Ghosted?

[Highndry]

Just wanted to give a quick update. She just text me about an hour ago saying this...

I honestly do not know what to say or where to start really, I don't think this is too healthy for either one of us right now. What i mean by that is, i just don't have that kind of time that you seem to need. It's pretty draining for both sides from what i see. Maybe a, much much slower pace would work for you.

Just my thoughts at the moment.

 

Im not what to make of this? I'm not so sure what she means by the time I need?! She owns her own business and had a kid and I think with beyond certinity that I have been very understanding in all of that? The only time I ever got upset was when we had tentative plans on Thursday to hangout? All I had said was I understood, but some sortive heads up would have been appreciated so I could have planned accordingly?

I haven't responded, because I'm not positive I want to? It's taken her 2 days to say something and if I respond is it going to take that same amount of time to hear back? Any more thoughts would be appreciated!

 

Something's missing here. You didn't say anything about getting upset with her. Now it's starting to make sense why she disappeared. When did this getting upset happen?

[Tahoe996]

But that's the thing, I didn't get angry or I don't feel I came off like that, this was on Thirsday when we had tenative plans. All I had said was that I would have appreciated just a heads up on if we were doing anything or not so I could have planned accordingly. That is pretty much verbatim to the words I said?

When I say upset, I just meant that was the only time I had mentioned something to her that kind of bothered me and I just wanted to clarity that was all.

[Chilli]

l'd give it a bit more time yet .Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with what you said really considering but it sounds like she just started to realize it was going a bit fast for her..

Hopefully it's not more or an ex thing or something.

 

l'd drop all that now and just keep the communication open, see if you guys get back on track but maybe just a bit slower this time.

Not sayin they will but hey if ya close the door now then that'll be that so.

 

Just thoughts. Good luck.

Edited November 12, 2017 by Chilli

[Tahoe996]

l'd give it a bit more time yet .Doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with what you said really considering but it sounds like she just started to realize it was going a bit fast for her..

Hopefully it's not more or an ex thing or something.

 

l'd drop all that now and just keep the communication open, see if you guys get back on track but maybe just a bit slower this time.

Not sayin they will but hey if ya close the door now then that'll be that so.

 

Just thoughts. Good luck.

 

Thank you, I was thinking hopefully along those lines as well, I'm afraid it could still be an ex tbing, but all of this so sudden, if I proceed it would be with extreme caution, but on the other hand I'm used to communication and not drop offs, it wouldn't have bothered me so much had it not progressed so quickly and I know I definitely have part blame in it.

Just not sure I want to continue part says yes another says no.

[Tahoe996]

Another update to this, I did respond to her, just saying that I understood, and I thought it would be best if we talked about it over the phone and not text she agreed and said she was going to make dinner and after that she would give me a call. And I responded "that will work".

Well she never called or text again. So she's done it yet again. Now I'm feeling pretty much like giving up to me it now feel like I'm being strung along?

[Southern Sun]

Another update to this, I did respond to her, just saying that I understood, and I thought it would be best if we talked about it over the phone and not text she agreed and said she was going to make dinner and after that she would give me a call. And I responded "that will work".

Well she never called or text again. So she's done it yet again. Now I'm feeling pretty much like giving up to me it now feel like I'm being strung along?

 

This girl is flaky.

 

Something is super off. I understand being overwhelmed in a relationship and feeling like things are being rushed. But when SHE pushed that along at least as much as you...this feels almost manipulative. At the very least, she is confused.

 

Others can weigh in here. I suppose you can go with simply not reaching out to her at all, but that would leave me with a feeling of a lack of closure on my part. You don't have to do this in any sort of an angsty or needy way. Perhaps send her a simple text: If you want to have this conversation, you can let me know. I'll leave the ball in your court.

 

And then if there is no contact and no mention of that jersey for three weeks? I'd sell the damn thing.

[Highndry]

Another update to this, I did respond to her, just saying that I understood, and I thought it would be best if we talked about it over the phone and not text she agreed and said she was going to make dinner and after that she would give me a call. And I responded "that will work".

Well she never called or text again. So she's done it yet again. Now I'm feeling pretty much like giving up to me it now feel like I'm being strung along?

 

She's shown you who she is. The only bummer is the money you spent on the jersey, etc. I'd just fully ignore her and move on with your life at this point. She never loved you, she was playing you.

[Tahoe996]

The jersey part does suck, but I'm sure I can sell it.

I feel like I am a very forgiving person, we all make mistakes, but to seriously leave me hanging all weekend then to text and say what she did then plan on calling again then flake out is pretty messed up in my opinion, and to go along with the fact that when I did try to call her last week, my two calls went straight to voicemail.

I have a feeling she will text again, but when and how to approach anything she says has me stumped.

Most of me is done with this, but I think there is a very small portion that would likento try again and I'm not even sure why.

[Zahara]

The jersey part does suck, but I'm sure I can sell it.

I feel like I am a very forgiving person, we all make mistakes, but to seriously leave me hanging all weekend then to text and say what she did then plan on calling again then flake out is pretty messed up in my opinion, and to go along with the fact that when I did try to call her last week, my two calls went straight to voicemail.

I have a feeling she will text again, but when and how to approach anything she says has me stumped.

Most of me is done with this, but I think there is a very small portion that would likento try again and I'm not even sure why.

 

All of you should be done with it. Get out while it's still new and before you get too emotionally involved with this one.

 

And yes, she will text again because you are a backburner guy. When she needs attention or some sort of validation, she will pick you up.

 

When you see red flags, exit. Don't sit around trying to accommodate or tolerate because you're emotionally clouded. You'd do yourself a huge favor by weeding out these types sooner rather than later.

[Highndry]

The jersey part does suck, but I'm sure I can sell it.

I feel like I am a very forgiving person, we all make mistakes, but to seriously leave me hanging all weekend then to text and say what she did then plan on calling again then flake out is pretty messed up in my opinion, and to go along with the fact that when I did try to call her last week, my two calls went straight to voicemail.

I have a feeling she will text again, but when and how to approach anything she says has me stumped.

Most of me is done with this, but I think there is a very small portion that would likento try again and I'm not even sure why.

 

I'm not sure why, either, and it's something you should definitely look into. Why in the world would you ever want to trust your heart with such a liar and a fake?

[Tahoe996]

I believe you are right, the good stuff for such a short time was absolutely amazing, and then it just completely fell off the cliff out of nowhere. I do get stepping back and all of that, but damn! I just don't get the I'll call you and then not do it again?! Why she even would bother to text anything is messed up!

Even if it did workout, I can't go through this kind of cycle.

So many things just will never make sense and unfortunately I'm one of those people who like to understand things.

[Tahoe996]

I'm not sure why, either, and it's something you should definitely look into. Why in the world would you ever want to trust your heart with such a liar and a fake?

 

That's unfortunately ALWAYS been my Achilles Heel, I lead with my heart and not my head, even took 2 years away from dating to figure myself out and have a pretty high wall up to emotions. Or so I thought.

[Zahara]

I believe you are right, the good stuff for such a short time was absolutely amazing, and then it just completely fell off the cliff out of nowhere. I do get stepping back and all of that, but damn! I just don't get the I'll call you and then not do it again?! Why she even would bother to text anything is messed up!

Even if it did workout, I can't go through this kind of cycle.

So many things just will never make sense and unfortunately I'm one of those people who like to understand things.

 

Two weeks in and she was talking about how she loves you -- yes, the good stuff is amazing but when it comes full on so early into getting to know each other, it is usually unreliable and insincere. Usually when someone shoots off the blocks that way, they are driven by irrationality rather than an actual desire to experience the process of dating/getting to know each other based on shared values, compatibility, etc. What she did was all surface driven and in the end had no lasting power.

 

It's fine that you want to understand things but trying to understand another's dysfunction is futile. Best to try and understand why you accept being disrespected.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Zahara

[Tahoe996]

Thank you! Everything you said is right and spot on, I guess the thing I was thinking about when I first met her years ago, was that this could go somewhere, I was reserved then and always thought about her after she moved, and when she came back and had a chance to hangout more, it felt like it was a friend that came back into my life and there was a strong chance.

I think that adds to the confusion in all of this, it wasn't like I had just met her before.

Maybe I came on in some sortive way that was bad, I don't know with certainty, I'm racking my brain (probably too much) and the only thing I said that I probably shouldn't have was that I didn't understand why she liked me so much. Probably not the best thing to say, but that did seem to draw her back some. Another thing too is when we were talking she did tell me that she really wanted this to progress and wanted a relationship to last a long time, ugh the lies!!

I'm feeling like I'm getting these mood swings with her right now, I'm pissed off at her but at the same time kind of hurt, and yes, why I choose these type of women is beyond me.

 

Off subject, but There definitely is a track record there for me and I can't figure out why I choose them. I've even been to counseling and looked up many videos on YouTube as to why I do this.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Tahoe996

[Highndry]

Thank you! Everything you said is right and spot on, I guess the thing I was thinking about when I first met her years ago, was that this could go somewhere, I was reserved then and always thought about her after she moved, and when she came back and had a chance to hangout more, it felt like it was a friend that came back into my life and there was a strong chance.

I think that adds to the confusion in all of this, it wasn't like I had just met her before.

Maybe I came on in some sortive way that was bad, I don't know with certainty, I'm racking my brain (probably too much) and the only thing I said that I probably shouldn't have was that I didn't understand why she liked me so much. Probably not the best thing to say, but that did seem to draw her back some. Another thing too is when we were talking she did tell me that she really wanted this to progress and wanted a relationship to last a long time, ugh the lies!!

I'm feeling like I'm getting these mood swings with her right now, I'm pissed off at her but at the same time kind of hurt, and yes, why I choose these type of women is beyond me.

 

Off subject, but There definitely is a track record there for me and I can't figure out why I choose them. I've even been to counseling and looked up many videos on YouTube as to why I do this.

 

Your problem is you are ignoring her actions and listening to her words, even believing her lies. She's a LIAR. She sounds like she's got a serious personality disorder, too. In my opinion, there's nothing left to the imagination with this one. She has done you a favor and saved you much worse pain down the road. You do not want a woman like this, I can promise you. It will end in tears and agony.

[Tahoe996]

I hate hearing this, but I'm believing more and more now that you are right, I think it's just a matter of now what to do, I'd like to talk to her, but in the end when/if she does reach out (I haven't and I won't reach out again) I don't know what to say, I don't want this BS text saying I'll call you then I respond saying okay and she dosent call again. I feel like a dumbass already! And I have a feeling that even if I do bring up this lying about calling thing, she'll get posted. So I guess I don't even know what to say to her. Yes I know tell her to hit the road and I'm definitely more there now than I have been. But I just don't even know where to begin if we talk. My head does say to get rid of her, however my heart isn't there yet.

 

Also I really appreciate everyone's input in this. It's beyond appreciated and I'm very thankful!

[sdraw108]

I just don't get the I'll call you and then not do it again?! Why she even would bother to text anything is messed up!

 

It's simple. She is thinking only of herself. She feels some momentary need to connect with someone so she selfishly reaches out, and when that feeling passes or she gets busy with something else, it doesn't matter to her how letting you down makes you feel. It's all one-sided, which is no basis for any kind of relationship.

 

There are people like this unfortunately. Such people should be treated the way they deserve - remove all trace of them from your life and act as if they don't exist. If everyone in their lives did this, they wouldn't get away it anymore and would have to be better people.

 

By going along with it, all you're doing is sending her a message that she can get away with it, so of course she'll carry on doing as she likes without regard to your feelings.

 

There is only one correct solution here, and you know what it is. Block her on every medium of communication you have with her. Don't waste time explaining anything to her, or trying to understand it. Just block and move on.

[Highndry]

It's simple. She is thinking only of herself. She feels some momentary need to connect with someone so she selfishly reaches out, and when that feeling passes or she gets busy with something else, it doesn't matter to her how letting you down makes you feel. It's all one-sided, which is no basis for any kind of relationship.

 

There are people like this unfortunately. Such people should be treated the way they deserve - remove all trace of them from your life and act as if they don't exist. If everyone in their lives did this, they wouldn't get away it anymore and would have to be better people.

 

By going along with it, all you're doing is sending her a message that she can get away with it, so of course she'll carry on doing as she likes without regard to your feelings.

 

There is only one correct solution here, and you know what it is. Block her on every medium of communication you have with her. Don't waste time explaining anything to her, or trying to understand it. Just block and move on.

 

Exactly. There's no other path than to completely block this woman and never talk to her again.

[Tahoe996]

Thank you both for taking time to respond.

Went for a long walk to try and clear my head of this a bit, but unfortunately all I did more thinking, I know the right thing to do is block her, for some reason I got to thinking that maybe there is something I did do that I don't know about? was I in the wrong for being upset not hearing anything from her? I again think I was nice in text last Friday when I explained to her how it felt.

That brings me down, but then I think well she never followed through 3 times she said she would call and didn't. I feel bipolar or something right now, maybe I've come off push and pull? That's the issue I'm having is wanting to understand what changed at least hear her side.

Yes Im closer & closer to blocking her, but if I did talk to her, am I right in asking her why she kept saying she would call and never did? I really don't want to feel like I'm coming off possessive or crazy but I've been through a similar situation before and I was gaslighted by a previous woman into thinking that it was all my fault. So I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells by even asking.

[Zahara]

What i mean by that is, i just don't have that kind of time that you seem to need. It's pretty draining for both sides from what i see. Maybe a, much much slower pace would work for you.

 

This coming from the woman that told you she loves you in 2 weeks.

 

You need to pay attention to the fact that this woman is emotionally unreliable. She shot off the blocks and then drew back. What does it matter if it is anything to do with you? The fact that she can't communicate like an adult and keeps you hanging/disrespecting you should be enough for you to realize that this is not someone you should be pursuing.

 

When a woman is avoiding you and creating a wall, step back and do not chase. You will come off as needy and suffocating. It seems you are insistent on being accessible to her so wait for her to come to you. Stop trying to push her for answers. You'll just have to work around her terms if you want to keep her in your life.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Zahara

[Tahoe996]

Last last time I text her was in response to her last text about calling after dinner, and all I said to her was that should be fine, the last time I text her without her initiating the last text was last Friday. Even though I get an urge to, I have avoided it pretty quickly. There has been no pursuit or added texts since then. From her text yesterday, I do feel like maybe things progressed too fast and I'm sure there have been red flags on my side too, I don't know much about her last relationship, but I can't help but feel like maybe I said something to make her feel suffocated hence the wall that's up on her side?

And that's where I am conflicted, I look at myself and ask what I would tell a friend in the same situation and I know what I'd say to them.

Why I'm even giving her that chance is really beyond me? I've always been pretty good at shutting people out of (for lack of a better term) and maybe that will hit me between the eyes soon, but for right now, I have no idea what is holding me back from doing it to her.

Edited November 13, 2017 by Tahoe996

[Purepony]

Well you can look at this from a million different angles and you still won’t have a definitive answer

 

Here’s how I would play this out ... with this type of person I would disappear and let her do the pulling from now on and if you get a text from her don’t spring into action and reply give it a few hours or even a day like her .... play her game

 

Either way I’d start on forgetting this one

[dumbass2]

I think it's already been said on here. This is who she is. This is part of her personality, something only she can change if she wants to. Learn to have ZERO tolerance for ghosting. It is the worst feeling on the world when it comes from someone you thought cared about you. It firmly tells you, without question, that they don't value at all. They don't care. Actions not words. Do not accept this and move on and block. Trust me, it is who she is and it will happen again and again as long as you are allowing it by even talking with her. By not replying to her again, maybe she'll start to figure it out herself, but you can't make her. Don't bother thinking you can bring it up and get an answer. You'll get ghosted again.

[Tahoe996]

Thanks again for the replies, she again wants to talk tonight, I did reply before looking on here like an idiot, I simply just said that I had some plans, but I could talk around 9 tonight if that would work, she said she should be home, so now what do I do? I obviously have a suspension if I call or text that she'll just ignore me again. I don't even at this point know what I want to say, I have no problem apologizing if she felt I did something wrong, but in the same sense I feel like it should have been brought to my attention before the blowoff.

I don't even know what to do or say if she actually talks.

I don't know why I can't find the strength to just blow her off. I feel like a complete jackass and so embarrassed right now, this kind of thing isn't me, as I've said before I can pull away so easy, yet I'm struggling with this one after only two weeks.

It's pretty shameful & pathetic of me. At least that's how I feel, women find me attractive and always flirt with me, I can't figure this out.

Edited November 14, 2017 by Tahoe996

[Highndry]

Thanks again for the replies, she again wants to talk tonight, I did reply before looking on here like an idiot, I simply just said that I had some plans, but I could talk around 9 tonight if that would work, she said she should be home, so now what do I do? I obviously have a suspension if I call or text that she'll just ignore me again. I don't even at this point know what I want to say, I have no problem apologizing if she felt I did something wrong, but in the same sense I feel like it should have been brought to my attention before the blowoff.

I don't even know what to do or say if she actually talks.

I don't know why I can't find the strength to just blow her off. I feel like a complete jackass and so embarrassed right now, this kind of thing isn't me, as I've said before I can pull away so easy, yet I'm struggling with this one after only two weeks.

It's pretty shameful & pathetic of me. At least that's how I feel, women find me attractive and always flirt with me, I can't figure this out.

 

She is yanking your chain and you are playing the fool. She has completely devalued you and you have told her it's ok. She has no respect for you as you're telling her you're not worthy of it and have no respect for yourself, either. The ONLY thing to have done when she blew you off was to completely blow her off too, maybe even texting her the finger. Seriously, she deserves nothing better.