questioning things.

She is being swayed by how much her parents love him.

However, she is the one who is going to have to put up with this guy always being better, knowing better and never being wrong...She is already feeling inferior and that I guess will just grate long term.

Some are born to be "less than" their mate and others will never be comfortable with that situation.

 

I also love him deeply but of course it's great that my parents really like him because they did not accept my two exes.

 

OP

How old is he and how old are you?

 

I'm 24 and he is 28.

 

I was going to say that I could completely relate to you and as long as he treats you well that's all that is important until I got to this part. This would bother me to no end.

 

My boyfriend's intelligence completely surpasses mine. Like yours, he's very well read and highly educated. He comes from generations of highly educated people. I grew up in a working class family and dropped out of community college. I ask him for layman's terms a lot when he talks to me about topics like space or computers. (But I do beat him every time we play Words with Friends. Hehe.)

 

However, neither my boyfriend nor his family has ever made me feel less than. They've treated me with love and respect. He's never corrected my grammar. I can speak proper english when I want, but in conversation with my peers it's just more natural for me to speak how I normally do with my friends and family. To be corrected every time I use the work "ain't" would just get on my nerves.

 

I don't speak like he does but I don't speak informally so he rarely ever corrects me. I think it all comes down to how you were raised and what you are used to hearing.

 

His family have never made me feel less. I don't think he has made me feel less, but when he corrected my grammar it just made me feel a little bit awkward and I wasn't sure how to respond.