Dating a divorced hot and cold man

[olivetree]

Hot and cold is a very bad sign.

 

You need to look out for yourself and focus on what YOU deserve which is someone who is consistently warm.

 

He's not ready, and I think you'll get very hurt if you stick around.

He won't fall for you the way you have for him.

Yes, even in spite of him saying he loves you.

He doesn't truly mean it because his heart is tied up.

[kendahke]

He had filed for divorce. I’m pretty confident he has no interest in her or being with her. Aside from what he tells me, I can see he has no interest in her or being with her.

 

That doesn't mean he's not still triggered by things that lead back to memories of her or that he's over his hurt. The fact that he goes incommunicado with you after spending time with you says that he's not emotionally done with her--on whatever level he's still holding on.

 

It's a place you can't reach.

 

We HAVE established exclusivity, weeks ago and have both agreed that we would only date and sleep with eachother because we have no interest in anyone else.

 

People lie, especially when they don't want what you want, they don't want to hurt your feelings, but they don't want to go without convenient sex.

 

He goes missing for days on end and you have no idea what he's doing or who he's with. That's a problem in a fairly new relationship.

Edited October 20, 2017 by kendahke

[Chabela]

I think you said it all OP when you said that he's emotionally unavailable! You should do some research as to what exactly that is and how it affects people.

 

I learned the hard way. I found myself on a more than a 1 year relationship with someone who was like that. The connection we both felt was amazing and we'd never felt like that before and we were both 49 yrs old.

 

We dove into the relationship too quickly, red flag. He told me that he loved me pretty quickly, after that every time I would tell him ILY or that I missed him, his response would be, "aw..thanks dear". He'd make plans one day then not so sure the next.

 

I know that he cares about me, but he just can't fully commit to a relationship although he wants to so badly and he is in pain inside.

 

I made so many excuses because the had a traumatic event in his childhood, but that's the reason he is the way that he is.

This relationship brought me so much suffering, but it also brought me to the realization that I also had issues that I needed to address because I didn't walk away sooner.

 

No matter how much you think that you will be ok with giving him space, you won't. It's best to save yourself much heartache and walk away.

[heavenonearth]

When I met my boyfriend, he was only 5 months out of a 15 year relationship.

He was just dating for the fun of it, because he had not been on a date in 15 years. And he did not think he'd fall in love. But when we met, things changed for him. And he knew right away, that he could not pass 'us' up!

I think that if a guy meets 'the one', he'll know right away. I don't think he'll be hot and cold, trying to figure out if he should go for it or not.

I think he will be either all or nothing. That's what love is, right?

 

I think that you should probably listen to your instincts. And think about what you truly want for YOURSELF. Don't think about what he wants. Think about what YOU want. Do you want a guy to be wishy washy about being with you?

Or do you want a guy to be 100% hot and heavy for you?