Guy I'm dating behaviour doesn't make sense ?

[kendahke]

His actions. Well he takes me on dates twice a week. He does see me regularly enough. He's happy with the way it's going but I'm not.

 

Don't act brand new.

 

He works over 70 hours a week so he wants to date but not a relationship because he doesn't have time.

He's going to see you at the most twice a week and blow you off the rest of the time because he's not in a relationship with you and you know this because you agreed to these terms in exchange for being with him when you allowed him back in.

 

If you want to continue casually seeing each other, you're going to have to find a way to be happy and content with this arrangement because his actions are telling you this is a non negotiable term if you want to be with him.

 

I suggest you stop squandering your youth, which is time you'll never get back, end this, block him and move on to find someone who wants what you want. He wants an occasional, reliable bellywarmer (a.k.a. FWB/F-buddy) who he shows the door to in the morning and she merrily skips out said door so he can get on with whatever is keeping him occupied. He's not trying to be a couple or proceed in a fashion that would lead reasonable people to believe that he is in a relationship with you.

 

Honestly, it should be clear as day by the 6 month mark at which you find yourself that this has reached its expiration date.

Edited November 19, 2017 by kendahke

[Versacehottie]

The thing is, I have broke up with him for not treating me right and I explained all this to him. And what normally happens is a few days to a week after I dump him he comes back all sorry apologising saying he does want to be with me, missed me, loves me and will change if I let him prove it to me. He said a few weeks back he will do all these things in public to prove he's mad for me. It's like clockwork.

 

Do you really want to sign up for this cycle? I mean you are only 6 months in--this is typically the great part and yours has been filled with instability and a hot/cold dynamic. He can have what he wants (i.e. you at his beck and call) when he wants it, but not you.

 

I told a story of my friend on another thread the other day whose guy was inconsistent about wanting to take the next step (engagement) and they lived together. He was absolutely not inconsistent on a day to day basis though--which to me signifies exactly what your guy said: he doesn't want a relationship. Anyway, the second time my friend and her guy broke up because he was not ready to take the next step (engagement) she had to proceed like it was over. Showing a guy you are really moving on is really important. You can only do the dynamic you are doing IMO a couple of times or it's like crying wolf and your words and breaking up have virtually no meaning.

 

So after the second time when her guy came back, my friend would ONLY let him into her life for little things she was already doing--ie he was demoted completely. Couldn't be the boyfriend or back together or even date her since he said he didn't want to take the next step. Basically she had time once a week for him to join her on saturday mornings for exercise. That's it. Guess what he was there every time because she was showing him her time in general was valuable and overall was valuable like he blew it to have a chance to be her bf but she'd let him hang out on stuff she was already doing, like a friend. If he could prove himself, well then she'd DISCUSS getting back together--she didn't even really say that, I guess it was implied and it made the guy finally want to prove himself in a serious way. There were no promises of getting back together, not really dating i.e. no physical because he hadn't done the groundwork yet to prove he was serious.

 

With your second chance with your guy, it seems like you keep jumping back in and crossing your fingers that he will live up to what you hope. Try it in reverse. Let him live up to what you hope and THEN let him in little by little. BTW, if his issue is that he has no time (i.e. you are not a priority and he doesn't want a relationship) this should still be fine with him, i.e. you would further reduce how often you see him and what sorts of things you do together. You do not give him the ego boost that he undoubtedly craves of having a built-in gf at his disposal--suspect this is exactly why he sticks around. Treat him like a friend. BTW, this isn't easy. You are still risking your heart and spending time with a person who has shown you he is a risk, possibly a bad investment. Most people probably can't do this. You will need to check out emotionally, and not play this like a game where you get more invested yourself. You need to get less invested. From the tone of your posts and the details you've provided, I don't think you're in the right headspace to do this honestly. A clean break would be easier and more productive for you.

 

Needless to say, the concept if you can absorb it is a good one. He hasn't earned a place in your life, so don't give him one. He is breaking your trust on this second chance. It frankly sounds silly to whine that you "told" him but he's back to his old ways. Um, do something about it. You are in this as much as he is. You don't have to put up with it just because you told him. Decide what you want. Either accept the bad behavior and zip it or do the HARD work to get something better--out of him or someone else. Just like other parts of life, people are often unwilling to do the hard work. In this case, that means sticking to your standards and needs. I wouldn't want to turn into a nag. It only has a temporary effect as you've seen. Then he still does what he wants and you are even more unattractive to him because you are trying to stifle him.

 

You need to turn the dynamic into one where he is trying to win you over, impress you, pin you down--because he has had his chance to do this in a straightforward more even way and he blew it. Be willing to do the hard work, i.e. stay strong, hold out for better. It's an investment into YOUR future.

 

So with my friend, she wouldn't even tell people they were meeting up at all (i only found out after). She kept him a secret--not because she was afraid of what her friends would think but more so that he needed to earn his way back in to her life to be mentioned as part of it. They are engaged. Shortly after these MONTHS she made him do this.

[Purepony]

Okay this has nothing to do with being an introvert extrovert or even a damn car !!

 

This is common decency . If some one texted him why wouldn’t out of respect say “ I’m busy I’ll text you back”

 

Six months into this with this behavior and anyone wold drop this guy

 

I work 60-70 Hours a week and I respond when I’m busy or not... I never take more than 24 Hours to reply just out of respect to anyone let alone someone’s I’m seeing for 6 months