Steve51 Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 I met my ex fiancé at a high school dance after pursuing her half of the night. We were together 5 years and virgins when we started. She cheated on me when I was in combat overseas. Came back and chased a girl at work. Got her to move in with me and she too cheated on me and we broke up. Moved to a different State, got a job and met my wife on a train. I stalked her which in my time was called love, and made a date for the next night. Three weeks later we were engaged. She worked two floors below me in the NYC World Trade Center, was in the same profession as me, is best friends with the girl I had a crush on since I was 14 who was the sister of my friend. She live two blocks away from me; the short blocks not the long ones. She new my sister, I had dated all the girls she knew and she had seen my picture and heard all about me from the other girls in her class and my ex long before we met. She was not looking and I was not looking. We both gave up on that and were working on our careers. Yet we met because for the first time in my life I ran to catch a train during rush hour when they were leaving the station every 10 minutes. I looked at her and she smiled at me. I followed her home which today is called stalking. I hid in my car and followed her after she left her house. I asked her for a date and three weeks later we were engaged. Last month was our 45th wedding anniversary. Seems that life goes that way for me. I get the good jobs when I am not looking for them. A call out of the blue, tell them I am not interested. They call again and again until I finally give them a salary number to scare them away and they say yes. Better yet when I see the President of the corporation he quoted a salary $25K more than the bloated one I asked for to get them to leave me alone. I often comment that we go through life like busy bees but in fact we are just keeping busy waiting for things to happen to us. It is like when I need to hire someone. I run ads, list online and on our website and yet we never find anyone that way. It is usually a cousin of an employee or someone that heard we were looking. Yet we do the same thing each time just waiting for the new employee to find us. Same with women. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2017 Share Posted November 9, 2017 She may be the woman of your dreams but you are not the man of her dreams. If she really wanted to leave her job she would. If she really wanted to date you, she'd find time. Yes, she is busy but lots of people are busy. When I met my husband I had a FT Job (just opened my own business), a PT job, & I served on 3 boards of trustees, plus I was the caregiver for my elderly parents. Busy people know how to make time & prioritize for what they see as important. If this woman is willing to meet you again, go. Talk to her. Enjoy the date but stop pressing her to define things. It's too early. Link to post Share on other sites
Author warp123 Posted November 9, 2017 Author Share Posted November 9, 2017 She may be the woman of your dreams but you are not the man of her dreams. If she really wanted to leave her job she would. If she really wanted to date you, she'd find time. Yes, she is busy but lots of people are busy. When I met my husband I had a FT Job (just opened my own business), a PT job, & I served on 3 boards of trustees, plus I was the caregiver for my elderly parents. Busy people know how to make time & prioritize for what they see as important. If this woman is willing to meet you again, go. Talk to her. Enjoy the date but stop pressing her to define things. It's too early. This thread is old story. The admins merged two different threads of mine for some reason. Theres the title of one thread and the content of the other, but i was debating two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 So do you really think that because this just "happened" for you, that it will just magically "happen" for everyone, and they actively shouldn't put in effort to going out and looking for someone they want to be with? It's like you're suggesting that there's only one way to do things, and that because you met someone when you weren't expecting it, that it happened because you weren't expecting it, which we all know is bogus. It was totally circumstantial and you've romanticized it. People meet each other as a result of circumstances, like being in the same place at the same time, or having a mutual friend, not because they were or weren't expecting to meet someone. Whether or not you're looking for someone is totally irrelevant. I'm happy for you, but let's not pretend "not looking" is the best method of finding a partner, because we know it's not. It's like you hit a half court shot in basketball once, and your advice to basketball players is now to stop practicing lay ups, and to just need to shoot from half court every single time. What do you mean "when the time is right?" Are you assuming these things are all preordained? If you want to find a partner, your best odds are by looking for one (not to the point of being obvious or desperation), affording yourself opportunities to cross paths with as many people as you can, looking online, etc -- not by sitting at home watching TV, telling yourself that you're not looking for someone, secretly believing in the fairy tale that your person is just going to magically materialize in front of you. People just love trotting out the "Oh you'll meet someone when you're not looking" line, they mean well but mostly it is just a kind (yet lazy) way to dismiss your lament and end the conversation without hurting your feelings because anyone with some common sense knows that unless you are extremely fortunate you have to put as much work into finding your 'soul mate' (well men do, anyway) as you would into your career. I feel bad for the people who hear this advice and actually listen to it and believe that the love of their life is going to ride in on a unicorn while they just watch TV and pick the fluff out of their navel. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 10, 2017 Share Posted November 10, 2017 It may be trotted out because some people are so obviously desperate, frustrated and anxious about meeting "the one", that they give off a frantic often agitated and crazy vibe that will be attractive to no-one. It can be a nice way of saying "calm down". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author warp123 Posted November 10, 2017 Author Share Posted November 10, 2017 (edited) It may be trotted out because some people are so obviously desperate, frustrated and anxious about meeting "the one", that they give off a frantic often agitated and crazy vibe that will be attractive to no-one. It can be a nice way of saying "calm down". My second gf was my kind and we fell in love so quickly, so were we both desperate? We were adults, i told her early she was totally my thing and i was hers. We made a good team, but didnt work in the long run. Unless you make a drama of it and do things like stalk her or abuse texting, then yes, that is crazy vibe. Yes, im frustrated about not knowing "the one", but i try to enjoy while she appears. Edited November 10, 2017 by warp123 Link to post Share on other sites
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