Should I approach women even if I'm ugly, and if so, how do I begin to do so?

October 20, 2017

Hey guys, I'm a 19 year old male. One who hasn't had any luck with girls. For most of my life, I've always been shy with them and never confident. I feel like they're repulse by me. I was always called ugly throughout my whole life, so that hasn't help my behavior around them. To give you an image, I'm tall, skinny fat, glasses, and acne.

There was this really beautiful, amazing girl that entered my life this year. We were getting a long very well and it seemed like a sure thing, but I ruined things just a week ago. Rather not say why (story can be found on my first post on this site) but I'm really sad. First girl to ever like me in my life, and she was amazing, and I ruined things. I've been really sad this past week. But I can't let it keep me down. I still want to date. She was the first girl I ever dated in my life, and I loved learning with her, but I didn't learn enough. I want to find dates so I don't go back to the way I was, lonely. So I can learn to be more confident with women. However I have no idea how to approach women. This one that I'm talking about just fell on my lap. She contacted me through social media, and we met after a few weeks of texting.

In other words, I have never approached a woman in my life. Never gotten a girls number or anything.

Should I even bother to do so if I'm ugly though?

If so, can you all help me on how to appraoch women?

Like say, I'm at the mall. And I see a girl who catches my interest for whatever reason, how do I approach? What do I say and all?

October 20, 2017

If you've had one girl date you, you can't be too ugly. Glasses? meh - heaps of young guys have them. Just make sure the frames are current fashion. If your acne is quite significant, a doctor may be able to address it. What's skinny fat?

I wouldn't suggest randomly approaching girls. It's got a really high failure rate and is best done by guys who are super confident and resilient. Instead, focus on girls who you meet at school or college. Attend every party you get an invitation to. If you get chatting to a girl at an event, you'll get an idea of whether or not she's interested before you ask for a number. And even if you don't get her number on the night, you'll probably know someone who knows her so that you can get in contact afterwards.

Good luck.

October 20, 2017

I am going to give you a detailed post tomorrow (it's my bedtime), but your first order of business is to stop thinking of yourself as ugly. Every time that thought enters your head tell yourself you're not ugly and then replace the thought with something you know is great or unique about you. Sit down and make a list of all your good qualities, things you enjoy, things you do well, and anything complimentary that a friend, teacher, parent, or otherwise has said about you.

That's your homework assignment for taking the first step towards building a more confident you. Sorry I couldn't give you more. It's really late, but your post touched me so I wanted to at least give you a reply. Stay tuned for more.

October 20, 2017

You definitely need to develop some social skills where you make friends, and then through friends you are doing social activities where you meet girls. You will gain more confidence having people in your life, to share your life and interests with.

You won't go anywhere being a loner. Everyone is right. There are plenty of thing you can do to address some of the issues you have with yourself. Take their advice, work hard at it and you will start to see changes....it won't happen over night, but if you keep at it and don't get discouraged you will find yourself going out on dates and having fun.

October 20, 2017

Develop your mind. Become more erudite.

Develop your humor muscle. Learn to be a raconteur. Learn to be conversant.

Develop your personality and be about more than a guy who you thinks looks better than you; because chances are, they will rely on their looks and remain one dimensional.

Have you ever seen Nigella Lawson's first husband, the late John Diamond, with whom she had her children? He's not Brad Pitt but he had a way with words and an effervescent personality that attracted that knock out gorgeous woman.

So looks really don't mean anything---it's what's inside that head, and that heart, that makes the difference.

October 20, 2017

Aside from improving your self esteem (self confidence is going to be attractive to women), I think the phrase "stay in your lane" applies. Meaning, you should try to date women who are in your league. When you do that, you will see results.

October 20, 2017

Develop your mind. Become more erudite.

Develop your humor muscle. Learn to be a raconteur. Learn to be conversant.

Develop your personality and be about more than a guy who you thinks looks better than you; because chances are, they will rely on their looks and remain one dimensional.

Have you ever seen Nigella Lawson's first husband, the late John Diamond, with whom she had her children? He's not Brad Pitt but he had a way with words and an effervescent personality that attracted that knock out gorgeous woman.

So looks really don't mean anything---it's what's inside that head, and that heart, that makes the difference.

I had to Google these two people because I had no idea who they were. Knockout? I do not find her attractive at all.

October 20, 2017

Hey guys, I'm a 19 year old male. One who hasn't had any luck with girls. For most of my life, I've always been shy with them and never confident. I feel like they're repulse by me. I was always called ugly throughout my whole life, so that hasn't help my behavior around them. To give you an image, I'm tall, skinny fat, glasses, and acne.

You are 19. As I see it, you have two choices... take the red pill and learn how women really think, or take the blue pill and go back to sleep.

The internet has all the information you will ever need. You are coming to this forum for validation. You might get it, but it won't help you. You will continue losing until you begin to learn.

Have you ever seen Nigella Lawson's first husband, the late John Diamond, with whom she had her children? He's not Brad Pitt but he had a way with words and an effervescent personality that attracted that knock out gorgeous woman.

You have to be joking. Diamond was clearly older, but a good looking guy. Lawson was mediocre at best. She was actually on the uglier side for a celebrity.

October 20, 2017

Your problem isn't being ugly, or lacking confidence. Your problem is that you are doing nothing to improve your deficits.

Go to the gym and lift heavy weights 3x per week.

Get a skin care regimen.

Get a stylish haircut and buy some fashionable clothes.

There you're not ugly anymore.

How do you get confident with girls? Practice. Build on each small success.

Walk up to any girl in the mall "Hey I don't normally do this and it makes me a bit nervous, but I wanted to say that I think you're really pretty." Chat about random **** for 2 minutes, like what is she shopping for today. Then ask for her number and say you'll text her to setup a date.

Repeat x 1000.

October 20, 2017

I had to Google these two people because I had no idea who they were. Knockout? I do not find her attractive at all.

Just out of curiosity, what type of person do you find attractive?

October 20, 2017

Like say, I'm at the mall. And I see a girl who catches my interest for whatever reason, how do I approach? What do I say and all?

Practice small-talk under "safe" conditions. Expanding your knowledge about current TV shows, music or local events will also help. Contrary to common belief the opening statement isn't the hard part, almost anything said with a smile will do. Maintaining a conversation after that and having the guts to ask for her contact info are more difficult. If you have little experience talking to strangers you will need practice.

October 20, 2017

I am going to give you a detailed post tomorrow (it's my bedtime), but your first order of business is to stop thinking of yourself as ugly. Every time that thought enters your head tell yourself you're not ugly and then replace the thought with something you know is great or unique about you. Sit down and make a list of all your good qualities, things you enjoy, things you do well, and anything complimentary that a friend, teacher, parent, or otherwise has said about you.

That's your homework assignment for taking the first step towards building a more confident you. Sorry I couldn't give you more. It's really late, but your post touched me so I wanted to at least give you a reply. Stay tuned for more.

Alright, just quoting myself so I can pick up where I left off and have it all in one post.

Did you make that list yet? Please do so - and list everything you can think of. Keep that list next to your nightstand and read it first thing in the morning when you get up and maybe again at night before you go to bed. If your looks really frustrate you then tape it to your mirror as a counter to what you might feel when you see your reflection. Don't get hung up on looks - they really aren't everything.

You're getting some good advice from everybody here. I didn't see you mention whether you had friends or not, but if you don't, start there before trying to pursue dates. You can be a lone wolf when you're older, but for now having friends will help you improve your social skills and your confidence. It will also make you more attractive.

As far as what to say to a girl in the mall or anywhere else for that matter: it's entirely situational. What is it that catches your eye about her? Is it just that she's pretty? Go tell her. And be confident about it. "There's no way I was leaving this mall without letting you know I think you're very pretty and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm [your name]...". Maybe you like to read and see her with a Barnes & Noble bag (or some other book store). Approach her and tell her you love that bookstore and ask her if she found any good books to read. Don't get too hung up on what to say though because how you say it is what's most important. Be confident, make eye contact, and smile.

Once your confidence is up, you can really say anything you want that's appropriate. When I was your age I was at a party and saw one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen talking to one of her friends while all the guys were checking her out and trying to muster up the courage to approach her. I walked right past them as they were whispering in each other's ears, turned around, and said, "Have you two been talking about me this whole time?" It was a playfully cocky icebreaker that got us talking. I went out on a date with her the very next weekend and dated her all summer. What a ridiculous thing for me to say though, right? Wrong. It didn't matter. What mattered is how I said it and the fact that I approached her while everybody else was standing around thinking about it. Don't think, just act.

Remember that there is somebody out there for everyone - multiple somebodies, actually. There are even women who will "date" and marry men who are serving life sentences in prison, and you already know you're better than those guys, right?

Good luck.

October 20, 2017

Just out of curiosity, what type of person do you find attractive?

I don't have a particular "type." I've been with blondes, brunettes, some on the buxom side, some not, they run the gamut. The initial attraction is either there, or it's not. Some become even more beautiful once I get to know them, others not so much.

That said, when I pulled up a picture of that woman I did not even find her remotely attractive. Now somebody like Kate Middleton is an entirely different story. I find her beautiful.

October 20, 2017

If she fell in your lap your lucky that's means she connected with you on high plane of existence.

She found you. Don't say your ugly that's not a positive way to think. Those here saying wearing glasses come now that's really not a nice way to say that. I wear glassed I very good looking and very confident in my own being. How many can say that her about themselves. I think you just need a little boost of reality. You can always change your appearance, get a new style haircut go to a real barber than a uni-sex hair cutters. change the clothes you were on your back to some modern stuff. I don't know what you did to this girl but you better try to win her back because shes the one for you! You felt that in your gut right!

October 20, 2017

Omgosh at people saying nigella Lawson is not hot. Those jugs and her grasshopper pie alone make her hot. What's wrong with you people ...

Anyway! Ask the girl out! Be confident! Don't call yourself "ugly"!. (Don't like that word). I agree with the person who says glasses are hot. Keep improving yourself. Get healthy, get successful, get a good sense of fashion. Etc Basically, we're all given a hand in life and we just got to work with it.

October 20, 2017

Alright, just quoting myself so I can pick up where I left off and have it all in one post.

Did you make that list yet? Please do so - and list everything you can think of. Keep that list next to your nightstand and read it first thing in the morning when you get up and maybe again at night before you go to bed. If your looks really frustrate you then tape it to your mirror as a counter to what you might feel when you see your reflection. Don't get hung up on looks - they really aren't everything.

You're getting some good advice from everybody here. I didn't see you mention whether you had friends or not, but if you don't, start there before trying to pursue dates. You can be a lone wolf when you're older, but for now having friends will help you improve your social skills and your confidence. It will also make you more attractive.

As far as what to say to a girl in the mall or anywhere else for that matter: it's entirely situational. What is it that catches your eye about her? Is it just that she's pretty? Go tell her. And be confident about it. "There's no way I was leaving this mall without letting you know I think you're very pretty and I wanted to introduce myself. I'm [your name]...". Maybe you like to read and see her with a Barnes & Noble bag (or some other book store). Approach her and tell her you love that bookstore and ask her if she found any good books to read. Don't get too hung up on what to say though because how you say it is what's most important. Be confident, make eye contact, and smile.

Once your confidence is up, you can really say anything you want that's appropriate. When I was your age I was at a party and saw one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen talking to one of her friends while all the guys were checking her out and trying to muster up the courage to approach her. I walked right past them as they were whispering in each other's ears, turned around, and said, "Have you two been talking about me this whole time?" It was a playfully cocky icebreaker that got us talking. I went out on a date with her the very next weekend and dated her all summer. What a ridiculous thing for me to say though, right? Wrong. It didn't matter. What mattered is how I said it and the fact that I approached her while everybody else was standing around thinking about it. Don't think, just act.

Remember that there is somebody out there for everyone - multiple somebodies, actually. There are even women who will "date" and marry men who are serving life sentences in prison, and you already know you're better than those guys, right?

Good luck.

What if I don't know how to make friend either? I haven't had friends since like middle school. Not because I want to be alone but because I'm just socially awkward and shy.

October 20, 2017

Alright, just quoting myself

Edited October 20, 2017 by CarAndZam

October 20, 2017

If she fell in your lap your lucky that's means she connected with you on high plane of existence.
She found you. Don't say your ugly that's not a positive way to think. Those here saying wearing glasses come now that's really not a nice way to say that. I wear glassed I very good looking and very confident in my own being. How many can say that her about themselves. I think you just need a little boost of reality. You can always change your appearance, get a new style haircut go to a real barber than a uni-sex hair cutters. change the clothes you were on your back to some modern stuff. I don't know what you did to this girl but you better try to win her back because shes the one for you! You felt that in your gut right!

You don't understand. Read my first post on this site. On Second Chances. I asked her if I can fix that things. She said she'll think about it since she didn't have a clear head.But a yesterday over a week had gone by since that convo and no contact whatsoever. So I just unfollowed her on social media. Figured it was easier to move on. 30 minutes later she also unfollowed me on social media as well. On all 3 social media sites we were following each other. Pretty sad. So yeah, as much as I don't want it to be, it's pretty much over.

After that, she tweeted (yes I still looked at her profile afterward) this "looks like I got to you" with a laughing emoji. In other words, she's just laughing all this off. I didn't mean anything to her.

October 20, 2017

I'm a 19 year old male.

you're 19, your life hasn't even started yet

October 20, 2017

If so, can you all help me on how to appraoch women?

don't worry about women now. concentrate on your education and getting a good job with a good salary. good looking women like money

October 20, 2017

Have you sought medical help for your acne?

If not, I think you should.

October 20, 2017

What if I don't know how to make friend either? I haven't had friends since like middle school. Not because I want to be alone but because I'm just socially awkward and shy.

Refer to that list, for starters, and look at some of the things you enjoy or like to do. See if there are any social groups you can join related to those activities. Are you religious? Join a church group. Participate in an intramural sport. Join a gym. Joining a gym will also improve your self confidence as you become stronger and more physically fit. It's a nice way to set goals for yourself that also build your confidence as you accomplish them.

You just need to get out there and get active with things that give you a chance to meet other people and even like-minded people. It may be a bit awkward for you at first because it's new and you feel shy and socially awkward, but you have to start somewhere. Shyness and social awkwardness won't go away by themselves, but the great thing is that they can be improved upon and overcome.

October 20, 2017

There is much that can be done for acne these days, in addition to growing older, so time's on your side . Go to a dermatologist. They will help.

Join a gym and build some muscle to replace your "skinny fat."

You're so young....there's so much you do to improve your physical appearance that will increase your confidence. You're already a nice, kind young man it seems, so you're on the right track!

October 20, 2017

There is much that can be done for acne these days, in addition to growing older, so time's on your side . Go to a dermatologist. They will help.

Join a gym and build some muscle to replace your "skinny fat."

You're so young....there's so much you do to improve your physical appearance that will increase your confidence. You're already a nice, kind young man it seems, so you're on the right track!

Completely agree. But keep the glasses. Love glasses!!!!

October 20, 2017

You don't understand. Read my first post on this site. On Second Chances. I asked her if I can fix that things. She said she'll think about it since she didn't have a clear head.But a yesterday over a week had gone by since that convo and no contact whatsoever. So I just unfollowed her on social media. Figured it was easier to move on. 30 minutes later she also unfollowed me on social media as well. On all 3 social media sites we were following each other. Pretty sad. So yeah, as much as I don't want it to be, it's pretty much over.
After that, she tweeted (yes I still looked at her profile afterward) this "looks like I got to you" with a laughing emoji. In other words, she's just laughing all this off. I didn't mean anything to her.

At this day and age you shouldn't be operating in the dark. We have women pretty much completely figured out. If you are failing at something then you should be able to figure out why.

Here is the thing... you got all insecure with this girl. She liked you and then you started pressuring her for more time and acting needy. Insecurity makes you seem very unattractive. Instead of acting needy you should have done more flirting, more physicality and waited for her to get more emotionally attached.

Do you understand this?

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Should I approach women even if I'm ugly, and if so, how do I begin to do so?

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