vanhalenfan Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 People I know who are divorced with kids: Father on Christmas Eve - celebrates with kids and let's them open presents he bought. Mother on Christmas Day - celebrates with kids and let's them open presents she bought. The kids seem to love it because they get 2 Christmases. There is no reason to go over to your EX wife's house to watch your son open his presents that she has bought for him. Yes, this. You have your Christmas with your kids, she has hers. Who cares what "day" it is...Christmas Eve at your house will be like Christmas morning for your child. This is not to side with your new gf, I do think she is out of line to put that pressure on you, but take it from a third party that this just makes sense especially with a recent separation. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Your GF doesn't trust you to spend time with your exW? What did you do to make her so paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Your GF doesn't trust you to spend time with your exW? What did you do to make her so paranoid? He was born too long ago and became a parent. This girl is just too young to really understand what it's like to be a parent/date a parent, period. She also can probably just tell he's not over his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 For me, divorce meant that my exH and I were no longer legally, socially, or spiritually a family. Holidays, birthdays, etc. were done separately. My xH and my view is diametrically opposed to yours. The way we see it is our M has ended, but we will still coparent and be a family until the end of days. We have a daughter together, and I'll always be her mother and he'll always be her father. We will always be family--albeit not a traditional--forever. Neither of us would ever deny our daughter (now mid-twenties) the opportunity to celebrate (or commiserate) any meaningful occasion with both of us there in solidarity in our love and support for her. With, or without whatever partners we may respectively have. It just doesn't seem that hard to me. If they love us, they support our family. OP, this is about your child. IMO Ms end, families don't. And your new partner can either get on board and be part of the family in a loving accepting way, or choose to go her own way and construct a family more to her liking with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Here are the cliff notes: -Recently separated after 16 year relationship -Cheated on my wife with new g/f of 6 month/Came clean after the 1st date -Moved out and in the process of divorce -New g/f is 16 years younger than I am -STBXW wants me to come over X-Mas morning to watch our 9 year old son open presents but new g/f says HELL NO!!!! Our separation agreement has me having him X-Mas Eve and her having him for X-Mas with the option of me going over every X-Mas morning for presents. I can't imagine not opening presents with my son on X-Mas morning but I also don't want to lose my g/f over it. Is there a way I can convince my new g/f this is what parents do without making her more upset? What do other divorced parents do? My brother is recently divorced and he goes to his ex wife's house every X-Mas and his new g/f (3 year relationship) is perfectly fine with it. They also snuck around for a year and a half so things were a lot different. Your gf needs to chill out and accept that your child is young and there's nothing wrong with you going in the morning to watch him open gifts. Your son's needs are MUCH MORE important here and she's an adult and has to be more understanding of the situation. In the future things will change once you're officially divorced and custody has been worked out... For now, spend xmas morning with your child. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 I have my son the weekend before Christmas so I have him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (X-Mas Eve) I've decided not to go to my STBXW's house X-Mas morning. I will do Christmas with my son on X-Mas eve and X-mas with my G/F. I spoke with my son about this and he is fine with it. We can't pretend to still be a family when we're not. It just further complicates things for everyone. My g/f's biggest issue with our relationship is she is afraid she will never come first. She is right with regards that my son will always be first no matter what but I need to be able to split my time fairly so that everyone is happy. When one has a child, the new partner has to understand that 9/10 the child comes first. If she can't grasp that then your R with her will not work. You two are a package deal. Link to post Share on other sites
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