Daybyday Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Its been 9months since I discovered my H was cheating on me...I found out also that he fathered a child during the affair...even when I had proof of the whole thing in hand he still denied it! We have been together over 20 years (married 15 of them) and have 3 children together. To make a long story short, he is back with us and we are trying to work things out because he says that the love he has for me is a genuine, real love and that the love he had for the OW (I found an email in which he stated he loved her) was really based in a fantasy world he was living in. Since then I have read many stories from cheaters, especially MM, and they all speak of this "fantasy" world...I just don't get it....In 20 years I NEVER cheated on him.. The funny thing is that since the affair in many ways our relationship is so much better. He is more sensitive to my needs, he will do anything for me and the kids, he calls me constantly from work and goes nowhere after work unless me or the kids are with him, and we have done more things, trips, etc. together than we ever did before. Sex was never really an issue, it was and still is, communication that is a problem for us. In return I have learned to really listen to him and to value his input. Anyway, I don't want him to have any contact with the OW or the child. It's just too painful. For now he isn't, yet I know that he plans to have contact with the child in the future with me accompanying him:( In addition to dealing with this I have to deal with the daily pain of the fact that this nightmare even happened and the child is a CONSTANT reminder of the fact that my H laid down with another woman and socked it to her! Tell me, did I do the right thing staying with him and if so, when if ever, will the pain go AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Please save any nasty judgments or unkind words, I am just living Day By Day... Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 No one can tell you that. Only you can make those decisions and live with them. It sounds like you are geniunely trying and that's really all you can do. If you're not in counseling, I highly suggest you get there. This is one big MoFo of an emotional minefield, and it's good to have an experienced guide. As to the child. Well crap. My ExH fathered two (count 'em TWO) kids in our marraige in addition to the two I bore him. So I feel you there. I divorced him over it - but that's after a prior offense, and it's not your story. The only advice I can give you on that is to try to remember that the child did not ask to be here. It's an innocent victim as sure as you are. If you do have to interact with it at some point, please try to keep that somewhere in your heart. I feel for you, DbD. There is no statute of limitations on pain - it's just there until it's not. I wish I had something better to offer than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I can tell you my opinion on being betrayed is that the pain will NEVER go away. However, the pain will decrease. Think back how you felt when you first found out. Now think how you felt 5 months out, and then today. You learn to deal with this pain, but you don't let it control or consume you. There are always good days and bad days or moments. You'll be fine for awhile and then you will see or hear something (a movie or something) and it easily takes you back to the betrayal. Your marriage may be better now than before, you may be stronger now than before, but nothing can kill the fact that you were betrayed in the worst way by someone you love. Forgiveness can be given, but forgetting just isn't possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Well, I don't know if the pain goes completely away or not, but I can say that it DOES fade over time. It can and does become manageable. I'm at 15 months out from d-day now...you can take a look back through the site here for my story if you're interested. Counseling is a definite help in dealing with things. My wife and I both did MC and IC for a while...we JUST agreed to stop with our marriage counseling this last week. But we've also agreed that if either of us feels the need, we call the counselor and get things setup again, no issues or problems. It does fade with time...and work. You both have to allow yourselves to see the changes in the other person. And I think it's important to realize that your marriage WON'T ever be the same again. It can still be wonderful, but it won't be exactly the same as it was. You've both changed as a result of this trauma. Make sure that your H does everything he can to rebuild the trust between you. Full accountability and access to all of his communication lines (email, IM, phones, etc...). He needs to show you that he IS trustworthy now. And you need to work on ACCEPTING that he is, assuming that you don't find any evidence to the contrary. And above all...communication. Both of you need to learn how to listen to the other person. How to tell each other what you feel, need, want, etc... My wife and I were on the verge of divorce 15 months ago. She was all packed and ready to leave me for someone she barely knew. And the last thing I saw on the board this morning as I left the house was "I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!". It DOES get better! Link to post Share on other sites
lust4life Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 Yes, you did the right thing! You can hear it in your post that you love him and that you love your family. Yes, the pain goes away. I am 2+ years out and still in the honey moon stages of our new marriage. I would never go back to how our marriage was before. Married 20+ and infidelity(a pa that lasted 3 months) was at 18 years. You are going to have a more difficult time of it as you will have a child involved. I think that eventually you will want to attempt to get full custody- or atleast joint custody so that your husband can have visit but not so much involvement like it would be if it were the mom having full custody and the 2 of you having just visitations. I think it would also be important to make sure his bio mom has a will that states if anything happened to her the two of you would gegt full custody. How old is the other woman? I think it may good a good idea that you and your husband come up with some ground rules and write them out. You don't want her calling him all the time, so make that one of the rules, and if you have to make her CALL YOU for child related issues only. I know I simplified this and your pain is going to be so intense for a long time to come, the real roller coaster usually starts in the second year but for some reason many people feel good again after two years. You are doing the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I am so sorry for your pain. I agree w/ the other posters. We can't tell you if you should of D him or not, that is something you need to decide on. From your post it does seem like you do love him and he does love you. Since my H's A 2 years ago the pain has decreased a lot. Sometimes I do think of the A and it still hurts that he was w/ another woman in our 13 years of M but as soon as I start thinking about it I try to think of something positive about the A instead of the negative. Or, I find something else to do to keep my mind off it. I am so sorry that your H fathered a child out of his A. I honestly can say, I don't know how I would of dealt w/ that. Knowing that the exOW would always be part of our lives b/c of their child, that would be hard. Does the OW live in the same town as you do? All I can say is if you haven't been to IC I would go, and I would also go to MC also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daybyday Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 Thank you all so much....your words of wisdom are invaluable.... Originally posted by New_Wife No one can tell you that. Only you can make those decisions and live with them. It sounds like you are geniunely trying and that's really all you can do. If you're not in counseling, I highly suggest you get there. This is one big MoFo of an emotional minefield, and it's good to have an experienced guide. As to the child. Well crap. My ExH fathered two (count 'em TWO) kids in our marraige in addition to the two I bore him. So I feel you there. I divorced him over it - but that's after a prior offense, and it's not your story. The only advice I can give you on that is to try to remember that the child did not ask to be here. It's an innocent victim as sure as you are. If you do have to interact with it at some point, please try to keep that somewhere in your heart. I feel for you, DbD. There is no statute of limitations on pain - it's just there until it's not. I wish I had something better to offer than that. To NW I know that I need counseling as I have tried to hurt myself twice since this happened...I recently discontinued antidepressant med w/o doctor consent b/c I felt it was making me feel worse...angry...uptight and all... But man it's something else to hear that I am not alone...TWO kids with OW....man...I just don't get it and lately I have a voice in my head telling me to have an A even though I know it will only make things worse...."There is no statute of limitations on pain - it's just there until it's not"...I needed to hear this....thanks..... Originally posted by Breathe I can tell you my opinion on being betrayed is that the pain will NEVER go away. However, the pain will decrease. Think back how you felt when you first found out. Now think how you felt 5 months out, and then today. You learn to deal with this pain, but you don't let it control or consume you. There are always good days and bad days or moments. You'll be fine for awhile and then you will see or hear something (a movie or something) and it easily takes you back to the betrayal. Your marriage may be better now than before, you may be stronger now than before, but nothing can kill the fact that you were betrayed in the worst way by someone you love. Forgiveness can be given, but forgetting just isn't possible. Breathe, many timesI have compared the pain to the day I found out...the day I had to make myself "breathe" because my whole world was spinning and I wasn't sure where I was in time or space...but just when I think I am learning to deal with the pain...it does...it controls me and consumes me...and boom I find myself locked away in the bedroom isolated from my entire family...my kids know the source of my pain...but they do not know they have a sister in this world because of what daddy did...it would rip them into worse shreads than they already got ripped into when this whole nightmare was revealed....how does one ever get over being "betrayed in the worst way by someone you love"... Originally posted by Owl Well, I don't know if the pain goes completely away or not, but I can say that it DOES fade over time. It can and does become manageable. I'm at 15 months out from d-day now...you can take a look back through the site here for my story if you're interested. Counseling is a definite help in dealing with things. My wife and I both did MC and IC for a while...we JUST agreed to stop with our marriage counseling this last week. But we've also agreed that if either of us feels the need, we call the counselor and get things setup again, no issues or problems. It does fade with time...and work. You both have to allow yourselves to see the changes in the other person. And I think it's important to realize that your marriage WON'T ever be the same again. It can still be wonderful, but it won't be exactly the same as it was. You've both changed as a result of this trauma. Make sure that your H does everything he can to rebuild the trust between you. Full accountability and access to all of his communication lines (email, IM, phones, etc...). He needs to show you that he IS trustworthy now. And you need to work on ACCEPTING that he is, assuming that you don't find any evidence to the contrary. And above all...communication. Both of you need to learn how to listen to the other person. How to tell each other what you feel, need, want, etc... My wife and I were on the verge of divorce 15 months ago. She was all packed and ready to leave me for someone she barely knew. And the last thing I saw on the board this morning as I left the house was "I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!". It DOES get better! Owl do you think the counseling really worked...I found the one counseling session I went to very painful...the psychologist told me I needed to discover "WHY I was so very hurt to the depth that I am by my H's affair. He said I could begin healing once I discovered the real source of this pain... well, months later, with no revists to the doc...it hit me one day that the source of my utter pain may have been that I knew all along my H was having an A and that I just chose to deny it so I could keep my perfect family "perfect" you know...so when I found proof (an email in which he stated he loved her) my whole world just crumbled before me... And as for "access to all of his communication lines (email, IM, phones, etc...) I just don't trust him enough to even request that right now...I mean can't he tell me the code to one email and still have 2 or 3 others...I mean I didn't know until the A was discovered that he had another PHONE with all of his OW's numbers and contacts, etc...ouch...but I am happy to hear that you are restoring your faith in your relationship...it gives me hope... Originally posted by lust4life Yes, you did the right thing! You can hear it in your post that you love him and that you love your family. Yes, the pain goes away. I am 2+ years out and still in the honey moon stages of our new marriage. I would never go back to how our marriage was before. Married 20+ and infidelity(a pa that lasted 3 months) was at 18 years. You are going to have a more difficult time of it as you will have a child involved. I think that eventually you will want to attempt to get full custody- or atleast joint custody so that your husband can have visit but not so much involvement like it would be if it were the mom having full custody and the 2 of you having just visitations. I think it would also be important to make sure his bio mom has a will that states if anything happened to her the two of you would gegt full custody. How old is the other woman? I think it may good a good idea that you and your husband come up with some ground rules and write them out. You don't want her calling him all the time, so make that one of the rules, and if you have to make her CALL YOU for child related issues only. I know I simplified this and your pain is going to be so intense for a long time to come, the real roller coaster usually starts in the second year but for some reason many people feel good again after two years. You are doing the right thing! lust4life thank you for your belief that such a horrible situation can come of some good. However, I do not see ever filing for custody of any kind for the child...and I do not want him to visit the child...the OW had been wanting a child for some time and for the love of GOD I wish she hadn't selected my H to do it with but she did...I can understand why...I mean she obviously loved the same qualities in him that I have loved for over 20 years...he is kind, sweet, compassionate, easy going, and cute...All of the qualities I love in a man...To answer your question the OW is 8 yrs younger than we are...by his own admission and others (some of my family members saw them together shortly before I discovered the A on my own) looks have nothing to do with it...I beat her out by miles...it was the conversation and mutual involvement in the same sport (which I had given up 2-3 years ago) that I am told ultimately developed into a physical A.... Originally posted by StillHurtin I am so sorry for your pain. I agree w/ the other posters. We can't tell you if you should of D him or not, that is something you need to decide on. From your post it does seem like you do love him and he does love you. Since my H's A 2 years ago the pain has decreased a lot. Sometimes I do think of the A and it still hurts that he was w/ another woman in our 13 years of M but as soon as I start thinking about it I try to think of something positive about the A instead of the negative. Or, I find something else to do to keep my mind off it. I am so sorry that your H fathered a child out of his A. I honestly can say, I don't know how I would of dealt w/ that. Knowing that the exOW would always be part of our lives b/c of their child, that would be hard. Does the OW live in the same town as you do? All I can say is if you haven't been to IC I would go, and I would also go to MC also. StillHurtin I have read many of your posts and you like the others here are very wise....I do love my H and this A has made me accept the fact that he is human...not made to be perfect....still....it hurts so bad....I have tried the thinking something postive thing yet it is easier said than done you know b/c yes the OW does live in our town...she lives very close actually b/c don't forget they met doing a sport they both love although they were on different teams...also we did go to a couple of marriage sessions a couple of months ago...but I just wasn't hearing it when the counselor explained that there are different kinds of love and that yes a man will tell a woman he loves her and not really mean LOVE...well I don't get it...then can't he tell me he loves me and not really mean it?!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lust4life Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I fought back and forth with the love word also. All I can say is actions speak and where is your husband? Hey, I replied to you on another thread about revenge affairs, it seems you and I took many of the same steps including filing for divorce! My paperwork sits in my nightstand still! I cancelled it with the courts. But, I watched the sheriff hand him the paperwork and watched him shake when he had to reach out and take it. Okay, maybe you do not want to be a part of the childs life, but your kids will probably want to eventually and you said you know your husband will want to eventually. Maybe, the pain is just too deep still for you to think about this aspect of IT, the affair. So, is she filing for child support? Is he listed as the father and has a paternity test been done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Daybyday Posted August 18, 2005 Author Share Posted August 18, 2005 Yes a paternity test has been done and no it did not need to be b/c the kid looks JUST like him as do 2/3 of ours...ouch... As far as child support...believe it or not she makes more than he does and is in a far better financial position...I found all of this out on my own...you become a true investigator when your crumbling world is at stake.... In any case between you and me (lol)...I did divorce him (no the kids don't know)...but we are back together...he wants to get remarried...I don't...he says we are still married in spirit and that he will never tell anyone I divorced him...including the OW...somedays I just think he wants me back because I'm safe for him...he knows me like no other...also I think he wants me back because he doesn't want everyone to say what a f*** U* he was for getting into the A in the first place... Tell me...do I understand correctly that you are still with your MM that had an A...doesn't it drain you to constantly stay one step ahead of him with all of the planning to go here and be there and look like this stuff...I am doing the same and I know it drains me... Link to post Share on other sites
lust4life Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 I am not sure I understand the question. I do not have to stay a step ahead, he is just constantly in touch. It is so nice that we are always together. He has a shortened work schedule, does not travel without me, is totally tuned into me. It is easy. I feel really good about us, I do not wonder if he will cheat again. He did take a poly and I think that helped to build back trust. He passed, he was not in contact with her at all after dday, he slept with her as many times as he told me he did, I was told all there was to tell ie; he was no longer hiding information. If I were to feel distrustful, I may hire another poly or just divorce his ass. I do not feel distrustful. I mean he really cut back his work schedule, sometimes I wonder when they will fire him! He works sometimes as little as 4 hours a day. He will work from home at times too. Like right now we are both on laptops, I can see he is working...I am talking about infidelity! You are doing good! If you feel good in 6 months or so, get remarried. Less complicated legally. Sounds like the OW should have just hired a sperm donor! HOW long has it been since he has had contact with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Pecan Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 I really feel your pain. I am going through the same thing with my H and It is SO HARD. I have so many mixed feelings its unreal. I posted my thread about 2 months ago and I was very bitter. For me it has been 9 months and some day I still cry and I have been asking the same thing " When will the pain end" So, I can truly say I know what you are going through and I am sorry that this has happen to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Heavenlyflower9 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 I still ask myself the same question. And i wish i could answer but, I have to agree with all the other posters! Especially with Breathe! I can tell you my opinion on being betrayed is that the pain will NEVER go away. However, the pain will decrease. Think back how you felt when you first found out. Now think how you felt 5 months out, and then today. You learn to deal with this pain, but you don't let it control or consume you. There are always good days and bad days or moments. You'll be fine for awhile and then you will see or hear something (a movie or something) and it easily takes you back to the betrayal. Your marriage may be better now than before, you may be stronger now than before, but nothing can kill the fact that you were betrayed in the worst way by someone you love. Forgiveness can be given, but forgetting just isn't possible. I could'nt have said it better. It's been 6 years since A (i was prego with Son) and possibly another A which he denies and i don't want to get into it. I'm trying to stay strong. My kids are at the top of my list right now. i bet you're thinking damn 6 years? It does take awhile, you kinda have to start over again. We moved to Germany this past April and things seemed to be going well for us. Focus on being positive! Do take it day by day! Breathe is rightForgiveness can be given, but forgetting just isn't possible Well you take care DbD and god bless Heavenlyflower Link to post Share on other sites
latesleeper Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 DbD, i'm sorry to hear about the pain you're going through. i have my own issues with my H, although i don't believe it involves any A, but the fact that i don't trust him like i used to and that i still feel anger and pain and even grief (as if someone i loved had sort of died) over these issues, gives me just an idea what you and the other incredible people here have gone through. i can only add my support to your search for wholeness and joy again, and hope that you will find within yourself the gem that you are, that should be treasured. whatever you do you should be treasuring this gem that is within yourself. take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Counseling can be a GREAT help in dealing with things... IF.... You get a counselor who UNDERSTANDS infidelity, it's repercussions, and it's affects on the marriage and individuals involved. If you get a counselor who is PRO marriage (many 'marriage' counselors out there are NOT...they're truly divorce counselors). Individual counseling with someone who understands infidelity can also be a big help. Our first MC was lousy. She completely sided with me (my wife was the one who had an emotional affair). While gratifying, it didn't do much to help heal our marriage. She lacked tact, which is SCARY in a counselor. But...I'd also started IC with someone else...and he was very good at understanding the whole situation. I actually convinced my wife to use HIM as our MC and I dropped IC...which turned out to be the best move I could have made. My wife was FAR more comfortable with our new counselor, but at the same time he did a great job in helping us to deal with the situation and improve our marriage. If the first counselor doesn't work out, don't assume they'll all be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Overcome Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 I have been cheated on also, except my story is a little bit different. Last night I finally found out that my significant other has been cheating on me and has fathered a child out of the deal. What makes my story a bit difficult is that we just had a child 2 months ago. We were talking about marraige and forming a life together with our child. He also "hinted" that there was something that he needed to reveal. However, he never had the courage to do so. To make my story short, I found a Christmas card from his "OW" stating how much she wants him in her life and how much she misses him. So with God's grace I approached him about it and he flat out lied. I caught him in his lie because I was calm and I kept asking him questions as if I was Barbara Walters. Anyways, he finally stopped lying and started apologizing. I am so angry on so so many levels. First of all, I feel trapped. If I didn't have this baby I would just pick up my feelings and move on. I can't do that now because I have to deal with him at least 18 years because we have a child together. I am angry because the child he has is about a year old and that means he has been holding this secret for a long time. I feel he should have been man enough to tell me a long time ago. Secondly, I know I am not going to accept his child because he was conceived out of deciet and dishonesty. If I was going to take him back that means I would have to accept his child and my heart is not willing to do that. It sounds selfish, but the only child I need to look out for is my own, nobody elses. Third, I just don't want him to touch me anymore. Just the mere thought of the sexual things we did together, he was doing the the "OW". I was suppose to be his everything, but appearantly he didn't feel that way. It makes me feel insecure about myself. Fourth, I am not going to trust him ever again. Fifth, I feel as though the one person who is going to suffer the most is our daughter and that is because I want the best for her. She deserves a two parent loving home, but that is not going to happen. So now, he is apologizing and he wants counseling. He didn't think about counseling when he was this his "OW" so why should I think about counseling now? I'm not going to go out and cheat on him because that would make me no better than he is. I told him, "I may not be the most perfect person on earth but I don't deserve to be cheated on." I don't know how long it will take for me to get over being cheated on. The best thing I can do is uplift myself and continue to be a better person. It is not about me anymore, I have a daughter to raise. Its been 9months since I discovered my H was cheating on me...I found out also that he fathered a child during the affair...even when I had proof of the whole thing in hand he still denied it! We have been together over 20 years (married 15 of them) and have 3 children together. To make a long story short, he is back with us and we are trying to work things out because he says that the love he has for me is a genuine, real love and that the love he had for the OW (I found an email in which he stated he loved her) was really based in a fantasy world he was living in. Since then I have read many stories from cheaters, especially MM, and they all speak of this "fantasy" world...I just don't get it....In 20 years I NEVER cheated on him.. The funny thing is that since the affair in many ways our relationship is so much better. He is more sensitive to my needs, he will do anything for me and the kids, he calls me constantly from work and goes nowhere after work unless me or the kids are with him, and we have done more things, trips, etc. together than we ever did before. Sex was never really an issue, it was and still is, communication that is a problem for us. In return I have learned to really listen to him and to value his input. Anyway, I don't want him to have any contact with the OW or the child. It's just too painful. For now he isn't, yet I know that he plans to have contact with the child in the future with me accompanying him:( In addition to dealing with this I have to deal with the daily pain of the fact that this nightmare even happened and the child is a CONSTANT reminder of the fact that my H laid down with another woman and socked it to her! Tell me, did I do the right thing staying with him and if so, when if ever, will the pain go AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Please save any nasty judgments or unkind words, I am just living Day By Day... Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Daybyday, I feel for you. I don't know how I would cope with the child thing, but then again if you'd asked me 2 years if I would cope with my husband having an affair I would have said no way. But we can find ways to cope with anything if we have to, can't we? My friend told me about her mother's friend who is a doctor in a very rural area. She had to help her husband's OW give birth to his child. I couldn't imagine that but she did it. The only way I could think of to cope with the child is to see that the child is an individual in its own right, and unfortunately one who has been born into really ****ty circumstances through no fault of his own. Try to identify with him as a child. How would you feel? Imagine how proud he will be of you when he is grown up and has a good relationship with you and he realises how you managed to see him as a person and believe in him, despite everything that has happened. He will look up to you so much! I know from the way that you write that you are a strong person. You can do it when the time comes. As for the pain, I am 16 months down the line, 8 months after DD2 (when I found it wasn't a long-standing emotional affair but also physical). The pain does get less. At least there are pain-free days, if you know what I mean. Somtimes I get down and think about my wedding day or when my last child was born and I am sad for what we lost. But that's OK, I allow myself to be sad. I love hearing stories about people who are battling on. There have been so many times on this site when I have been told that my husband is obviously an a**hole and that I should kick him out. It takes a whole lot more guts and strength to stay and fight and now I am just starting to think that I made the right decision. Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
DBD Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 Slyvia, Thank you for your words of wisdom, I can tell they come from your heart. I guess it's true that GOD doesn't give you more than you can handle because I can't imagine embracing my husband's past yet alone delivering it with my bare hands! Yet, you were right when you said, "we can find ways to cope with anything if we have to". You were also right when you pegged me as a strong woman. I believe that is why I am still with my husband. He saw that I was preparing to go on with my life, without him, that in fact I was beginning to embrace a life I hadn't known for a long time with friends, colleagues, and lovers. You see, I was a virgin when I met my husband and fell in love with him at 17 and I have NEVER had another man in my life! Right when he slid back into my life I was beginning to entertain my "lost years"! Anyway, it's been almost a year since I found about the child. To date I have requested no contact with child or mother on my husbands part; it was part of the deal to try to work things out. Time does decrease the pain however it seems to always lurk in the shadows waiting to jump out at me whenever a I see a small toddler or a female with her toddler and no father or father figure. I have three children and my husband is with them 24/24 every minute after work and every minute on the weekends. It's been like this since March 2005. But what about while he's AT WORK? Well, I just try to take it day by day, you know what I mean? I think you did the right thing giving your guy another chance because YOU think you did the right thing and that is all that really matters when all is said and done.... Overcome, You have not truly overcome until you have fully and wholly forgiven your man. Also, if you want to be healthy in spirit, mind, and body, you must forgive. I realized at some point that as you said I'm not perfect but man did I expect my guy to be and really that wasn't fair....a big burden was lifted from me when let go and said it's not about me...it's about him...and I forgive both of them for hurting so many people, my children, the fatherless child, the grandparents of the fatherless child, and so on. Infidelity hurts and it hurts a good long time...there are still days I go in the bathroom and cry like a baby...but there are days when I am thankful because my life has changed and I've lived another day to tell it.... Stay Strong, Daybyday Link to post Share on other sites
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