Online dating - share your experiences and whether you like it or not

[Highndry]

I didn't want to hijack another thread. I am curious how many people here have done it, and if you could share your experiences and opinions.

 

As a guy, I have put a profile up once or twice in my life, but never met a gal through one of those sites. I found it to be really time consuming, and I didn't like it at all.

 

One of the worst aspects, at least for me, is the complete loss of privacy and the fact that I have to post my picture online which means anybody and everybody can not only see it, but have it forever. I am not comfortable AT ALL with this aspect. I am fiercely private, not having Facecrook or any of that social media garbage.

[guest569]

The issue of privacy took me a while to overcome as I initially didn't put photos up but gradually realised that you really need to in order to succeed generally. I don't mind it now, there are sites where you can change the settings to only be seen when someone is a member of the site, or tinder but you need a Facebook for that! I have had a few relationships from online dating and if I didn't try it then I would have been single still and never had experience. It's hard to meet people

[JEG88]

I didn't really feel the "loss of privacy" aspect when I was on OLD in the past. Like the OP, I have no personal social media and didn't really have distinguishing personal details on my profile either.

 

It took me a while to get used to OLD becoming a mass messaging exercise for guys. And reading through profiles to send thoughtful messages, that was the time consuming part.

 

It was a very on-and-off thing for me, whenever I had time I would spend a night sending messages. I had moderate success and went on plenty of dates, some with mutual interest and some without. Just the nature of OLD and another layer of filtering women.

 

Lots of flakes, escorts, fake profiles, women lying about how they look and their interests. I've said it elsewhere, but OLD is a needle-in-the-haystack experience.

 

But hey, I met my current GF on OLD and am very happy with her. So I've experienced the good side of OLD and am grateful I gave it a shot.

[Romantic_Antics]

I have been on many dates because of online dating sites, but only one of them ever developed into a long-term relationship and I generally dislike the whole concept. It always feels like a "meat market" to me, where people really only care about your looks. Even then, it sometimes makes no sense as to why certain women didn't reply to my wink or message. I'm a good looking man - not wipe-the-drool-from-your-mouth hot, but definitely handsome, and there were many times where women who were not at all out of my league never even replied even though they were on every day. Were they all going after the shirtless guy with the 6 pack abs or what's the deal?

 

Basically, it increased my opportunities to meet new women whom I would've never otherwise met, but it was also frustrating at times feeling like I'd have a much better chance of getting their number and going out on a date if I'd met them in public somewhere. It was a numbers game and a meat market with sometimes inexplicable rejection and it was just too fake and impersonal for me to really enjoy it.

 

Additionally, a significant percentage of the women I met were not at all as advertised. I'm not just talking about looks here, either. Some had outright lied about jobs, marital status, children, and my personal favorite: the gal who pretended to be an independent homeowner, but who was unemployed and lived at home with her parents. So it's a great way to meet people, but in my experience it was more quantity than quality.

[Miss Spider]

When I first joined, the "loss of privacy" thing made me so nervous it was hard for me to sleep and I kept deleting it every few days. That wore off eventually and I stopped caring. I don't like it, but how else it is that easy to go through people and choose what you want like you're grocery shopping? Men I like don't often cold approach, I'm too awkward to flirt, and I get very shy around men I'm attracted to unless I know they are attracted back, I don't go to bars/clubs, I work in by myself in a tiny office for my parent, so meeting anyway else is hard.

Edited October 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[staggerlee71]

Ive been on OLD dating sites and actually, I feel tinder or bumble are the best.

 

Women get so many emails that its a waste of time reaching out.

 

At least with a swipe, you know she is attracted to you or you are her type. from there, communication is much easier.

 

I found that a couple texts back and forth and then ask for a date. If they flake or its too soon, it was never going to happen

[Cobra_X]

One of the worst aspects, at least for me, is the complete loss of privacy and the fact that I have to post my picture online which means anybody and everybody can not only see it, but have it forever. I am not comfortable AT ALL with this aspect. I am fiercely private, not having Facecrook or any of that social media garbage.

 

I ran into a customer who I knew very well when I was OLD. She messaged me and it created a very awkward situation. Her account was worth a lot of money to me and my company. She could have pulled a Harvey Weinstein on me and likely gotten away with it. Luckily we just shared our experiences and joked back and forth.

[Peachland]

I've had 2 relationships from OLD, one for 6 months and another for 18 months. At first the lack of privacy was hard but you learn to get over it if you want to meet someone.

 

Unfortunately I live in smallish area and I really don't want to date someone 50 miles away. As a result it takes awhile for me to find a quality person. I've been off and on for the last 6 weeks and haven't meet anyone I'd want to go out with yet. In the past it would take maybe 3 weeks to find someone.

[hercules22]

im trying to put more effort into but it seems rough especially when you know the girl you message would be receiving alot a messages . i feel like you gauge a person interest alot more in person and you are able to be on there minds when asking them for a phone number for example .

 

i wish i could bump into some of these people online in real life lol

[Gr8fuln2020]

Location Location Location...

 

Needless to say, location makes a huge difference for me. Being more progressive and open-minded, I, unfortunately, moved to a less progressive and open-minded part of the country. I also find that, in my late 40s, finding ladies who have their financial and past relationship SH*T together is more and more difficult. Physical fitness is also an issue. My options are tiny at best.

[OatsAndHall]

I have used it off and on over the last few years and I have a love/hate relationship with it. I hopped back on about a month ago and made some rules for myself:

 

1. I log on once per week to fire off messages to women. I check the "new matches", send messages and log off. I only get back in the app to respond to messages beyond that.

 

2. I ask a woman out for a coffee date within the first two days of chatting. I wish them the best and stop talking to them if they state that they want to get to know me better. I don't need an Internet pen-pal.

 

3. I call off the date if there's any weird behavior between when we plan the date and when we're supposed to meet. I have cancelled two dates in the last month because I didn't care for what was happening.

 

One woman asked to reschedule a date on me the night before because she said she was called into work. I told her I understood, gave her my schedule for the next couple of weeks and asked her when she'd like to meet. It took her almost a week to respond to that message so I told her it wasn't going to work out and wished her the best. She seemed nice enough but I wasn't going to waste my time if she couldn't be bothered to return a text.

[jennyanydot]

Have tried a few dating apps on and off for 2-3 years. In the beginning really hated it. Like one of the earlier posts said, feels like a meat market and being judged/rejected by total strangers from time to time.

 

After about a year though, I start to treat it just as a means to meet people and chat. If we hit it off, great. If not, no big deal. Most of times the talking is good and I got to meet interesting people who I would never know in real life, which is pretty cool. I am also much more talkative now because of the online dating experience and can easily have a conversation with total strangers.

 

Therefore so far so good.

[herodgrant]

I don't see how it's any different from having your photo on Linkedin. It's just a photo. I could legally take one of you in the street tomorrow.

[Miss Spider]

I don't have an account on the meat market that is LinkedIn

[Michelle ma Belle]

I have a love/hate relationship with online and often see it as a necessary 'evil' when you are a professional with a busy career and of the age where hanging out at bars and clubbing are no longer an attractive option to meet men/women.

 

I have tried just about every site there is over the years with varying degrees of success. That being said, I make it a rule never to be on more than one dating site at a time and I never stay on for more than 3 months before I take a break from doing anything online (average is 30 days). It's my way of maintaining a healthy perspective that I think often gets lost with people who remain online and active too long, especially who are on multiple sites at the same time. I'm usually knackered within a couple of weeks just trying to keep up, I can't imagine doing it for any longer.

 

Despite the plethora of questionable characters with shady agenda lurking in every dark corner in cyberland, I have been very fortunate to have met some wonderful men online. Some have turned into beautiful romances and others turned into great friendships. Keep an open mind and don't take anything too seriously and good things can happen.

 

 

As for the "loss of privacy", honestly, I don't get it. If you're worried about feeling too exposed, then choose dating sites that offer better privacy settings, which often come with paid memberships. If you're too cheap to dish out twenty or thirty bucks to ease your paranoia, then don't do OLD.

 

My take regarding OLD, either do it right or don't do it at all.

[salparadise]

I thought I'd share one recent online experience... woman contacts me first. I had not view her profile or like her or anything. Totally out of the blue, and she was not attractive. Here's the exchange....

 

Her: Hey there

Me: Hey

Her: How are you doing?

Me: Great, and you?

Her: Hey there

Me: Hey

Her: How are you doing?

Me: Intrigued and bedazzled!

Her: Ok what are you looking for on here in a woman?

Me: Late model, one owner, not too many miles, big bright headlights, tight body, solid chassis, like to have her oil checked regularly, keeps her battery charged.

Her: Ok sounds nice. I'm at work, would you mind to chat later or text?

Me: [no response]

 

It cracks me up how some women think a two-word, canned message is going to send men into hot pursuit mode. I had another similar and after a few tries I asked her if she expected me to wax eloquent in response to "hey there :)" She responded and asked, I don't know what you mean.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I thought I'd share one recent online experience... woman contacts me first. I had not view her profile or like her or anything. Totally out of the blue, and she was not attractive. Here's the exchange....

 

Her: Hey there

Me: Hey

Her: How are you doing?

Me: Great, and you?

Her: Hey there

Me: Hey

Her: How are you doing?

Me: Intrigued and bedazzled!

Her: Ok what are you looking for on here in a woman?

Me: Late model, one owner, not too many miles, big bright headlights, tight body, solid chassis, like to have her oil checked regularly, keeps her battery charged.

Her: Ok sounds nice. I'm at work, would you mind to chat later or text?

Me: [no response]

 

It cracks me up how some women think a two-word, canned message is going to send men into hot pursuit mode. I had another similar and after a few tries I asked her if she expected me to wax eloquent in response to "hey there :)" She responded and asked, I don't know what you mean.

 

You do realize that was not an actual woman you were talking to, right? I mean, maybe it was a woman, but it was clearly a scam.

 

This happens the other way around, too, although maybe not as many "fakers." Lots and lots of men send "hey" messages only. Whenever I do OLD I totally ignore all of those messages.

 

P.S. Your response to "her" was super funny.

[Highndry]

Why did you respond when you did not find her attractive? When I briefly posted an online dating profile I ignored those sorts of responses. There's no reason to even open up a conversation.

[salparadise]

I considered that possibility, but i'm pretty familiar with the scammers/bots. The profile was too specific (non generic) for a scammer. It could've been though I guess. This site (POF) apparently has a button that triggers the "Hey there :)" message from women to men. I have received that identical message (to the character) from a bunch of women on there, including one that I actually met several years ago. I'm 90+ percent sure it was a real person.

 

We hear all the time from women how they are frustrated with men who don't make an effort to write a decent first message. But from the other perspective it seems like they expect men to be impressed when they grace them with "hey there :)"

[salparadise]

Why did you respond when you did not find her attractive? When I briefly posted an online dating profile I ignored those sorts of responses. There's no reason to even open up a conversation.

 

Purely for the entertainment value I guess.

 

I became interested in what was going on with the "hey there :)" messages, because I was getting them every day or two, and usually from unattractive, unsophisticated, older, country women.

 

It's just different for men. We have nothing to lose by engaging just for the heck of it.

[Highndry]

Purely for the entertainment value I guess.

 

I became interested in what was going on with the "hey there :)" messages, because I was getting them every day or two, and usually from unattractive, unsophisticated, older, country women.

 

It's just different for men. We have nothing to lose by engaging just for the heck of it.

 

If you don't value your time and don't mind sending the wrong message, I suppose. As a man, I do.

[some_username1]

I've tried most sites, initially I had a pretty decent message/response ratio on OK Cupid but noticeably have been having diminishing returns over the years (mostly using the same pics/profile style so it definitely seems that the landscape has changed rather than something I have started to do wrong). Same on Tinder- gradually diminishing numbers of matches to the point where nowadays I only match with women who are obviously spamming the like button. Conversely IRL I am currently at a point where I seem to be more visible to women than ever when I go out- in recent weeks I have had a number of women engaging in conversation with me off their own back and being flirtatious so I wouldn't consider myself unattractive based on online dating.

 

So for me personally online dating has gradually gone from working reasonably well to being absolutely pointless- not really surprising in some ways as it makes sense to me that online dating has a saturation point where, as it accumulates users over time the ones at the bottom gradually get forcefully phased out of the market through total invisibility. Guys still talk about the halcyon era of Tinder where average guys had the pick of the women because it had not yet reached mass consumption.

 

Based on my experiences, the things I read and anecdotes from acquaintances I am starting to wonder if the majority have reached that saturation point and all for different reasons: for women over-exposure to it and the ease of getting attention means that most are now 'over it' and don't really take it seriously anymore. The genuine relationship oriented men find it hard because they are perhaps not the hottest men on paper so they become increasingly invisible and jaded. The only winners are the hottest guys - why would they ever stop using online dating and settle down when, as the most visible online daters, they have consistent attention?

 

It feels like, in the same way Facebook superseded MySpace, we are waiting for online dating 2.0 to bring something new to the table, weed out the players and help relationship oriented people find each other more easily because the current plethora of apps and formats have all become quite stale and only reward the casual people.

[BluEyeL]

Many here know that I'm a woman, mid 40s, now happily married due to OLD

 

I know a lot of people who either found their spouse through OLD or are in a relationship with someone they met online.

 

Did I like it? No, I hated it. But it worked and thus I'd do it again.

 

It took me 18 months to meet him . Took a friend of mine about 5 years to find her boyfriend. I know someone who found her husband online on 2 weeks, but that's the exception not the rule.

 

I was never inundated with messages and that either means that I'm ugly or that mybe not all not very hideous women get hundreds of messages. I still found love.

 

For women it's easier to find sex than love online .

[grays]

I was on okcupid and tinder for nearly three years and I had a blast. I didnt find a boyfriend, but for at least the first couple of years I wasnt really looking for that. I'd say it got a little more frustrating as I started feeling more clear about wanting a relationship. But Ive met several really amazing long term fwb's. Right now I have 3 who Ive known for over a year and a half. One I'm gonna see tomorrow who I met a little more than two years ago.

 

Sadly my fwb's' days are numbered as I think Ive met an actual boyfriend IRL. I do wonder if there's a greater likelihood of meeting someone who works for me IRL. Ive met a crap ton of guys online, but the IRL guys always seem more invested from the get go. I'm not sure if that's because you already have to have some kinda more substantial attraction/vibe to get over the hump to ask for a phone number or because it to put that work in you already feel invested. But somehow meeting IRL does seem, in my life, to have better results in terms of leading to a more substantial relationship.

[health]

Highndry - I'm 35. I had a profile up when I was 18 and never met a girl there. I met my girlfriends at concerts, and my neighbourhood to where I had long term relationships.

 

After a break up I went online again. I met one girl. Nothing came of it. I met another girl who was an alcoholic and we got intimate but I didn't pursue it further.

 

From there I'd make a profile send 3 messages out - some tailored some copy and paste - to no reply.

Sometimes I'd get a reply but then ghosted from there on out.

 

I asked all my present friends who are in relationships how they got into them. Out of like 3 people over the lst 8 years maybee one met through online dating.

 

And that relationship is not a good one - welfare, kids from previous guys etc.

 

I vowed never to go online dating Isince the start of 2017.

 

I'm always tempted to go back, but I won't.

 

In real life - it's how a woman walks, moves, and her voice that get me. You can't see any of the from online.

 

People say we have so many options these days that we can pick similar interests, find people. It's on me, but it's never worked for me.

 

If it works for others - do your thing and all the best.