Welp, not new to this, but finally decided to say something.

[wmacbride]

I wouldn't trust her at all. To me, she is coming off as one of those people who will work their rear end off to get something, then when they do, the challenge is gone and it's on to the next.

[aliveagain]

Hey, guys. Just wanted to let people know that I've been around here regularly and will definitely post an update soon. These last few days have been a rollercoaster and I honestly have had it with all the stupid drama I had to deal with from my ex... You know what, let me post a mini update now.

 

So, after repeatedly rereading all the advice that people had given me (thanks again) it became as clear as day that I need to move on. She is not worth any pain or heartache. I recall a poster mentioning me cutting her out of my life. It's not impossible, but we share A LOT of mutual friends. It may not mean much here, however, these people a very close to the both of us and I will never stand to lose them because of her.

 

So, this past weekend a friend of mine was having a little party. Nothing serious (nothing over the top) and I was invited to it. He mentioned that my ex will likely be there as well and I thought it was the perfect moment to put any potential, intimate relationship to bed (the list I made had way too many negatives ). Well, all I can say is that **** hit the fan pretty fast.

 

I went to my friend's place and my ex was predictably there. I mingled a bit with other guests and avoided my ex for a long time. You see, when ex and I are in close proximity, she does her utmost to make sure that she talks to me. It was no different here. She relentlessly tried to get my attention (shouting my name, coming over to where I sat, asking to be alone together). I already planned to tell her that I was moving on regardless of what she did since the divorce. So we talked on the balcony. I almost did double-take at her beauty. One thing ex has going for her is her looks, that's for sure, but I wasn't swayed much when I thought of all those horrible months I was forced to become Sherlock Holmes.

 

Our talk started off...lovely? Not sure how to describe it, but it was like we were a couple. We talked a lot about our future. It was at this point I decided to break the news to her. I told her that it was best for us to see other people.

 

"This again? I already told you that you're the only one."

 

Guys, I'm not sure what happened. But after she said that, I was hugely pissed off. It felt like I snapped out of nowhere.

 

I sarcastically asked where this attitude was when we were married. She was hugely offended. She acknowledged that she was a sh**** wife (my words to her, I'm sorry) but that wasn't who she is anymore. She cannot believe I'm holding a grudge against her--said it was unfair. I told her it was unfair for me to be the butt of the joke that was our marriage. I asked her what she would have done if the situation was reversed. At first, she tried to play the "Saint with no-fault" game and told me she would give me another chance and let the past be the past. But I told her she was firm about commitment. We agreed prior to getting married that if one of us stabbed the other in the back, then our union was over. She gaped like a fish and said nothing for a while. Then she said that she didn't think I would remember that.

 

I told her that I love myself too much to put my future on the line with someone who's shown me that they a capable of anything. No matter what she did now, it will never change the fact that I was her Plan B. Of course, she immediately denied that I was ever Plan B, to which I countered, "Well, f***, the fact that you thought you were never going to get caught AND think you can get me back is just insulting." Needless to say, my party mood was ruined and we ended up arguing about nonsense.

 

I remember I mentioned that ex and I text each other. Well, I'll say it was an interesting conversation a few days after the party. I'm currently overseas on business so I don't have much time to myself. Sorry to end it here, but I will give a full update soon. I just wish this crap would be over already... But it's definitely getting there now.

 

You were married three years, she gets herself a boyfriend, two years later you divorce her because she refuses to tell you the truth after you bust her. All this happened in a marriage that hardly had a chance to begin, start to finish only took 5 years. Your the only one for her, really? She could have stepped up at anytime in those two years and try to save your relationship but chose to protect her false image of herself instead. The only truth I see here is that her life was better with you in it. If you think your life will be better with her in then go for it but I think you already paid the price for trying to have a relationship with her. Don't waste all that pain you suffered through her business trips and weekends away with her "girlfriends."

[oldlion]

I am not going to advise you to get back with your XW or to not get back with her. Instead I'm going to tell you something that I know for sure is a fact. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE. I am retired military; have been around the world several times; seen war, death and destruction up close and personal; and many times have seen life altering events change a person into to someone completely different. If you just plain don't want to have anything to do with her, then don't. I do not adhere to "once a cheater always a cheater". I've seen too many people that were changed by a traumatic experience. And infidelity, divorce and the shattering of ones life is a traumatic experience. And yes, there are some that nothing will change them. I've seen those kind of people also. You don't have to marry her to give her another shot at being together. If you ever do decide to marry anyone , then protect yourself with a prenuptial agreement. Like I said, I'm not advising you either way. I'm just saying people can change. I do wish you well.