Thoughts on someone asking to continue dating next year?

[No_Go]

I could be a minority here, but if I was him and was interested enough in you, I'd take this as a chance to keep the options open and reconnect next year if both are still single and interested. I think it was actually a smart move to send this message rather than leave him hanging by ghosting or going on a date that you'd hate.

 

Text him when he's back - it will be a de novo dating situation, but you'd be a step up in front of new prospects from dating sites because he've seen you, knows exactly how you look and act, and hopefully likes it.

 

Sevencity I know which is why I told this guy I need a break and hoped we could link up next year. I though that was the considerate thing to do. Also I was advised by several people here when I asked what to say to him in my last thread and I told him word for word what people were telling me to. here is what I said :

 

"Sooooo, don't hate me pls. I have been really confused lately. I think it's my anxiety and pressure, and the last thing I want to do is mislead someone. I think need a break ��I'm going to have to cancel Monday. But I am hoping maybe stay in touch and meet up again and casually hang out in the future if you're around or interested at that point? "

 

 

 

Sorry Chilli I was a bit misleading how I wrote this. I am the one that said that next year. I am interested I just want to take a break from dating now. I was just wanting an unbiased opinion from people. If I heard that from a guy I would assume he is anxious or he would not have said next year and not take it too personally. Especially since I have deleted my Tinder. I hope he feels the same because I really do want to see him next year when I am sorted.

 

 

Thanks so much!!!

[Cookiesandough]

Why are you playing fixer upper when its only been two dates?

 

cuz that's how long it typically takes for me to mess it up

[Cookiesandough]

You might not realize this but you in effect broke up with him. I would be disappointed if someone told me that message, and included that they might want to "hang out casually" in the future. It wouldn't be the end of the world, more like: oh, another one bites the dust.

 

I also find it telling that you were surprised at his reaction. How did you expect him to react? Was he supposed to chase?

 

 

I get the sense that you don't see your dates as people with feelings who are dating likely because they, like you, would love to find someone, have a relationship, fall in love.

 

Is it possible that deep down you believe these men have more power than you? That they're players who are looking to take advantage of you? I ask because you really seem to distrust men. You seem unable to think of the effect of your actions on them.

 

I don't know if I don't trust them. My dad always told me most guys want 1 thing and I need to be careful. He said he knows because he used to be a guy. I think I took it too much to heart. It's just a cliché dad thing to say?

 

I do trust him. I think it's myself I don't trust. I think if I was faced to actually have to commit to a relationship again, I would panic and end up bailing. I like unavailbable people for this reason. That is, until they become available.

 

I really, really like this guy. I cant stop thinking about him

[Cookiesandough]

I could be a minority here, but if I was him and was interested enough in you, I'd take this as a chance to keep the options open and reconnect next year if both are still single and interested. I think it was actually a smart move to send this message rather than leave him hanging by ghosting or going on a date that you'd hate.

 

Text him when he's back - it will be a de novo dating situation, but you'd be a step up in front of new prospects from dating sites because he've seen you, knows exactly how you look and act, and hopefully likes it.

Thank you!!!! NEVERMIND I deleted this

Edited October 16, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Jt93]

Hi Cookies, sorry to hijack your thread. i just wanted to ask opinions on a similar topic as i was reading.

 

In 6 weeks time I am going to be going on holiday for around 10 weeks before coming back home and carrying on with my life. After being split up from ex gf for around 5 months, i am starting to feel ready to get back out there again. I am sort of speaking to a few new people but unsure as to the action I should take. Obviously i want to meet these people but in 6 weeks, ill be gone for 10 weeks, not being able to talk all that often whilst I am away. Do you think it would be best just waiting until I came back to start things again or just tell them what the situation is and see how it goes from there? I just think either way, I cant really get to meet or know someone then all of a sudden hardly talk for the next 10 weeks or the opposite ill have to just wait until i come back and try and re-kindle things then.

 

how would you go about this?

[d0nnivain]

Jt93

 

Talk to whomever you want. Don't go into your travel plans until at least date 2. On date 1 / the first meet all you are doing is figuring out if you ever want to see them again.

 

If you have seen somebody over the course of a month, while you are away keep in touch. There are so many platforms, it won't be impossible. You don't have to talk daily but once a week you can text or email. Bring the person back a small gift ( > $5) like a shot glass, some exotic candy, a goofy t-shirt.

 

Go from there.

[No_Go]

Thank you!!!! NEVERMIND I deleted this

 

Curiosity kills me now

[littleblackheart]

I don't know if I don't trust them. My dad always told me most guys want 1 thing and I need to be careful. He said he knows because he used to be a guy. I think I took it too much to heart. It's just a cliché dad thing to say?

 

I do trust him. I think it's myself I don't trust. I think if I was faced to actually have to commit to a relationship again, I would panic and end up bailing. I like unavailbable people for this reason. That is, until they become available.

 

I really, really like this guy. I cant stop thinking about him

 

My dad gave me the exact same advice; with age and experience, I have come to realise it's not great advice, really. It takes a while to get it out of your system when it's been ingrained in you at young age and you have to put yourself through a kind of a de-programming process to get that thought out of your head, but it's possible. Meeting good guys in a non-dating capacity has helped me hugely in that regard.

 

It's a bit of a vicious circle because the other thing that would help is getting more experience, which you can't do if you're worried the guy will screw you over no matter what.

 

Trust yourself a little more and don't make these dates to be such big deals. You're getting to know someone, no more. Whatever happens happens.

 

I have to say I admire how candid and honest you are being in your posts, Cookies - you are putting yourself out there and weathering all manners of advice pretty well and with an open mind .

[Jt93]

Jt93

 

Talk to whomever you want. Don't go into your travel plans until at least date 2. On date 1 / the first meet all you are doing is figuring out if you ever want to see them again.

 

If you have seen somebody over the course of a month, while you are away keep in touch. There are so many platforms, it won't be impossible. You don't have to talk daily but once a week you can text or email. Bring the person back a small gift ( > $5) like a shot glass, some exotic candy, a goofy t-shirt.

 

Go from there.

 

Thanks for your advice d0nnivain, i was thinking similar myself but just didnt know whether I would just be messing things up for myself and making things more complicated.

[Cookiesandough]

The new year is here. I rezzed this thread if there was anymore opinion on reconnecting with a guy I might still be interested in. I asked him last year I would reach out to him again in the new year and perhaps we could reconnect when he comes back. His last words to me were "you are cryptic af". I'm certain he has forgotten about me, but I have not dated anyone since him and have just been watching documentaries. I recently went to his Instagram and see he is still in another town on that project but he might still be single.

 

 

I don't know how you just come out and say hello months later to someone you went on a couple dates without being incredibly creepy. There is no way, is there. Because it is creepy. I am reading my message re"'casually hang out' next year and cringing. The good news is I feel I have done a lot of overhaul as a person since I made this thread. I am thinking about hopping back on Tinder and see if we match again. That had been my way of reconnecting with people I met on (and sometimes off) of there and stopped contact with(blocked). If that doesn't happen, that's okay too I guess

Edited January 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Erik30]

You can just wish him a happy new year, and act like that last text never happened, then take it from there.

 

He'll only think it's creepy if he's not into you. You'll probably be able to tell from his reply if he still wants to give it a shot. If he doesn't, it's no big deal, on to the next one

[Cookiesandough]

lol, thanks. A new year text is a good idea even if it is a little out of the blue. I'm gonna do this.

 

edit: agh I don't know. maybe I should wait until he comes back to town

Edited January 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Erik30]

lol, thanks. A new year text is a good idea even if it is a little out of the blue. I'm gonna do this.

 

edit: agh I don't know. maybe I should wait until he comes back to town

 

I would just do it now, it's a perfect excuse to start a conversation. You can even pretend that it's a mass text message if you're really worried about his reaction. But don't worry

[Cookiesandough]

I would just do it now, it's a perfect excuse to start a conversation. You can even pretend that it's a mass text message if you're really worried about his reaction. But don't worry

 

I'm so scared. I don't know why. A mass email is the best idea. It's probably the only normal one that can be salvaged from here. Like I just sent every one on my contacts a New Year message. But I'm too scared I feel so awkward. Even if he responds kindly I feel like he would just be doing it because he's scared

 

The terms that we parted ways, Eric30, and I acted really strangely with him and all guys I went on dates with in that destructive phase of my life. I was an IRL troll with OLD, didn't take it serious and not over my ex bf. Guys didn't like me

 

I don't even know why I rezz'ed this thread. I guess I wanted someone to ask him for me. I really would like to see him again if I could find a way, but I think the ship has sailed as everyone has said.It's okay. It's just one person, like you said.

thank you

Edited January 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[LilySun]

Why does he think it's moving too fast already? Seems like a random thing to say after just 2 dates.

 

But I don't see why not connect with him later on if you are still available.

[Cookiesandough]

Why does he think it's moving too fast already? Seems like a random thing to say after just 2 dates.

 

But I don't see why not connect with him later on if you are still available.

 

I think that was me who said that. I'm not sure. It didn't make any sense, you're right. I don't think he bought it and I think he chalked it up as a person he went a couple dates with and it just didn't work out and has long since forgotten my existence.

 

Thanks. What would you say to reconnect? Just hey how have you been?

[Assassino]

Asking to continue dating next year? This sounds like a joke I'd make on the 31st December 2017 when our date is on January 6th 2018.

[lana-banana]

I don't even know why I rezz'ed this thread. I guess I wanted someone to ask him for me.

 

The juxtaposition of these sentences is throwing me off. You resurrected this thread because you wanted someone here to talk to a guy you went on a few dates with and ask him about you? That can't possibly be what you mean, right?

[LilySun]

I think that was me who said that. I'm not sure. It didn't make any sense, you're right. I don't think he bought it and I think he chalked it up as a person he went a couple dates with and it just didn't work out and has long since forgotten my existence.

 

Thanks. What would you say to reconnect? Just hey how have you been?

 

Well I thought he asked to take a break and get in touch sometime later down the road. Just don't see any harm in that however too bad he doesn't want to just keep it going.but sure just ask how he's doing

[No_Go]

Cookies just do it!

 

It’s not creepy, all people send NYE messages. Got one today from my ex ex ex bf (someone I haven’t heard from since 2013 and ended in terrible terms with:P).

 

I don’t really believe in people ‘disconnecting’, it’s a BS made up to simplify people’s lives. Just go for it and see how he reacts, I bet money he’ll be happy to hear from you.

 

I'm so scared. I don't know why. A mass email is the best idea. It's probably the only normal one that can be salvaged from here. Like I just sent every one on my contacts a New Year message. But I'm too scared I feel so awkward. Even if he responds kindly I feel like he would just be doing it because he's scared

 

The terms that we parted ways, Eric30, and I acted really strangely with him and all guys I went on dates with in that destructive phase of my life. I was an IRL troll with OLD, didn't take it serious and not over my ex bf. Guys didn't like me

 

I don't even know why I rezz'ed this thread. I guess I wanted someone to ask him for me. I really would like to see him again if I could find a way, but I think the ship has sailed as everyone has said.It's okay. It's just one person, like you said.

thank you

[Cookiesandough]

Asking to continue dating next year? This sounds like a joke I'd make on the 31st December 2017 when our date is on January 6th 2018.

 

lol thanks

The juxtaposition of these sentences is throwing me off. You resurrected this thread because you wanted someone here to talk to a guy you went on a few dates with and ask him about you? That can't possibly be what you mean, right?

it was just facetiousness that land on its face

 

 

Well I thought he asked to take a break and get in touch sometime later down the road. Just don't see any harm in that however too bad he doesn't want to just keep it going.but sure just ask how he's doing

 

No I think it's because the way I originally couched the question in the original post was an attempt to separate me from the situation so it's a little confusing. Here was our text exchange:

 

me: Sooooo, don't hate me pls. I have been really confused lately. I think it's my anxiety and pressure, and the last thing I want to do is mislead someone. I think need a break ��I'm going to have to cancel Monday. But I am hoping maybe stay in touch and meet up again and casually hang out in the future if you're around or interested at that point?

 

 

him: that's cool. That's how these things usually go. lol I'm glad you didn't try to force anything

 

me: Thanks, xxx

 

him: no problema, bonita. Take care of yourself.

 

me: So it is ok if we talk can meet up again in the future when things align?

 

him: lol yea sure, I like the way you worded that

 

me: what do you mean...

 

me: anyway, I'll let you get back to work or sleep now! thanks for understanding

 

him: You said your friend told you when we met the stars were aligned. But yeah, take it easy!

 

me: Okay! I'll hit you up next yr sometime? And you might be moved on by them, but what's the worst that can happen? I get turned down? lol.

 

me: have a great time in xxxxx.

 

I pulled it from another thread. If you read that, do you see how cringey an immature it was and how forced a new year thread may look at this point? Like I was practically waiting in the bushes for the clock to strike to pounce? This is done with a capital D like another user said. It was just wishful thinking there was a nice way I could say hello again because I actually liked this person and found him really attractive I'm such an idiot. I think I will hey down the road. Maybe I just need to be really drunk or something? Thank you !

[Cookiesandough]

Cookies just do it!

 

It’s not creepy, all people send NYE messages. Got one today from my ex ex ex bf (someone I haven’t heard from since 2013 and ended in terrible terms with:P).

 

I don’t really believe in people ‘disconnecting’, it’s a BS made up to simplify people’s lives. Just go for it and see how he reacts, I bet money he’ll be happy to hear from you.

Thanks!!! Speaking of not disconnecting...It's good to see you again !!! Are you dating still or took a break too?

[No_Go]

Nothing cringy, it is pretty normal conversation. Just go for it, indeed the worst thing is that he will not respond- so what? You left the door opened.

[LilySun]

Ah, okay now I get it. Well he definitely doesn't sound against the idea so there you go. He sounds a little disappointed though maybe, like he didn't see it coming. But hopefully when you decide to reconnect that he is still available and interested.

[No_Go]

Thanks!!! Speaking of not disconnecting...It's good to see you again !!! Are you dating still or took a break too?

 

Happy NY! Glad you’re back!

 

I erased all my OLD profiles so officially on a break. Well semi-dating a coworker by chance but this is such a weird messy story that I think I’ll try to keep it to friendship and restart OLDing in March or so (unless I get too caught up as always lol)

 

Are you restarting your OLD profiles besides this guy?