Online dating - share your experiences and whether you like it or not

[Zippy2000]

Your question is "SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES".

 

Ive been on and off Internet dating since 2005! I was on Friends Reunited dating back then. Anyone remember that site?

 

My experience? My first every internet date. Talked for a month met up and had a great date and was in a relationship for a year.

 

Inbetween I had about half a dozen of first dates that never went anywhere.

 

A few flings from 3 - 6 months.

 

Overall OLD is a fantastic tool to meet women if your social circle is limited. Back in 2005 I was a nervous wreck but Ive gained so much experience I ve learned to talk to women on dates and arrange other dates.

 

However that said. There were a LOT of time wasters. People you spoke to up to a week deleted their profiles, ignored your messages, faded or ghosted on you.

 

Its now 2017! I STILL havent found a girl who has stayed longer than a year. The problem with OLD is if they dont like you. A lot of women tend to think the grass is greener and go back to OLD thinking the next man is going to be better than the next.

 

There are pros and cons but the possibility of forever happiness is addictive. OLD is like a drug.

[SevenCity]

Purely for the entertainment value I guess.

 

I became interested in what was going on with the "hey there :)" messages, because I was getting them every day or two, and usually from unattractive, unsophisticated, older, country women.

 

It's just different for men. We have nothing to lose by engaging just for the heck of it.

 

On bumble, 99% of my matches start with "Hey there". It's amazing how lazy the women can be yet expect guys to craft a thoughtful message. I'm impressed when they use my name instead of "there".

 

I suppose they could be shy (many complain they have to message first but feel the guy should make the first move - yet want us to pay lol). I don't think yours was a bot, I think it was the average woman on old.

 

The hotter they are, the less effort they seem to expend. I can count on one hand the thoughtful messages I received. Most were not attractive (in person) so now when a woman is too nice and thoughtful I assume she is overweight and I've always been correct.

 

In many of my responses to "hey there" they never responded back yet didn't unmatch me. I believe women like to see the queue of guys when they log in. I usually unmatch after a week but am trying an experiment this month to see if any respond back out of curiosity.

 

Then there are the ones who agree to meet and I never hear from them. It's such a joke I don't even take it seriously. I look at it as playing a game when I'm bored.

 

That said, I've gotten the most sex from bumble which is what keeps me playing. Just when I'm about to throw in the towel it pays out lol.

[sdraw108]

I've been using OLD since around 2005, just around the time when it was transitioning from being something that was looked down on, to being socially acceptable.

 

I've used POF (mostly unpaid, but briefly paid), Match (paid), Tinder (unpaid), and briefly dabbled with OK Cupid and eHarmony. I've also used Craigslist (both posting, and responding to ads).

 

During all that time I've only ever had a handful of dates, but one long (4+ year) relationship. As far as I recall, every date I've ever had was initiated by the girl messaging me, not the other way around. In my experience messaging girls is a complete waste of time and an immense amount of wasted effort. Like others here, I feel that messages like "hey there" are pointless, and personality is important to me so I actually take the time to read profiles and try to write a tailored message. But it's a draining experience having to wade through all the profiles to find the ones I like and then write out a reasonable response, knowing that there is a 95%+ chance I will never get a reply anyway. I know that logically the shotgun approach improves the odds and lowers the effort required (i.e. a copy-pasted message to dozens of girls in a row), but I've been able to bring myself to do that somehow.

 

I've started to realise that traditional dating sites like POF and Match are not the best model. The girls get inundated with more messages than they care to read, many of which are the brainless types sending semi-pornographic photos. The genuine men get drowned out in all the noise.

 

So now that I'm newly single, once I'm ready to date seriously again I intend to try some of the more innovative sites / apps that try to avoid the noise issue. The ones that have caught my eye so far are:

 

1. Once - match-making based app where you get a single match per day. Hopefully this makes it more likely to be able to engage.

 

2. Now - for people who want to meet up right this second (unfortunately iOS only, so will have to wait for the Android version before I try this).

 

3. Happn - GPS based app which notifies you when you've crossed paths with someone else who has the app.

 

I also think it's important to go for a site which requires payment. People who have paid take it more seriously and are more likely to engage (that was my experience from Match). There are time wasters no matter what, but the proportion of them is much higher on the free sites.

 

But overall, I find OLD to be tedious and unrewarding and I see it as a necessary evil and not something that I actually like. I live in a major city, so I intend to try speed dating. Something about that really appeals to me: you cut out all the nonsense and get straight to meeting loads of girls in one evening. If it doesn't work out, you can try again in a few days.

Edited November 21, 2017 by sdraw108

[act00]

I just haven't found anything that has stuck, long term, but my overall experience isn't horrible. If anything, some of the interactions make for some good stories. I've met some really nice men. Unfortunately, they haven't worked out. I'm still a bit hung up on one of them...sigh. What keeps my head spinning is that the dates (2-3) seem to be going well, then they're gone...no warning. I have fallen into bed too soon...don't do that. It's a risk no matter what, but may as well get some time, drinks, some affection and kissing, and what not first, so it's not a total loss. Take a break from time to time. Disable when you're feeling overwhelmed or disappointed, concentrate on your life, then dive back in when you're ready. I'm busy, I'm older, lots of men my age are married or divorced and not looking for anything long term, have kids to deal with and responsibilities, and opportunities to meet single men aren't as plentiful as when I was younger, school, bars, etc., so online to me is a good venue. There are creepers out there, but overall, I don't have issue with it. I have never felt weird about having to post pictures.

[salparadise]

On bumble, 99% of my matches start with "Hey there". It's amazing how lazy the women can be yet expect guys to craft a thoughtful message. I'm impressed when they use my name instead of "there".

 

I suppose they could be shy (many complain they have to message first but feel the guy should make the first move - yet want us to pay lol). I don't think yours was a bot, I think it was the average woman on old.

 

The hotter they are, the less effort they seem to expend.

 

Yea, I agree. Except I'd change it to "the hotter they THINK they are." I'm not having much success with Bumble.

 

The swipe apps seem to have turned it into such a game. People don't interact as if there's a real person is behind it. They sometimes unmatch right in the middle of a nice conversation for no apparent reason. Unmatching –– completely deleting and blocking with a click, sets a tone of disposability.

 

I used to have the most success with OKC, but it has been degraded to nearly useless now (removing features, trying to forcibly monetize). Match is my best option at this point, but I've sort of been through the local women. The whole thing has been disappointing this time around.

[Zippy2000]

I've been using OLD since around 2005, just around the time when it was transitioning from being something that was looked down on, to being socially acceptable.

 

I've used POF (mostly unpaid, but briefly paid), Match (paid), Tinder (unpaid), and briefly dabbled with OK Cupid and eHarmony. I've also used Craigslist (both posting, and responding to ads).

 

During all that time I've only ever had a handful of dates, but one long (4+ year) relationship. As far as I recall, every date I've ever had was initiated by the girl messaging me, not the other way around. In my experience messaging girls is a complete waste of time and an immense amount of wasted effort. Like others here, I feel that messages like "hey there" are pointless, and personality is important to me so I actually take the time to read profiles and try to write a tailored message. But it's a draining experience having to wade through all the profiles to find the ones I like and then write out a reasonable response, knowing that there is a 95%+ chance I will never get a reply anyway. I know that logically the shotgun approach improves the odds and lowers the effort required (i.e. a copy-pasted message to dozens of girls in a row), but I've been able to bring myself to do that somehow.

 

I've started to realise that traditional dating sites like POF and Match are not the best model. The girls get inundated with more messages than they care to read, many of which are the brainless types sending semi-pornographic photos. The genuine men get drowned out in all the noise.

 

So now that I'm newly single, once I'm ready to date seriously again I intend to try some of the more innovative sites / apps that try to avoid the noise issue. The ones that have caught my eye so far are:

 

1. Once - match-making based app where you get a single match per day. Hopefully this makes it more likely to be able to engage.

 

2. Now - for people who want to meet up right this second (unfortunately iOS only, so will have to wait for the Android version before I try this).

 

3. Happn - GPS based app which notifies you when you've crossed paths with someone else who has the app.

 

I also think it's important to go for a site which requires payment. People who have paid take it more seriously and are more likely to engage (that was my experience from Match). There are time wasters no matter what, but the proportion of them is much higher on the free sites.

 

But overall, I find OLD to be tedious and unrewarding and I see it as a necessary evil and not something that I actually like. I live in a major city, so I intend to try speed dating. Something about that really appeals to me: you cut out all the nonsense and get straight to meeting loads of girls in one evening. If it doesn't work out, you can try again in a few days.

 

 

I liked your post. Very well written and answer the OPs question about sharing experiences.

[Zippy2000]

Ive read this whole thread again and guess what? I ve realised all of the posters on here have tried old and most of them are still single.

 

Does that mean OLD doesnt work?

[Buriall]

Ive read this whole thread again and guess what? I ve realised all of the posters on here have tried old and most of them are still single.

 

Does that mean OLD doesnt work?

 

Its like winning a lottery, you have more chances of getting hit by a lightning and die than actually win. It works for some, doesnt work for others..

 

only way to find out is get into it?

[barbossa]

in real life: i can talk to any pretty woman anywhere, and even make her laugh. i come off as polite, charming? definitely funny

 

met 2/3 relationships i met this way

 

Online? I am just another dude. another face in a sea of dudes.

i have had hits and misses OLD.

 

met 1/3 girls i dated this way

 

for me it's been ego crushing when i wrote a well thought out message over and over and over and got no responses.

 

Pros: You can "meet" a lot more people, message people you wouldn't otherwise. On OLD you at least know they are single (most times)

 

if you are a girl; You can get loads of free dates, free dinner and drinks

( I have known average AF girls who had 10 dates per week)

 

Cons:

 

so many "options" you will become more shallow, and picky

the paradox of choice

 

If you are a dude; Unless you look exotic it will be hard AF to get a response to matter how awesome your profile

 

If you are a girl: loads and loads of messages almost immediately. just not from the men you want

 

Tinder for me was the worst, full of ghosts, full of sex bots, full of girls who just want people to follow their SM.

[health]

Another thing about online dating is that it trips me out and makes me feel sick.

 

I'm not attracted to most of the girls, and when I am their photos are deceiving. Lots of filters, different angles looking like different people but they're the same.

 

I'd say I'd never be in my 30s or 40s working online dating but found myself joke browsing ok cupid.

 

Im not against lgtb, but Im a man looking for wo.en and recently see a slew of men transgender to women or post op and it confuses me so much. I don't get it so Ignore those. Although I don't mind tom boyish women wanting to men but they were born women and look like women.

 

My bad if that seems offensive to anyone. I just want women and men go in as woman. They shouldn't do that but whatever.

 

All ppl I know in successful 5 year relationship have met in person.

 

Online dating I feel attracts people into quick fix solutions that only add to long term problems.

 

Meeting someone in real life us scary but exciting when it works. Hurtful when it doesn't but incredible when both parties click!

[salparadise]

Ive read this whole thread again and guess what? I ve realised all of the posters on here have tried old and most of them are still single.

 

Does that mean OLD doesnt work?

 

 

No, it means that expectations are not realistic. You are using still single and posting in this thread on LS as the yardstick. If you were hanging out in a bridal shop and polling customers who met online you might find the data sample slightly skewed in the other direction.

 

OLD provides one thing only –– opportunity to connect with a large number of single people that you otherwise would not even be aware of. If you limit your expectation to that, you won't be disappointed.

 

But if your expectation is more along the line of a one-click wife... let Bezos know and I'm sure he will get you covered in no time flat... might even have her dropped by drone.

[nospam99]

Where did this thread come from? I ask because I only watch General Relationship Discussion, am very interested in OLD, and hadn't seen it before. Moved from another category perhaps?

 

Anyway I've started a couple of other threads on OLD here in General Relationship. Folks who haven't already seen them may care to look by drilling against my id.

 

But to answer the OP ...

I've only been on OLD for about 2 months. In spite of frustrations with the mechanics and business models, I regard it as a qualified success in terms of contacting age and location appropriate women who say they are looking for relationships and who I would not have known existed without OLD. Though I only briefly dated one of the three women I have met IRL, two of the 'irons in the fire' appear to be VERY 'hot'. As a self-identified 'one woman man' that is one more than I would ideally want to be dealing with at one time. Nevertheless I have experienced plenty of the lack of response to my messages that other posters have complained of and agree that is frustrating. On the other hand I am guilty of not responding to messages from women who I believe based on their profiles AND photos that I have no interest in meeting. FWIW I am currently 'continuing' on POF and OKC and previously 'tried' ourtime, match, elite, zoosk, and seniorfriendfinder.

 

I've also looked at eharmony and don't like the business model of them picking my matches for me while giving me little to no control of the selection process. Their price structure is also higher than any of the other sites.

[Shining One]

I've used OLD for years. I'm currently in a 3.5 year relationship that started on Match.

 

Overall, I prefer OLD to traditional meetings due to my specific situation. I'm an Indian man in an area where I'm statistically undesirable. OLD allows me to filter out most women who aren't interested in Indian men before I expend any effort on them. Example: Met a woman at a piano bar. We talked, had some drinks and appetizers, and danced. At the end of the evening, I asked for her phone number. She then told me she doesn't date Indian men. On Match, I looked at a woman's profile. I immediately scrolled down to the "What she's looking for section". It said White or Hispanic only. First situation involved an hour of time and $40+ worth of food and drinks. The second involved a few seconds looking at a computer screen.

 

While I do have to send a ridiculous amount of messages on OLD to get any sort of success, I'm overall happy with my results. I've had lots of one-night-stands, several flings, and one relationship.

[Purepony]

I’m hating online dating. You send 50 messages and you get one or two back, the interesting part is if you send something nice and polite you get no reply but if you send a typo like “hey how’s it hoinhe “ you get a reply so you know someone is on the other end.

 

I’ve also noticed the same people on all day... all day !!! It’s the same faces I end up getting so tired and annoyed of the same people that I block them.

 

I met my last x gf online and we lasted 5 plus years. ... but this time it’s just really hard and in person I keep running into girls that are taken