Who here has gotten back together with an ex? Did it work or not work?

[Beachead]

Hello guys,

 

Who here has gotten back together with an ex. Why did you break up in the first place. Did it work out the second time? Not work out? Why?

 

I'm curious and interested to hear everyone's story. I think all of us collaberating on a thread and sharing experiences may help us all with gaining insight, wisdom and perspective.

 

Lets hear it.

Edited November 3, 2017 by Beachead

[d0nnivain]

He dumped me because he didn't see a future. We were too competitive professionally & he wanted somebody more traditional to be a SAHM.

 

We got back together after a few months. I think it lasted two weeks. It was such a broken empty shell of what our relationship had been.

[alterest]

I got back to my ex (3 years of relationship) last year after 6 months splited. I ran into her constantly and sometime I see it was bad for me so I back off. Then she reach me and ask to get back. The second try only work for 4 months, then she broke up again. From now I see she was very immature and our age difference is a big issue to us. Even now she reach me trying to keep in touch (1+ since definitive break up), but I don't want to talk to her, or see her or get back to her. I hate her? Not at all, but it's meaningless right now.

I do belive that couples could work if they get back together, but both need to improve theirselves and need to be very sincere when they try to get together. It wasn't my case... And I have no regrets about it.

[whatnot]

3 10 to 15 year serious relationships in my life. All three involved some back and forth.

 

lol (lol....heck...I even married my ex wife.....twice ) so 2 marriages and 2 divorces....from lol one woman

[whatnot]

just typing that post....exhausted me

[Trust666]

I got back with my first serious girlfriend from college 25 years later. It was great until she left me for another man lol. Now it totally sucks, I never thought she would betray me in a million years but she did and my head is a mess. I'm pretty sure I was sex after her divorce until something better came along. No fights, problems getting along or any of that she just left me one day and now we hate one another.

 

She left me for the guy she dated in high school previous to seeing me in college. Funny how that works.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

just typing that post....exhausted me

 

Ha! Been there, but we didn't marry the second time. Thank God. Biggest mistake of my life was confusing forgiveness with reconciliation.

[Beachead]

An ex broke up with me when I was 22. She didn't want to let me move on and I was too young and dumb to know any better so I did it her way and attempted a friendship. It was up and down, back and forth, left and right, on and off, hot and cold..a genuine pinballing disaster. The attempt at friendship lasted 10 months until we got back together for 2 in which I was dumped again and left with a load of regret, resentment and anger. Needless to say we don't speak anymore.

[Been]

I think we got back togeather 10 times in 2 years lol.

She had this ex that she couldn't let go of- he was a drunk and he would always "change his ways" and she would runback to him. Of course he was the same and she would bs her way back to me. And I would take her back.

And the worst part is she would blame me for her leaving me in the first place- I wasn't confident enough,i didn't know how to dance, etc.

She made me feel something was wrong with me. And it wasn't.

So this last time I took her back I wanted to erase any doubts I had about her. So we lasted about 3 months and the worst thing was I uncovered that not only would she cheat on me with her ex she had cheated on me with multiple men during the ENTIRE relationship.

I had always thought that if her ex wasn't in the picture we could have made it somehow. Boy was I wrong lol.

[guest569]

If it counts, got back together a week later for about a week. It failed as nothing had changed and we knew it never would. Made it much harder to get over

[Been]

Its funny because you think the second time breaking up with the same person wouldn't hurt like the first time but in my experience it does. That's why I caution people about getting back togeather with an ex because it can end up hurting worse the second time.

[hercules22]

3 10 to 15 year serious relationships in my life. All three involved some back and forth.

 

lol (lol....heck...I even married my ex wife.....twice ) so 2 marriages and 2 divorces....from lol one woman

 

 

wow never heard of anyone doing that

[warp123]

Getting back together works very rarely.

 

If you cannot fix the problem, coming back -if it happens- will be just temporary.

 

Dont say you will fix it. First you fix it, then you win her back. If not, the same problem that made you split ways will happen again.

Edited November 4, 2017 by warp123

[alterest]

Getting back together works very rarely.

 

If you cannot fix the problem, coming back -if it happens- will be just temporary.

 

Dont say you will fix it. First you fix it, then you win her back. If not, the same problem that made you split ways will happen again.

 

And it could be even worse... Even brake up, even the issues.

Sometimes, back together works only after some years, cause you could make some improvements in your life... But it can work in some cases with fewer time (6~8 months). The point is, you must have to fix your issue, your partner must have fix their issues and you need to be more open to receive feedback and have a sincere conversation when some issue pop up.

 

My case, I fix some of my problems and my ex fix some of her, but we don't fix what we needed to make it work.

[JimmyNYC]

Great Question. It got me thinking and the lesson here is that if you or your SO end up "breaking up", that means something is not working for one or both of you so severely that it is broken. We break up because something is Broken. Now, that being said, after the breakup we begin to miss that person (the good parts, the good times). We are hurting emotionally. Our thinking is distorted. So what do we imagine? We imagine if we get BACK TOGETHER, this time we can make it work. We want to stop the pain. We want them back.

 

But it never does work because something is eternally broken between you two. That is why the "breakup" happend in the first place. I look back at all my breakups and reconciliations. They all ended AGAIN very quickly in another breakup. My lesson learned is that If things COULD be fixed they would have been fixed IN the relationship in the first place and you would never have needed to "breakup". Breaking up signals that something is severely wrong and cannot be fixed, in my opinion. Experience tells me I am right. If you break up, move on, stay away, go NC, heal.

 

PS. In summary, I have never broken up and then got back to together and stayed together and lived happily ever after. Never happened. 100% of the time it ends, usually pretty quickly, in other painful breakup.

 

Read this article esp the part on "bargaining".

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup

[marky00]

In summary, I have never broken up and then got back to together and stayed together and lived happily ever after. Never happened. 100% of the time it ends, usually pretty quickly, in other painful breakup.

 

It has and does happen so its defo not 100 per cent.

 

 

Even on LS, I've seen people come back here to tell us such a story. You don't hear about the stories very much because people don't want to waste time on here when they too busy being happy.

 

 

In the end, it's a personality thing. Some people like to jump out of planes even though they know it's dangerous

Edited November 4, 2017 by marky00

[Fever of love]

I suppose I could contribute a little to this thread...

 

My current Ex and I, first 'split up' about 12 years ago, for 3 months. I put 'split up' in quotes, because it was a very turbulent period in our relationship, which she now describes as 'we split up', but I describe as her cheating on me for three months.

 

I was 12 years younger, we had been together 10 years at that point, and I played the game of 'trying to win her back', and I was 'successful 'in the end. She chose to stay with me, and the other guy became history. I digested it emotionally by just thinking of this other guy as an 'ex' of hers... like we were in a new relationship anyway, and who worries about their current partners exes?

 

Fool that I was, of course it was a massive red flag.

 

We were together for another 12 years after that, much of which was amazing. I took care to not take her for granted or neglect her, and she was very keen to demonstrate how much I meant to her, and was very nice and good to me. We had many of our best, peak experiences during these years- although I thought the first 10 were pretty damn good as well!

 

Anyway here I am on Loveshack- so you guessed it. The same pattern repeated, and she blindsided me, and turned up with a 'new date' only 4 weeks later! I'm sure all residents of the site are aware of how common this pattern is, and what it means.

 

In relation to this thread though... I would say yes, I got her back that last time. And it worked pretty well- we had 12 very happy years. Until she dumped me lol. But 12 years is not too bad, some people might consider that a successful LTR in itself.

[JimmyNYC]

Hi FeverofLove. Thanks for sharing that but I'm unclear about a a few things in your story. Why did you break up the first time? Was she cheating on you DURING your relationship? Next you get back together and you write she "blindsided" you. What does that mean? She broke up with you? Or you found out she was cheating behind your back DURING your supposed happy relationship? Thanks.

[SpecialJ]

I mentioned these before, but one has an update.

 

I have friends who had issues with parents not accepting the choice in partners while the couple was still in school, so she broke up with him because she was torn between family expectations and her boyfriend. After 6 months of no contact, she reached out, they got back together. They've been together for years now, and are married with a baby on the way. It doesn't sound like there were ever incompatibility issues between them, though -- the break up was solely driven by external factors (and being so young when trying to navigate them).

 

Another couple broke up for 2 years, passionately didn't get along during that time, no contact for 1. Got back together for 9 months after running into each other. They were having major problems again in a matter of a few months, as soon as the honeymoon period was over. Now they're done again, this time it sounds like for good. She thought they'd broken up because she wasn't ready the first time, but the second go she realized that he's actually a very controlling and manipulative partner and that was the real reason they're incompatible. So at least she feels closure now, even though this breakup was equally negative and heated.

 

I've never reconciled with anyone, though I've suggested it a couple times and had one guy come back after ghosting me after a few dates. It was far too late for him by then. 6 months earlier and I may have considered it.

[Been]

I think it boils down to the reasons.

 

Cheating I would say no. That partner made a decision and the door is always open for history to repeat itself.

 

Being young and two peoples going different directions and eventually meeting back up latter in life maybe.

 

Dumping someone for someone else no. The only reason why they ended up coming back was because the other person didn't meet their expectations. That turns you into an option.

[Fever of love]

Hi FeverofLove. Thanks for sharing that but I'm unclear about a a few things in your story. Why did you break up the first time? Was she cheating on you DURING your relationship? Next you get back together and you write she "blindsided" you. What does that mean? She broke up with you? Or you found out she was cheating behind your back DURING your supposed happy relationship? Thanks.

 

Well all these things are subjective Jimmy- in the way that two people can share the same experience, but then when you ask them describe what happened last week, they will often have very different interpretations of events.

 

After the madness was over, and we were discussing wtf had happened, or arguing, she swore that she had announced she had split up with me, and this was technicallly 'not cheating.'

 

I, on the other hand, do not recall any announcement of us having actually split up. We lived together... we had an argument maybe, maybe she said 'youre dumped' or something, but I dont remember- it was 12 years a ago, and because she continued to live with me, cook my dinner, and yes sleeep with me, I thought it was a minor domestic squabble which had blown over.

 

Until she started acting werid, and after about 2 months I discovered she was' seeing' this guy. She denied it for about 2 weeks, then eventually admitted it, and finally after about 3 months in total, dumped him.

 

To this day, she would probably say we had split up. I disagree- I see it as an affair which I forgave because of various other life events which had bound us very closely. I loved her basically. Then we were pretty good together for a further 12 years. More than 'pretty good' I'm still on Loveshack, still cut up, because I still got the feeling what we had was a 'once in a lifetime.' She's not an easy partner to lose.

 

And then 'Blindsided' is a term used on Loveshack for when a long term love, suddenly and with no explanation, dumps you with a sucker punch that you just did not see coming.

 

Often, in these cases, someone 'new' turns about 4-6 weeks later. Only this persons not so new... theyre the reason for, and cause of the split.

 

Given my history with my ex, its easy to see that as being an accurate explanation of her actions. But who knows? Human beings are mysterious. And women are mental. With Apologies to the ladies of loveshack.

[Luca]

I got back together with my ex. She broke up with me the first time because we ended up having a lot of arguments. Felt horrible for the first 4 months after the breakup and after that still sad and partially unhappy for 2 monthts after. I went NC after the first month but did some facebook stalking. I was almost fully recovered 7 months after the breakup until I got a text message out of nowhere if I wanted to meet with her.

 

I was seriously doubting it, but I knew i (still) loved her a lot and wanted to see where it led. The first date was really emotional for both, but i believed in second chances. She said she missed me like hell and kind of begged for me to come back to her. She also said she didn't see anyone in the 7 months we were apart and I trusted her on that. I was a bit sceptical at first but gave her the 2nd chance.

 

Fast forward 1.5 (really awesome) years later and she suddenly started to become really distant and had some emotional fallouts over a few months. She ended up breaking up with me 2 months ago.

 

I don't regret any of it, but I do feel alot more depressed now even though I told myself 2 years ago not to give her the power to make me feel sad/heartbroken/depressed again... Every relationship and situation is different, but I don't think I will ever give someone a second chance again after they dump me.

Edited November 4, 2017 by Luca

[Beachead]

In my most recent situation, my ex went back to her ex. We were together for 3 months and immediately after we split (Because she wasn't over him), she went right back to him.

 

They were together about 4 years before running into problems in the relationship. She met me around this time while they were in a on/off situation. I guess meeting me pushed her to do what she was thinking about doing which was to leave. So we were together for about 3 months. He was still in the picture. I was in the middle of a hurricane of their drama. She told me about what went down (From her perspective). Lots of fights. The other girls he would be close to. She complained a lot. She was still in love. In retrospect, we had chemistry but chemistry had very little to do with us getting together. There were many other reasons for us getting together that had to do with their relationship than myself. Overall, it just boiled down to it being too soon. Despite our connection, she couldn't shake off the love for him or the need to try again with him. It's been 3 months since they began their second run.

Edited November 4, 2017 by Beachead

[Soak]

The break up gets worse each time you go back. They usually turn on the charm to get back with you if they are lonely, ot their next prospect hasn't worked out.

 

Don't fall for it.

[dumbass2]

6 month relationship. It was only 3 months of strict NC with me when she contacted me. Too soon to ever think there would be a chance. I still cared way too much. 6 months later me telling her we can't be in contact any more. No contact with her what so ever after that talk. 2 years later I'm in much much better relationship of 6 months with someone else. Nothing like my ex. After really looking at how my ex treated me the second around, I could never even be friends with her today. She's not worthy of my friendship.