Should I have a baby on my own?

[todreaminblue]

Imo, your post has much wisdom in it, deb!

 

thanks living water when i get passionate about something though i waffle...:0) i also tend to go crazy with ellipses and it gets bigger and bigger

 

i love your post for the heartfelt honesty you share and the truth so thoughtfully written.....deb

[Popsicle]

I don't know, I know several married moms who have a bunch of problems with their child(ren) and the father is in the house. Having a father in the house does not guarantee that anything is going to be better. And in my case, our separation definitely made my children's father a better dad. And had I stayed, it would have been a terrible model of a relationship for my children to absorb into their psyche. By staying I would have been perpetuating and encouraging my children to be in a bad relationship. And he was more helpful with the children once we were separated, rather than when we were together. This is because he had to help out more because I wasn't around to do all the work when he saw the kids on his own. And the threat of the courts certainly helped scare him into doing more of his fatherly duties.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying single motherhood is better than married motherhood. It's always best that children have two parents in the home, but only if the parents relationship is HEALTHY AND GOOD. If it's shyt, then it makes no difference if you're a single mom. It's only worth it if the dad is going to be a good dad in the home with you.

Edited February 5, 2018 by Popsicle

[Popsicle]

I do agree with Livingwater to adopt if you can though. Speaking as someone who was adopted and wouldn't have had the lovely life that I did if I were not adopted, it is greatly appreciated!

[LivingWaterPlease]

I don't know, I know several married moms who have a bunch of problems with their child(ren) and the father is in the house. Having a father in the house does not guarantee that anything is going to be better. And in my case, our separation definitely made my children's father a better dad. And had I stayed, it would have been a terrible model of a relationship for my children to absorb into their psyche. By staying I would have been perpetuating and encouraging my children to be in a bad relationship. And he was more helpful with the children once we were separated, rather than when we were together. This is because he had to help out more because I wasn't around to do all the work when he saw the kids on his own. And the threat of the courts certainly helped scare him into doing more of his fatherly duties.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying single motherhood is better than married motherhood. It's always best that children have two parents in the home, but only if the parents relationship is HEALTHY AND GOOD. If it's shyt, then it makes no difference if you're a single mom. It's only worth it if the dad is going to be a good dad in the home with you.

 

Agree that there are situations where it's best to separate/divorce! And even with a mom and dad in the home sometimes the kids end up having problems. Rearing children is not easy and they have their own free will about choices they may make, that's for sure!

[Miss Clavel]

I'm a woman, 33

 

My entire life I have wanted to be a mother.

 

 

 

Option 2: Not freezing, and having a kid in a couple of years through sperm donation. My best guy friend even offered this option to me 10 years ago, and said the other day the offer still stands - he would give me a baby if it means that much to me. I could take his offer, or just get a donation from a stranger, I suppose. This would save me the 10K I'd have to spend on egg freezing.

 

 

to me, there's the answer. get with your bff and ask him to make good on his promise. figure out if he's going to co-parent and if you're going to tell the child he's the father. what role will his extended family have in the child's life? after that, i say, go for it!!

 

sure, it's going to be hard. you're going to need a lot of stamina and some kind, trusty day care.

 

be sure and get the maternal alpha feta protein test and take care of your skin so you don't get any stretch marks.

 

remember, children do grow up and need you less and less but your looking at about three solid years of drudgery. like someone said, you will have to pack up the baby, dressed for the weather and strap them in the car with you and then unstrap them and take them in where ever you go, every single time. you cannot leave them in the bath or in the car alone, ever. it's a lot. i started taking mine in the bath with me, so much easier and their are loads of "work-arounds" you'll discover as time goes by.

 

the first thing you learn is how sweet smelling a baby is!! and how much they love and adore you, unconditionally.

 

my sister had her first out of wedlock(ya, get used to the term) after she and her long term bf had a knock down over him humping their neighbor. turns out she was about 48 hours preggers when she packed up and left him.

 

her son was five when she met her now husband and everyone gets along great, they had another boy and the two brothers adore each other.

 

i say, go for it. you'll never regret it. they do grow up and need you less, they will go to school eventually, make friends and have sleep overs, giving you time to change clothes and shave your legs, but, i'm not gonna LIE, the first few weeks of learning how to breast feed while my husband snored on(HE had to SLEEP, he informed me, "someone's gotta work") all the laundry and dishes, visitors and my meddling MIL, it's hard. and i didn't even work the first year.

 

look around for someone that you trust to love and mind your baby. find a good ob/gyn and a pediatrician that's open on Saturday.

 

my oldest didn't go to daycare/mommies morning out until i was sure she could talk enough to tell me what was going on there. plus, now days they have cameras so you can monitor the employees.

 

it's the hardest job you're ever going to do and you'll be amazed, one day at a time, just how rewarding it is to have someone in your life, that loves you to the moon, forever..

 

good luck

[noelle303]

Oh yeah, I'm going on almost 7 years of single parenthood and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

 

But yes, it's crazy when they're babies and they're literally attached to you 24/7, you're nursing every single second. Then you finally think you're going to get a break when they start eating solids, but turns out it's even more work preparing them food and feeding them. Babies are heavy, strollers are a nightmare but everywhere you go you have to take them with you, they cry when you least need them to, bathing them is a ton of work, putting them to sleep is a ton of work, I can go on and on.

 

However, it all settles down and you get into a routine and they start growing up and talking and they can tell you what's wrong and what they need. They start going to preschool and kindergarten and their little world expands and you get to experience it all with them.

 

I have enjoyed being a single mom. Now that may just be my personal experience, but there it is.

[ritta]

Hi there,

being a mother is amazing. For sure it is also very challenging!

It is always good when you have someone around who can help you and this can be a partner or family or friends or other parents. There are going to be moments that can be devastating but the beautiful moments and years with your child make up for it. The thing is that not only motherhood or money are sometimes challenging it is also other mothers or people who always know what is best. I am living at the countryside and some mothers are very judgmental. This can be when you are a single mom or also when you are formula feeding or a working mom. However there are also other people and it's them who help you through the hard times.

It is an amazing experience and I wouldn't wanna miss it!

Yours ritta

[bathtub-row]

I’d go with the friend option first. That way, you’ll probably have someone to back you up when you need it, and your baby will know its father. Also, if you want to have another child later and still haven’t met anyone, maybe you can go with the friend again and your children will be full siblings. The second option I’d pursue is choosing a donor with a high IQ.

 

I would only encourage this if you’re financially secure though. But yes if you want a child, then have one. Honestly I wouldn’t wait too much longer. I had my son at 32. It was a good age but I knew I was reaching a point where I needed to make a decision because I wasn’t sure I wanted kids. Now I can’t imagine my life without my son.