Saffron2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I’ve been seeing this amazing guy for about two and a half months. We met quite organically, just by chance, rather than online dating or anything. Anyway, our relationship began with a pretty intense mental connection (literally hours upon hours of conversation right from the start) but there was also plenty of physical attraction as well. We didn’t have an official “what is this?” relationship talk. However, he told me a few weeks ago that he is not seeing or sleeping with anyone else. I’m not sleeping with anyone else either. We finally had sex this past weekend. The sex was AMAZING. The best sex I’ve ever had in my life. But now some insecurities are setting in. The very first time we had sex happened very spontaneously. Neither of us were expecting it exactly, it just happened. And he climaxed in something like 90 seconds and seemed really ashamed of that. Despite how quick the whole thing was it was actually seriously hot. But he seemed to think he’d disappointed me. We had sex again later that evening and he was able to last longer and it was amazing. But after sex he seemed distant. He wasn’t cuddling me as much as I’m used to (although we’d not previously had sex we’d slept in the same bed a few times). We talked a little and it was sweet and then we both fell asleep. In the morning he initially looked really fried, like actually shell shocked and he seemed more distant than usual. Then we had breakfast together and he started going back to his usual self. But he seemed shyer than before. He’s set up the next date and has also discussed various things he wants the two of us to do or see together over the next few weeks. He also referred to himself as “your boyfriend” and looked sooooooo shy when he said it. The thing is, he didn’t used to behave all that shy at all before we had sex, so why now? Before we had sex I was CRAZY about him. Now that we’ve had sex I’m just blown away by how amazing he is (in and out of bed). But I’m not sure how he feels. I was a bit worried about how he became distant, although as I said he more or less returned to normal in the morning. Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? Yes, I've done this. Sometimes I just want space after having sex with a woman for the first time Link to post Share on other sites
lovephule Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 If he's referring to himself as "your boyfriend" now, he probably likes you. Probably. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't want to sound rude but the first time you had sex 90 seconds did you orgasm? (he got too excited and had to release faster than normal) If not then the second time which was longer (he was relaxed with you) did you orgasm? Never fake it (orgasm) with a guy like this one. Can put him into a weird state of mind. If you both can climax sexually after your fornication that would be very special to his ego! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saffron2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 I don't want to sound rude but the first time you had sex 90 seconds did you orgasm? (he got too excited and had to release faster than normal) If not then the second time which was longer (he was relaxed with you) did you orgasm? Never fake it (orgasm) with a guy like this one. Can put him into a weird state of mind. If you both can climax sexually after your fornication that would be very special to his ego! When you say 'organism' do you mean orgasm? The 2nd time I had an orgasm just from penetration 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 When you say 'organism' do you mean orgasm? The 2nd time I had an orgasm just from penetration I was corrected it after the computer read it back to me sounds strange. Yes the correct word was orgasm. Really he should have felt that with you. But did he release (orgasm) with at the same time? That's a special moment for both of you some women just can't make it happen his Ego reflects his behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saffron2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 I was corrected it after the computer read it back to me sounds strange. Yes the correct word was orgasm. Really he should have felt that with you. But did he release (orgasm) with at the same time? That's a special moment for both of you some women just can't make it happen his Ego reflects his behavior. Yes we both came at the same time ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saffron2017 Posted October 31, 2017 Author Share Posted October 31, 2017 Yes, I've done this. Sometimes I just want space after having sex with a woman for the first time Do you need that space because you feel unhappy in some way? Overwhelmed? Tired? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 He also referred to himself as “your boyfriend” and looked sooooooo shy when he said it. The thing is, he didn’t used to behave all that shy at all before we had sex, so why now? Before we had sex I was CRAZY about him. Now that we’ve had sex I’m just blown away by how amazing he is (in and out of bed). But I’m not sure how he feels. I was a bit worried about how he became distant, although as I said he more or less returned to normal in the morning. Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? My guess is that he is falling in love, but wasn't expecting it. Orgasms create a slightly different response in men vs. women. I can say for me it feels like taking a shot of heroin. I've used prescription opioids before. Before sex your mind feels cloudy with desire. Afterwards you feel euphoric, drowsy, and a bit removed from yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 He's catching feelings, and that make people a little shy. Next time after sex make him a sandwich. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 He's catching feelings, and that make people a little shy. Next time after sex make him a sandwich. And tell him that you really like to cuddle... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Yes we both came at the same time ? Excellent! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? yes, his blood sugar was probably low Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Do you need that space because you feel unhappy in some way? Overwhelmed? Tired? I disagree with this you don't need space after having sex? You said he gone shy with you? Prior to sex he was okay. Sounds like he was a virgin with you and you popped his cherry. I would have a talk with him to see why he's acting like that. You both came and it was special. So why the sudden change in attitude with you? How is he today? Same or different? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 But I’m not sure how he feels. I was a bit worried about how he became distant, although as I said he more or less returned to normal in the morning. Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? I think it means that he may be overwhelmed in a good way, but probably feeling inadequate given his lack of control. Insecurities about sex and vulnerability about the emotions. I think you need to reassure him, let him know that he is safe, fully accepted and one-hundred percent worthy just as he is. Encourage intimacy after sex but don't transmit the feeling that you expect him to behave in any particular way. If he's quiet show him via touch that you are okay with that and enjoying being together. Help him to feel safe and accepted and this will pass. Congratulations! Hope it continues to be amazing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 it happens. Dunno exactly why but I get "buyers regret" or something immediately after sex and wanna just be left alone for about an hour or so, regardless of whether there is any actual regret or not. I also lose any semblance of "cool" I had prior to and turn into a spaz, immediately killing any of the reasons the woman desired me in the first place. Yes, I am single, why do you ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Okay, so, I do not get that he is falling love or overwhelmed, etc. Only time will tell, but he certainly is processing things. Whether it is for good or bad, not clear yet. If I were crazy about a girl, I certainly would not go into a shell and go from enthusiastic to 'shy.' After having great sex, I would want more, if not, I would be cuddly, affectionate, not distant. This quietness could very well be that he has done what he has achieved to do (have sex) and is now disengaging. I don't see any evidence that he is falling for you....Again, time will tell. OP, just see what happens during the next few days or so. You'll find out what's really going on in his head or talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I would like to add.. When the time is right tell him that you really like him so much and you appreciate the time he as given to both of us together.. If he smiles then you tell him when your ready and you have to feel it from the gut as well as the mind and heart that you are in love with him. Say it " I love you (his name) He should say the same back.. I hope it all goes will for you both! Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 it happens. Dunno exactly why but I get "buyers regret" or something immediately after sex and wanna just be left alone for about an hour or so, regardless of whether there is any actual regret or not. I also lose any semblance of "cool" I had prior to and turn into a spaz, immediately killing any of the reasons the woman desired me in the first place. Yes, I am single, why do you ask? That's you, everyone is going to be different. I am when it comes to sex I like it and if I really like the person I am with I am not leaving (well she's in my house) I want to be with her 100%. What gets me the face you want to kick the bucket for some odd reason. Do you love the women you had sex with or just casual thing with you. I don't do casual, or quickee or one-night-stands or booty calls. Making love (sex) is a wonderful experience. I don't take it for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 What gets me the face you want to kick the bucket for some odd reason. You said it brother. You said something, that is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
morrowrd Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex? Sex causes you to become emotionally connected. Maybe he doesn't understand what's happening, but that's usually what happens to people who haven't desensitized that part of themselves. (People who have no problem with one night stands with strangers, for instance.) I think however, as the trust increases, so will the intimacy. He was embarrassed for finishing too fast. It probably took alot of concentration to make sure it didn't happen the second time around. Words of encouragement, nurturing, patience, and I'm thinking he'll come around. Cuddling after sex, telling your beautiful girlfriend how much you love her, touching her hair, all that pillow talk is all part of sexual intimacy. (different than just sex.) Gently nudge him in that direction. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Read - Why Do Some of Us Feel Sad After an Orgasm? Its called "post-coital tristesse" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) I think many people feel a little sad/guilty/disappoint after sex if there's not sufficient emotional connection prior to it Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Is it normal for a man to become distant briefly immediately after sex?It is for me. I become very analytical after first time sex with a woman I'm dating. If it's just a ONS or a known (beforehand) casual arrangement, then I'm not distant. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) I think many people feel a little sad/guilty/disappoint after sex if there's not sufficient emotional connection prior to it Then why have sex then? You have to be mentally, physically, emotional, and spiritually connected to the other. I am no sex addict I am true blue to the heart and love is very important to me I am very romantic when I am with the right woman. I have put off love for while to get my head back on straight. I been lied too, mislead, taken for granted by the former women I knew and thought who really cared. In all the conclusion was to take a break and see what else I can come-up with so I did something I would never do, but I did, is ask someone (a woman) out from work to breakfast. I am crossing my fingers she's coming home to me now. I just the call today while driving home this morning I know I can make this work. God knows I can!I want to feel good inside with the right woman and i want things to go smoothly. Edited October 31, 2017 by coolheadal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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