Jump to content

Thoughts on someone asking to continue dating next year?

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

lana-banana Established Member

lana-banana

Posted
Posted

It's New Year's. Lots of people are chatting for the first time in a while. There's nothing weird or creepy about it.

 

You say you've made a lot of progress and I'm sure you have, but you sound as profoundly anxious as ever. On the one hand you don't even know if you really like this guy, but on the other hand you're terrified beyond reason that he might reject you. If you are still experiencing this level of stress related to such minor interactions, you might benefit from more reflection. Until you are clear about what you want your behaviors will reflect your confusion.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Happy NY! Glad you’re back!

 

I erased all my OLD profiles so officially on a break. Well semi-dating a coworker by chance but this is such a weird messy story that I think I’ll try to keep it to friendship and restart OLDing in March or so (unless I get too caught up as always lol)

 

Are you restarting your OLD profiles besides this guy?

Oooh. Dating a coworker? This sounds juicy. I need to go sift through threads I've missed while I was gone!

 

Is there a reason you planned to go back around March or just arbritrary? I'm aiming to put some profiles up within the next week or so. But to be real, I'm trying to meet someone not online!!!

It's New Year's. Lots of people are chatting for the first time in a while. There's nothing weird or creepy about it.

 

You say you've made a lot of progress and I'm sure you have, but you sound as profoundly anxious as ever. On the one hand you don't even know if you really like this guy, but on the other hand you're terrified beyond reason that he might reject you. If you are still experiencing this level of stress related to such minor interactions, you might benefit from more reflection. Until you are clear about what you want your behaviors will reflect your confusion.

 

Really? I think that's normal if you were friends at one point or at least had more than 2 meetings that ended awkwardly, but maybe I am wrong. I think I definitely do really like [what I know of] him, I just don't know how or maybe just do not have the balls to initiate contact again. But I'd definitely go out again if the opporunity ever presented. I tried to leave the the door open, he made it seem really final. I suppose I didn't interpret what little there is to interpret in the text as positive like lily did, but more like "k lol bye then nice knowing you" Yeah I probably still far too analytical about things for my own good. =/ Thanks

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 1
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted
Oooh. Dating a coworker? This sounds juicy. I need to go sift through threads I've missed while I was gone!

 

Is there a reason you planned to go back around March or just arbritrary? I'm aiming to put some profiles up within the next week or so. But to be real, I'm trying to meet someone not online!!!

 

Ahhah I posted in Friends&Lovers because it is not (yet) real dating. Too messed up. I was just hoping to have ONS and forget it but I'm apparently incapable to do so :/

 

March: just because I feel like the winter is terrible time for first dates. I'm freezing and my only desire is to curl up in bed with my cat :lmao:, not go out on walks / hikes which I find the only type of palatable first date with a stranger.

 

Good luck with OLD&this guy! What is your off-line strategy?

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted

Cookies! :D

 

What happened to taking a break from dating for awhile until you've sorted your issues out?

 

You're too smart to disregard the fact that until you deal with your problems, history will repeat itself as evidenced by your threads

 

What is stopping you from taking a breather, going to a therapist or reading from self-help books?

 

Xoxo :)

  • Like 4
newyorker11356 Established Member

newyorker11356

Posted
Posted
Ahhah I posted in Friends&Lovers because it is not (yet) real dating. Too messed up. I was just hoping to have ONS and forget it but I'm apparently incapable to do so :/

 

March: just because I feel like the winter is terrible time for first dates. I'm freezing and my only desire is to curl up in bed with my cat :lmao:, not go out on walks / hikes which I find the only type of palatable first date with a stranger.

 

Good luck with OLD&this guy! What is your off-line strategy?

 

Being in New York and with how COLD it is right now, that's probably not a bad idea in my case :lmao:. I have a first date with a woman on Friday, and another on Sat, and it's going to be so cold on those days, haha.

  • Like 2
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted
Being in New York and with how COLD it is right now, that's probably not a bad idea in my case :lmao:. I have a first date with a woman on Friday, and another on Sat, and it's going to be so cold on those days, haha.

 

Haha you're brave :D Here in Boston is even colder if you can imagine that :/ I'm soooooo looking forward to my March dating :)

  • Like 1
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Ahhah I posted in Friends&Lovers because it is not (yet) real dating. Too messed up. I was just hoping to have ONS and forget it but I'm apparently incapable to do so :/

 

March: just because I feel like the winter is terrible time for first dates. I'm freezing and my only desire is to curl up in bed with my cat :lmao:, not go out on walks / hikes which I find the only type of palatable first date with a stranger.

 

Good luck with OLD&this guy! What is your off-line strategy?

 

That actually makes a lot of sense now that you mention it D:

 

Offline strategy is to stop politely excusing myself and running for the nearest exit when a guy tries to talk to me.

  • Like 1
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

 

Offline strategy is to stop politely excusing myself and running for the nearest exit when a guy tries to talk to me.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I see myself here Cookies LOL

 

How do you achieve it is still intangible to me, I’m able to give up the run strategy only under brute force :lmao:

 

Did you message your guy?

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Let’s say that you contacted a guy/girl you dated briefly the previous year. You asked them if theywould be up for dating again and told them that you had thought of them. This was all true. They responded surprised and said they were happy to hear from you again. Now, you have been texting them off and on. You have realized that this person is not to you had built them up in your head to be at all. This person is not compatible with you whatsoever. They have opened the conversation and they have asked you a question. You dodged the question but they have asked that once more. Now, you want to no longer talk to this person because there is really no point since you no longer are romantically interested. You don’t want to “ghost”. But what is the point of not blocking someone and just ignoring their messages. That is cruel. What would you do?

No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

This person is not compatible with you whatsoever.

 

Can you explain why is that?

  • Like 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
Let’s say that you contacted a guy/girl you dated briefly the previous year. You asked them if theywould be up for dating again and told them that you had thought of them. This was all true. They responded surprised and said they were happy to hear from you again. Now, you have been texting them off and on. You have realized that this person is not to you had built them up in your head to be at all. This person is not compatible with you whatsoever. They have opened the conversation and they have asked you a question. You dodged the question but they have asked that once more. Now, you want to no longer talk to this person because there is really no point since you no longer are romantically interested. You don’t want to “ghost”. But what is the point of not blocking someone and just ignoring their messages. That is cruel. What would you do?

 

Cookies,

 

What is the question he asked you that you don't want to answer?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I don’t think our personalities go together. He’s a nice guy and all but our personalities clash. He wants my last name. Either to add me to Facebook or just look me up and e-research. It’s not the question that bothers me, though, but just where it may lead

 

He was at a job fair auditioning today. He also said he’s getting back into town with his friend tomorrow. He may want to meet up eventually and I don’t want to be around when that happens. My inclination is strong and to just block him and hopefully he will forget this whole thing ever happened? I admit that I screwed up, But I couldn’t have known that we were not compatible

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
But I couldn’t have known that we were not compatible

 

I'm gonna gently argue that you still do not know that you are not compatible. You have not even given him a chance yet.

  • Like 6
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm gonna gently argue that you still do not know that you are not compatible. You have not even given him a chance yet.

 

The conversation is very awkward. I can just imagine how it would be if we met. I feel I messed thing too badly. Maybe he won’t be bothered if we both just fade out ??

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

Posted
Posted
The conversation is very awkward. I can just imagine how it would be if we met. I feel I messed thing too badly. Maybe he won’t be bothered if we both just fade out ??

 

YES, he will be bothered....he really likes you! There is nothing there to suggest he's not interested. I don't know why you're trying so hard to mess it up! Is it a fear thing? Just tell him your last name. As long as you're not afraid of him stalking and harming you, why are you so freaked out about that?

  • Like 4
  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I saw what you said, living, and you’re right and yes I would have had a p attack. It’s happened before.

 

Thank you both for your help, really. For last night too. You guys are the best and very patient. But I have thought on this for almost 2 nights straight, no sleep. I blocked him. He’ll never be able to tell that I did. I kind of hate myself right now, but was him or my sanity. Now I have my sanity back I can move on ... and sleep

Edited by Cookiesandough
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

Posted
Posted
I saw what you said, living, and you’re right and yes I would have had a panic attack. It’s happened before on dates,. It happens, I just say Im going to the restroom and run out the door and text an apology.

 

Thank you both for your help, really. For last night too. You guys are the best. But I have thought on this for almost 2 night straight, no sleep. I blocked him. I’m kind of hate myself right now. It was him or my sanity. Now I have my sanity back I can move on ... and sleep

 

I am not even sure what the problem was. He asked for your last name and he's now blocked, after you thought so highly of him just a day or so ago? Have I missed something?

  • Like 6
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
I am not even sure what the problem was. He asked for your last name and he's now blocked, after you thought so highly of him just a day or so ago? Have I missed something?

 

Yeah, I'm scratching my head too.

It wasn't like you haven't met and haven't been on dates with him.

I don't understand why you think you're completely incompatible?

  • Like 1
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I'm scratching my head too.

It wasn't like you haven't met and haven't been on dates with him.

I don't understand why you think you're completely incompatible?

 

Agreed. This makes absolutely zero sense.

  • Like 2
bene Established Member

bene

Posted
Posted
I saw what you said, living, and you’re right and yes I would have had a p attack. It’s happened before.

 

Thank you both for your help, really. For last night too. You guys are the best and very patient. But I have thought on this for almost 2 nights straight, no sleep. I blocked him. He’ll never be able to tell that I did. I kind of hate myself right now, but was him or my sanity. Now I have my sanity back I can move on ... and sleep

 

I wanted to comment in your other thread but I’ll add my two cents here. I am also a rather anxious person and I can somewhat understand the anxiety rush. Have you ever tried cognitive behavioral therapy? It is not a magic bullet and maybe it seems too simplistic for people who are prone to analyse but it can at least provide some tools to cope with the anxiety like distancing from your thoughts, making a difference between thoughts vs facts, rumination vs problem solving.

 

I think one big trick that anxiety plays on our minds is is the feeling that you need to have the answers RIGHT NOW or else something unfathomably bad will happen. Hence the not sleeping, deciding it’s all over within 15 minutes etc. But real life is usually not like that, there is always a big amount of uncertainty. The other person is likely not in the same wavelength, they don’t feel the same urgency. They have no idea of this whole thought process and scenario already played out and decisions taken in your mind.

 

Also the feeling of some imminent danger is anxiety playing tricks on the mind. A romantic rejection or embarrasment will likely not cause any permanent damage on us, we will not cease to exist even if we get rejected or embarrassed.

  • Like 3
littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

Posted
Posted
I don’t think our personalities go together. He’s a nice guy and all but our personalities clash. He wants my last name. Either to add me to Facebook or just look me up and e-research. It’s not the question that bothers me, though, but just where it may lead

 

He was at a job fair auditioning today. He also said he’s getting back into town with his friend tomorrow. He may want to meet up eventually and I don’t want to be around when that happens. My inclination is strong and to just block him and hopefully he will forget this whole thing ever happened? I admit that I screwed up, But I couldn’t have known that we were not compatible

 

You did him a favour in the end. Of course he'll move on, if he's a reasonably stable guy.

 

You need to find a way to get a handle on your emotions, though. There must be techniques to help you act on them only once you have a grip on how you're feeling. Idealising a guy you barely know is already not a good idea - going one guy at a time doesn't mean turning Great Gatsby on them for 10 minutes then doing a cold 180 with no warning.

 

It's fine to want to keep your privacy until you meet in person; just tell them that much. If they have a problem with it, that's when you can see you are not compatible.

  • Like 4
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
I saw what you said, living, and you’re right and yes I would have had a p attack. It’s happened before.

 

Thank you both for your help, really. For last night too. You guys are the best and very patient. But I have thought on this for almost 2 nights straight, no sleep. I blocked him. He’ll never be able to tell that I did. I kind of hate myself right now, but was him or my sanity. Now I have my sanity back I can move on ... and sleep

 

And...exactly as several of us predicted.

 

The polite thing to do would be to send him a message stating that you don’t think you are compatible and to nicely say you are sorry you wasted his time again.

 

Do you even see how rude and mean you are? I went back and looked at your previous thread about this guy, and he was an inexperienced guy who was looking for a relationship who really liked you. You flaked on him last fall and now, after reaching out to him out of the blue, are flaking again. I feel terrible for this poor guy. Why do you think it’s okay to treat people like this?

 

Oh, and it’s fairly normal to ask for someone’s last name. (You’ve been one two long dates with this guy.). If it freaks you out that much, you shouldn’t be dating.

  • Like 7
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted (edited)

In this case, the best and kindest thing you can do is to tell this guy you made a mistake in contacting him, apologise for having done so, and then NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 5
No_Go Established Member

No_Go

Posted
Posted

Cookies, just tell him the truth , which is you feel anxious to meet. I think this is it, not a compatibility issue. He’ll understand.

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...