Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?

[RYDV]

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True love can be built over time. In fact I think love deepens over time. That said I always needed the instant chemistry / lust to be able to date somebody. If he didn't get my heart racing the 1st time I laid eyes on him, over the years I have learned that spark was never going to magically ignite later for me. He was already friend-zoned in my head.

 

Gotcha but I think people are all different with how their attraction works.

 

Sounds like you are very visual attraction wise and unless you find the guy very good looking your attraction can't grow.

[Cookiesandough]

Why can't it be true love that just built over time?

 

Does it have be instant fireworks for it to be true love?

 

I am similar to d0nnovain. The main reason why someone would get filed under 'friend' category is because I wasn't sufficiently attracted to them like that. If there was a potential for something more, I would not put them in that category. I know relatively early if I'm sufficiently attracted to someone. Often only takes moments. Maybe a little longer, but not too much longer.

[d0nnivain]

Gotcha but I think people are all different with how their attraction works.

 

Sounds like you are very visual attraction wise and unless you find the guy very good looking your attraction can't grow.

 

Probably. My husband is gorgeous. . .

 

 

Not everybody works like me. Many people need time to get to know somebody to fall in love.

 

It's just problematic when people mis-use the word "friend" in the context of romance. Even people who want to take things slow don't really want to be platonic; they simply don't want to pressured into too early sex. Part of it is people misunderstand the function of a date (the noun). A date is the name of the activity where two people spend time toward each other to determine if they want to see more of each other. Going on a date is not a commitment beyond the amount of time allocated for the event.

[RYDV]

Probably. My husband is gorgeous. . .

 

 

Not everybody works like me. Many people need time to get to know somebody to fall in love.

 

It's just problematic when people mis-use the word "friend" in the context of romance. Even people who want to take things slow don't really want to be platonic; they simply don't want to pressured into too early sex. Part of it is people misunderstand the function of a date (the noun). A date is the name of the activity where two people spend time toward each other to determine if they want to see more of each other. Going on a date is not a commitment beyond the amount of time allocated for the event.

 

I hear you..with me and my friend it's kind of a weird friendship in that we became friends through her ex husband.

 

After the divorce it was awhile before I saw her because those situations are always difficult in to who's side you take but ultimately I liked her much more then my friend.

 

I saw her for the first time in a year last summer then she reached out to me this April to hang out and we've been close ever since.

 

The past few months were really the first time we've ever hung out with each other where it's just the two of us

Edited November 11, 2017 by RYDV

[hotpotato]

Honestly, i dont think so. I think it better to be upfront about intentions. If you get rejected, at least you didnt waste time. Guys dont seem happy in the friendzone.

[hotpotato]

Also, I guess it's who you ask, "Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?"

 

I think most guys would say no.

 

I think most women would say yes.

 

Different mating strategies.

 

Im a girl, and i say no. Most men i friendzoned, it was for a reason. I wasnt into them at all sexually or romantically. When i look for a guy friend, i think of someone interchangeable with a female. This will make most men very unhappy esp if they spend time with you.

[RYDV]

Im a girl, and i say no. Most men i friendzoned, it was for a reason. I wasnt into them at all sexually or romantically. When i look for a guy friend, i think of someone interchangeable with a female. This will make most men very unhappy esp if they spend time with you.

 

Was it always a looks thing why they were just friends or were you ever friends with a guy who's looks weren't bad but there was just no spark?

[hotpotato]

Was it always a looks thing why they were just friends or were you ever friends with a guy who's looks weren't bad but there was just no spark?

 

Sometimes he was too old, too effeminate, or not physically my type. I had a fwb who was attractive. I no longer try to keep male platonic friends. It seems very hurtful to them, snd its easy for both parties to see what they want to see.

[GuitarGuy7]

There's this one girl who I sit by in my history class and we talk and know each other. I asked her out in the middle of October but she said she has a boyfriend. We still talk though because i'm in a study group with her. Honestly just because she's not into me like that doesn't mean i'm going to stop being nice to her. I'm okay with just being friends but that doesn't mean i'm going to wait around for her to like me back, no i'm going to pursue other women because hot chicks are abundant in college. Part of the reason I go to college is for the girls lol.

 

The problem is though is that every time I try to talk to her on snapchat, it takes her hours to respond and she always responds with 1-worded responses even though I know she's on Snapchat all the time.

 

I will just take that as a sign of disinterest.

 

People are always saying it's awkward to ask girls out in your college class and for them to say no. But honestly, I don't even give a flying ****.

[alphamale]

Sometimes I get the advice from people that if you want a girlfriend, then you have to be friends with her first. Do you think it is good advice? Why or why not?

 

I'm a little skeptical to be honest because imagine being friends with a girl for 6 months who you have a crush on. You simply think being nice to her and being her friend will make her like you romantically. So one day you finally decide to ask her out only for her to tell you she only sees you as a friend and was never interested in you romantically and she is also seeing other guys. Well guess what? You wasted 6 months of your life trying to impress a girl who never had feelings for you in the first place.

 

if you really want a girl ask her out within 15 minutes of meeting her...

[SevenCity]

There's this one girl who I sit by in my history class and we talk and know each other. I asked her out in the middle of October but she said she has a boyfriend. We still talk though because i'm in a study group with her. Honestly just because she's not into me like that doesn't mean i'm going to stop being nice to her. I'm okay with just being friends but that doesn't mean i'm going to wait around for her to like me back, no i'm going to pursue other women because hot chicks are abundant in college. Part of the reason I go to college is for the girls lol.

 

The problem is though is that every time I try to talk to her on snapchat, it takes her hours to respond and she always responds with 1-worded responses even though I know she's on Snapchat all the time.

 

I will just take that as a sign of disinterest.

 

People are always saying it's awkward to ask girls out in your college class and for them to say no. But honestly, I don't even give a flying ****.

 

That’s a good approach. Put your wants and desires out there. If she doesn’t reciprocate, her loss.

 

But, stop trying to be friends with them if they say no. Be friendly, but don’t be waiting on her messages.

[GuitarGuy7]

I asked her out again, she did not respond.

 

I tried talking to her, she did not respond.

 

I'm done with her.

[d0nnivain]

I thought you were done with her last month. She has a BF & while polite never gave any indication that she liked you back. You erred by asking her again.

[GuitarGuy7]

I thought you were done with her last month. She has a BF & while polite never gave any indication that she liked you back. You erred by asking her again.

 

Well the thing is, she broke up with her boyfriend in early December.

 

I asked her if she wanted to go grab a bite to eat the 18th of December, that's when she ignored me. So yeah, I may have tried too soon where as had I of just waited, maybe she would have responded. That's a mistake on my part.

 

It's too bad, I actually liked her. Yeah she's my physical ideal, but that's not what made me catch feelings for her. It was her kindness and maturity, and also we have similar interests.

 

Oh well, i'm not one to fixate on girls who are never going to give me the time of day. I ask them out, they say no, it hurts for a couple of days, then I move on. I don't waste my time on people who are never going to give me the time.

 

 

I'm preparing myself for next semester. I'm in the process of gaining bulk and muscle, going to get some good clothes and a decent haircut so when I step foot in my classes for next semester, I will be on my A-game.

Edited December 27, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[d0nnivain]

OK at least you waited until the BF was out of the picture.

 

Best wishes on a successful next semester.

[badfella]

Sometimes I get the advice from people that if you want a girlfriend, then you have to be friends with her first. Do you think it is good advice? Why or why not?

 

I'm a little skeptical to be honest because imagine being friends with a girl for 6 months who you have a crush on. You simply think being nice to her and being her friend will make her like you romantically. So one day you finally decide to ask her out only for her to tell you she only sees you as a friend and was never interested in you romantically and she is also seeing other guys. Well guess what? You wasted 6 months of your life trying to impress a girl who never had feelings for you in the first place.

 

You have already answered your question. You are a shrewd young man. Yes, friends first but only for a short while (i mean no more than a couple of weeks at the most). Be nice, dress good, make her laugh and then ask her out. If you leave it longer you will be forever stuck in the friend zone.

 

There is maybe just one way you get out of the friend zone. When the guy dumps her and she comes too you then offer her your shoulder to cry on. She is now emotionally vulnerable and you will get to f**k her. Sorted.

[Mysterio]

Guitar Guy. I think that all you really need is peace of mind. Your young. You have your life ahead of you. I would take a break from dating women and making it an even for yourself.

 

If you really feel something for a woman, then maybe you explore it if she passes your criteria. Your not asking out women, because of her being hot or whatever. She really needs to be more than that. I sense you want more of a GF type. Not a fling.

 

If a woman is in your social group or where ever you are. You need to build a personal criteria for yourself so your not really wasting time and building the women up in your mind.

 

Ask her out after interaction 4 and before that. Make sure you know her status. So you have to know if she is single, before you ask her out.

[Cookiesandough]

I don't remember if I responded in this thread already, but I do have an opinion on it. Be friends to be friends and if something more comes from it, wonderful. If not, be happy you made a friend...

Edited December 28, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Mysterio]

Cookie. Most guys can't b friends with a woman, unless they see her as a Mother/Sister/Cousin vibe or the personality it off.

 

None of my male friends that are married/attached, have no female friends except 2 of them.

 

Being friends first does not work 90% of the time. Might as well go into it right away.

 

I hung out with a female friend JC and we were walking in the park. All the romantic/sexual feelings came out in me as we were walking, but then I checked myself and I said. I like the shell of her, more than the personality. She would have to be way more sweet to me and make a major effort to get me to be into her like that.

 

As I grow older. Personality and how that woman treats me is what moves more than physical looks. My preference looks wise is all over the place.

[GuitarGuy7]

Cookie. Most guys can't b friends with a woman, unless they see her as a Mother/Sister/Cousin vibe or the personality is off.

 

None of my male friends that are married/attached, have no female friends except 2 of them.

 

Being friends first does not work 90% of the time. Might as well go into it right away.

 

 

 

I think you can be friends with women but it depends on the context.

 

Like for instance, there's just say there's this girl at work who either you're not attracted to or she has a boyfriend. You can talk to her, be friendly to her, establish a connection to the point where you two know each other well enough to be considered good aquitences. But, this connection will never extend outside of the workplace. There's nothing wrong with that sort of friendship. In fact, it might be beneficial especially if you're shy because now you can learn how to get comfortable talking to women and maybe, just maybe she can help set you up with someone she does know.

 

However, i'm not going to be simply hanging out with a girl i'm not interested in. If I invite her out to do things and it's just me and her, then the intent is to never be friends, but to be more than friends. Most women arne't stupid, if you go ask them to go do something, they'll know you're trying to ask them out.

Edited December 29, 2017 by GuitarGuy7

[Mysterio]

I asked a woman at my gym out in August of 2017. We had lunch next to her work. I told hr within 10 minutes of sitting down with her, that I had a crush on her and I was wanting to know if the was with her daughters father. She said she was married and surprised that I had a crush on her.

 

Why did she accept my lunch date with her. Why did she not say something like. Let me check with my husband for something like that.

 

People are strange.

[Mysterio]

I don't ever feel like I could convert any of my female friends into romantic prospects.

 

You almost have to be aquintances for the most part. When a woman is attracted to you. Most of the time she is going to be straight forward cut and dry for the most part.

 

If I really want a GF right now. I have to be chill about it and let it just happen. Keep on meeting people and let the magic happen naturally. Not go out and chase and try to figure out how to get her to like me. Its more like life wants us to chill out about being in love and trying to get people into us that way.

 

Its not like all of us here are 90 and we went our entire lives without love, and it never happened for us.