When a guy says...

[whatnot]

Thanks what about him still being on OKC? Seems to contradict what he says? I don’t get the whole thing of finding someone you like an still chatting to others on there. There’s only one reason to still be on there right? I would never tell him he can’t, I believe a person should do what they’re going to do and that’s how you know the real them. But I also think there is a mentality sometimes that it’s like “oh, I found someone I like, maybe there are others out there like that too”?

It may very well be this way. but, fwiw...my father once told me...."son....a business deal cannot be constructed to the point to where one party does not have to trust the other party *more* than the other. (he was a business man....and he'd pass these little tidbits of wisdom on to me from time to time when i'd be scared to go forward in an otherwise normal business transaction....I've always been scared of being taken advantage of in business).

 

I see dating the same way. It's not uncommon....especially in the beginning....What's important....is to make sure there is no room for misunderstandings....bluntly....and honestly....about what each understands what the other expects the other to do. No room for misunderstandings with passing blurbs during a text about what one *assumes* what one will do or not do...or what action is required with or not required where misunderstanding or all of the intentions of both parties are not *crystal* clear.

 

One man's opinion.....go with it....until....there is zero chance of misunderstandings. and this needs to be done in person....not texting....at least if it's important at all.

 

I'm not trying to tell you this guy's motives are pure.....I just know how I react when someone doesn't do what I assumed they would.... based on a passing remark that I made....or that they made.... that the other person may or may not have interpreted the same way as *I* meant for them to when I said it. (and vice-a-versa).

 

we don't always have all of the facts. but...if it's not worth it to you....or it's too risky to you.....don't pursue it. It sounds as if there's already been misunderstandings....or lying. only you can determine .... what's what. Follow your instincts....and you'll be fine. Just don't convict without all of the facts....where it's clear between the both of you....that what you both want and expect from the other......it's all crystal clear..

 

this is why I don't internet date anymore. It can get serious before it's time. It's also why people should take things slowly....in general... one man's opinion. good luck

[whatnot]

this is why I don't like the internet. what was once personal.....yet....acceptable dating behavior....becomes a courtroom of cross-examination.....being dictated....for all to see.

 

It can become....unnatural.

[Cookiesandough]

this is why I don't like the internet. what was once personal.....yet....acceptable dating behavior....becomes a courtroom of cross-examination.....being dictated....for all to see.

 

It can become....unnatural.

 

Agreed. If they're not looking online doesn't mean they don't look when they're out in a bar or at the grocery store. The profile stalking people do has got to stop. When you're on the same page with someone and trust them, you dont even feel the need to do that.

[whatnot]

Agreed. If they're not looking online doesn't mean they don't look when they're out in a bar or at the grocery store. The profile stalking people do has got to stop. When you're on the same page with someone and trust them, you dont even feel the need to do that.

 

It's why innocent people need legal representation ... when in court.

[Vyliss]

I wouldn't read too much into the second part of what he said. Lots of people are bad at dating - doesn't mean they're bad in a relationship. He's just admitting that when it comes to "dating etiquettes" he doesn't know what's normal. Which is fine because one person's normal is another person's weird.

 

The only way to counteract that is to get to know each other more.

[kangaroo]

Agreed. If they're not looking online doesn't mean they don't look when they're out in a bar or at the grocery store. The profile stalking people do has got to stop. When you're on the same page with someone and trust them, you dont even feel the need to do that.

 

Yeah I don’t wanna profile stalk, I want to trust, that’s why I’ve come off. What will be will be

[act00]

I don't understand why you're putting so much stock in him saying he's bad at dating or it won't be hard (to be bad at dating together) when you, yourself have said such things, maybe partially out of humor and partially out of frustration. YOU said you don't like US dating. YOU said you're bad at dating. YOU said you can be bad at dating together. He responded, "That won't be hard," and now you're analyzing his words.

 

Meanwhile, I thought it was funny. I thought it was a sarcastic quip.

 

Texting loses a lot of meaning without body language, facial expression, and tone, so you have to kind of take some words with a grain of salt, but consider also your own words. I mean, you "hate American dating" doesn't sound all that great, and it gets personal. Why is it okay for you to say such things, but when he says it, all of a sudden red flags pop up everywhere and you're psychoanalyzing his ability and intent?

 

This guy sounds like if you're up for monogamy, he is too. If you plan to multidate, he's not closing the door that prospect on himself. Who knows why he sucks at dating. This is where DATING comes into play...you'll find out soon enough if he's a clod or just never met the right one.

 

Meet this guy in person and see how it goes.

 

You can figure out the profiles from there.

[kangaroo]

I don't understand why you're putting so much stock in him saying he's bad at dating or it won't be hard (to be bad at dating together) when you, yourself have said such things, maybe partially out of humor and partially out of frustration. YOU said you don't like US dating. YOU said you're bad at dating. YOU said you can be bad at dating together. He responded, "That won't be hard," and now you're analyzing his words.

 

Meanwhile, I thought it was funny. I thought it was a sarcastic quip.

 

Texting loses a lot of meaning without body language, facial expression, and tone, so you have to kind of take some words with a grain of salt, but consider also your own words. I mean, you "hate American dating" doesn't sound all that great, and it gets personal. Why is it okay for you to say such things, but when he says it, all of a sudden red flags pop up everywhere and you're psychoanalyzing his ability and intent?

 

This guy sounds like if you're up for monogamy, he is too. If you plan to multidate, he's not closing the door that prospect on himself. Who knows why he sucks at dating. This is where DATING comes into play...you'll find out soon enough if he's a clod or just never met the right one.

 

Meet this guy in person and see how it goes.

 

You can figure out the profiles from there.

 

Thanks. You’re right. He’s had friends visiting all weekend so haven’t been able to have the conversation with him. I’m aware I need to look at my words too,as they haven’t been the best. Will talk to him when I see him again.