BaileyB Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I get it. I really do. You have been so hurt in the past, and you don't want to be hurt or mistreated again. But, if you get your back up over something unimportant and don't communicate with your partner, you are going to sabotage the relationship. And, if he is a good guy and he makes you happy, you don't want to do that... Always keep your eyes open. Dating is a period of discovery, to watch and learn about your partner - how does he communicate, how does he deal with stress, how does he show you kindness and affection, how does he manage anger, etc... You don't have to make a decision about him today, tomorrow, or next Wednesday. You don't have to move in with him, or marry him, unless you are comfortable... Try to let your guard down just a little and see what happen. And know - precisely because of your previous experience... You are now the wisest and most knowledgable person about what to look for... The experience you had in your marriage will not happen again because you will recognize the warning signs and you will not allow it! And finally, it goes without saying... If you need a little insight along this journey, a few visits with a good counsellor could be very helpful. I would hate to see your experience in your first marriage affect your future relationships. Be aware - don't let that happen either... Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I kind of have two takes on this situation. First, I think that salsa dancing could potentially be seen as somewhat intimate or hands-on, and that could lead to jealousy. But then, that is my experience as a non-dancer of Eastern European background. Some of my Hispanic friends have voiced the opinion that without dancing, there simply is something lacking in one's social life. They have a different, warmer, more tactile relationship with friends than people of my background. To outsiders, it can look like flirting when it is simply about being friendly. Second, your BF has known all along that you are a dancer at heart. You have a very obvious tattoo about it. If he's unaware that it is incredibly important to you, then he's basically unaware of your identity. That one is on him, not on you! I suspect you are still hurting and feeling stifled by your previous marriage. However, since you are in a relationship again, you aren't exactly single. You have a duty to communicate with him exactly what is going on, and he has a duty to enable you to feel free within the bounds of the relationship. I don't think he's intending to hurt you, just not quite communicating in the way that you would like. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 You have a duty to communicate with him exactly what is going on, and he has a duty to enable you to feel free within the bounds of the relationship. That's the balance that you need to find. Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) grays, I'm very concerned for your safety in being out late at night alone dancing with men you don't know. Many women have been killed doing this type thing and none of them thought they were going to be when they left home. At the very least you should keep a small purse with your phone in it at all times on your body. Even then, a phone may help in some situations but not in all of them. Edited November 25, 2017 by LivingWaterPlease 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 grays, I'm very concerned for your safety in being out late at night alone dancing with men you don't know. Many women have been killed doing this type thing and none of them thought they were going to be when they left home. At the very least you should keep a small purse with your phone in it at all times on your body. Even then, a phone may help in some situations but not in all of them. I had forgotten this aspect of it. Grays, I'm used to protecting myself, but I live in a place where I'm licensed to carry a gun and I do so every day. I kind of assume that others do also, so I forget that it might not be a choice or preference for some people. As someone who was almost a victim, I made the choice long ago to be self-sufficient in terms of defense. Since you are going to LA (Peoples Republic of Kalifornia) you have fewer legal options, I think. Please, do be careful. Explore some martial arts training and carry some alternative defense items on you. I can see how your partner might be concerned or irritated about this situation from a potential risk viewpoint. Link to post Share on other sites
SpinScratch Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 If I was dating a girl and she was out at a club until 4am, I would be thinking of an exit strategy. At the very least, I would be keeping the relationship casual and not invest anything serious into it. If she was mad at ME for being mad, I would dump her. Some men are ok with it. Find one of them or make a compromise with the one you have. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Woman, not long ago you were traversing parties and having sex with multiple men at once. Now you are pissed because your 'bf' is uncomfortable with you being out at all hours? Pick a lane. As suggested in prior posts, have counseling, something is going on inside and it won't be filled by having sex with random men or fitting the first compatible dude into your life grays. I know, I'm a meanie. Walk, don't run, for a while. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 You drove 3 hours to go salsa dancing and stayed until 4 am??? I don't know, doesn't sound right to me. I mean, it's something I'd never do. It's understandable if he's angry. And younot been very careful with communicating with him either. Link to post Share on other sites
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