Imajerk17 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) I don't think this question has been answered yet though, OP do you actually have/did you had* pictures of yourself on your dating profile? At least one that shows your face and another which shows what you look like from the neck down (could be the same pic). You don't have to be in a bikini or anything, just dressed as you'd be for a first date. The answer to the above should be yes. I myself don't want to waste the time for both of us if there is hardly a chance I'll be physically attracted. Given your previous threads on OLD though, I don't think we can all assume the answer to the above is yes. Asking for a picture after you've already met e.g., via cold-approach--now that's just weird. *I thought you said the other day that you were taking a month break from OLD Edited October 19, 2017 by Imajerk17 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 I don't think this question has been answered yet though, OP do you actually have/did you had* pictures of yourself on your dating profile? At least one that shows your face and another which shows what you look like from the neck down (could be the same pic). You don't have to be in a bikini or anything, just dressed as you'd be for a first date. Given your previous threads on OLD, I don't think we can all assume the answer to the above is yes. Asking for a picture after you've already met--now that's just weird. *I thought you said the other day that you were taking a month break from OLD lol sorry. Yes I have all my pics, clear face, full body, 4 pics in my dating profile. They are gone now, I was just going back and assessing what happened in the past and why. The guy who recently asked me for a pic I met at Trader Joe's, not online. And also guys who I have been on 2 or 3 dates with already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 This turns me off too. Big time. I'm not OLD dating right now, but when I do, I use current pics. I use what I have. I'm NOT a selfie taker at all, and don't usually have pics of me taken by others. So what am I supposed to provide?? And why? You have seen what I look like. The more you ask me for pics, the more I'm convinced all you care about is physical appearance, plain and simple. When I was OLD, I never once asked a man for more pics than what was provided. I would consider that rude, like "ok you seem cool but your pics aren't good enough....let me see a couple more before I decide for sure." ICK. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 lol sorry. Yes I have all my pics, clear face, full body, 4 pics in my dating profile. They are gone now, I was just going back and assessing what happened in the past and why. The guy who recently asked me for a pic I met at Trader Joe's, not online. And also guys who I have been on 2 or 3 dates with already. This part I don't find as offensive. They probably think you're gorgeous and just want to have a pic of your face to save with your contact info or show to their friends. I think that is flattering when not used as a way to judge if you are worthy of their company . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 lol sorry. Yes I have all my pics, clear face, full body, 4 pics in my dating profile. They are gone now, I was just going back and assessing what happened in the past and why. The guy who recently asked me for a pic I met at Trader Joe's, not online. And also guys who I have been on 2 or 3 dates with already. Oh OK thanks for clarifying. Then don't sweat it too much, it's really them. I've never asked anyone for a pic in the above situations, that's just bizarre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Thank you. That makes sense . What about the guy I was seeing long distance who kept asking for pics between times we dated? We saw each other like 2 days a week and he had plenty? I had people I've already me ask me for pics of me doing activities and just wondering if its a red flag. It's either sweet because they like you or theyre trying for nudes in a very subtle, unsuccessful way You are an attractive girl... right? I don't want this to sound crude, but most guys don't need nude pictures to.... uh... "Clean his pipes?" couldn't agree more. I never go out with them if they ask for pics first. It means they're superficial and distrusting. But if they ask after we have had good dates or they've seen me, I get confused. keep in mind I don't keep in touch with them on snapchat, Instagram, fb, or any of that like people usually do when they are dating I used to send my potential lady friend photos of myself first (non nudes) and see how she responded. If she sends pics back.... If not then I just wait until we meet. I suppose maybe I'm not that picky. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 This turns me off too. Big time. I'm not OLD dating right now, but when I do, I use current pics. I use what I have. I'm NOT a selfie taker at all, and don't usually have pics of me taken by others. So what am I supposed to provide?? And why? You have seen what I look like. The more you ask me for pics, the more I'm convinced all you care about is physical appearance, plain and simple. When I was OLD, I never once asked a man for more pics than what was provided. I would consider that rude, like "ok you seem cool but your pics aren't good enough....let me see a couple more before I decide for sure." ICK. Exactly!!! I get what JEG88 is saying, but it's very telling to me. It's basically saying "I'm paranoid you're not going to be as attractive as I like and I don't want to take out someone that's not attractive so give me a pic and don't disappoint me." lol I know that's harsh, but it's what I'm hearing. And it's just awkward like you said. What am I supposed to give them? Take a picture of myself smiling and waving like "hey! am I worthy of a date with you? I hope my elbows aren't too pointy?" This part I don't find as offensive. They probably think you're gorgeous and just want to have a pic of your face to save with your contact info or show to their friends. I think that is flattering when not used as a way to judge if you are worthy of their company . Thank you. That's what I hoped- that they just like me. Not something perverted xD but i always have to wonder 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) It's obvious why guys you meet online do this. Avoid dating long-distance and if they still ask you for pics, you just say that's weird, I'd rather meet up than waste time with pics. If a guy who approached you in person first asks you this, then he's either forgotten who you were or just wants material to jerk off too (which I never understood - plenty of that online). The best it could be is that he wants to show you to his friends. Edited October 19, 2017 by Popsicle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 It is a big red flag. The guy is either into looks to decide if he wants to continue with you, or likes to masturbate to pictures of girls. Neither is a good thing. Beware because these guys have all the logical reasons why they need a pic. Prove you are a girl, something to look at before going to bed, etc.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 the only time i would see them ask for pics if your profiles consists mainly of your face? not everyone out there is after just personality overall looks plays a big role i dont even bother messaging girls who only show there face . i dont even ask for pics either as it seems like it would annoy the girl and most of the time the girls that only show there faces are hiding something lol Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I think this kind of thing is primarily the result of people being deceptive about their appearance, so they want to know what you look like right now versus whenever the photos on your profile were taken. You experienced this yourself -- your hair was totally different in the picture you sent him, which is somewhat deceptive about how you look. A lot of people have been burned on OLD due to majorly out of date photos. I wouldn't have a problem sending one recent pic (provided they sent one to me also), but that would be it. But I'm old and I don't sit around taking pictures of myself all the time like a lot of younger women seem to do. So yesterday, this guy cold approached me. I shouldn't be dating but he's cute and cold approaches are extremely rare so I gave it a shot. Not long after we greeted he wrote "Send pic for contact?" I guess he asks so many chicks out he forgets who's who so he needs pics for reference. Yeah, this guy just wants a picture to keep track of which girl you are. If he cold approached you, then you aren't the only one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Yes very often I was asked for extra pictures when I had always around 6 pictures on my profile showing me head to toe. I didn't play that game. I told them they had enough online to make a good judgement and they would see the original over coffee in a couple of days. If they insisted I told to get lost. At first, when I didn't have much experience with online, I got caught in that game because I was naive. Nothing good ever came out of a man always wanting extra pictures. Most of them were hung up on looks and nothing more. They were the same men trying to lick my face on a first meeting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 If you have pictures on the ap, then the guy should be able to deal with just those. If he asks for more, I think he's making himself look too superficial, like he has poor judgment for not realizing how it makes him look, and that he doesn't have the intelligence or control to delay gratification. And this is just my personal opinion with no basis in reality, but I feel like if the guy absolutely needs more pictures ahead of meeting, you shouldn't be surprised if he's pressuring you to sleep with him sooner than normal too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Thank you. That makes sense . What about the guy I was seeing long distance who kept asking for pics between times we dated? We saw each other like 2 days a week and he had plenty? I had people I've already me ask me for pics of me doing activities and just wondering if its a red flag. It's either sweet because they like you or theyre trying for nudes in a very subtle, unsuccessful way I wouldn't read too much into it unless he starts being aggressive with it and asking for more revealing pics. He might just want to see your face as it is nice to get those kinds of pics when you're seeing someone long-distance. But, I'd bail on him if he starts asking for nudes before anything gets serious between the two of you. There's no reason to be asking for those kinds of pics unless you are in a committed relationship with someone. And, even then, I'd be careful about it. The woman I described earlier talked about sexting and hinted about sending nudes and I told her that I didn't know her well enough to be comfortable with that. We had only been texting for two days when she started in about it. It was kind of creepy and gross. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 In your long distance relationship, it makes sense that he asked you for pics because he misses you and wants to see your face. Also, you're already in an established relationship so in that context it's cute. I would be turned off to be asked for a pic from a guy I just met though. It does come off superficial and like they are getting too comfortable too fast or something. Or maybe I'm just annoyed with the digital era. No one can enjoy a moment without taking a picture of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I am posting again because I see so many answers justifying asking for a picture so that they can see if the girl if pretty enough to qualify for their standards. In other words, you can be the nicest and smartest person in the world but if your boobs are not big enough and you are overweight, you are not worth their time. First of all, what does it say about a guy who has to go online to find dates? If they were all that, they would go out and girls would be attracted to them. It shows a lack of self confidence. As my wife's friend told us, there is a reason why all the guys she met online are trying to meet girls online and it isn't because they are prize catches. If someone is going to make looks their prime criteria you can bet that as you age or gain weight after having kids, he is not going to find you attractive anymore. Find all the posts on this forum where the husband is not attracted to their wife after gaining weight having his kids. I overheard a group of widowed women talking in our community pool. They were asking what qualities they wanted in a man. The first was a sense of humor. They want someone who can make them laugh everyday. They also said that looks come and go and they learned in their lives that looks do not make for a happy marriage. Stay away from guys who ask for a picture at the beginning of your getting to know you chats. God help you if you marry them and get disfigured in an accident, gain weight or start to wrinkle from age. My wife was feeling down as she got older and gained a little weight and had wrinkles. She asked me how could I still love her. I told her that I did not marry her for her looks and when I see her I still picture the young girl I married. She is the same person no matter how she looks and we are married 45 years despite illnesses and disabilities. None of that changes what attracted us to each other. Not so if you marry a guy who places looks at the top of his list. You can do better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovephule Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 If a guy is asking for pics after we've met I only take it as a red flag if he's asking for more pics than dates. That I have no time for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Its yuck. Drop them. When you are at the point of texting each other it should be all about that, and the intellectual connection, until you met. After meeting, the odd pic request is ok, generally means they really like you. But beforehand, it is a form of masturbation that should not be encouraged (assuming you have provided ample current disclosing 'pics' on your profile). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
caveman621 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Can you send us pics? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Can you send us pics? .............................. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I know females are hounded for pics. So are guys for pics of their wife or GF. Hey I read "guy" being one for a long time now, I know what kind of pic he wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 Seems like every woman now is a photography expert and has a variety of pictures that show themselves in the best as possible light, some even photoshopped, filtered, blurry, duck face/ dog face, etc..so I don't see why they would object, but I have no experience here... I work hard on my physique and don't care who likes it or doesn't, but that being said, I would have no issue sending someone a pic in my BVD's, if that's what they wanted, so why would I be bashful or rude to not expect the same or something similar?? I'd think its only common courtesy to give the other person as accurate and as unobstructed a picture as possible to avoid a potential letdown, and be completely transparent, on either side, no?? Like said, I don't play in that sandbox, but from what the guys I know have told me, none of the women they met were on par with the photos they were sent...Old photos, thinner photos, etc..there were no "pleasant surprises", so to speak...But that's their opinion, not mine.. Perhaps people scoff or are hesitant at giving photos, in hopes that they don't get knocked out of the box based on looks alone, before getting an opportunity to earn "extra points" in other areas...I guess I can see that aspect...That's a legitimate reason I suppose.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cookiesandough Posted October 19, 2017 Author Share Posted October 19, 2017 (edited) I see what you are saying. I think if someone has all head shots that are really blurry, they're most likely trying to conceal something. Maybe they feel self conscious. Instead of pushing this person to give you more info about their appearance which is probably out of their comfort zone, why not just skip them over? Same with if you think they're fake/catfish. If you feel they're too sketch, move to someone else. If ond additional pic when you already have some will make or break you wanting to meet this person, its probably better not to meet. Besides, whats to stop someone from giving someone another doctored pic? Edited October 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Patrice Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 and have them get to know me. I have a rocking body and face, just don't want it all over social media. Any man who demands pictures, with no respect for you as a person, is off my list. If you can't have the decency to meet for coffee to inspect my looks, then I will be done. Maybe there are a plethora of people out there that lie, and the bad apples ruin it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 When I was cold approaching women a lot... I would need to write down distinctive factors to separate them. When you hit up 20 or 30 women in a day you forget what they all look like and mix them up. It takes a lot of approaches to get a date at first. Once you get good at it the ratio gets better. So... I think you might have nailed it. The guy needs to remind himself what you look like to get interested again. This - and never mind 20 or 30 - if I chatted to more than 2 in a day I'd have trouble remembering them in detail without a pic. I don't have a photographic memory. I don't see anything sinister in asking for a selfie to add as your contact on his phone. Likewise, if I met someone online, and then we switched to phone, I'd always copy a pic from online to use as a phone contact. Now if he asks for anything explicit, that's a completely different story. Personally, I would neither ask for or offer them to anyone I was dating. Link to post Share on other sites
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