Not sure if he likes me

[amkxoxo]

So I was super excited for our plans all weekend. I should have known it seemed too easy and good to be true. I texted him on Saturday to confirm plans. I asked "You still down for a Sunday hike?"

 

He said "I am. I just have to see about my working on final group projects." I know its a hectic time. I have finals for school too, and a lot of group projects, which has to be coordinated with everyone in the group. He is in double the courses I am, so I know he is busy.

 

I respond "Okay, it could be a quick hike and maybe lunch, if your schedule allows. Let me know what you can do."

 

He says "Okay, I will know by later tonight."

 

I assume he was doing some of the work, so he wanted to see how much got done, and how much needed to be done Sunday.

 

I waited all night. I got nothing. It is now bright and early Sunday and he never sent me anything.

 

I feel like I am so much better by myself, single, because I keep being let down by men over and over again. I really thought he liked me.

[amkxoxo]

Today he and I hit it off again at work. We were talking. He was texting me from his desk funny stuff about my boss. We were flirty. At one point I said, its a good thing we're colleagues because we'd be trouble for each other. He responded that trouble is so much fun.

 

We are chatting it up in persom, and then I go grab a pad and pen and I'm like hey I got to go and he gets confused and asks me why. I tell him I have a meeting. And he responds "what noooo" really sad like he wanted to keep talking to me.

 

Then we're walking out for the day and we're talking and I'm headed to our company gym and he says he is going home. I then realizer his apartment complex and car are in the total opposite direction of where we are walking. I say, why are you going this way because its the total wrong way, and he's all "because im walking with you. "

 

He's like "well then I guess I can just walk of this way then," and he goes to stray, and im like "oh no, just didnt get it because you live the opposite way" and we laugh about it.

 

He then keeps saying how I should come to the gym later and watch him play temnis and beat all these other guys etc... I say maybe I can stop by on my way out for the night, but later when I do leave I don't see him. He then snapchats me that he got there late.

 

Not sure what to think, but after today my friends definitely think he likes me.

[ExpatInItaly]

This work guy doesn't appear to be overly interested, from my point of view.

 

He hasn't really asked you out, and blew off a tentative plan to meet up with you. He didn't even bother to let you know until much later either.

 

He responds and interacts when it's convenient for him, but doesn't seem to take much initiative otherwise. I wouldn't hold you breath, OP.

[Gaeta]

amkxoxo: What do you find exciting in this guy throwing crumbs at you here and there?

 

Notice you got yourself hung up again on a man that plays push and pull just enough to keep you on the tip of your toes?

[olivetree]

After he blew off plans to hang out with you on the weekend, that settles it for me.

He either has intimacy issues and will make a terrible partner, or he is not that into you.

You should be distancing yourself and not getting invested.

You'll only get hurt and then you'll start playing that self-defeating record in your head that says you're hopeless and unlovable.

 

I think the problem is that you get overly invested in the wrong people too fast, and when they let you down, you let it dictate your self-worth.

 

You'll have a much better time dating if you work on your self esteem and boundaries.

Pick up some books today and do the tough work so that you can feel good about yourself, which will naturally lead you to invest your time in the right people.

If you're interested in some titles, PM me.

[Zahara]

Today he and I hit it off again at work.

 

So the guy blows you off and doesn't have the courtesy or respect you enough to even tell you he has to cancel his plans with you and you then soon go "hit it off" with him again?

 

If anything, you've taught him you're a doormat and will tolerate bad behavior - trust all he's going to do is play you.

[GemmaUK]

You seem to be obsessed with work guy who only really wants email/message/text flirts.

 

He has shown you nothing more basically.

 

You could go to the gym - if you do be aware it's just so he can see you in less clothes for his own entertainment - nothing else.

Continue to be a doormat if you wish.

 

We have a guy spot on the same where I work. He has been the same in relationships and when single- he got married this year and is still doing it.

He has tried so damn many times to make me a part of his harem! Lol!

And yes, he does have a harem. At his maximum there were about 8 women he would message just like this - one by one they realised and dropped off his list - he added new ones or re-tried the previous ones. I only know as they each confided in me.

Unfortunately, one of his harem I know is still on it and said he needed a heart to heart the other week (about his wife whom he married in June this year and who is undergoing treatment for secondary cancer - and who he complains about consistently - his current moan is that he has no sex life as she is having chemo) he pushed for my colleague to meet him for the heart to heart - in the sauna...what a great guy Huh?!

She suggested a pub lunch instead (she told me she felt unsure about being naked with him as he is married and his wife's life expectancy is now becoming shorter - my colleague still thinks he is a great guy - I have no clue why) and unsurprisingly he stood her up for the lunch and knowing him all too well he will hold off a month or two now until she is more likely to agree to a sauna...

 

If you are obsessed with breadcrumbs you need to work on your self worth OP and ignore this idiot work guy. This won't ever be a relationship.

 

Why are you even bothering with this guy OP?

[amkxoxo]

So nothing has really amounted. He hasn't asked me out on a date and I feel stupid for being all hunky dory with him at work. I don't mean to be, we just get along so well and we end up talking and such.

 

I keep trying to see him as just a friend. But the flintiness that he has shown, and keeps showing, keeps clouding my judgement. I'm smarter than this. Its just so hard. So my mother was questioning if he just likes to talk to me etc, to pass time at work. As she and I were discussing it, he starts texting me, on a Saturday. He sends me a message "The parlor dinner looks really good." So to me, its not a work thing. He randomly texts me at all different times, in and out of work.

 

I was so confused at what the heck he meant. I asked what he meant. He then said how I had liked and put I was interested on a Facebook event for a parlor 5 course dinner event. I was surprised he was keeping tabs on my Facebook. I had totally forgotten and after looking at the price decided I wasn't going to go. I told him that. He then said "If I has my second job, I'd totally be down. "

 

I laughed and responded if he had his second job, he'd be working tomorrow. He laughed and said it was very true. It ended there. I really didn't think I had anything else to say to that.

 

I know I can't see things for more than they are, but was he insinuating that we would go if he had more money?

 

He works in my office part time and then goes to school. He signed a one year lease at an apartment, and it is very expensive. It was supposed to be split with him and his roommate, but the landlord changed the deal, and insist they pay each separate a larger amount. He has been so poor ever since. He had a second job at a restaurant, but the place was going under and he got laid off recently. He has been saying how its been so hard ever since.

 

Though I find this to be no excuse for not going out with me, as there are plenty of free things we could do, I question if it is partially a reasoning. I asked him to go to lunch and he probably figured he couldn't afford it, which is sad. Not saying this is an excuse. He could have been honest with me and said something ahead of time. He is always the one saying how we should go here, and do this, etc... so it seems he wants to.

 

I went on a small road trip with my mom later in the day Saturday. I was snap chatting and postings things, to everyone, not just him. He is sending me pics of him doing things. One cute one was him gearing up to go skiing, and he must have had one of his friends take it. Then he starts commenting on my photos, I posted publicly. I was surprised. One photo was this cute puppy floating in a pool. I put the caption "The way my life should be"

 

It was a joke. He committed on it to me saying "The way your life will be some day"

 

A while later, I posted a selfie of myself in front of some christmas lights. He comments on it saying "Aww so cuuuteeee"

 

I was a little surprised. He's never made comments about me being cute, or my appearance, or anything of the sort before.

 

Again, not asking me out, means nothing, I know we are simply friends who flirt. My friends think he really likes me a lot. But I just don't know. I am seeing him tomorrow. I think I'm conflicted. Do I ignore him? He hasn't done anything bad. He hasn't done anything good either. I think I am mad at myself for being a bit disappointed at him, because he really hasn't done anything wrong, and I still have a crush on him.

 

I know, words are words. He and I spent all yesterday and last night chatting and talking about everything, some flirty, some serious. I flirtily said somethimg about him owing me food. Somethimg he brought up at work yesterday and he initiated.

 

He then said how his final exam is over thursday and we can go after that. I said I was free Thursday, so that would work. But then he said his exam was at 4, and he would probably be drunk by 7. I dpn't know what that means? What about dinner? Does he mean at dinner? I just laughed it off and said how he should psce himself, because the burritos at tje place are well worth being sober for. I'm not feeling confident now that its a real plan. He mentioned a day and after his final, and it sounded so promising. But then that seemed to go downhill quickly.

 

We kept talking all night, anythimg from us loving to take bubble baths, to do you sleep walk? He asked me what are good tv shows I enjoy that he should watch. It was a good conversation overall.

 

I don't get him. We seem to click so well. He should just ask me out!

 

He sends me snaps and teases me all the time. He tends to gravitate towards me at work, or at least I think he does, as he sits next to me and such, when we all come together for our job. I don't get him.

 

My gut is telling me something is off, and I should trust it. Its not a bad thing, but my gut is telling me he isn't looking for a relationship right now potentially, since he seems only halfway there. Reminds me of my ex. Liked me, and liked to talk and spend time with me, but never went that extra step.

 

I hate that feeling. I rarely meet people I genuinely like, and I like him, but he is holding me at arms length.

[olivetree]

So nothing has really amounted. He hasn't asked me out on a date and I feel stupid for being all hunky dory with him at work. I don't mean to be, we just get along so well and we end up talking and such.

 

I keep trying to see him as just a friend. But the flintiness that he has shown, and keeps showing, keeps clouding my judgement. I'm smarter than this. Its just so hard. So my mother was questioning if he just likes to talk to me etc, to pass time at work. As she and I were discussing it, he starts texting me, on a Saturday. He sends me a message "The parlor dinner looks really good." So to me, its not a work thing. He randomly texts me at all different times, in and out of work. [snip]

 

 

It's still the same two things I said before:

He either has intimacy issues (as soon as you come close and are available, he needs to push you away) or he is not that into you.

 

Either one leads to you being hurt.

You have to look at his actions.

He is not spending his free time with you.

 

You have to stop engaging with him so much and being overly invested in someone who is not even asking you out.

And when he does, it's in a roundabout way and then he immediately quashes that.

 

I know you see this and your gut is telling you but you're so entrenched in your own pattern.

And it's your pattern that makes it so this is exactly the kind of guy you're super attracted to.

Emotionally unavailable / not offering you a genuine relationship / keeping you on your toes / inconsistent and that makes it exciting for you.

 

To add to my book suggestions, I also think you should read about attachment theory.

It will tell you so much you need to know about why you have these patterns, why guys that make you feel safe feel boring, etc.

Google the anxious-avoidant trap in the meantime.

Edited December 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
snipped ~T

[amkxoxo]

I've read this before, go figure. I am the anxious type, and I get clingy. It just kills me because it happens with some guys, but not others. I hate it. I hate feeling this way about him. I am trying so hard to just be me, and thats the girl he got to know. I'm strong, and successful for my young age of 25. Been working right out of college, moving up in my field and going to higher schooling. I feel like I'm blinded by him, and I keep trying to impress him, and remind him of me and how great I am. I'm trying way too hard. I think I get so hung up when I meet someone who I click with, because its rare that I find it, and I feel the need to nail it down, thinking they feel the same way. Then I end up chasing them, and trying to make it happen, and I forgo my life, my needs, my time for this person.

 

I'm better than that. I have a lot going on and I hate that I think about him all the time and want to see him more, than he wants to see me. His priorities are his life, and mine should be mine. Its so hard when you have a crush.

[amkxoxo]

So i have been trying harder to back off of him and gain my confidence back. While doing this I also feel like I am trying to manage not coming across cold or boring. Thursday we didn't talk all day. He sent me a text message at 8pm saying that he was on episode 3 of a show I had told him to watch and it was wild. I asked if that was a good thing. He said yes. I said "great, glad to hear it."

 

Then I felt like that was super boring. So I said. "I am on season 3, so you have a lot of catching up to do."

 

He says "yes, I have to catch up on a lot of things."

 

I never responded.

 

At around 1 Am, he sends me a snapchat of him cooking. I saw it this morning when I woke up. I didn't respond. Normally I would say something funny like 'someone was a fatty last nighy' as a joke. But I feel like I am trying hard to stay away.

 

I feel like I am doing it wrong. That I am too distant. I am also afraid that when he comes to my house for my party that I am going to turn back into jello again. Soft, mushy, boring, brainless, googly eyed. I was clingy at our work christmas party. Wanting to stick by him and ask his opinion on things. I looked helpless and unattractive. I hate that part of me. Its not me. I want him to like me, for me, who I really am. I think I am so self conscious and censoring myself afraid he won't like me. Everyone keeps telling me to be myself, but I feel like when I am around him, I lose all control.

 

I now am feeling awkward about things. I feel like he and I had our high time. The fun time where you flirt and text and its exciting to have this fresh person in your life. But it gets to that point where you like each other and go out, which we haven't, so its awkward. I feel like I am pulling back, or trying to. He is as well. So we are in this weird limbo. We don't talk. He sent me snaps yesterday. We chatted briefly, but I feel like its awkward.

 

I saw friday night on social media that he was out bowling. My first thought...thanks for the invite. But then I realized that he didn't invite me, because he didn't want to. He can go out, and make plans, with no problem. So he clearly doesn't want to make them with me. It was a bit sad. My ex treated me the same. When I was around he liked me so much. But he did what he wanted without care and I was a last thought.

 

I keep telling myself that work guy is no reflection on me, or how smart, accomplished, or pretty I am. Its all him. He clearly doesn't want to settle down for a girl right now. He's always off with his roommate and their friends. Like my ex, clearly thats his priority.

 

I know what will happen at my party. Just like my ex, he will come to my parry, be his charming self and it'll be great. But nothing will happen from it.

 

I'm still a bit bummed. A little part of me is hoping and praying he still likes me. But deep down, I know he likes me, that isn't the issue. Does he want me? No. That's the large pill I have to swallow.

 

We are at that crossroads of awkwardness where we should be going out, and the fact that we aren't is making is distant and weird. We don't really flirt anymore. Don't know where that went. I'm just confused and bummed, but I am okay. My friends are coming to my party, so I can focus on them. And be cordial and nice to him too.

 

The party was interesting. I had fun with my friends. He was there. We chatted and such. It was friendly. My friends don't like him. They think he is immature and leading me on.

 

I thought he was fine and he brought something and was perfectly nice. He texted me afterwards to thank me for having him over. I thought he treated me like a friend though. My friends boyfriend was there. He told me afterwards that he thinks that work guy was leading me on, but then he realized that I was a nice girl, not a hookup type, and now he's backing off. Makes sense for sure.

 

I still like him, and I hate it. The day after the party, we texted back and forth all day long. It was nice, but again texting and snap chat are impersonal. I keep bringing up us physically doing stuff, he claims we will. But we never do. He has to know I like him. My friends think he does.

 

Before the party, two of my co-workers came to help me set up. I spilled the beans, and told rhem what has been going on with him. They said they weren't surprised. They told me they noticed him flirting with me at work and that he tends to gravitate towards me. I asked them if it appeared that I was all over him. They said absolutely not and they think he is into me openly. I was surprised to hear this. They said they think I can do better than him and that he is a party boy right now. My co-worker told me that she heard a rumor that he started off the semester with a girlfriend back home. And something about he going out and drinking with his roommates and she not liking it, so he stopped posting anything on social media for her to see and was hiding it. And they broke up pretty quickly. He mentioned to my friend at the party that he was single. He also mentioned that he wasn't actively looking for something at the moment.

 

My friend at the party and her boyfriend didn't like him, as I mentioned. I thought he was okay. He brought something and was trying to be social. She didn't like that he said he wanted to live a nomad type life. He wants an rv or tiny house that he can pull around and go from place to place. I have asked him how he expects to do that with a full time job and he says he doesnt know yet. He mentioned how he doesn't want kids right now. Well neither do I. But he might in the future. I think that is most people my age. My girlfriend just think he is a nomad party boy. I do want a stable lufe. My friend thinks I will never have that with him. Part of it is appealing to me.

 

We spoke all yesterday as I said. He asked me what dates im going home for winter holiday break. I tell him and ask him why he wants to know. He says he wants to know to see who will be in town. Man, do I feel special. Sarcastically of course.