Husband left again for ow, filed for divorce again

[Mr Blunt]

You can only save your self and your self-respect at this time. You have allowed him to use you like a door mat so it is time for you to save yourself…You have to realize that you cannot allow him to ruin your life and to accept that your hope for him at this time is a HUGE false hope.

 

You are probably so devastated emotionally that you are making excuses for him and compromising BIG TIME…Face reality and focus ONLY on you and your child or you will become a permanent door mat. Millions of women have overcome this crises and so can you!

[imsosad]

I'm sure this is a terrible time for you.

When I read through your post, I felt like he was doing all the deciding and you were just tgere, taking it.

It is not all up to him.

You seem way too focused on him, rather than on yourself. You make an awful lot ofcexcuses for him-you were working long hours, poor him. You were struggling with post natal depression, poor him. Limerance. Xanax. Everything and anything to let him off.

Also, don't waste your time blaming his girlfriend. It is him who broke his vows to you and this leash she has him on? It's not real. I doubt she has him chained to a wall in the basement.

I am not trying to put you down. I really do feel your pain. I think you are having trouble keeping up with events and accepting reality and you are trying to rewrite everything that's happened in a way that will make it possible for you to go back to the way things were.

I mean, he cheated, left you, filed for divorce and tgen came back and things were good?

That sounds very strange to me. You are either in denial or scared of having things out with him. This is not something to just gloss over and pretend never happened.

I know you're young. You havea child. You thought you knew your life plan, even if things were sped up by a surprise pregnancy. I know how shocking this can be.

I think you need to regain your control, take charge of your life and get stronger. Right now, you are just enabling him to do whatever he feels like.

[l8estnews]

Putting all your love to him without leaving some for yourself will have an effect just like this. Usually, men/women who love like this have self-esteem issues. I am sorry for you, OP. I do feel your pain. The feeling of being abandoned, replaced, discarded for another, let alone that horrible feeling when someone you knew is after what you have succeeded, ugh I hate that feeling so much!!

 

But you always run away from all of these. You have an option to do so:

 

1.) Minimize contact with this guy (only about your daughter, financial or better yet, about finalizing your divorce)

2.) Cut him out on ALL social media. Just keep 1 communication channel which doesn't have the capability for you to see pictures or anything recent about him (Line, Viber, WhatsApp)

3.) Mention to your friends to never ask or give you update about him. If they keep doing so after you specifically told them not to, block them as well. You don't need those kinds of negativity to your life.

4.) If you have the means, change house. If not, change room and re-decorate your home completely to signify your new life.

5.) Make new circles of friends, and find an activity that you'll like. For me, what worked are activities that will boost my confidence again like hitting the gym, doing yoga classes or anything that will make you feel pretty

 

You will ALWAYS think about him, everyday, for like a year or so. You will miss him, daydream about him, especially at night when you're alone. This is normal. But it will pass.

 

Good luck! There's a bright future ahead of you. Believe.

[Cilantro]

No offense but why keep trying to get him, esp if he cheated, and even moreso esp if he doesn't want you? Whyyyy??? The cheating alone would be enough to tip me over the deep end. I would probably go ballistic, revenge cheat, then dump his ass. Why wait around long enough for him to dump you for HER? Or if he surprised you out of the blue with a "I'm cheating and now I'm leaving you for this girl, surprise"--then I understand you wouldn't have time to react or take the upper hand, but why even entertain the thought of taking him back? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Another thing: Have you been loyal to him this whole time, or were you out cheating and/or dating other people during the separation too? Curious. Because something tells me you were good to him this whole time when he wasn't any of those things to you. Never a good situation.

[The0neyoul0ved]

No offense but why keep trying to get him, esp if he cheated, and even moreso esp if he doesn't want you? Whyyyy??? The cheating alone would be enough to tip me over the deep end. I would probably go ballistic, revenge cheat, then dump his ass. Why wait around long enough for him to dump you for HER? Or if he surprised you out of the blue with a "I'm cheating and now I'm leaving you for this girl, surprise"--then I understand you wouldn't have time to react or take the upper hand, but why even entertain the thought of taking him back? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Another thing: Have you been loyal to him this whole time, or were you out cheating and/or dating other people during the separation too? Curious. Because something tells me you were good to him this whole time when he wasn't any of those things to you. Never a good situation.

 

No. Did not cheat. Have had no interest in anyone else and didn’t see anyone during the separation

[goodyblue]

I haven't posted here in a while. You may not want to hear from me because I was OW. My h had not been happy in many years and his ex never knew. She was blind sided when she found out. He left and never went back. We have been married for Some years and are happy.

 

The reason I tell you this is that sometimes it happens and you must take care of you. He isn't going to. There will come a time when you will find someone new but you have to mentally let him go first. Be open to it, but shut him out for your own sanity.

 

I wish you peace.

[merrmeade]

I haven't posted here in a while. You may not want to hear from me because I was OW. My h had not been happy in many years and his ex never knew. She was blind sided when she found out. He left and never went back. We have been married for Some years and are happy.

 

The reason I tell you this is that sometimes it happens and you must take care of you. He isn't going to. There will come a time when you will find someone new but you have to mentally let him go first. Be open to it, but shut him out for your own sanity.

 

I wish you peace.

The0neyoul0ved, I think that if you are reminding a former OW of the BW that her husband left without looking back then it's time to move on. She's clearly doing it out of compassion now, maybe a little guilt ( or a lot), but either way I think it's a good call, too. Sorry. It really sucks.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Theone, as has been said many times over on this forum, if you really love someone set them free. If they were meant to be with you they will come back to you. If not then they were never meant to be with you. Consult a lawyer and find out your rights and then file for divorce and have your husband served. If he is really in love with you that action will jolt him back to reality and he will be at your door begging you to take him back. You can always call a halt to the divorce when you want and if you want. However, by taking a hard line you will show your husband that you are ready to move on with or or without him and it may just act as a wake up call for him. If it does not then you know that he was lost to you and you can move on with a clear conscience knowing that you did your best to save the marriage. It needs two hands to clap and if he is not willing to stand up and be counted there is very little you can do about it. Just think for yourself. Warm wishes.