Situation with "boyfriend" don't know how to approach it [UPDATE I ended it with him]

[Gaeta]

I haven't replied to that text yet. But I feel like I want to tell him get lost yet again. I've had to dump this guy so many times at this stage. Is it some sick joke to act like I'm his girlfriend, joke about us having kids in the future, tell me I'm stuck with him forever and call me his girlfriend randomly to then just tell me in text now I'm not his girlfriend after all. What the hell?!?! Is it right of me to assume I was his girlfriend based on what he said to me?

 

It's not important why he said that, what you need to remember is that YOU ARE UNHAPPY = dump him for good.

[Tweety00]

It's not important why he said that, what you need to remember is that YOU ARE UNHAPPY = dump him for good.

 

I don't even feel like answering that text he sent and according to him im not his girlfriend so I don't even have to tell him if I'm dumping him or not. This guy infuriates me so much

[smackie9]

No but you can tell him to never contact you again, then delete/block his number so he can't reach you.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you need to be done with this clown.

 

He is an utter waste of your time and yanking your chain. Chop off that chain for good.

[ExpatInItaly]

I haven't replied to that text yet. But I feel like I want to tell him get lost yet again. I've had to dump this guy so many times at this stage. Is it some sick joke to act like I'm his girlfriend, joke about us having kids in the future, tell me I'm stuck with him forever and call me his girlfriend randomly to then just tell me in text now I'm not his girlfriend after all. What the hell?!?! Is it right of me to assume I was his girlfriend based on what he said to me?

 

It's not a joke, per se, but it's a way to get what he wants without committing to you. He butters you up, says all the right things to get affection or a date or sex, then goes cold when you actually expect him to follow up on his grand plans.

 

He is a player, girl.

[Versacehottie]

Sounds to me he's really trying for you.... that can be good and bad. The way I see it he's not putting a label on because he doesn't know if he can keep this up.

 

Hot cold people get bursts of anxiety about things going too well, or getting too smothered, so they distance themselves til it passes.

 

I don't know why you even bother. This is a compatibility issue. You have certain expectations he doesn't feel comfortable with, him being a private person. He is the way he is and it isn't suitable for you. That's why this has been challenging all this time you have been seeing each other.

 

Great post!

[Tweety00]

It's not a joke, per se, but it's a way to get what he wants without committing to you. He butters you up, says all the right things to get affection or a date or sex, then goes cold when you actually expect him to follow up on his grand plans.

 

He is a player, girl.

 

Update: I ended it with him because it was clearly going nowhere. I was pretty angry but now he has blocked me instead! The irony! He basically just told me go away so and blocked me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Update: I ended it with him because it was clearly going nowhere. I was pretty angry but now he has blocked me instead! The irony! He basically just told me go away so and blocked me.

 

Good for you. Let him block you; he wasn't boyfriend material anyway and there's no sense keeping in contact.

[Space Ritual]

Hey everyone, I'll try to explain this as best I can without being too confusing! I've had this on and off thing with a guy for a while now. We've known each other 6 months. First 4 months we were in a relationship. I won't go into detail but we broke up a few times after that.

So recently after we decided to leave it (we both decided) he text me saying he wants me back, wants to be with me, says he will change. I previously broke up with him for not treating me right. He will say he loves me and will prove it if I let him. I also remember him texting me he wants to be with me but it never works out and he knows its his fault.

 

Back to recently he text me saying he wants to be with me, misses me etc. To prove this he invited me to the cinema with him and said "I'll hold your hand in public to prove I'm mad about you". This is kind of an inside joke because he never really liked pda from the start! He is sort of a private person.

The cinema date went really well, we had fun it was like the first time we met! We both enjoyed it. He was holding my hand, refering to me as his "girlfriend". I went to pay for my cinema ticket he said he already paid cos I'm his girlfriend. He was cuddling me in the cinema, kissing my hand just being really nice like when we first met. So we had a great time and he wants to do "date night" once a week now.

 

What I don't understand is if I ask him what we are, he will just say let's take things as they go yet he's referring to me as his girlfriend and even referring to us being in a relationship. He makes these jokes about the future as well. Like a family with kids passed us on the street and he said to me oh that will be us in the future. But like it's a joke? I've no idea he is so confusing! A few days ago he said hes joining back to the gym and asked me to come with him.

 

I'm so confused. I want a definite answer on what we are and if this is going anywhere as I have really strong feelings for him at this stage and want us to be in a relationship properly. I don't want to get hurt if actually he doesn't feel the same way and is just messing me around. We have been on 3 cinema dates the past few weeks, he paid for every one. Am I being too needy? Should I just wait?

 

Run screaming into the night and don't look back....he considers you a "Girlfriend of Convenience", and little else.

 

If you think I am totally off base, ask him to go through a stroll in his neighborhood hand in hand with you on a night when all of his friends are out and about. I'd bet money he would give you a lame excuse as to why he could not do so in front of his friends.

If you have been intimate with him get a full STD panel.

This guy is a waste of your time and your head space.

[Space Ritual]

Update: I ended it with him because it was clearly going nowhere. I was pretty angry but now he has blocked me instead! The irony! He basically just told me go away so and blocked me.

 

 

Good for you. Good riddance to trash like that guy. Do not give him a second thought.

[Tweety00]

Another update. So after a whole day he has decided to unblock me. Probably expecting me to contact him which won't be happening

[smackie9]

Now you block/delete him, from everything including your life.

[Space Ritual]

Another update. So after a whole day he has decided to unblock me. Probably expecting me to contact him which won't be happening

 

Of course he did. That's all a headspace power trip for him to do so. He wants to know you are upset and pining for him.

 

So block him yourself and forget about him. Nothing tells someone to go away themselves like radio silence.

 

One thing we fragile egos(meaning most men who will never admit their egos are more fragile than females) don't get over quickly is when a girl becomes indifferent and goes silent. Because it signals a lack of emotion.

 

You hear songs since time immemorial about breakups and how someone second guesses themselves and hopes that the other person will come to their senses and come back or at least think about them in the dark of the night and ether cry or seethe at their poor luck.

 

You know what types of songs you rarely if ever hear?

 

Songs about Indifference. Because in order to write one you would have to feel some emotion. In order to write a song people can identify with, you have to speak to their emotion.

 

Indifference is emotionless.

 

So their are probably only a handful of those songs in existence. No one would be able to feel the emotion behind indifference, so how can yo dance to that? lol

 

It truly is the ultimate FU when someone reaches that point. You'll get there...as long as you block him on all forms of contact and make him as insignificant as you can. It gets easier every day when you do.

 

in 6 months someday something will remind you of him and you'll be at a stop light and all of a sudden you will look at yourself in the rear view mirror and utter:

 

"What the hell was I thinking?"

 

And then you will chuckle for 2 seconds and forget about it as you ease on down the road.

 

That's indifference.

[Tweety00]

Of course he did. That's all a headspace power trip for him to do so. He wants to know you are upset and pining for him.

 

So block him yourself and forget about him. Nothing tells someone to go away themselves like radio silence.

 

One thing we fragile egos(meaning most men who will never admit their egos are more fragile than females) don't get over quickly is when a girl becomes indifferent and goes silent. Because it signals a lack of emotion.

 

You hear songs since time immemorial about breakups and how someone second guesses themselves and hopes that the other person will come to their senses and come back or at least think about them in the dark of the night and ether cry or seethe at their poor luck.

 

You know what types of songs you rarely if ever hear?

 

Songs about Indifference. Because in order to write one you would have to feel some emotion. In order to write a song people can identify with, you have to speak to their emotion.

 

Indifference is emotionless.

 

So their are probably only a handful of those songs in existence. No one would be able to feel the emotion behind indifference, so how can yo dance to that? lol

 

It truly is the ultimate FU when someone reaches that point. You'll get there...as long as you block him on all forms of contact and make him as insignificant as you can. It gets easier every day when you do.

 

in 6 months someday something will remind you of him and you'll be at a stop light and all of a sudden you will look at yourself in the rear view mirror and utter:

 

"What the hell was I thinking?"

 

And then you will chuckle for 2 seconds and forget about it as you ease on down the road.

 

That's indifference.

 

So the fact that he unblocked me after only one day (really funny) means he wants/expects me to contact him? He hasnt contacted me since unblocking me. I'm not contacting him. I just find it funny he only lasted a day blocking me. What was the point of that

[Tweety00]

Sounds to me he's really trying for you.... that can be good and bad. The way I see it he's not putting a label on because he doesn't know if he can keep this up.

 

Hot cold people get bursts of anxiety about things going too well, or getting too smothered, so they distance themselves til it passes.

 

I don't know why you even bother. This is a compatibility issue. You have certain expectations he doesn't feel comfortable with, him being a private person. He is the way he is and it isn't suitable for you. That's why this has been challenging all this time you have been seeing each other.

 

I don't see how it can be good if he's hot and cold all the time. I've never come across someone so inconsistent with how they act and what they say day to day. I don't understand why people are like this. My feelings were true. I don't say things I don't mean I don't see the point!

[ExpatInItaly]

So the fact that he unblocked me after only one day (really funny) means he wants/expects me to contact him? He hasnt contacted me since unblocking me. I'm not contacting him. I just find it funny he only lasted a day blocking me. What was the point of that

 

Because he knows it gets you to think about him and keep an eye on him, to see if you're still blocked.

 

It worked.

[Tweety00]

Because he knows it gets you to think about him and keep an eye on him, to see if you're still blocked.

 

It worked.

 

Well he's never blocked me before so I would have assumed he was serious. I havent said a word to him so he doesn't know if this would bother me or not, even if I think it.

[kassy]

Ok just block him on every form of communication you have and move on. He deserves no more thought.

[Highndry]

This whole social media, blocking/unblocking, friending/unfriending stuff is nonsense. It just childish game-playing. I am so happy I have zero social media accounts. I'm a middle-aged dinosaur, though.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

In the heat of the moment blocking you might have made your ex feel more in control of the situation. However, once he calmed down, he would have realized that it meant that you could no longer reach out to him, which is probably the last thing he wants.

 

Given your history of such an off and on again relationship, he probably doesn't really believe it is really over. If that is the case, you can expect to hear from him in the next couple of weeks.

 

On and off again patterns like this can be hard to break, so if you really want this to be the last time, you are going to have to be really strong and even consider blocking him if necessary.

 

Good luck.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well he's never blocked me before so I would have assumed he was serious. I havent said a word to him so he doesn't know if this would bother me or not, even if I think it.

 

Sure he does. He knows you; he can make an educated guess.

 

I would block him myself and keep it that way. You will keep yourself stuck otherwise.

[karen wright]

i've been in a relationship exactly like the one you are in , and what i concluded at the end of it is that he acted that way not because he's relaxed , or because he wants to take things slow , he acted that because i let him , he doesn't answer your texts because he knows that you'll be his , whenever he'll ask you out you will accept , whenever he texts you , you will answer ... and the fact that you broke up with him and then got back together only makes it worse .

if a man likes you , he'll never be relaxed about you , he'll be always thinking about what you are doing* , who you are with ...

my advice would be to stop seeing him , but if you insist on giving him a second chance , make sure that state out your terms loud and clear ... make it clear for him that if he doesn't text you back all week long you won't be available for him in the weekend for your date night ... when he's investing more in the relation then and only then you start investing more .