Perceptions on Separation

[Steve40th396]

Newbie here, but not to separation. Wife left me May of this year to see if she can make it on her own and to find herself. I wont go into details, but I am not the only reason she left, and it isnt for/from an affair.. trust me, its a family issue with our oldest..

But, 12 months will be the time she can legally go to court ans show she had an apartment, and we hadnt been physically together. Its real obvious she wants this to be an honest no gotchas with the court. I am not stressing, cheating or doing anything but working keeping my relationship with my youngest as good as possible. Wife and I are very cordial, not issues. It is what it is.

But, marriage goes both ways, you either both want it to last and are willing to try or not. Too little time in life to being attached to someone that doesnt like you. Burn the bridge, move on.

[OatsAndHall]

Speaking from experience and research, I firmly believe that separations are the death-knell for a marriage for a variety of reasons. The marriage is in serious trouble if a couple has hit the point where they can no longer be around each other or try to communicate to repair the relationship.

 

When I separated from my wife, I pretty much knew that it was the end of the marriage. She had made decisions that were detrimental to our relationship (decisions that pointed towards an affair) and we absolutely couldn't communicate about anything. I had done my best over the years to remain calm and collected when it came to the issues in our relationship but I realized that I was spinning my wheels by the end and getting no where.

 

But, my decision to separate was pretty much a reactive one; I couldn't stand to be around her anymore and I was tired of my efforts towards fixing the relationship turning into a giant argument. I needed to get the hell away from her for my own peace of mind because I was losing it.

[Popsicle]

So whats your perception on Seperation as whole. What can you do vs What you cannot do?

 

 

For me. Even though I am single. If I was Married and my wife said she wanted to separate. We are either going to live apart and re-court each other. Or we go straight to divorce. No dating anyone while we are seperated. No exceptions.

 

Once the paper work and court date are set going to divorce. Thats fine. Either party can Divorce.

 

What do you all think?

 

Agree. Separation for me means we live apart and re-court (no seeing other people or any of that bull) or we divorce for good.

 

I'm always shocked by how many people separate and sit on the fence forever. I think these are usually people who are cake-eaters.

[OatsAndHall]

Agree. Separation for me means we live apart and re-court (no seeing other people or any of that bull) or we divorce for good.

 

I'm always shocked by how many people separate and sit on the fence forever. I think these are usually people who are cake-eaters.

 

Unfortunately, many people marry without realizing just how expensive a divorce can be, especially when you own property together and have children.

 

I know a handful of people who have stayed separated for a long time because they couldn't agree on a separation of property or firm custody agreement and neither party had the money for a lawyer. The relationship was over a long time ago but finances were keeping things from being finalized.

 

I have a friend who is getting married next summer and he asked me for some advice (even after I told him that I am the LAST person to ask..). I suggested that he and his wife keep separate bank accounts, split bills equitably and never open joint credit cards together.

 

He was pretty shocked and stated "That's kind of planning for a divorce isn't it?"

 

I stated, "No, that's planning on keeping yourself and your fiance from financial ruin in case of a divorce."

 

He hasn't asked for any advice since. LOL

[Popsicle]

Unfortunately, many people marry without realizing just how expensive a divorce can be, especially when you own property together and have children.

 

I know a handful of people who have stayed separated for a long time because they couldn't agree on a separation of property or firm custody agreement and neither party had the money for a lawyer. The relationship was over a long time ago but finances were keeping things from being finalized.

 

I have a friend who is getting married next summer and he asked me for some advice (even after I told him that I am the LAST person to ask..). I suggested that he and his wife keep separate bank accounts, split bills equitably and never open joint credit cards together.

 

He was pretty shocked and stated "That's kind of planning for a divorce isn't it?"

 

I stated, "No, that's planning on keeping yourself and your fiance from financial ruin in case of a divorce."

 

He hasn't asked for any advice since. LOL

 

Yeah, I wouldn't want to hear that either (and I'm divorced myself). I agree with your friend. I don't see the point in getting married if you're thinking about divorce. But then again, maybe that's the point of thinking that way in the first place - to avoid marriage. Just don't get married.

[Mysterio]

How much could a Lawyer cost when its all said and done?

 

5 Grand tops if your not rich.

[Steve40th396]

I think our society accepts divorce, separation as not much of a big deal anymore. You dont like him/her, leave, quit move on.

Everything from Hollywood to social media accepts it without the burden it was many years ago for a couple. If your parent are in their 70's, for example, I bet they went through some serious issues at one time or another and worked things through, no matter how hard. Thats why you see 50- 60 anniversaries. Its going to much more rare in the future.